Hi and welcome to a brand new episode from the social skills doctor podcast with myself Richard gray where we will be diving into the world of how to avoid shyness in public speaking, and mastering anxiety in order to access your flow state. 

Shyness is a complex blend of self-consciousness, fear of judgment, and lack of trust in your own abilities. When these emotions collide with the daunting task of public speaking, it's no wonder why so many people experience sweaty palms and racing hearts at the mere thought.
 
 The impact of shyness on personal & professional growth cannot be underestimated. In today's world, effective communication skills are essential for progress in various areas of life. Whether it's nailing that job interview or delivering a powerful speech at an important event, overcoming shyness unlocks the door on a better future everytime.

Many will tell you its important, even crucial, to identify the source of your shyness in order to overcome it. However, as someone who developed shyness around age ten, and has lived through some car crash speeches and presentations, knowing the source of my shyness didn't help me get over my stage nerves.

These days I would happily run TOWARD the opportunity to get on stage and speak about my formula for social skills learning and shyness deactivation - without anxiety. What's my secret? Don't worry, I will tell all shortly...

First, let's explore cover some common fears associated with public speaking:

Sure you could do some self-reflection and soul search the source of your fears, but here's the thing, aside from death, public speaking is the next biggest fear we have - traumatic childhood or not, shyness or no. Ironic then that the thing we feared most in childhood was the dark, while in adulthood, it is the spotlight. 

As someone who went from anxiety-riddled to confident public speaker, I understand the almighty hurdles shyness can present when it comes to confidently delivering a speech or presentation. 
 
 So next up I will share some common strategies & techniques that can help manage your shyness and become a more confident speaker. Then I will share my own secret source tips and techniques - including one particular piece of advice that wiped out 80% of my anxiety in one fell swoop.

Before stepping on stage, thorough preparation is key. Take time to research and gather all necessary information for your speech or presentation.

Practice delivering your speech multiple times. This will help get you familiarized with the content and boost your confidence in the process.

Close your eyes and imagine yourself giving a successful speech. Vividly picture every detail - from confidently walking out on stage, speaking clearly, engaging with the audience effortlessly, and maintaining a calm demeanor before receiving thunderous applause at the end. Look, if this technique works for athletes, and it does, then it can work for you too.

Just before going onstage, take slow deep breaths. This will oxygenate your blood and help relax your body and mind.

Instead of trying to eliminate nervousness completely, channel that energy into enthusiasm and passion for your topic. Embrace the adrenaline rush as a sign that you genuinely care about what you're speaking about.

Now for my own techniques that I will personally use, but just before I get into them, allow me to set the scene for how they came about.

Back in my mid-twenties I was about to hit rock bottom with shyness and social anxiety and that rock bottom came in the shape of a best man speech. How a walking disaster like me had ended up as a best man is another story, but the speech was very real, as was the anxiety that made my mind freeze up and forget more than half of it.

So there I stood before a crowd of mostly strangers with cheeks burning, hands shaking, mind gone blank, and living my worst nightmare. To this day I even remember someone in the room quietly saying ‘Is that it?’

Thing is, my worst fear leading up to that speech was forgetting what I had prepared to say, and my mind made it a reality for me.

My first tip for you then is to watch what you are telling yourself. Your mind is a powerful instrument and it will bring into reality that which you truly believe will happen, just like it did during my best man speech.

But if that’s the case, why can't you manifest anything you like then? The simple answer is you can't lie to yourself. Not really. Only when you believe something will happen and its supported by an inner conviction will your subconscious get onboard and make it happen. This is why I never recommend affirmations because they’re simply words without the belief.

My second tip - Retune your inner doom voice. I love doing this and so will you. It's very simple, when your inner voice is putting you down, criticizing you, telling all the ways you will mess up your speech - change the way it sounds. 

You may always have perceived that voice to be dark and all powerful, or for you, it may sound like that of an overly critical parent, but if you make that voice sound like micky mouse, or some other harmless or cartoonish voice, you take away all its power to influence you.

My third tip - Pump yourself up before the speech... if you have a private space to do so. This runs contrary to the common technique of deep breathing to calm yourself down, and I guess it comes down to presonal choice. Calm yourself down or build yourself up.

By doing some star jumps, or thirty seconds of shadow boxing, you ride your nervous energy and convert the anxiety into excitement. Calming yourself down gives you time to think and let the inner doom voice back in, but psyching yourself up reduces over-thinking.

My fourth tip - Let your butterflies fly. This tip won't remove your shyness or anxiety, but it WILL take the heat out of them with a few quick reframes. If you put your hand under running water, for that first second you wouldn't know whether it was hot or cold, it's the same with butterflies in your stomach - do they represent anxiety or excitement?

The feeling is the same, it's only the context of your environment and that pesky inner voice telling you which it is. So why not tell yourself you're feeling excited for the speech? This is called a reframe, now here's one more. When you walk out on stage, tell yourself the anxiety you're feeling is for something happening later on that night, not the present moment, and this will take the pressure off your current situation.

My fifth tip - Believe in yourself. Many years after that car crash best man speech, a lot of personal development training, and a few published books later, I got up to give my next public speech. The difference between the two speeches was night and day.

What was the difference? Did I know my subject matter better the second time because it was a presentation based on one of my books? No. I'd written a very good best man speech and rehearsed it well so I knew my material. The real difference came down to having found myself, I liked myself a bit more, and I believed in myself.

My biggest tip for how to avoid shyness in public speaking is to understand one simple little truth - Your audience are not there to see you, only to hear what you have to say. This little bit of tough love transformed my mindset.

What it also means is that you never have to apologise for making a mistake, or for displaying nerves. It's not that the audience lacks empathy, of course they want you to do well, but you're invisible to them - it's the information they came for even if its delivered imperfectly.

Now it's your turn! Start your journey towards confident public speaking by taking small steps outside your comfort zone — whether it be joining a local Toastmasters club or enrolling in public speaking classes, experiment with the tips and techniques covered here and see which ones work best for you. 

But most importantly, don’t forget to start reframing that anxiety into excitement, because if you’re not getting anything positive back out of your public speaking at a feelings level then it’s going to feel instead like the brakes are permanently on and slowing down your flow state – which is exactly what these techniques have been designed to free up.

Thank you for listening, keep expanding your social comfort zone and I will look forward to catching up with you in the next episode.