So here’s the thing, you could go on the internet and a simple search would bring up hundreds of conversation starter questions, but many will stall a conversation rather than fire it up. The four-question sequence I will reveal in this episode, packs more fire power than all others put together...

 

Conversations with new people can be a very anxious experience, especially when you want to make a good impression. So it's important to begin by distinguishing the difference between an ice-breaker, and a conversation starter.

 

Let's rewind right to the beginning of a conversation and take a fly-on-the-wall overview. If you are approaching a stranger at a function, or social event, then you wouldn't be jumping in with a conversation starter such as:

 

 

In real life, what you're really going to say is something boring such as: 'Hi, great weather we're having.' Or, 'The flower arrangements are stunning'. Or some other mundane, superficial observation, based on the environment you're in . And that's Okay...

 

Ice-breakers will usually be closed questions that can be answered with a single word response. They are only meant to let the other person know you are open for talking, not to showcase your interestingness :)

We can get more interesting later on if things progress, so lets fast forward beyond that first exchange, and say you are now on a first date. You really want to give the best impression of yourself by making some sparkling conversation.

 

There are two big fears at this point:

 

 

The ice has already been broken, so you pull the trigger on one of those conversation starters you memorised from the internet, before coming out. Let's try our earlier example and see how it works now:

 

 

Answer version 1.

Your date replies that she doesn't like people who pick their nose in public. Discreetly you return your hand to the table, and furiously think about how to respond. But your mind is blank so the conversation stalls.

 

Answer version 2.

Your date gives the same answer, then she bounces the same question back to you. Did you think that far ahead and prepare your answer? You may have several pet peeves. You share one. She nods her head disinterestedly. The conversation grinds to a halt.

 

Problem 1.

Talking about bad habits sets a negative tone, and creates negative images in your dates mind.

 

Problem 2.

You didn't put any threads into your reply, so your date had nowhere to go with your response. For example:

 

Let's say your pet peeve is men dressing badly. Well that's a dry statement of your peeve, but if you really want this conversation starter to go somewhere, then you need to give your date something to work with, such as giving some examples.

 

Let's try that answer again:

 

 

Now you've had a bit of a rant, at least you added some threads into your reply that your date could tug on. Such as the man abroad angle. The Adam Sandler angle...

 

However, any conversation starter that sets you off on a rant, is not a good one. That's not to say there aren't good ones out there. Just make sure:

 

a. Your conversation topics have a positive tone.

b. You are prepared for answering the same question yourself.

c. Your reply gives the other person something to work with.

 

The four magic questions sequence, takes the whole conversation opener proposition to a new, more powerful level. The only risk with using these, is peaking too early. So it may be savvy to save them until you have ordered dinner, and some of the early date tension has melted.

Next, I will present you with the questions and invite you to note of your own answers before going any further. That way, when you can compare your own answers to the meanings, you will then use them yourself with more authenticity.

 

Why? simply because you will became a believer in the eerie accuracy of the meaning behind each question.

 

Imagine you are in a white room, everything around you is white, how do you feel?

 

What is your favourite colour? How does it make you feel when you think of it?

 

What is your favourite animal, and what qualities do you see it as having?

 

You are on the beach, no one else is around and the ocean is in front of you, what do you do?

 

If you plan to use these questions yourself, it's now important you answer them for yourself - BEFORE you look at the meanings. Have you done that? Great. Lets now look at those meanings now:

 

The answer to question one signifies how the other person feels about death, dying, and mortality.

 

The answer signifies how the other person see's themselves.

 

The answer signifies how the other persons friends view them.

 

The answer signifies how the other person views love.

 

Now, if you pause again and just see how your own responses resonate to these meanings, it becomes quite apparent, how much personal information the other person may be unwittingly revealing about themselves. If they chose to play along.

Until you reveal the meaning behind each question, your date will still be in the dark about where you are going with all this. They are a little intrigued, a little curious, and in the palm of your hand. Figuratively speaking.

 

When you reveal the meaning to each question, they will be wowed, and a little shocked by just how much information they have revealed about their character. Information they may well not have been ready to reveal if you had just asked outright.

 

With that in mind, you should always be up front and open that the answers they give, are likely to reveal deep character insights. In all probability they will not really believe you, or their curiosity will overcome any reticence.

 

Either way, you cannot later be accused of not giving them fair warning. Now the conversation is warm, and multiple lines of conversation have been opened up.

 

Final note, the best conversations always take place on a level playing field, so be sure to share with your date, YOUR responded to these questions when you first heard them here :)