Welcome to the second episode of this social skills series covering topics from shyness and introversion to social skills development and confidence building in social settings. And over time, filling in all the cracks between.

In this episode we’re going to cover whether its possible for in introverted person to become extroverted, and if so, by how much. I’m going to share with you five strategies, or levers you can pull to get there, and at the end I’ll share with you one final and specific piece of advice that will ensure you know exactly what you need to do to secure your own success. So Let's get the ball rolling by defining these two distinct personality traits starting with Introverts.

Introverts tend to be deep thinkers who draw energy from within themselves rather than external sources. They are most comfortable in solitude or intimate gatherings and they are more likely to think before speaking or taking action. In social settings this may come across as reserved or shy. 

Now if you’re not an introvert, there’s one thing you should know about them, they don’t like to be told they’re shy, unless they actually are, because to be introverted doesn’t automatically equate to being shy. As strange as it might sound on the surface, an extrovert can also be shy. But it’s not the extroverts time just yet, so back to the introverts for a moment.

If you want to know if an introvert is also shy or not, here’s a very unscientific way of telling. The social batteries of an introvert will drain quicker in bigger gatherings so they will be looking to leave early to recharge and regain equilibrium.

The difference between a regular grass-fed introvert and a shy or socially anxious introvert is in the way they will leave. Your regular introvert will say they are leaving, and they might concoct an excuse for you so there’s less resistance to them going during the polite protests. A shy introvert however may attempt to leave the gathering without telling anyone.

One of my earliest memories took place at a social gathering my parents were attending. My father was outgoing and sociable while my mother was a shy introvert, the gathering then, was as you might guess, those of my fathers friends and colleagues. 

Soon after arriving, my mum was ready to leave and would have done so without telling anyone if she could have got us all out without being seen, and with my dads agreement. But it was still early so my dad reasoned we needed to stay a little longer.

He couldn’t resist her for long of course, so they came up with the excuse that I was having an asthma attack and had to be taken home. That’s the part I remember most, the surprise at my parents asking me to play a part in their grown-up dealings by agreeing to play along if anyone asked me about my asthma.

Our extroverts on the other hand will thrive in social settings and gain their energy from being around others. They love large gatherings and seek out stimulating experiences. They are naturally outgoing and enjoy meeting new people. 

 

Being surrounded by other people and having attention on them fuels their enthusiasm and keeps their social batteries self-charged. Words flow more freely with extroverts than introvert because they are, in effect, thinking out loud.

 

By understanding these fundamental differences, we can now explore the intriguing question of whether introverted people have the potential to become extroverted. The short answer is yes, but the real question within the question should be by how much...
 
 

Of course, the world of personality traits is not a black-and-white division between introversion and extroversion. Instead, it's a vibrant spectrum that allows for a wide range of experiences and behaviors. While some people will lean more towards one end of the spectrum to the other, many people find themselves loitering somewhere in the middle, embodying both introverted and extroverted qualities, and this is known as ambiversion.

 

Ambiverts possess the best of both worlds, effortlessly adapting their behavior to suit any situation. They can be outgoing and sociable when needed, yet also enjoy being alone to think and process. 

 

It's crucial to understand that, just like beliefs, personality traits are not set in stone, they can evolve and change over time. Just because someone identifies as an introvert doesn't mean they cannot develop certain extroverted behaviors if they want to.

 

Introverts often possess strengths like thoughtfulness, a heightened ability for reflection and listening skills. Qualities that can be harnessed alongside developing more extroverted behaviors to create a richer personality.
 
 

The question of whether you, as an introvert, can transform into an extrovert, or by how much, doesn’t have a simple yes or no answer. It requires a deeper look at the nature of your current personality traits, and identifying whether they come from genetics or environmental factors.
 
 

This age-old debate between nature and nurture has always been right there, mixing in when discussing personality development. Some argue that our personalities are predominantly shaped by our genetics, while others believe that our environment is responsible for shaping who we become. But why can't both camps just get along? After all, they're both right...
 
 

While we surely carry within us inherent tendencies towards introversion or extroversion, there can be no doubt personal experiences and environment will also exert considerable influence on these traits.

 

For instance, growing up in an extroverted family or social circle can gradually cultivate more outgoing behaviors over time while the opposite also holds true. From a personal perspective, I started out life a little bit shy but with more dominant outgoing tendencies like my dad, and a rebellious clownish nature. 

Between the age of five to twelve, that personality got eroded and all but buried by my environment and educational experiences – and as you’re not a therapist, that’s as much as I will say about that.
 
 

For introverts seeking to embrace their extroverted side, this is not a question of can you or can’t you, this is a question of by how much, so expanding the walls of your comfort zone is the name of the game. This entails actively pursuing opportunities for social interaction, even if it initially feels unfamiliar or uncomfortable. But wait! there's an order to doing this:

Living as an introvert, and even more so as a shy introvert, means you get less exposure to socializing and social settings because you’ve either been excluded or you’re self-isolating. The length of time and amount of isolation will inform how under-developed or merely rusty your social skills are.

 

Therefore only you will know whether you need to learn social skills from the ground up, whether you need to refresh your mental toolbox with some new conversation strategies, or whether you just need to go out and there and increase your socialising.

 

Learning how to confidently assert yourself in social situations will empower you to express your thoughts and opinions more comfortably. Of course, you can read about the mechanics of being assertive, but in reality it's something that naturally develops alongside confidence. And confidence develops when you know yourself better. You know what you stand for, what your interests are, and you are knowledgeable in your hobbies and interests so that you can confidently voice your opinions and defend them if challenged.
 
 

Having learnt some new social skills to use in social settings, and having become more self-congruent, begin to attend social, networking, or professional gatherings where you can meet new people and practice engaging in conversations.

 

Not a joke. Travelling and trying out new interests is an excellent way to expose yourself to different people and environments. By stepping into uncharted territories, you'll not only broaden your horizons but begin to build up your own personal database of anecdotes and life experiences -

·       making you a more rounded and interesting person

·       unlocking hidden facets of your extroverted potential

·       and boosting your confidence when interacting with others.
 
 

Ever done weightlifting to grow your muscles? It takes a certain amount of determination and discomfort to be successful because you’re literally damaging your muscles in order to force your body to repair the tissue and build back bigger.

Determination and discomfort is an integral part of personal growth and development too. So instead of shying away from uncomfortable situations, embrace them wholeheartedly as opportunities for some exercise in social weightlifting.

 

Whatever you do though, don't try and fake it til you make it. You can consciously lie to others for a while and pretend to be more confident than you are, but you cannot lie to yourself. It only takes one thing to go wrong and your house of confidence cards will come tumbling down. Either that or your subconscious body language, which is incapable of lying by itself, will give you away.

 

By implementing these five strategies into your life, with some persistence, introverts like yourself can unlock at least 20% more of your inner extrovert while still respecting your brains need to recharge your social batteries more frequently than a full extrovert would.

 

One of the main reasons people want to switch from introvert to extrovert is the illusion of glamour. Extroverts float like a butterfly through social settings right? Dipping in and out of conversations, holding court here and there, always having something to say as people gather to hang on their every word. They're in their element feeding off the attention and attracting new friends into their orbit with abandon. 

 

Actually, this is a very 2D description and reflects only a small percentage of extroverts. People may be giving extroverts the oxygen of attention but just as introversion doesn’t automatically equate to shyness, Extroversion doesn’t automatically equate to charisma either.
 
 

What comes to mind when you think of famous people like Emma Watson, Johnny Depp, Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Kendall Jenner, Robert Pattinson, Adele, Ed Sheeran? Charisma? Parties? Popularity? Yet these and many more famous people are introverts or shy or both. 

 

In this episode then we’ve covered five strategies, or levers you need to pull in order to unleash your inner extrovert, and the order that you should do them in. Now I have one final strategy reveal for you that comes from my own past as a shy introvert with a side dish of social anxiety.

 

One thing i regularly suffered was my mind tensing up and going blank in conversation, or filling with unhelpful anxiety thoughts. Either way the flow of my own conversation game was getting blocked and ensuring I was quietest one in any conversation.

 

Flow is something you need to have as an extrovert, therefore, my final strategy tip to leave you with is to focus your efforts on becoming an active listener. Why? Because when your attention is on the other person it is NOT in your own head wrestling with all the thoughts going on there. 

 

Focusing 100% on the other person as they speak instead of preparing your response may make you feel vulnerable, but when you can just get out of your own head and find your response in something the other person is saying, you can bypass that blockage in your mind.

 

In conclusion, while some will say you can't go from being introverted to extroverted, such black and white responses are neither accurate or helpful. You may never be able to be as outgoing as a naturally extroverted person, but with some effort, you can shift your default personality position by approximately 20%. 

 

This rings true whether you are talking about your personality or any other skill development. If you’re a painter, a musician, or a mathematician, you can raise your own personal talent ceiling by 20%.