Not Just An Emotion!
August 11, 2022
We're often told to trust our thoughts more than our emotions. But emotions are a rich source of information about how the world is affecting us. Have you considered the intelligence of your emotions and the compass of clarity that they offer?
Hi there, come on in. This is Seriously Yourself, the podcast and I'm Ingrid Helander.
Hey there, Welcome, come on in, How are you, my friends? Have you ever caught yourself saying, "oh but that's just a feeling or that's just my emotion speaking"? I hear that a lot in therapy sessions which is interesting because I think one of the reasons that people come to therapy is to get in touch with their feelings. At least often, that's what people would say they've come for. But there is a distinction for people between getting in touch with and really listening to the feeling, listening to even the part of us that holds the feeling or the sensation. And I think that we really do have a bias against listening to feeling.
You know, I'll name up front that there are schools of thought in therapy that really want to get you out of your feeling mind, right, out of your what might be considered a more reactionary or unthoughtful type of mindset, right? So I feel upset and then I just go off, right, I act on that and so they teach you to sort of set that back and almost be in my words like suspect of the feeling and then you know, proceed with a more logical, thoughtful, together, kind of a response and there's value in that there really is value in not acting from every last little feeling we have.
But today that's not really what we're talking about, right? We're not talking about the reactivity that comes from spontaneously behaving out of an emotion. What I'm talking about is the ability to communicate with the emotion, to sense the feeling, to get information from the feeling that you have and to even know that you're having a feeling. I think so many of us have been taught to live in our heads, like we are just heads with feet walking around and you know, unless you get a bunion, there's nothing happening in the body that you could possibly feel and get information from or if you do, you should really be sort of suspect of it, right? It could be scary. It could lead to pain, could lead to you feeling too much. And so we tend to just, oh, that's just a feeling.
And it also, I think reverberates through our society. If you're a woman, we are sort of granted by culture and society the ability to be the emotional sex, right? The emotional gender. And so, you know, because of that, the idea that emotions are lesser that they are not to be considered as important, I think carries on through that patriarchal concept, right? Yeah.
But it's so essential, like beyond important that you are able to feel your feelings, to feel the sensation of the emotion in your body, in your mind, or around you. This is not just some abstract made up fairyland concept, right? There are all kinds of neurological tests that can show when you have a sensation, it's lighting up in your body, in your heart, right? In your gut and in your brain also. So this is real folks, this isn't made up. It's not to be left aside or thought of as a lesser thing. And it's not something that will lead you down a merry path to nowhere. I really want that point to get across today. Like paying attention in a witnessing way, in a compassionate way, in a fuller way to your body, to your feelings, to your emotions is not something to be taken too lightly. It matters. It really makes a difference. Have you felt that way in the past? Do you have that sort of dichotomy between important things and then just your feelings? Do you treat your kids that way? You know, stop being so emotional and tell me what's really going on or that's nothing to cry about. That's just a feeling. You just got your feelings hurt, right? We were all raised on right, that sticks and stones will break your bones. Well, names hurt and feelings hurt and that is an actual bona fide sensation. It is a neurological event. It's not made up. It's not imaginary and it's not located nowhere often, right? Sometimes it's a memory of an old pain and it's still doggone it right there in the body, you know, I can be working with someone or with myself and go back to a memory and you can feel it as clearly in your body maybe as you did the day it occurred, That is not nothing, that is important.
And there's even thought that not only can we feel in our own lifetime, but we can feel what our ancestors dealt with due to epigenetics passed down. So we we carry the body sensation, right? They talk about the little brain and the heart, they can show it now on scans right? Where the neurology of the heart, the neurons light up there firing and you're feeling you're really feeling, we're going to talk about that more in a couple of weeks.
But today I wanted to think about this in terms of being seriously yourself, right. It is important to take a moment and really notice the feeling parts within and around your body and mind. So if you say I'm feeling upset. Okay. Gotcha. Where? No, really? Where are you feeling upset in around your body? How do you know you're upset? Well, I think I'm upset maybe check around. Is it a brain thing? Like I thought upset And so somehow based on that decision, I have a knowing that I'm upset. Is it really cause maybe not, you know, check check check. Is it that I had a thought or a memory or I heard something or I saw something and my gut just tightened right up. I almost felt a little nauseous. Oh and I got that crawly feeling up the backs of my legs and I started feeling kind of weak in my hands as if there wasn't enough blood flow and then my heart sort of dropped. Yeah. And then my face turned red and then I got all kinds of protective like I just needed to defend myself. Yes. That's upset for me in this moment. You see how amazingly different that is from? Yeah, I'm just kind of upset. Well what's upset? I'm frustrated. What are you frustrated about? Well so and so did such and such and I feel frustrated. Well how do you know you feel that way? Right? It's so much more nuanced.
The body is amazing when you start paying attention to it. It has this distilled brilliance. The feelings are just the feelings. And they give us indicators with this clarity of oh this is exactly what it is and maybe it's not immediately evident to the brain because it's not in the brain. But if you give it a minute and you listen and you pay attention to that feeling. That emotion, that sensation in the body, the brain, it will speak through the vagus nerve up to your brain and you'll be like aha, oh I see now and then you'll have a fuller way of moving forward than had you just shoved aside the feeling for the more preferential logic or knowledge or thought and move forward. Does that make sense?
So if you don't do anything this week, make any changes. If you can start questioning any preconceived notions you might have, that lessen your experience of your emotions. Not that make them too much for you to experience or overwhelm you. But that place them on a lower category or lower on the hierarchy of importance than your thoughts. Because they all work together to make you, you. And they all provide such amazing information for you to help yourself to be with others, to share with your children, your families, your coworkers. And so that you can show up a little more fully, a little more competently with more confidence. So take a deep breath right now, what are you feeling inside? What are the feelings? Mm hmm.
Right now my heart feels happy to be with you. Thank you again for joining me. If you'd like a little more wonder, please hop in my inbox and let me know you'd like to get the newsletter. If you don't receive it now. Or if you'd like even more, please join our seriously yourself subscription. I'll be opening up a new cohort. That's a fun word cohort, in October, and it's going to be magic. So, looking forward to having you there. Talk to you soon. Take good care by now.
Thank you for joining me for this episode of Seriouslyourself. To help treat yourself well each week, go ahead and subscribe to Seriouslyourself wherever you listen to podcasts, and please share this link with anyone you love who might be seeking a little more truth and delight in their lives.
You know, I'll name up front that there are schools of thought in therapy that really want to get you out of your feeling mind, right, out of your what might be considered a more reactionary or unthoughtful type of mindset, right? So I feel upset and then I just go off, right, I act on that and so they teach you to sort of set that back and almost be in my words like suspect of the feeling and then you know, proceed with a more logical, thoughtful, together, kind of a response and there's value in that there really is value in not acting from every last little feeling we have.
But today that's not really what we're talking about, right? We're not talking about the reactivity that comes from spontaneously behaving out of an emotion. What I'm talking about is the ability to communicate with the emotion, to sense the feeling, to get information from the feeling that you have and to even know that you're having a feeling. I think so many of us have been taught to live in our heads, like we are just heads with feet walking around and you know, unless you get a bunion, there's nothing happening in the body that you could possibly feel and get information from or if you do, you should really be sort of suspect of it, right? It could be scary. It could lead to pain, could lead to you feeling too much. And so we tend to just, oh, that's just a feeling.
And it also, I think reverberates through our society. If you're a woman, we are sort of granted by culture and society the ability to be the emotional sex, right? The emotional gender. And so, you know, because of that, the idea that emotions are lesser that they are not to be considered as important, I think carries on through that patriarchal concept, right? Yeah.
But it's so essential, like beyond important that you are able to feel your feelings, to feel the sensation of the emotion in your body, in your mind, or around you. This is not just some abstract made up fairyland concept, right? There are all kinds of neurological tests that can show when you have a sensation, it's lighting up in your body, in your heart, right? In your gut and in your brain also. So this is real folks, this isn't made up. It's not to be left aside or thought of as a lesser thing. And it's not something that will lead you down a merry path to nowhere. I really want that point to get across today. Like paying attention in a witnessing way, in a compassionate way, in a fuller way to your body, to your feelings, to your emotions is not something to be taken too lightly. It matters. It really makes a difference. Have you felt that way in the past? Do you have that sort of dichotomy between important things and then just your feelings? Do you treat your kids that way? You know, stop being so emotional and tell me what's really going on or that's nothing to cry about. That's just a feeling. You just got your feelings hurt, right? We were all raised on right, that sticks and stones will break your bones. Well, names hurt and feelings hurt and that is an actual bona fide sensation. It is a neurological event. It's not made up. It's not imaginary and it's not located nowhere often, right? Sometimes it's a memory of an old pain and it's still doggone it right there in the body, you know, I can be working with someone or with myself and go back to a memory and you can feel it as clearly in your body maybe as you did the day it occurred, That is not nothing, that is important.
And there's even thought that not only can we feel in our own lifetime, but we can feel what our ancestors dealt with due to epigenetics passed down. So we we carry the body sensation, right? They talk about the little brain and the heart, they can show it now on scans right? Where the neurology of the heart, the neurons light up there firing and you're feeling you're really feeling, we're going to talk about that more in a couple of weeks.
But today I wanted to think about this in terms of being seriously yourself, right. It is important to take a moment and really notice the feeling parts within and around your body and mind. So if you say I'm feeling upset. Okay. Gotcha. Where? No, really? Where are you feeling upset in around your body? How do you know you're upset? Well, I think I'm upset maybe check around. Is it a brain thing? Like I thought upset And so somehow based on that decision, I have a knowing that I'm upset. Is it really cause maybe not, you know, check check check. Is it that I had a thought or a memory or I heard something or I saw something and my gut just tightened right up. I almost felt a little nauseous. Oh and I got that crawly feeling up the backs of my legs and I started feeling kind of weak in my hands as if there wasn't enough blood flow and then my heart sort of dropped. Yeah. And then my face turned red and then I got all kinds of protective like I just needed to defend myself. Yes. That's upset for me in this moment. You see how amazingly different that is from? Yeah, I'm just kind of upset. Well what's upset? I'm frustrated. What are you frustrated about? Well so and so did such and such and I feel frustrated. Well how do you know you feel that way? Right? It's so much more nuanced.
The body is amazing when you start paying attention to it. It has this distilled brilliance. The feelings are just the feelings. And they give us indicators with this clarity of oh this is exactly what it is and maybe it's not immediately evident to the brain because it's not in the brain. But if you give it a minute and you listen and you pay attention to that feeling. That emotion, that sensation in the body, the brain, it will speak through the vagus nerve up to your brain and you'll be like aha, oh I see now and then you'll have a fuller way of moving forward than had you just shoved aside the feeling for the more preferential logic or knowledge or thought and move forward. Does that make sense?
So if you don't do anything this week, make any changes. If you can start questioning any preconceived notions you might have, that lessen your experience of your emotions. Not that make them too much for you to experience or overwhelm you. But that place them on a lower category or lower on the hierarchy of importance than your thoughts. Because they all work together to make you, you. And they all provide such amazing information for you to help yourself to be with others, to share with your children, your families, your coworkers. And so that you can show up a little more fully, a little more competently with more confidence. So take a deep breath right now, what are you feeling inside? What are the feelings? Mm hmm.
Right now my heart feels happy to be with you. Thank you again for joining me. If you'd like a little more wonder, please hop in my inbox and let me know you'd like to get the newsletter. If you don't receive it now. Or if you'd like even more, please join our seriously yourself subscription. I'll be opening up a new cohort. That's a fun word cohort, in October, and it's going to be magic. So, looking forward to having you there. Talk to you soon. Take good care by now.
Thank you for joining me for this episode of Seriouslyourself. To help treat yourself well each week, go ahead and subscribe to Seriouslyourself wherever you listen to podcasts, and please share this link with anyone you love who might be seeking a little more truth and delight in their lives.
If you just can't get enough and you'd like even more goodness, you can become a part of Seriouslyourself, The Membership Community. You'll receive a monthly magazine, personal gatherings and cool little treats delivered right to your mailbox. Find out more about that on my website: https://ingridyhelanderlmft.com/seriouslyourself-the-membership/.
And thanks to those who make Seriouslyourself special: our wonderful music is Midsummer from the album Flood by the fabulous Joel Helander. Seriouslyourself is produced by Particulate Media, K.O. Myers, Executive Producer. The ideas and inspirations come from beautiful humans like you, that I feel lucky to know. And I'm Ingrid Helander. Take good care of yourself. See you next time.