Stressed Out Scripts: A Love Letter
April 14, 2022
What are the familiar stories your mind tells itself about stress, and what are they trying to do for you? How can you take a step back, really listen, and realize that maybe it isn't really about what's going on in the outside world.
Hi there, come on in. This is Seriously Yourself, the podcast and I'm Ingrid Helander.
Hi there. Come on in. Nice to have you with me today. I'm inviting you to hear our talk as a little love letter to the parts of you that felt during covid quarantine... And the modifications that many, many, many, many of us made during the higher levels of pandemic and the beginning of pandemic, the parts of you that sort of moved into those with a certain amount of satisfaction, peace, calm, permission... maybe? To just not do some of the other stuff that really stresses you out. So, this episode is a love letter to those of you that are feeling like oh dear, are we going back to what we had? Because though I missed many, many things. I do not miss the feeling of being chronically stressed out.
So first of all, let's express a little gratitude and affection. That's what we do in love letters, right? Dear Love, I think you are the most beautiful dear part of me that does not want to return to stressed out living. I think you are wonderful. I think you are true. I think that you have deserved to appreciate long hours on the salsa. I think that you deserve to not feel guilty for any social engagement you did not have to do during the pandemic quarantine. I think you have a right to feel fantastic about every single day, you didn't have to return to the office. I know you were grateful when you didn't have to attend the family holiday celebration because you simply could not and I appreciate you.
There's your love letter fill in the blank for what makes sense for you. I appreciate that you got to wear comfy clothes and no makeup and leave off your shoes and eat what you felt like. I appreciate you.
But, these parts of you might be feeling kind of stressed out right now because as we know there is the ability, from what I'm gathering anyway in the northeast of the United States, to have a little more freedom. Quite a bit more freedom maybe to be face to face with others out to dinner, attending work events, traveling, even just walking in a store without covering most of your face. Now if you're still doing those things there's no ,absolutely, no shame from my perspective. None. And many times I am doing those things. But if you like many, many of us are feeling like there is a modicum of normalcy from 2018 that is returning if that's a possible thing. And you're feeling inside a certain pressure, like oh no, Uh huh. And you hear little scripts, S. C. R. I. P. T. S. Scripts like you would have in a play come up in your mind, and they're saying familiar things to you. And I'll give you a few examples, like "Oh my gosh I'm just so busy", or "I am so stressed out", or "This is just too much. It's too much, I cannot", or mm hmm "I don't want to have to do that". "I don't want to have to go" or "I don't even have time to take care of myself" insert ears here. What do you hear your scripts say? You're stressed out scripts. Right? "Everybody wants something from me". That's when I hear, "I do everything for everyone else". That's another. I hear "There's never enough hours in the day". How about that one or "Enough days in the month. Enough months in the year. Enough years of my life". How about that one? How about "It's really so important that I stay on top of things. I have to stay on top of things. If I let it slip for a minute, I'm just gonna lose it" You feeling me? Do you feel the stress just rising in your own body as you hear these scripts?
Well, that's kind of the point. You know, I noticed as I was listening to a client the other day, who I love and I've known for quite a while now. She had returned to some old scripts and I hadn't heard them in some time and they sounded like "There's just no time for me", even to do the most necessary of things like go to the dentist or to the doctor for a certain complaint or to eat well or brush my teeth. Sometimes these kinds of complaints. And I thought, huh, interesting. I've heard this before. Maybe several years ago. And then I got to reflecting on my own stress scripts which have come up lately more too. And I thought these are not new. These are not necessarily because I'm coming out of pandemic quarantine situations and into a more normal schedule. These are old. I bet some of these statements like "I'm just too busy or I'll never get there or there's always a list of stuff or I'm so tired, so so tired". They've been going on since I was really young, certainly since junior high and probably before my guess would be fifth grade when homework and going to school started feeling like an issue for me. So I don't want you to challenge your scripts. I don't want you to get antagonistic with these voices in your own mind. Really, That won't help. Might make them get louder frankly if you deny them or you criticize yourself for those things, don't do that. But when you do hear a message in your own mind, that is a message of stress. If you could just take a second and go, okay, okay, I hear it. Hahaha. And that's a bit of a story. It's a little stress story that I've been telling myself, mm hmm, probably a really long time. Even though now it has to do with my children and back then it had to do with what my parents expected of me or, my teachers or my friends, right?
I want you to take enough of a step back from it to recognize that it maybe isn't exactly about what's going on in the outside world. That's just a little trigger to start the stress story, the script. And that once you recognize, "oh now I've just hit the tape button, the replay" and my body goes, yeah, this is what we do when we're stressed. Take a minute, take three long breaths and just get enough space between you and that story to recognize it as such, a story. A worthy story. An honest story. Probably something that has been true in your life and may even be now, but a story nonetheless a script. A set of words put together that you have repeated possibly for decades, different situations, different scenarios, different pressures, same stories. And if you can find a couple of those, write them down and I want you to notice when you hear them, "I'm just too busy, I just can't take it anymore. I just can't do it. I am so tired. It's too much", right? When you hear them, what happens in your body? What happens in your body? And I would be willing to bet the farm, that what happens in your body is not calm, it's not helpful, it's not relaxing, It's not even clear. In fact, it probably feels a little more like either franticness is that a word franticness?Well, you know what I mean? Or shut down and neither of those things, is particularly helpful when you're experiencing a world that may have gotten a bit more stressful, or more pressured, or busier for you.
So today's message really is, examine those messages that you're telling yourself at this time especially, and especially for those parts of you that we've sent our little love letter of "I know it was awesome, it was so awesome not to have to". If those parts of you are especially stressed let them know, we can still we can still spend hours in our sweatpants if we want to, we can still modify our schedule and say no to more than we used to. We can still expect others to maybe take a little more personal care of themselves in our world and not expect our caretaking parts to take care of everyone all the time. Do you hear it? We can still maintain some of the things that were fabulous. And then look at those stress stories and when you hear them, notice them as stories, as a script and let them know that you're going to pay attention to the details that they might be concerned about which are real, but that you're not going to let your body be taken over because really they don't want that, rihgt? The stories in your head that are saying, "you know, I'm too tired and too busy". Their job is not to get you revved up, but that is exactly what will happen in your body. So if you can notice them and then say, yeah, "I bet you'd like this better" and take a breath and allow yourself to sink into calm clarity, a sense of sweetness about the possibilities that you have learned In this life in the last year or two and let them know you can bring that also. You don't have to just believe every last old fashioned stress story. I hope that makes sense for you. I'm gonna end the love letter by saying, I wish for you long contented loving moments when you really, know what you desire and you give that to yourself just a little bit more. And I'm wishing that your moments of socializing and family time and friend time are handled with, love and discernment for what feels really good to you. And that you celebrate each and every part of you inside. Thanks for being here with me today. I'll see you really soon. Bye.
Thank you for joining me for this episode of Seriouslyourself. To help treat yourself well each week, go ahead and subscribe to Seriouslyourself wherever you listen to podcasts, and please share this link with anyone you love who might be seeking a little more truth and delight in their lives.
Hi there. Come on in. Nice to have you with me today. I'm inviting you to hear our talk as a little love letter to the parts of you that felt during covid quarantine... And the modifications that many, many, many, many of us made during the higher levels of pandemic and the beginning of pandemic, the parts of you that sort of moved into those with a certain amount of satisfaction, peace, calm, permission... maybe? To just not do some of the other stuff that really stresses you out. So, this episode is a love letter to those of you that are feeling like oh dear, are we going back to what we had? Because though I missed many, many things. I do not miss the feeling of being chronically stressed out.
So first of all, let's express a little gratitude and affection. That's what we do in love letters, right? Dear Love, I think you are the most beautiful dear part of me that does not want to return to stressed out living. I think you are wonderful. I think you are true. I think that you have deserved to appreciate long hours on the salsa. I think that you deserve to not feel guilty for any social engagement you did not have to do during the pandemic quarantine. I think you have a right to feel fantastic about every single day, you didn't have to return to the office. I know you were grateful when you didn't have to attend the family holiday celebration because you simply could not and I appreciate you.
There's your love letter fill in the blank for what makes sense for you. I appreciate that you got to wear comfy clothes and no makeup and leave off your shoes and eat what you felt like. I appreciate you.
But, these parts of you might be feeling kind of stressed out right now because as we know there is the ability, from what I'm gathering anyway in the northeast of the United States, to have a little more freedom. Quite a bit more freedom maybe to be face to face with others out to dinner, attending work events, traveling, even just walking in a store without covering most of your face. Now if you're still doing those things there's no ,absolutely, no shame from my perspective. None. And many times I am doing those things. But if you like many, many of us are feeling like there is a modicum of normalcy from 2018 that is returning if that's a possible thing. And you're feeling inside a certain pressure, like oh no, Uh huh. And you hear little scripts, S. C. R. I. P. T. S. Scripts like you would have in a play come up in your mind, and they're saying familiar things to you. And I'll give you a few examples, like "Oh my gosh I'm just so busy", or "I am so stressed out", or "This is just too much. It's too much, I cannot", or mm hmm "I don't want to have to do that". "I don't want to have to go" or "I don't even have time to take care of myself" insert ears here. What do you hear your scripts say? You're stressed out scripts. Right? "Everybody wants something from me". That's when I hear, "I do everything for everyone else". That's another. I hear "There's never enough hours in the day". How about that one or "Enough days in the month. Enough months in the year. Enough years of my life". How about that one? How about "It's really so important that I stay on top of things. I have to stay on top of things. If I let it slip for a minute, I'm just gonna lose it" You feeling me? Do you feel the stress just rising in your own body as you hear these scripts?
Well, that's kind of the point. You know, I noticed as I was listening to a client the other day, who I love and I've known for quite a while now. She had returned to some old scripts and I hadn't heard them in some time and they sounded like "There's just no time for me", even to do the most necessary of things like go to the dentist or to the doctor for a certain complaint or to eat well or brush my teeth. Sometimes these kinds of complaints. And I thought, huh, interesting. I've heard this before. Maybe several years ago. And then I got to reflecting on my own stress scripts which have come up lately more too. And I thought these are not new. These are not necessarily because I'm coming out of pandemic quarantine situations and into a more normal schedule. These are old. I bet some of these statements like "I'm just too busy or I'll never get there or there's always a list of stuff or I'm so tired, so so tired". They've been going on since I was really young, certainly since junior high and probably before my guess would be fifth grade when homework and going to school started feeling like an issue for me. So I don't want you to challenge your scripts. I don't want you to get antagonistic with these voices in your own mind. Really, That won't help. Might make them get louder frankly if you deny them or you criticize yourself for those things, don't do that. But when you do hear a message in your own mind, that is a message of stress. If you could just take a second and go, okay, okay, I hear it. Hahaha. And that's a bit of a story. It's a little stress story that I've been telling myself, mm hmm, probably a really long time. Even though now it has to do with my children and back then it had to do with what my parents expected of me or, my teachers or my friends, right?
I want you to take enough of a step back from it to recognize that it maybe isn't exactly about what's going on in the outside world. That's just a little trigger to start the stress story, the script. And that once you recognize, "oh now I've just hit the tape button, the replay" and my body goes, yeah, this is what we do when we're stressed. Take a minute, take three long breaths and just get enough space between you and that story to recognize it as such, a story. A worthy story. An honest story. Probably something that has been true in your life and may even be now, but a story nonetheless a script. A set of words put together that you have repeated possibly for decades, different situations, different scenarios, different pressures, same stories. And if you can find a couple of those, write them down and I want you to notice when you hear them, "I'm just too busy, I just can't take it anymore. I just can't do it. I am so tired. It's too much", right? When you hear them, what happens in your body? What happens in your body? And I would be willing to bet the farm, that what happens in your body is not calm, it's not helpful, it's not relaxing, It's not even clear. In fact, it probably feels a little more like either franticness is that a word franticness?Well, you know what I mean? Or shut down and neither of those things, is particularly helpful when you're experiencing a world that may have gotten a bit more stressful, or more pressured, or busier for you.
So today's message really is, examine those messages that you're telling yourself at this time especially, and especially for those parts of you that we've sent our little love letter of "I know it was awesome, it was so awesome not to have to". If those parts of you are especially stressed let them know, we can still we can still spend hours in our sweatpants if we want to, we can still modify our schedule and say no to more than we used to. We can still expect others to maybe take a little more personal care of themselves in our world and not expect our caretaking parts to take care of everyone all the time. Do you hear it? We can still maintain some of the things that were fabulous. And then look at those stress stories and when you hear them, notice them as stories, as a script and let them know that you're going to pay attention to the details that they might be concerned about which are real, but that you're not going to let your body be taken over because really they don't want that, rihgt? The stories in your head that are saying, "you know, I'm too tired and too busy". Their job is not to get you revved up, but that is exactly what will happen in your body. So if you can notice them and then say, yeah, "I bet you'd like this better" and take a breath and allow yourself to sink into calm clarity, a sense of sweetness about the possibilities that you have learned In this life in the last year or two and let them know you can bring that also. You don't have to just believe every last old fashioned stress story. I hope that makes sense for you. I'm gonna end the love letter by saying, I wish for you long contented loving moments when you really, know what you desire and you give that to yourself just a little bit more. And I'm wishing that your moments of socializing and family time and friend time are handled with, love and discernment for what feels really good to you. And that you celebrate each and every part of you inside. Thanks for being here with me today. I'll see you really soon. Bye.
Thank you for joining me for this episode of Seriouslyourself. To help treat yourself well each week, go ahead and subscribe to Seriouslyourself wherever you listen to podcasts, and please share this link with anyone you love who might be seeking a little more truth and delight in their lives.
If you just can't get enough and you'd like even more goodness, you can become a part of Seriouslyourself, The Membership Community. You'll receive a monthly magazine, personal gatherings and cool little treats delivered right to your mailbox. Find out more about that on my website: https://ingridyhelanderlmft.com/seriouslyourself-the-membership/.
And thanks to those who make Seriouslyourself special: our wonderful music is Midsummer from the album Flood by the fabulous Joel Helander. Seriouslyourself is produced by Particulate Media, K.O. Myers, Executive Producer. The ideas and inspirations come from beautiful humans like you, that I feel lucky to know. And I'm Ingrid Helander. Take good care of yourself. See you next time.