When you think about it, stage fright is the most irrational fear in the world, after all, what is public speaking other than one human being talking to another human being...

For anyone who has suffered from Shyness or Social Anxiety Disorder, stage fright can be even more debilitating, and lead to a point where you hit rock bottom. When this happens, you either feel yourself sinking into the abyss of acceptance for a reduced quality of life, or you find a springboard...

In my mid-twenties I was asked to be best man at a wedding, I accepted it as an opportunity for the ultimate exposure therapy, and to test a newfound confidence I was feeling. Inevitably though, the big moment of speeches arrived, and what would be turn out to be the most humiliating rock bottom moment in my life. Luckily for me, I found a springboard...

Rehearsals

You see, I had recently been learning some memory techniques to overcome a blank mind in social situations. Coupled with this, and multiple viewings of a then just released film: 'Four weddings and a funeral', I was sure I could pull of a version of Hugh Grants charmingly bumbling best man speech.

I crafted my own speech (leaving out the sheep), and rehearsed it over the next few months. It was a good speech and confidence began to sculpt my body and mind. After this wedding, I was going to be a new person, and confident performer. New life here I come.

In the week leading up to the wedding, some fears began to creep in as the uninvited social phobia tenant in my head, grew restless. In the final hours, just about all the effects of my fledgling confidence had worn off, leaving me to imagine the worst possible scenarios unfolding, i.e. forgetting my speech...

The Speech

The moment had arrived, the grooms’ father had just finished his speech and now it was my turn. I stood up before a crowded reception of suited and booted strangers, my hands shaking and body saturated in adrenaline.

Against all self-expectation, my opening joke went down very well, and if this had been a Hollywood movie, I would have relaxed into my speech, discarded the bullet point notes tightly clutched in my badly shaking hand, and put professional performers like Mr Hugh Grant to shame.

However, this wasn't a Hollywood movie and I didn't relax. Quite the opposite, chronic stage fright set in as my worst fears unfolded in real time, and my mind went blank. The bullet point prompts I had come equipped with, may as well have been written in Klingon...

The aftermath

What must all those people have thought of me? At best I had managed to choke out about a third of my speech, but as it came to a faltering end, the final nail in the coffin, was hearing someone quietly murmur; 'Is that it?'

Those three words were all the feedback I needed, to confirm I had not only delivered a poor speech and let my friend down, but also delivered a hammer blow to my dreams of a confident new future.

The next day I felt anger and frustration like never before. With my teens and most of my twenties now behind me, I wanted to burn the world to the ground. Instead, that anger fuelled a growing determination to make my shyness irrelevant, and fight those anxiety issues.

It turned out to be a fifteen year journey into self development, from Kung-fu to public speaking courses. Hypnotism to NLP and so much more. I arrived at the point of publishing my first educational book, aimed at helping people experiencing a blank mind on their driving theory tests.

I soon found myself being invited on to the public speaking circuit of advanced drivers groups. The difference to my best man speech performance, was like night and day...

Why do you get nervous when presenting?

Whether it's a wedding speech, or being on stage giving a presentation, this is you standing in front of a crowd of people whom you don't know, and experiencing multiple performance anxiety symptoms. All because the primeval reptilian part of your brain is firing off flight/fight messages.

Your heart rate increases as you look out at a sea of people looking back. Waiting. Panic rises as your brain pumps adrenaline into your system, ready for sudden action.

Some symptoms of stage fright:

 

Speaking in social groups is a different proposition to being in front of a crowd, but the nerves can be just as debilitating when the spotlight of attention falls on you. Perhaps your hands don't shake, but the same fight flight response will have your mind closing up for business just as quickly.

Why do you fear to speak in public?

The brain was wired for survival in a much harsher world than todays. You should reasonably expect to be safe from attack when giving a speech, unless you are insulting someone's mother...

So you brain must be responding to a different kind of fear, such as a fear for loss of reputation, status, security etc. In my wedding speech, my brain was clearly fearing loss of reputation and humiliation through my mind going blank.

How can you be confident on stage?

1. Commit - first and foremost, once you know it's definately happening - commit to it fully. This means ridding your mind of all ideas you could find an excuse to back out at some point. All this does is anchor your mind in negativity.

2. Breathe - Being in the spotlight can be a little like walking across a very high narrow bridge, look down and your brain panics. When this happens your breathing becomes shallow and rapid. This also causes your voice to go quiet, so take interval moments, and just pause to breathe deeply.  

3. Pep talk - remind yourself you are actually not the centre of attention, you are just the conduit. Nobody is coming to see you, they are only coming to hear what you have to say. Nobody cares about you or your stage fright, they only care about what you can tell and teach them.

4. Visualise - Sounds a bit new age right? but it's all about convincing your mind that a positive outcome is going to occur. It works for athletes so it will work for you too. Visualise people laughing, applauding, nodding along with interest, or whatever outcome you want from them.

5. Preparation - nothing will give you more confidence than knowing your subject. Imposter syndrome thrives on a fear you will be challenged on something you said, or asked follow up questions which you can't answer.

6. Memory - there are some memory techniques like the chain method that can be a great help to the continuity of your speech. These work so well because you are working with the primary language of your own brain. 

7. Energy - In the hours leading up to a speech or presentation, any negativity and fear in your mind can cloud your body language. So if you can find a discreet place, reverse the flow by doing some star jumps. This will bring up your energy and flush your mind.

8. Lie - No matter what you do, you will feel some nerves prior to performing. If they are too much, you can take the edge off by lying to your brain. Tell yourself the anxiety sensations, you are experiencing, are for an event that is taking place AFTER your speech. Trust me, it really does have an effect.

An exception to these points

All these points, when combined, should enable you to control your anxieties, and go on to give a successful speech or presentation. If however, you have social anxiety, then it’s strongly recommended you complete some therapy or a program such as the Mental health masterplan before going ahead.

When I did that best man speech all those years ago, fired up by some memory techniques, I had completely under-estimated the power of my subconscious to rise up, and effortlessly overpower my conscious preparation.

Exposure therapy can be the worst advice in the world when done prematurely. When you have strong shyness or social anxiety programs running in your head, throwing yourself in at the deep end of socialising or public speaking, will often do more damage than good.

Thank you for listening, this has been the disruptive social skills podcast. Be sure to subscribe to us in Apple, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or anywhere all good podcasts can be found so you don’t miss the next episode. To find out more about Lifeconfidents world exclusive programs such as the social and emotional intelligence masterclass, or the mental health masterplan, visit www.lifeconfident.com. Thanks for listening, I’ve been Richard Gray, and you’ve been amazing.