Welcome to a new episode from the social skills doctor with me Richard gray where today we will be taking a dive into communication skills, because these are not just a nice to have - they are an essential to have if you want to enjoy any level of success in both personal and professional settings. For the visual thinkers, think of comm skills as being like the internet 1.0. It is the invisible gosamer web that connects us all at a face to face level.

In personal relationships, good communication is the key to understanding, trust, and intimacy. It allows you to express yourself clearly while also being receptive to others' thoughts and emotions. By communicating effectively with your partner, family members, or friends, you keep these relationships free from assumption and either side being taken for granted.

Professionally, excellent communication skills are the number one atribute desired by employers across all industries. Whether you're high up in a corporate organization or working on the shop floor - being able to articulate ideas clearly is essential for your own progression and that of your company.

Have you ever been frustrated with a company you are dealing with or buying from, and was tempted to leave a negative review? Whether it was an airline not updating you on a late or cancelled flight, or an online retailer delivering your purchase late, chances are frustration could have been avoided for you, and a negative review for them if they had only communicated well with you.

Having spent thirty years working for large organizations, I can attest personally to the fact that effective communication skills will get you promoted over technical skills every time. The problem is, an outgoing personality often gets confused with being a good communicator, the result is a company may end up with managers lacking in both communication skills AND technical skills.

Poor management people skills will inevitably trickle down the companys employee hierarchy and cause resentment or demotivation at the shop floor level. A downward trend that cannot be leveled up with higher pay.

In the journey to learn effective communication skills, we wouldn't get very far if we didn't recognize and address the barriers that can hinder effective communication. Here are some common obstacles and strategies for overcoming them:

Language barriers: When talking to people in a casual setting who speak different languages or have limited proficiency in your language, use clear simple language and avoid using expressions and ideums. If you tend to speak fast, slow your speech and be atuned to the other person to see whether your words are landing and being understood.

Emotional blocks: These can include fear, anxiety, anger, or stress. These things can effect your presence without you realising it. The key here is to keep checking in with yourself. If your posture is slouching straighten it up, this can do wonders for your confidence.

Check in on what your hands are doing. When feeling anxious we will often use pacifying actions to calm our heart rate. This includes such actions as rubbing your neck, your eyes, your thighs when sitting. Then there are self-hugging actions such as crossing your arms, and lacing your fingers. 

These represent some but not all self-pacifying actions that can be triggered by the limbic system of the brain in order to release serotonin, domamine etc. Our subconscious is hard-wired to notice such actions in others so when you catch yourself pacifying, consider switching to some deep breathing instead.

Last but not least for emotional blocks, check in on the sound of your voice. If it has gone quiet, raspy, high, or you're not able to complete sentences properly, this may be down to rapid shallow breathing altering the quality of your voice as it passes over your vocal chords. The answer again is deeper breathing from the abdoman to produce a fuller richer sound.

Attention: This comes in two forms. First is the focused external which refers to your environment and where you are looking. There may be multiple competitors for your attention such as your phone and other people around you, but they are often an excuse to look away when eye contact is becomming uncomfortable.

The second form of distraction is internal. Anxiety can fill your mind with thoughts about how to respond, how to end the conversation, or how the other person is judging your performance. Active listening means placing your attention outside your own head and focusing entirely on what the other person is saying.

The ability to tune out both these internal and external sources of distraction, to become fully present in the conversation, and make the other person feel like nobody else exists for you in that moment, is a key ingredient of charisma.

Preconceived notions: This one comes in the form of conscious and unconscious biases against the other person, and will effect how you communicate to them as a result. Biases and generalizations are impossible to eliminate from your thought processes because your brain is using them as a short cut to a first impression.

For example, you may harbour an unconscious bias against someone simply because they have hooded eyes, but your brain is interpreting them as baleful, superior, disinterested. Now that person has to prove to you they are not these things before they can even begin to make a good impression. 

Your brain has hundreds if not thousands of micro biases which you are projecting onto other people, as they, in turn, are projecting onto you. Because this is happening at a subconscious level it's not possible to completely purge yourself of these biases, however, you CAN become more aware of them and see them for what they are - false positives that can be ignored.

Clarity: This one relates to how well we can get our message across without losing too much in translation from one brain to the other. Shouldn't be too hard right? However, as every one of us has a unique upbringing and collection of life experiences, so we each interpret and attach our own meaning to words.

To demonstrate this point, if I said the word mum or mother, the image and associated feeling that would trigger in you would be very different to what it would trigger for me. This is how the expression 'The roadmap is not the territory' came about in NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) - meaning there is no such thing as reality, only our individual interpretations of it.

Just like you build up an internal map of your local town so you don't have to relearn your way to work everyday, so your brain also builds an internal playbook for words based on your own life experiences. Your brain uses this playbook to make a near instant interpretations of what the other person is saying.

NLP also defines three filters for communicating and interpreting meaning. Those filters are:

But perhaps the speaker had explained the same thing to someone else and been misunderstood, so this time they had chosen to simplify their words in order to help you better understand them.

These examples are just the tip of the iceberg of shortcuts our brains are taking when communicating to each other (and thats one generalization that IS true). On the flip side, your brain has to filter otherwise it would become overwhelmed, so when you say your partner doesn't listen to you - you are at least partially right, just as you are not listening to them.

Confusions and misunderstandings are a part of life, but now we have raised the existance of these filters into our conscious awareness, we can override some of the wooly language we use and become clearer communicators.

As for other people? We cannot edit their choice of words - not without talking down to them. We can and should however, question them when an ambiguity could cause a serious misunderstanding. But if you questioned them on all their smaller filtered outputs you would soon lose friends, so make allowances.

Effective communication, it's clear to see, is an essential skill that allows us to express ourselves clearly and connect with others on a deeper level, and while I may describe it as an invisible gosamer web connecting us all together, the effects become all to clear to see when we don't have the skills to connect, and our lives stagnate as a result.

To become an accomplished communicator, lets familiarize with the key elements of effective communication.

Verbal communication involves using words to convey messages effectively. This includes tone modulation, clear pronunciation, appropriate language use, and engaging storytelling techniques. By mastering verbal skills, you can confidently engage your audience and ensure your message is received as intended.

Non-verbal communication includes body language, facial expressions, gestures, and eye contact - all powerful tools for conveying emotions and intentions without words. Understanding how to interpret and utilize non-verbal cues can greatly enhance your ability to connect with others.

In today's digital age where text, emails, and social media dominate our interactions, strong writing skills remain important. At a business level, clear writing is essential for accurately conveying information while maintaining professionalism.

At a personal level it is important for avoiding misunderstandings when we can't see and interpret how the other person is reacting, and where we only have emojies as substitutes for adding sentiments to our words.

Visual aids such as graphs, charts, images, or videos can significantly enhance the effectiveness of your message by providing visual representations that support your verbal or written content. Utilizing visual elements appropriately helps capture attention and improve comprehension among your audience.

Active listening involves fully engaging with the other person by paying attention not only to their words but also their tone of voice and body language during conversations or meetings with colleagues or clients.

Maybe the most powerful yet untapped aspect of all communication is the feeling you can generate within the other person by doing nothing more than making them feel heard. Actively listening is the first part, the second part is exploring what they've said instead of taking the attention back to your own thoughts and experiences.

To ensure your message is received with the same understanding you intended, it's important that they are clear, concise, and coherent. Clarity refers to the use of simple, understandable language, avoiding jargon or complex terms that may confuse your audience. Conciseness involves conveying information in a brief and precise manner, eliminating unnecessary details. Coherence ensures that the message flows logically and is easy to follow.

By understanding these key elements of effective communication, you can improve your ability to communicate in various aspects - verbal, nonverbal, written, and visual. Incorporating active listening techniques while maintaining clarity, conciseness, and coherence will enable you to serve as an excellent communicator.

In the digital age our ability to communicate effectively through writing takes on a whole new perspective. Whether it's composing emails, drafting reports, or creating social media content, being able to convey your thoughts clearly and concisely is essential. 

One of the most essential aspects of communication whether verbal or written, is clarity. The world through internet 2.0 has shrunk to a very small place while the potential for misunderstanding has expanded through different cultural interpretations and sensitivities.

The tightrope walk to success here depends on not making assumptions about your audience. If your message is meant for a specific industry audience, avoid assuming they don't have the same level of understanding you do. Use the appropriate jargon and don't dumb anything down. 

For a general audience, whether writing a book, blog, or social media post, the opposite assumption is true. Don't assume your reader has the same level of understanding about your subject. Keep your words easily understandable by using simple language, and avoiding jargon or technical terms. Break down bigger ideas into smaller, more digestible chunks.

Organize your thoughts logically. Start with an introduction that captures the reader's attention, followed by supporting paragraphs that provide relevant information or arguments, and conclude with a clear summary or call-to-action. Now leave your words to settle for a few days.

The importance of doing this of course, depends on the type of content you are writing, whether novel, blog, or email, and your intention for it. It can be amazing how well and coherently you think your writing is... until you read it again a few days later and see all the potential ambiguities staring back at you like bored children.

In this episode then we have looked at the importance of being a good communicator, the consequences for companies when they are not, the subconscious barriers you need to overcome, and the key elements that will raise you up to a higher level of communication ability, both verbally and written. Thank you.