Yes, Yes, Yes! (Or not...)
June 23, 2022
What would it take for you to be all in to say YES! to yourself? Do you want to know some practical yet magical steps that you can take towards creating your dreams? This week we go into honing your intuition to bring this to fruition.
Hi there, come on in. This is Seriously Yourself, the podcast and I'm Ingrid Helander.
Hello, welcome, welcome back in. I still have my croaky little bronchitis voice and I'm feeling a little bit better. But just so you know, if you hear some cracks and rattles, that's just how it is right now. You know, I feel for people who have been suffering with lots of pulmonary stuff from covid and thinking of you all right now, as I'm dealing with bronchitis because how horrible, it is to feel like you can't take a lovely deep healing breath. So in my mind's eye I am sending that out to each and every one of you.
Today I have a really fun topic that came to me out of a training retreat that I was on about a month ago and the topic is do you know your yes, do you know your 'Yes', you know if we want to be more seriously ourselves knowing our 'yes', knowing are absolutely 'nots' is really important. But it's not easy. I grew up in north central pennsylvania. So football, stay with me here, this does make sense, football was sort of our, you know, hallowed ground, It was the game of choice. And so at home we watched a ton of football and I was a cheerleader for football and went to the games at home. And so I knew all the rules and the nuances. And then when I was a young adult, I met this lovely fellow from Chicago Illinois who was a huge cubbies and also white sox fan. So I began watching a lot of baseball and there's this little moment that happens in baseball and it happens every time and I love it so much. And the first time I saw it, I remember it just cracking me up. It just made me laugh so much. I don't know quite why, but I'll describe it and you can see if it's sort of tickles you too. And that is the moment when the catcher signals to the pictcher, "How about this one?" That's what I imagine he's saying. Anyway, he's got his hand in some sort of configuration of fingers that indicates a particular pitch. That is their little secret signal. I assume it's a secret. And the picture takes a look and then he does this little thing that cracks me up. If he doesn't like that idea, he shakes it off, right? He gives this little almost imperceptible shake of the head. The first time I saw it, I was like, wait, he can do that. I mean right then and there he can disregard what the catcher wants and maybe the coach has told the catcher, I didn't know. And my husband's like, yeah, that that's how they do it. I'm like, oh, this is fun. And then you'll watch and the catcher will give him another little dude whoop with his fingers. I'm pretty sure that's the technical baseball term. Anyway, and he'll do that and he might get another little shake off like, "no, no, thank you" to that one and then he'll finally land on one and the picture will give an almost imperceptible yes, nod. It's almost like the head just slightly bobs up, almost like he didn't do it. And then bam that's hopefully the pitch that is delivered and works.
So I'm wondering if you have a sense of that within yourself, right? Something comes to you thought, idea, an impulse, or an offer from something in the outside world, and you have the ability to notice. Do you get a little 'uh huh' that little imperceptible "No, thank you" or do you get, you know, a little, 'okay'. Often times when I've been working using internal family systems model and connecting with a part inside. What's lovely about it is oftentimes I think a misconception of the model is that people are making stuff up, right? They're using their imagination to a point where stuff is not true and what I really love about the model is it's always true. And if you're wondering if it is true or not, real happening inside you, all you do is ask, you know, you give a little signal so it might look something like you've reached into this sensation that you feel very strongly in your body, very familiar in your body, and you get this kind of idea, Oh my gosh, this part's been around since I was like nine and you wonder, did I make that up? And all you have to do is sincerely breathe in and just ask the question. I'm getting you're about nine, is that right? And you get, I get what's funny is I get kind of either the baseball yes or no, I get the little mmhm or uh huh, and I know right away. So it's really a wonderful, a wonderful feeling to have this confident intuitive sense inside.
I think about so much of life when you don't have that feeling, when stuff is coming at you from with outside or within you and you just don't know. I mean, I used to feel like that a lot. I'd say yes to stuff that, you know, I was either really excited about or felt obliged about or thought would be great and I'd get maybe a little signal that this isn't great or I'd feel too tired or wrapped up in something else to do it and I'd just be kicking myself later, really anxious about it, worried about it. Like why did I choose that? Can you relate to that? Why did I say yes to this? And conversely, there have been times when you know, I think everyone goes, why did I say no to that? You know, why didn't I go on and get my degree at that time? Why didn't we buy that house? Why didn't I say yes to that engagement proposal, right? Why did I not take that trip and so on.
So yeah, it's an imperfect world And of course we make imperfect decisions all the time. It's okay. Many of those turned out to be incredible blessings, I would say. So what is your 'yes' and how do you know?
So, back to about a month ago, we're working on this training, this retreat training and there was an exercise that we all got to participate in and in it. We kind of chose a vision, if you will, a goal but deeper, right, an intention, or a hope almost that we would love to make come into fruition or into a bigger part of our lives right now. And I knew immediately for me what it was and it was to really expand and deepen and enrich 'Seriously Yourself', not only the podcast that you're listening to right now and thank you from the bottom of my heart, but also the membership, because I'm just finding it to be so nourishing and such a sense of joy not only for myself, but for the participants. So I had drawn on a paper that was part of the assignment. This image of what seriously yourself, the community would feel like from my perspective. And it just felt wonderful even though the artwork was, you know, stick figures and then the assignment and you can do this at home, I would say actually do this at home with anything in your life, right? How you like your life to look in a year, draw that on your paper, something that you really would love or want for yourself or feel is a calling or you're being sort of guided to do something, get that down on your paper, draw it out use colored markers and make it big like a poster size and then in the assignment and I've done these kinds of things before, so it wasn't too foreign to me. You you put the image down on the floor in front of you and then you notice what comes up, you know, what keeps you from this? How do you feel toward it? Do you have, you know, a little hesitant about it in some ways, maybe some fear, maybe some criticism, you know, or a feeling of like I could never or that's not, you know, I'm not good enough for this or that's a pipe dream or um it's too big, it's too small, whatever, right? And then you step into places so that you can represent those feelings for yourself, those parts of you, right? And then you get clearer, you get clearer and clearer about what is within you, that's responding to this very thing that you so desire that you so long for. Now I've done this in the past with things and typically I'm all over the place, right with all of those kinds of things that I described and I'm sort of stepping all over and often never really get quite too that dream that desire that love. But I had a very different experience this time, the person who was leading it asked you know, "where do you want to be in relation to this? What do you feel the most comfortable, where are you? And the only way I can describe it?"
And it sounds silly and it is I love to laugh at me if you know me, I love to laugh at me more than I love to laugh at anything. But I literally felt like my heart was pulling me straight down into the picture and that's what I said. I said, there's just nothing between me and this picture. I love this, I'm all in. And so someone said, well go for it. And I just kind of sort of fell forward onto the picture and laid on it with my whole heart. I know I go to weird retreats, what can I tell you? But it wasn't that weird weird meaningful of doctors and phds and healers and therapists and amazing people. So I guess that's weird.
But can you imagine that feeling? I really long for you to have that feeling where what you desire. So, a part of your heart and you have helped all of your parts to trust you enough so that your yes is all in. And you trust yourself enough to allow yourself to fall, float, fly, whatever face forward, heart forward into that dream. It can be the tiniest thing, It can be the grandest thing. And I feel like when we're all able to do that a little more, it all goes a little better, right? We show up more, we offer more gifts. We are happier, more joyful, not as exhausted. If there had been exhausted parts that felt like it's too much work to do that vision, I would never have moved face forward down onto it, I'll guarantee you, but there weren't, it's not just that little shake of the head. Yeah, this is the right pitch, it's an emphatic, "Oh yes, Oh yes, I'm in". So take a moment today. Take just a moment. Imagine what's your pitch? What's your next step? What allows you to feel all into your life? And then let's see what happens. Hope your next pitch is a strike. Take good care of yourself, let me know what you think. What are you dreaming about? What do you need help with? What keeps you from it? And I'll see you next week right here. Hopefully with a little stronger voice. Take good, good care of yourself. See you then. Bye.
Thank you for joining me for this episode of Seriouslyourself. To help treat yourself well each week, go ahead and subscribe to Seriouslyourself wherever you listen to podcasts, and please share this link with anyone you love who might be seeking a little more truth and delight in their lives.
Hello, welcome, welcome back in. I still have my croaky little bronchitis voice and I'm feeling a little bit better. But just so you know, if you hear some cracks and rattles, that's just how it is right now. You know, I feel for people who have been suffering with lots of pulmonary stuff from covid and thinking of you all right now, as I'm dealing with bronchitis because how horrible, it is to feel like you can't take a lovely deep healing breath. So in my mind's eye I am sending that out to each and every one of you.
Today I have a really fun topic that came to me out of a training retreat that I was on about a month ago and the topic is do you know your yes, do you know your 'Yes', you know if we want to be more seriously ourselves knowing our 'yes', knowing are absolutely 'nots' is really important. But it's not easy. I grew up in north central pennsylvania. So football, stay with me here, this does make sense, football was sort of our, you know, hallowed ground, It was the game of choice. And so at home we watched a ton of football and I was a cheerleader for football and went to the games at home. And so I knew all the rules and the nuances. And then when I was a young adult, I met this lovely fellow from Chicago Illinois who was a huge cubbies and also white sox fan. So I began watching a lot of baseball and there's this little moment that happens in baseball and it happens every time and I love it so much. And the first time I saw it, I remember it just cracking me up. It just made me laugh so much. I don't know quite why, but I'll describe it and you can see if it's sort of tickles you too. And that is the moment when the catcher signals to the pictcher, "How about this one?" That's what I imagine he's saying. Anyway, he's got his hand in some sort of configuration of fingers that indicates a particular pitch. That is their little secret signal. I assume it's a secret. And the picture takes a look and then he does this little thing that cracks me up. If he doesn't like that idea, he shakes it off, right? He gives this little almost imperceptible shake of the head. The first time I saw it, I was like, wait, he can do that. I mean right then and there he can disregard what the catcher wants and maybe the coach has told the catcher, I didn't know. And my husband's like, yeah, that that's how they do it. I'm like, oh, this is fun. And then you'll watch and the catcher will give him another little dude whoop with his fingers. I'm pretty sure that's the technical baseball term. Anyway, and he'll do that and he might get another little shake off like, "no, no, thank you" to that one and then he'll finally land on one and the picture will give an almost imperceptible yes, nod. It's almost like the head just slightly bobs up, almost like he didn't do it. And then bam that's hopefully the pitch that is delivered and works.
So I'm wondering if you have a sense of that within yourself, right? Something comes to you thought, idea, an impulse, or an offer from something in the outside world, and you have the ability to notice. Do you get a little 'uh huh' that little imperceptible "No, thank you" or do you get, you know, a little, 'okay'. Often times when I've been working using internal family systems model and connecting with a part inside. What's lovely about it is oftentimes I think a misconception of the model is that people are making stuff up, right? They're using their imagination to a point where stuff is not true and what I really love about the model is it's always true. And if you're wondering if it is true or not, real happening inside you, all you do is ask, you know, you give a little signal so it might look something like you've reached into this sensation that you feel very strongly in your body, very familiar in your body, and you get this kind of idea, Oh my gosh, this part's been around since I was like nine and you wonder, did I make that up? And all you have to do is sincerely breathe in and just ask the question. I'm getting you're about nine, is that right? And you get, I get what's funny is I get kind of either the baseball yes or no, I get the little mmhm or uh huh, and I know right away. So it's really a wonderful, a wonderful feeling to have this confident intuitive sense inside.
I think about so much of life when you don't have that feeling, when stuff is coming at you from with outside or within you and you just don't know. I mean, I used to feel like that a lot. I'd say yes to stuff that, you know, I was either really excited about or felt obliged about or thought would be great and I'd get maybe a little signal that this isn't great or I'd feel too tired or wrapped up in something else to do it and I'd just be kicking myself later, really anxious about it, worried about it. Like why did I choose that? Can you relate to that? Why did I say yes to this? And conversely, there have been times when you know, I think everyone goes, why did I say no to that? You know, why didn't I go on and get my degree at that time? Why didn't we buy that house? Why didn't I say yes to that engagement proposal, right? Why did I not take that trip and so on.
So yeah, it's an imperfect world And of course we make imperfect decisions all the time. It's okay. Many of those turned out to be incredible blessings, I would say. So what is your 'yes' and how do you know?
So, back to about a month ago, we're working on this training, this retreat training and there was an exercise that we all got to participate in and in it. We kind of chose a vision, if you will, a goal but deeper, right, an intention, or a hope almost that we would love to make come into fruition or into a bigger part of our lives right now. And I knew immediately for me what it was and it was to really expand and deepen and enrich 'Seriously Yourself', not only the podcast that you're listening to right now and thank you from the bottom of my heart, but also the membership, because I'm just finding it to be so nourishing and such a sense of joy not only for myself, but for the participants. So I had drawn on a paper that was part of the assignment. This image of what seriously yourself, the community would feel like from my perspective. And it just felt wonderful even though the artwork was, you know, stick figures and then the assignment and you can do this at home, I would say actually do this at home with anything in your life, right? How you like your life to look in a year, draw that on your paper, something that you really would love or want for yourself or feel is a calling or you're being sort of guided to do something, get that down on your paper, draw it out use colored markers and make it big like a poster size and then in the assignment and I've done these kinds of things before, so it wasn't too foreign to me. You you put the image down on the floor in front of you and then you notice what comes up, you know, what keeps you from this? How do you feel toward it? Do you have, you know, a little hesitant about it in some ways, maybe some fear, maybe some criticism, you know, or a feeling of like I could never or that's not, you know, I'm not good enough for this or that's a pipe dream or um it's too big, it's too small, whatever, right? And then you step into places so that you can represent those feelings for yourself, those parts of you, right? And then you get clearer, you get clearer and clearer about what is within you, that's responding to this very thing that you so desire that you so long for. Now I've done this in the past with things and typically I'm all over the place, right with all of those kinds of things that I described and I'm sort of stepping all over and often never really get quite too that dream that desire that love. But I had a very different experience this time, the person who was leading it asked you know, "where do you want to be in relation to this? What do you feel the most comfortable, where are you? And the only way I can describe it?"
And it sounds silly and it is I love to laugh at me if you know me, I love to laugh at me more than I love to laugh at anything. But I literally felt like my heart was pulling me straight down into the picture and that's what I said. I said, there's just nothing between me and this picture. I love this, I'm all in. And so someone said, well go for it. And I just kind of sort of fell forward onto the picture and laid on it with my whole heart. I know I go to weird retreats, what can I tell you? But it wasn't that weird weird meaningful of doctors and phds and healers and therapists and amazing people. So I guess that's weird.
But can you imagine that feeling? I really long for you to have that feeling where what you desire. So, a part of your heart and you have helped all of your parts to trust you enough so that your yes is all in. And you trust yourself enough to allow yourself to fall, float, fly, whatever face forward, heart forward into that dream. It can be the tiniest thing, It can be the grandest thing. And I feel like when we're all able to do that a little more, it all goes a little better, right? We show up more, we offer more gifts. We are happier, more joyful, not as exhausted. If there had been exhausted parts that felt like it's too much work to do that vision, I would never have moved face forward down onto it, I'll guarantee you, but there weren't, it's not just that little shake of the head. Yeah, this is the right pitch, it's an emphatic, "Oh yes, Oh yes, I'm in". So take a moment today. Take just a moment. Imagine what's your pitch? What's your next step? What allows you to feel all into your life? And then let's see what happens. Hope your next pitch is a strike. Take good care of yourself, let me know what you think. What are you dreaming about? What do you need help with? What keeps you from it? And I'll see you next week right here. Hopefully with a little stronger voice. Take good, good care of yourself. See you then. Bye.
Thank you for joining me for this episode of Seriouslyourself. To help treat yourself well each week, go ahead and subscribe to Seriouslyourself wherever you listen to podcasts, and please share this link with anyone you love who might be seeking a little more truth and delight in their lives.
If you just can't get enough and you'd like even more goodness, you can become a part of Seriouslyourself, The Membership Community. You'll receive a monthly magazine, personal gatherings and cool little treats delivered right to your mailbox. Find out more about that on my website: https://ingridyhelanderlmft.com/seriouslyourself-the-membership/.
And thanks to those who make Seriouslyourself special: our wonderful music is Midsummer from the album Flood by the fabulous Joel Helander. Seriouslyourself is produced by Particulate Media, K.O. Myers, Executive Producer. The ideas and inspirations come from beautiful humans like you, that I feel lucky to know. And I'm Ingrid Helander. Take good care of yourself. See you next time.