A Coach Needs a Coach, But Why? (Kate Steinbacher)
August 25, 2021
Why should you invest in coaching if you’re already a coach? Melinda Cohan and Kate Steinbacher say if you don't have one, it can seriously undermine your integrity and slow the growth of your coaching business. Listen to Melinda and Kate discuss the benefits and necessity of having a coach while being one yourself.
• Episode summary: Why would you want to invest in coaching if you’re already a coach? One compelling reason has to do with the power of integrity—you can’t exactly ask your clients to do something that you haven't done or are not willing to do yourself. If you’re a coach who’s never invested in coaching, “you’re not walking your talk,” as Melinda puts it. And believe it or not, this problem is more common than you might think.
• In this fun episode filled with wisdom, Melinda talks with KateSteinbacher, co-founder of The Coaches Console. Over the past 17 years, Kate has helped thousands of coaches to get out of their own way and succeed in building a Coaching Business beyond their wildest dreams. Melinda and Kate emphasize the importance of having a coach if you want to be credible and grow your coaching skills, and also address the potential consequences of not having one.
• In this episode we discuss:
You don’t have to reinvent the wheel and struggle. There’s a smart way to do almost anything as a coach.
How you become a better coach when you have one yourself, and how to communicate it to your clients.
The need for transparency when someone asks why YOU should be hired.
The dangers of not having a coach yourself.
The main reasons why a coach doesn’t have a coach.
How to know when you’ve outgrown your coach, and why that’s great.
– “Having your own coach is a rite of passage.”
– “To have a coach, as a coach, allows you to feel like a professional, and confident in your skills and knowledge that you have support if necessary.”– Kate Steinbacher
• Kate Steinbacher has been helping thousands of coaches to get out of their own way and succeed in building a Coaching Business beyond their wildest dreams for over 17 years. She’s the founder, along with Melinda Cohan, of The Coaches Console, the premier software and business building system for Coaches and service-based business owners. She’s an extraordinary expert at getting in her own way AND finding the way out as well!
•Kate is considered to be a fierce accountability partner who sees you as bigger than you can see yourself and a powerful listener. She’s a coach with a corporate and International background who has coached executives, leadership teams, and business owners (small and large) for years.
• She has a diverse and ranging background: she drove trucks for UPS and worked her way up to HR manager; she traveled the world as Cruise Director on luxury 100-passenger cruise ships; and she created her own special interest travel company, taking small groups around the world for art and music.
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• If you have a question for Just Between Coaches, put the show title in the subject line and send it to email@example.com.
Episode transcript: A Coach Needs a Coach, But Why? (Kate Steinbacher)
[00:00:02] Kate: It allows you to feel like a professional and confident in your skills and knowledge that you have support if necessary. Now you may or may not need it, but you have it there and you've invested in yourself. Yeah.
[00:00:25] Melinda: Hello and welcome to just between coaches the podcast that tackles difficult coaching conversations head on. My name is Melinda Cohan and I run a business called the coaches console. The coaches council has supported more than 50,000 entrepreneurs and creating their own profitable coaching business
in this episode, we're going to talk about something I've called for in other episodes, it's something I believe in wholeheartedly and always will. So instead of repeating myself again, I thought I'd make a whole episode about it and discuss it in depth. What am I talking about? It's the necessity for coaches to have a coach of their own. So there's no listener mail today. Instead I'm bringing today's topic directly to the table to help me do that. Today is one of my favorite people and the person who has meant the world to me in my career. I'm talking about Kate Steinbacher, my former coach and current business partner, she'll be here in just a moment. Kate's been helping thousands of coaches to get out of their own way and succeed in building a coaching business beyond their wildest dreams for more than 17 years. She's the founder along with me of the coaches console and I can tell you that she's an extraordinary expert in getting in her own way and finding her way out as well,
I'm so excited to have this conversation with kate today. In fact, there's no one I would rather have it with welcome kate!
[00:01:58] Kate: I’m so happy to be here, Melinda.
[00:02:01] Melinda: Oh my gosh, I'm so excited that you're here. You are an amazing person, you're an amazing coach and business partner. Could you share a little bit about yourself and your path to what you do today. So the listeners can just get a feeling of who you are.
[00:02:15] Kate: Oh sure, absolutely. So who am I? Well, um, I started many, many years ago as a coach and it was one of those things where I didn't know what to do. I had been traveling the world and doing all kinds of crazy things and so I contacted a bunch of people and I said, so what should I do next? And their first person said something about being a coach and I thought, well, heck, I don't even like sports that much, so I'm not going to bother with that. But then I heard it two more times and finally it was my sister and she said, no, you've got to be a coach and I said Barb, I don't get this, it's just not my thing, all the sports stuff. She said, no, it's a new kind of coaching, well that was more than 20 years ago anyway, so I found out about coaching and it became my passion and I have traveled the world, I've been a cruise director on cruise ships, I've worked for ups and driven trucks of all kinds and I come to coaching with the thought of, wow, if we can help make the world better through coaching then why not help other coaches be incredibly successful. And so I found this amazing business partner, Melinda Cohan and together we have been helping thousands of coaches be successful so we can get the world coached. So that's where I come from,
[00:03:32]Melinda: that's right, It has been an awesome ride and one of the things that kate taught me, one of the very first things that she taught me when she was, my coach was the power of integrity. I can't ask my clients to do something that I haven't done myself or I am not willing to do myself and that lesson stuck with me, it still sticks with me today. If I'm going to ask my clients to do something, I better be able to do it or have already done it. And so that's how we kicked off our coaching relationship. But I just, I want to hit the ground running with this conversation kate so why do coaches need to have a coach of their own
[00:04:11] Kate: well, Melinda, you hit it on the head, It's partly integrity and partly common sense. If you think about it and a big part, oh my gosh, why would you reinvent the wheel and struggle. So to me it's the smart way to almost do anything and especially in coaching, if you have your own coach, you can then maybe mimic isn't the right word, but you can fashion how you will be a coach. After what they're good at having your own coach is, it's kind of a rite of passage if I wouldn't spend money on a coach for myself and how could I ask anyone else to spend their money working with me? So without a coach, I feel like I'm a loser from the get go with a coach. I feel like I'm a winner from the get go.
[00:05:01]Melinda: So let me ask you this in what specific ways do you become a better coach if you have one yourself?
[00:05:08] Kate: Here's some examples from my learning because it's the first thing I did when I decided I wanted to be a coach when I found out what coaching was and I decided I wanted to be one of the first thing I did was to hire a coach. And so I found all out about coaching and I went on the I. C. F. Website which was one of the few websites at the time where you could learn anything about it and I discovered that I wanted my own coach. So I found a person that was actually in my community that was a coach and she was working with, she was being coached the time by the president of the I C. F. Which in my opinion, that was like, whoa, whoa, big stuff, hot potatoes, whatever you want to call it. And I thought, well this is the person for me. So I hired her, I got to meet her here in person and I hired her as my coach because she was ahead of me, she had started her business, she already had clients, she had already completed training and I thought that's who I want to work with at first. And it made all the difference in me getting up, getting running and really understanding what it was to be a coach and then how I wanted to be, I could see in her things I wanted to do just like she did and I saw the other things that I'd like to do that differently. So it gives you a place from which to start that expertise that you can, like you said, either fashion yourself by or model yourself by and it also gives you a place to begin to think about what do I want to be as a coach. I always wanted to have a team of coaches from the minute I started coaching, that was my goal and I must say I realized it and boy is it fun?
[00:07:01] Melinda: You know, when I think about how do I become a better coach, when I have one myself, there are times when there's a situation with the client that comes up, I'm like, you know, in my head, I don't usually I don't say this out loud, but I'm like, oh my God, how do I handle? That's what do I do with this? And it just stumps me as a coach and to have a coach that I can then get off that client call with and be like, hey Kate, um I need help and to have that resource, like that's the role that having a coach, it's like, how do I navigate the situation? What are my options? What I love about having a coach's, I don't go to a consultant that says do X, Y, Z. Melinda? Okay, got it. But it was more of an inquiry so that you could help me determine how to navigate the situation
[00:07:47] Kate: exactly. I used to tell my clients look, here's the thing, I'm a new coach and as a result I have my own coach and if something comes up between us that I don't know how to handle, I will go to my coach and I'll ask that person and it will totally be confidential. They will not know who you are. Well, what about you? They will just be able to help me with the navigating that particular situation that's difficult and I want you to know that that's another value that I bring to my coaching and most of my clients were thrilled. I
[00:08:24] Melinda: love that, like especially when I think about all the new coaches that we've worked with and you know, when you're just getting started, your, it's, you know, your timid to put yourself out there is kind of challenging and you're like gulp, here I go and to have that tool of transparency to say, look, I'm new at this and I've got a coach who's experienced, so I have a place that I can go to get guidance. So now when you're having those enrollment conversations, you don't have to worry about the, I'm new being a detriment now, it's a benefit.
[00:08:58] Kate: Exactly, exact, that's brilliant. And I'll tell you it happened one time where I was at a networking event and I was walking around with my brand new business cards and feeling really cool. And I went up to this gentleman, I was like Laban telling them all about how what coaching was and how I might be able to support him and he said to me, so what makes you such a great coach? And I looked at him and I said as you know, transparency has always been my thing. I looked him and I said, you know, I don't know the answer to that right now, can I get back to you in 10 minutes? And he laughed and he said, absolutely. And so I went off to a corner, some place and sat there and thought, well how am I going to answer this? And that's when I came up with the answer of, well, here's the thing, this is who I am, this is what I've been through. This is how I've helped people and I have my own coach, plus I'm attending coach training school right now and therefore I have the tools and skills to help you and also the support behind me to help you. And I went back and told him that and guess what? He hired me. Oh my gosh! Of course it was perfect.
[00:10:07] Melinda: Yeah, of course transparency is just one of the, like, it's not an official coaching skill that a lot of these coach training programs teach, but it is such a powerful coaching skill is to be transparent
[00:10:19] Kate: and vulnerable, especially in the beginning when you're starting out and you're feeling you may be feeling a little like fraudulent frank and you know, kind of off kilter, like who am I to when you're vulnerable and straightforward and transparent, you have nothing to worry about.
[00:10:33] Melinda: Yeah, vulnerability. Like when I think about wonder woman wearing that red cape or superman wearing that cape, vulnerability and integrity and transparency. Like that's what that cape is made of. That's our superpower right there. So what are the dangers if a coach doesn't have a coach? I know we've kind of hinted at that, but let me ask that directly if a coach doesn't have a coach, what's, what are the dangers in that?
[00:10:56] Kate: Well, there's a lot. I think the number one um, that you'll always have that sense of, well I want other people to buy me, so to speak, but I'm not willing to put the money out to buy my own help and support. So you immediately feel kind of like a fraud. So that's number one. Um Number two is there's nobody to turn to when you're your own boss of your own business, sitting in your own office, in your own house somewhere or Starbucks or wherever it is, your offices, you're on your own baby. So if you don't have the answers, the tendency is to make stuff up. And although I do have an MSU degree on my own, I never use it when it's important. I use it when it's fun. So not knowing is a big deal and yes, you can say, oh I'll learn and find out about that. But if you have a colleague, which a coat, your coaches, your colleague, they're not your boss or anyone over you, a coach is a colleague. Someone who's there to support you and being the best you can be, they're not looking down on you, they're working with you side by side, that's the kind of support you want as a coach so that you can be the best coach for the next person in line and without it boy, you can get yourself in big trouble.
[00:12:19] Melinda: Speaking of getting in big trouble, you mentioned that you have an MSU degree and I just want to back up so that all the listeners know exactly what that means, so there's no confusion, I just want you to tell everybody what msu means,
[00:12:29] Kate: well Msu is make stuff up or you could use more vulnerable, but I'll use stuff fix it up and it comes in handy having been a world traveler. There were a lot of times in order to get out of tight fixes where I needed to have a really good MSU degree and it helps helps you in many, many situations.
[00:12:51] Melinda: Yeah. And there are times when it can bite you in the butt. Exactly. And when you don't have your own coach and you're making stuff up because you don't have that resource. It just also, I feel that it crumbles your credibility, You don't feel credible and you're like, so when you don't feel credible, you don't feel confident? Like it's really hard to put yourself out there. And I think that's one of the things that stems is you don't have a coach, you're not walking your talk and it's the beginning of that crumbling effect right there. Yeah. Now anybody who listens to the show regularly, they know it drives me insane when coaches don't have coaches. So why is it that coaches would not have a coach themselves? Like what are some of the reasons that you've heard kate like, what's that all about?
[00:13:35] Kate: I don't have money, that's the very first thing and guess what, that's what their clients are going to say potential clients that won't hire them and when the potential clients says that the coach won't have a way of supporting them to understand the value of coaching because they haven't invested in it themselves. They really set themselves up for failure.
[00:13:59] Melinda: Yeah, that's one of the things when I teach, you know, when I teach overcoming objections or the enrollment conversation, the number one objection is I can't afford it. And if you are not making that investment yourself, when you go to have that conversation, it is so difficult to truthfully defend that objection. It's almost impossible. It's like, well you're not investing in one. So why should I and you really don't have a comeback for that?
[00:14:31] Kate: You sure don't? And you also obviously don't believe in the value of coaching. If you're not willing to invest in it. I mean, think about that. You're yourself don't believe in the value. So how the heck could you possibly get someone else to believe in the value?
[00:14:49] Melinda: I just want to shout out to the listeners right now, if you don't have a coach, really ask yourself, why am I not making that investment? What's truly holding me back and am I modeling for my future clients? What I want them to do and how can I ask them to invest in me when I'm not willing to make that investment? Just really sit with that because that's going to make a big impact in the degree of success and fun that you have in your business?
[00:15:20] Kate: Absolutely.
[00:15:21] Melinda: So Kate I want to ask you this, have you always had a coach yourself?
[00:15:26] Kate: Um I have pretty much always had a coach maybe, you know, some months here and there. Um but for the most part I've always have had a coach and usually more than one, I have a coach right now, I have a coach for my health, I have a coach for exercise and at the moment my business coaches you, but I count that
[00:15:50] Melinda: cash, I hope you count me. I'd like to think I'm a pretty good
[00:15:53] Kate: coach. Oh my gosh, you're awesome. And here's another thing to one of the things you mentioned outgrowing a coach that's really important to, because you do outgrow a coach again, you always want someone who's a little bit ahead of you and sometimes you get to the point where you even up and that's fine, that's great. It helped you get where you are and then it's time for the next person, the next area of what you want to grow in to grow and you find that person, what
[00:16:20] Melinda: are some of the indicators for you kate? Let me ask you first, when you're, when you're outgrowing that coach, how do you know that?
[00:16:27] Kate: Well, it's interesting because what will happen oftentimes is I no longer I used to be known. Well, you used to call me that too, is the, oh, crap now, what person and that was the coach that I would go to. So I'd be like, oh, here's the next challenge, Oh crap now, what? And I call my coach and say just that and then they would be able to support me in that next level. And sometimes it took one or two sessions and sometimes it took a couple of months for me to get over my own, get out of my own way in order to really learn that process. What you realize after a while is that your equals beyond measure and that you're both in the same kind of ballpark and you're doing the same kinds of things and although you enjoy each other and can always grow from being with another colleague, you know, that there is the next hurdle that you want to go to and so you look for the person, the coach that has those skills and are way ahead of you on that hurdle, That makes sense.
[00:17:30] Melinda: Yeah, it's beautiful. I know for me one of the indicators when I'm outgrowing a coach this is gonna sound bad, but I'll say it anyway, I get bored with the conversation. There you go. Uh, if I've been working, you know, some coaches I've worked with for 6, 9, 12 months, some I've worked with 34 or five years. Uh, so there's, you know, it's not a time thing necessarily for me, but when I'm on the coaching session and I find that I'm bored, it's like, wait a minute, it's not so much that the coach on the other side has stopped carrying, it's that, wait, I think I've outgrown this person or may not be that I've outgrown them, but I've resolved the reason why I hired them and it's time to move on to the next thing
[00:18:12] Kate: if you want to move through the learning process smoothly and easily and really have like a guardian angel on your shoulder the whole time about building and growing your business. Especially if you're new. Having your own coach who's a bit ahead of you is the way to do it. That's number one. Number two emergencies happen. Oh crap. Now what moments your own coach can support you in that they know things you don't know which you shouldn't know. Let's face it, your new okay now even if you've been coaching for a while, imagine this, okay, you've got a problem, a challenge or whatever and you have no one to turn with their, you are sitting in your office all by yourself, you become this loner and that is not healthy, not for you, not for your feeling of confidence. And then that leads to the confidence thing, the value of having your own coach, it allows you to feel like a professional and confident in your skills and knowledge that you have support if necessary. Now you may or may not need it, but you have it there and you've invested in yourself
[00:19:30] Melinda: and when you do that, the confidence you feel and the one piece, you know, I was about to summarize our call-in conversation today, but you just did a fantastic job of that. And the one piece I would add is it's easier, I believe I know from experience in teaching hundreds of coaches. This, it's easier to facilitate your own enrollment conversations. When you've made that investment, you've gone through that process of, I can't afford it, but I can't not afford this. I need to do this. I can't do this. I don't have the time for this, but I've got to make the time when you've gone through those battles yourself and you've overcome them and you've taken that step and made the investment. Now when you go to have enrollment conversations with your clients and your prospects, it's easier to navigate them because you have compassion and integrity on your side.
[00:20:20] Kate: Mm That's so true.
[00:20:22] Melinda: So Kate any more parting words?
[00:20:25] Kate: if you don't have a coach really evaluate who you are as a coach. If you don't have a coach, evaluate how you will talk to the next person that you would like to invite into your practice to pay you for coaching and it doesn't have to be the same kind of coaching that you give, if you're willing to have a health coach if you don't need a business coach, but a health coach is right. But having a coach really makes you feel grounded and solid that you can enter the world and talk to people and have them become a client of yours with a sense of honesty, solidity and grounded nous. So you can be fierce as your coach, you don't ever have to feel apologetic.
[00:21:17] Melinda: Mm hmm. Amen sister. Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Just Between coaches and also a big thank you to Kate Steinbacher for this great, amazing conversation. You can find out more about Kate at www dot the coaching advantage LLC dot com. That's the coaching advantage LLC dot com Kate. Thank you so much for coming to the show.
[00:21:43] Kate: It's been my pleasure. Good to be with
[00:21:45] Melinda: you. If you like today's podcast, you'll surely enjoy the inspirational episodes over at making it. In each episode a successful entrepreneur will share what making it means to them and what they've learned along the way. And don't forget to check out my episode which is airing this week.
I'm Melinda Cohan and you've been listening to Just between coaches. Just between coaches is a Mirasee FM original production.
This episode was produced by Cynthia Lamb. Danny Iny is our executive producer. I wrote this episode with Michi Lantz and Cynthia. Geoff Govertsen assembled the episode. If you don't want to miss future episodes, please subscribe to Apple podcasts Spotify or wherever you're listening right now and if you like the show, please leave us a starred review. It's the best way to help us get these ideas to more people. And if you have a question for just between coaches, put the show title in the subject line and send it to podcasts at mira see dot com. That's podcasts, plural podcasts at Mira see dot com.