Traditional education has given us a lot, but unfortunately it's one of those great institutions of life that has failed to mature alongside the pupils whom have passed through it.

Society has become more politically correct, more accepting of sexual orientations. It has recognised the importance of mental health, and discovered emotional intelligence. Among others. Yet the education system has not evolved to recognise that we are ALL intelligent individuals - just in different ways.

In 1983, Howard Gardner, at the time, a professor at Harvard, published his book, 'Frames of Mind: The Theory of Multiple Intelligences'. In this book, Gardner outlined seven types of intelligence. 

The following is a short description of each, and examples of famous people who excelled in those areas.

Gardner's Seven Types of Intelligence

1. Verbal/Linguistic:

Those that are strong in verbal and linguistics have the ability to speak well, write well, and memorise what they have read. This is a left brain intelligence, and you probably breezed through your school work if you have this.

2. Mathematical & Logical:

Those with this intelligence tend to be good at maths, dealing with numbers, abstract ideas, and thinking logically. This is another left brain intelligence, which, if you are strong in this, would mean you also did well, and benefited from traditional education.

3. Visual & Spatial:

Those dominant in this area, will excel in skills that require visualising and imagining the end result. Such qualities are essential for Interior decorators, artists, fashion designers, and architects among other professions. This is a creative right-brain intelligence, which means this group will not thrive in traditional education.

4. Musical:

This area of intelligence is dominant in the ability to create, interpret, and keep to a rhythm. They will thrive in a musical environment, singing or playing an instrument. Like the Visual/spatials, they will not do well in traditional education.

5. Bodily-Kinesthetic

This group are gifted physically. Their intelligent learning curve is at its smoothest when doing athletics, dancing, acting, using their hands - or areas requiring coordination and agility.

6. Interpersonal:

Sometimes referred to as social intelligence, this category consists of extrovert communicators who can get along well with, and put others at ease. They are able to read emotions and show empathy with others.

7. Intrapersonal:

Sometimes referred to as emotional intelligence, this is about self-control, quiet & objective self-analysis, knowing yourself, and an overall ability to control your emotions.

After reading through Howard Gardners seven definitions, it's probably clearer now, why some of your friends and peers were able to race ahead, whilst for you, it felt like there was a handbrake on in your own head.

If your strengths lie in any of the areas your school didn't cater for, then you probably entered the real life adult world, lacking in confidence, and not equipped to play to your strengths.

I'm still waiting for the day technology allows us to become tourists in each others minds, so that we can experience how it feels to be intelligent, and with a range of skills, in areas other than our own.

Until that day, we can begin by defining which intelligences we do have strength in, and which areas we need to improve, in order to have a better life experience.

The one intelligence we all need to succeed

Interpersonal social intelligence is a skills development area that is indefensibly under represented in schools. At best, we are left to teach ourselves how to interact with others during playtime, and learn by watching how our parents do it.

After all, unless your name is Bill Gates, how many times in the average day are you going to need math skills Whereas you need social skills all the time. Whether it's for building relationships with people, creating good impressions on first dates, meeting potential in-laws, or in interviews.

At work, it's about maintaining relationships with colleagues, to making your presence felt in meetings, all the way to demonstrating motivation and leadership to upper managers.

What you learn in school about how to add up numbers, reading and writing etc. these are general skills you may use in a career. Intrapersonal (emotional intelligence) skills, are what you need to manage yourself during your career.

But it is your social intelligence competencies, strong people skills, the building of interpersonal relationships, that will get you there in the first place - and see you rise to the top.

Social skills and emotions management are an art, but they are also a skill that can be learnt and applied whenever life calls upon them.

Developing social intelligence skills

Trust

They say trust is something to be earned by an individual, I say trust should be granted automatically, and only withdrawn if abused. But it's not a perfect world...

In a less than perfect world, trust can be earned through applying emotional intelligence. This means being receptive to the ebb and flow of the other persons emotions and thoughts. You can gain insights by paying attention to their body language, what they are saying, and how they are saying it.

When you have developed a heightened awareness for what the other person is telling you through non-verbal means, you can move on to the next level, by building rapport.

Rapport

Rapport is something you can use in social interactions to accelerate a sense of familiarity. In essence, this involves by moving in a similar way, and using similar wording and intonation as the other person.

Some think this is manipulative, but if you imagine the other person as being like a radio station, then you can consider rapport-building as the process of tuning into their frequency. If you fail to do this, you will just hear a lot of static, and a mutual understanding and familiarity will be harder to arrive at.

Now you are tuning up your emotional skills and perceptions, it's time to step up again with some active listening. This can feel counter-intuitive, but it can truly take the pressure out of the situation.

Active listening

With active listening, you are focusing your whole attention on what the other person is saying, and turning your back on the anxiety of wondering what to say when your turn comes around. This is corrosive to your mind, and will flood it with negative emotions.

You have the opportunity through using emotional skills, to bring positive energy to social situations. Being able to respond directly to what the other person said, lets them know they have been heard. This can make someone feel better than you could imagine, and they will associate that feeling with you.

Conclusion

This trio of developing trust, rapport building, and active listening, forms a firm foundation of interpersonal skills on which you can develop further communication skills.

In life, social skills are too important as the tools of daily life, not to develop them to your maximum potential - from social experiences to negotiations, resolving conflicts to improving career prospects, and developing relationships in all contexts.