Good Regrets
June 2, 2022
It's natural to regret times spent struggling with sadness or depression. If this sounds familiar, it's okay. It's a normal part of feeling better. But did you ever consider that that's a great thing to have happened to you, it will be a beautiful, complete part of your growth and healing process. This helps you keep from owning an identity of suffering of regrets all the time.
Hi there, come on in. This is Seriously Yourself, the podcast and I'm Ingrid Helander.
Hello, Come on in. I'm thinking today about the words regret and grief, kind of grieving regretfulness. You know this is a little different than the topic from a few weeks ago when we talked about um the slimy strawberries and sharing what you have to offer your gifts and how we can regret when we don't do that. This is different. This particular little brand of regret is when I often see with my clients and I have experienced myself and I bet you have to, and that is when you are feeling better, right? Something has shifted for you and you're not feeling either depressed or down about yourself or anxious or a part of you has really healed and believe me it happens all the time. So if you worry that you have parts of you that couldn't heal, I want to assure you you can. But often there is this pretty immediate sensation of grief, sadness, and regret and when we look into it, it's like why? You know when you are just feeling really good like ah I feel so much better. It's so much better now I'm not suffering with that sadness or with that pressure or that self criticism or whatever it is that burden. But then just as quickly it's like ugh such sadness and grief and regret and I bet you know already what it's about right? It is the regret for the time lost. The regret for the parts of you that felt so sad often for what feels like far less reason than they thought and just really feeling bad about that.
I don't know about you, but I will go back and look at pictures of when I was younger sometimes and I get this feeling this sort of sad grieving regret because I remember when I took the original picture or it was taken that I probably was criticizing myself about the picture, right? I've got a wrinkle there or I'm too heavy there or my clothes don't look just right or you know, whatever it was at the time that I was picking at right, being mean to myself in a way, just perfectionistic and and also fearful I guess of just seeing oneself without noticing every detail that might be a problem. And I would look back on these pictures and I think Wow, I look great. I'm really, I mean what would I give to look like I did at 20 and 30, I mean I'm not going to do that. I feel really happy now. But the point is I regret not feeling happy then, right? I regret carrying the burdens that I carried about some kind of way of being that took away from my happiness in the moment. That's what it is. Those things that take away from your being present to yourself to your life to those you love because you're so busy worrying about something else or you're so unfortunately down or or depressed about something, right? I can look back on family vacation photos that I just long for my kids are little the sun is shining, my body is youthful and well my husband's there, my family maybe and I can remember I was probably depressed, haha. At least part of the time and not able to really just luxuriate and how fabulous that time was. And then that feeling of regret comes up and sadness about why, why couldn't that part of seeing how good it is and why couldn't I just have felt better and and appreciated, right? That's why the practice of gratefulness is so powerful when it is authentic, it can help so that you don't have those deep moments of regret for not appreciating all the goodness is in your life.
But I want us to look one other way at this because honestly I believe that every bit of your life is inside you somewhere, right? Things don't just go into nothing. Even if you don't remember them with the front of your mind, they're in there. All those experiences and happenings and uh impacts they still exist. And so regret comes up about the past, right? It's really about and experience of our past and if you have had a discovery that allows you to let go of something painful from the past, right? To really feel better. Like when depression lifts or when you unburden a part of you that has been making you feel in some way to suffer. When that changes, a moment of regret or of sadness and grief for the pain that you had carried is normal. And so if you get that kind of sensation of regret, there is a tiny bit of good news in it and that is from here on out, this being that holds all of this, that is you, gets to go forward with this new insight and this new spaciousness of knowing. I don't have to feel that way now, I don't have to drag that along with me and I have changed and I've grown, you know, we can't change and grow unless we recognize something that was feeling off, if we're afraid to look at that because we're afraid of feeling some kind of grief or regret about having lived a certain way, then we won't make those shifts, we won't make those changes that help us to change and grow and feel better, right? To be more ourselves, to be happier, to be more true. If it's always like, oh, but then I'm going to feel so bad about the way I've lived up until now, you see the flaw in the, in the thinking there? I'm sure you do.
So if you're feeling fearful that you might regret having lived a certain way, just know that's a great thing to have happened to you, it will be a beautiful, complete part of your growth and healing process. If you come up cross apart, that's like, oh I feel really badly that I was so down during this whole decade of life when I could have been happy. Well maybe, maybe you could have been, but you are now and you see it and thank goodness that part doesn't have to keep suffering anymore, and you can move on knowing you get to celebrate those times now. Rather than continuing the feeling of regret and regret and regret, I regret that I didn't have more fun then, so I regret wasting the time, so I'm going to bring that regret right smack into today. Then you have a whole new burden for today, rather how wonderful that I can look back and grieve for my younger self not having felt better or been aware of the kinds of healing that could happen for myself then I realized it now I feel a bit of regret, I can offer myself a big hug around that. Of course I feel sad about that and now I get to feel good about it. You see that helps you keep from owning an identity of suffering of regrets all the time. So play with that. What do you regret when it comes to times of your life when you didn't feel so well and can you appreciate the sensation now of oh I see and I can move forward, not carrying that regret around with me all the time. I hope that makes some sense for you and I look forward to talking to you really soon. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to leave them and I'd love to see a review as well, then I know what you're wanting and what you're, what you're interested in. I hope you stay well too, take good care, bye!
Thank you for joining me for this episode of Seriouslyourself. To help treat yourself well each week, go ahead and subscribe to Seriouslyourself wherever you listen to podcasts, and please share this link with anyone you love who might be seeking a little more truth and delight in their lives.
Hello, Come on in. I'm thinking today about the words regret and grief, kind of grieving regretfulness. You know this is a little different than the topic from a few weeks ago when we talked about um the slimy strawberries and sharing what you have to offer your gifts and how we can regret when we don't do that. This is different. This particular little brand of regret is when I often see with my clients and I have experienced myself and I bet you have to, and that is when you are feeling better, right? Something has shifted for you and you're not feeling either depressed or down about yourself or anxious or a part of you has really healed and believe me it happens all the time. So if you worry that you have parts of you that couldn't heal, I want to assure you you can. But often there is this pretty immediate sensation of grief, sadness, and regret and when we look into it, it's like why? You know when you are just feeling really good like ah I feel so much better. It's so much better now I'm not suffering with that sadness or with that pressure or that self criticism or whatever it is that burden. But then just as quickly it's like ugh such sadness and grief and regret and I bet you know already what it's about right? It is the regret for the time lost. The regret for the parts of you that felt so sad often for what feels like far less reason than they thought and just really feeling bad about that.
I don't know about you, but I will go back and look at pictures of when I was younger sometimes and I get this feeling this sort of sad grieving regret because I remember when I took the original picture or it was taken that I probably was criticizing myself about the picture, right? I've got a wrinkle there or I'm too heavy there or my clothes don't look just right or you know, whatever it was at the time that I was picking at right, being mean to myself in a way, just perfectionistic and and also fearful I guess of just seeing oneself without noticing every detail that might be a problem. And I would look back on these pictures and I think Wow, I look great. I'm really, I mean what would I give to look like I did at 20 and 30, I mean I'm not going to do that. I feel really happy now. But the point is I regret not feeling happy then, right? I regret carrying the burdens that I carried about some kind of way of being that took away from my happiness in the moment. That's what it is. Those things that take away from your being present to yourself to your life to those you love because you're so busy worrying about something else or you're so unfortunately down or or depressed about something, right? I can look back on family vacation photos that I just long for my kids are little the sun is shining, my body is youthful and well my husband's there, my family maybe and I can remember I was probably depressed, haha. At least part of the time and not able to really just luxuriate and how fabulous that time was. And then that feeling of regret comes up and sadness about why, why couldn't that part of seeing how good it is and why couldn't I just have felt better and and appreciated, right? That's why the practice of gratefulness is so powerful when it is authentic, it can help so that you don't have those deep moments of regret for not appreciating all the goodness is in your life.
But I want us to look one other way at this because honestly I believe that every bit of your life is inside you somewhere, right? Things don't just go into nothing. Even if you don't remember them with the front of your mind, they're in there. All those experiences and happenings and uh impacts they still exist. And so regret comes up about the past, right? It's really about and experience of our past and if you have had a discovery that allows you to let go of something painful from the past, right? To really feel better. Like when depression lifts or when you unburden a part of you that has been making you feel in some way to suffer. When that changes, a moment of regret or of sadness and grief for the pain that you had carried is normal. And so if you get that kind of sensation of regret, there is a tiny bit of good news in it and that is from here on out, this being that holds all of this, that is you, gets to go forward with this new insight and this new spaciousness of knowing. I don't have to feel that way now, I don't have to drag that along with me and I have changed and I've grown, you know, we can't change and grow unless we recognize something that was feeling off, if we're afraid to look at that because we're afraid of feeling some kind of grief or regret about having lived a certain way, then we won't make those shifts, we won't make those changes that help us to change and grow and feel better, right? To be more ourselves, to be happier, to be more true. If it's always like, oh, but then I'm going to feel so bad about the way I've lived up until now, you see the flaw in the, in the thinking there? I'm sure you do.
So if you're feeling fearful that you might regret having lived a certain way, just know that's a great thing to have happened to you, it will be a beautiful, complete part of your growth and healing process. If you come up cross apart, that's like, oh I feel really badly that I was so down during this whole decade of life when I could have been happy. Well maybe, maybe you could have been, but you are now and you see it and thank goodness that part doesn't have to keep suffering anymore, and you can move on knowing you get to celebrate those times now. Rather than continuing the feeling of regret and regret and regret, I regret that I didn't have more fun then, so I regret wasting the time, so I'm going to bring that regret right smack into today. Then you have a whole new burden for today, rather how wonderful that I can look back and grieve for my younger self not having felt better or been aware of the kinds of healing that could happen for myself then I realized it now I feel a bit of regret, I can offer myself a big hug around that. Of course I feel sad about that and now I get to feel good about it. You see that helps you keep from owning an identity of suffering of regrets all the time. So play with that. What do you regret when it comes to times of your life when you didn't feel so well and can you appreciate the sensation now of oh I see and I can move forward, not carrying that regret around with me all the time. I hope that makes some sense for you and I look forward to talking to you really soon. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to leave them and I'd love to see a review as well, then I know what you're wanting and what you're, what you're interested in. I hope you stay well too, take good care, bye!
Thank you for joining me for this episode of Seriouslyourself. To help treat yourself well each week, go ahead and subscribe to Seriouslyourself wherever you listen to podcasts, and please share this link with anyone you love who might be seeking a little more truth and delight in their lives.
If you just can't get enough and you'd like even more goodness, you can become a part of Seriouslyourself, The Membership Community. You'll receive a monthly magazine, personal gatherings and cool little treats delivered right to your mailbox. Find out more about that on my website: https://ingridyhelanderlmft.com/seriouslyourself-the-membership/.
And thanks to those who make Seriouslyourself special: our wonderful music is Midsummer from the album Flood by the fabulous Joel Helander. Seriouslyourself is produced by Particulate Media, K.O. Myers, Executive Producer. The ideas and inspirations come from beautiful humans like you, that I feel lucky to know. And I'm Ingrid Helander. Take good care of yourself. See you next time.