Transcript: You're Not In Trouble
Hi there, come on in, this is Seriouslyourself, the podcast and I'm Ingrid Helander. Hey, hello! Hello and welcome back to Seriouslyourself. I am so happy, so, so happy that you have decided to join me again today. Today I had this idea and it was based on something that happened really recently. So let me kind of weave you in. What I was thinking about was how certain types of our anxieties, maybe ones that have been around since we were little little kids can create situations in which we cause ourselves ultimately more trouble and maybe even other people more trouble than it is our intention and in fact is the opposite of our intention. This comes from this part of me that really, really does not like to get in trouble. And then generally tends to assume when there is trouble that I am somehow responsible. So it's like this aversion to getting into trouble which of course boundaries on that little perfectionistic tendency, which again goes back to this basis I believe of worry and anxiety in the system. How does this cause problems? Well, you know, I picture from the time I was a little kid going to school, that was a real eye opener for me, Let me tell you because at any given moment a child could get in trouble. And certainly when I was attending elementary school it may have been a louder, more aggressive form of trouble or punishment than the kids experience. Now I'm hoping that's true, but at any rate it was very frightening for me to hear other kids getting in trouble At home. I was basically raised as an only child. My siblings were 10 and 13 years older than I was. And so hearing other kids get in trouble was not something I experienced every day and I would come home from school and I would be very upset and saying to my mom, oh so and so got in trouble and I don't really want to go back tomorrow. And she'd say, did you do something wrong? And I'd be like, no, I don't think so. And she'd say, well then I don't want you to worry about it, you're okay. But you see just that idea that suddenly you could get in trouble and I didn't feel like I could control that when it would come at me probably created more trouble certainly did for me than had I just not worried about it. Right. Can you see that? Like I was probably acting funky in the classroom when I would get nervous. I maybe would avoid doing certain things stepping up in certain ways. Um, and I definitely did not like going to school because that potential to get in trouble was always there for me. So how does it manifest today? Because it's a long time since elementary school, let me give you one example that just happened to me, we are renting an apartment, a lovely townhouse. It has a separate room that we do not access where the furnace is kept. And I had noticed that there was a little water in the garage which borders on the wall where the furnaces. Now my trouble part my part that assumes I'm in trouble, I'm going to get in trouble. Also assumed in that moment that somehow the water that I was witnessing on the floor was coming from my car which was pulled in and out of the driveway. Um, both when there was a little snow or rain or when maybe you know how the air conditioning from the bottom of your car condenses and leaves a little puddle. So I go into that immediate thought of this is me. Somehow I am doing something bad or wrong and part of me just sort of keeps it quiet or just keeps going like, well, I guess I'm doing something wrong. My car is making the floor wet in the garage. Now, unfortunately we have a number of boxes and so on in our garage and I don't really want the floor to get wet. But if it's my fault then it's my fault. Right? So recently we discovered that the furnace in this un accessible room adjacent to the garage was actually leaking in quite a bit. And now, as I'm looking, I'm realizing, you know what the furnace leaking has leaked under the wall and into the garage and onto our stuff and is creating some issues there. Now that is also not my fault. But now I feel bad because I didn't mention it to the landlord sooner. So you can see where this little pullback of I'm wrong. I'm bad. I have to be careful. I'm anxious can create situations in which there are problems. Another example might be not calling people back if they haven't reached out to me in a while, right. The assumption there is I did or said something wrong or the person doesn't want to talk to me and so I might not reach out to them and then they feel bad thinking well she doesn't want to talk to me. Which is not the case. The caution is too much right. The taking on the blame is immediately too much. It is that slamming on the brakes when you see a police officer and you're already going under the speed limit could actually create an accident. So I just wanted to throw that out there as sort of a quick comment today that if there are ways that you have young parts that are so averse to getting into trouble that you immediately assume or take on responsibility for things that don't belong to you or you hide out in an effort to avoid being caught for something that you didn't do or because you feel shamed for having created a problem that you probably didn't cause you are holding back is probably creating more trouble than it's worth, not only for you but for others around you going back to the garage. Had I noticed that sooner it would have actually been helpful to our landlord had I spoken up about it more quickly. Um, he could have done something about it to have helped. Not only me, the garage, the stuff in the garage, but the building and his investment there in the building. So if you're feeling anxious, check in, is this a young part of you and if it feels wrote like I've been here, I've done this forever, hug those young parts and let them know, Yeah, you don't like to get in trouble. Yeah. You like to do well and you can do things well and I give you the permission to do things imperfectly. It is all right to step forward a little bit more. Take care. I hope that's helpful. I appreciate you being here. Thank you for joining me for this episode of Seriouslyourself. To help treat yourself well each week, go ahead and subscribe to Seriouslyourself wherever you listen to podcasts, and please share this link with anyone you love who might be seeking a little more truth and delight in their lives. 

If you just can't get enough and you'd like even more goodness, you can become a part of Seriouslyourself, The Membership Community. You'll receive a monthly magazine, personal gatherings and cool little treats delivered right to your mailbox. Find out more about that on my website: ingridyhelanderlmft.com. 

And thanks to those who make Seriouslyourself special: our wonderful music is Midsummer from the album Flood by the fabulous Joel Helander. Seriouslyourself is produced by Particulate Media, K.O. Myers, Executive Producer. The ideas and inspirations come from beautiful humans like you, that I feel lucky to know. And I'm Ingrid Helander. Take good care of yourself. See you next time.