It's a Man's World. Might As Well Get Used to It?
April 7, 2022
Anyone who limits us from being our full selves does a wrong, not just to an individual, but to all of us. What did you learn from your parents, teachers, authority figures, role models as a kid that was limiting to you?
Hi there, come on in. This is Seriously Yourself, the podcast and I'm Ingrid Helander. Hi there. Welcome. Come on in. Nice to see you. I wish I could see you. I'm imagining you.
It's a very rainy, dreary, drizzly day here in New England...in the northeast of the United States. It's springtime, and we get a lot of that here. So I'm kind of just feeling cozy and comfortable and happy to be in my warm house, and happy to be here with you.
I thought it would be interesting today, as I was thinking cozy thoughts, I got thinking about being little, being a kid and you know, some of the things that happened or I learned about as a child. And one of the things that's been coming up for me lately, and I'm not really sure why, but I figured, hey, if it's coming up for me, maybe it's coming up for you?...Are things that my mom taught me. Maybe not so intentionally, but through little comments or facial expressions or quips that she had. I mean, one of the things I definitely remember was her frequently saying, you know, "Who do you think I am superman?" That must have been popular at the time because my husband too, reports that his mom would ask if he thought she was superman. But what I'm thinking of today... is that I don't know how many times it happened... Maybe a handful, I have no idea honestly, but my mom on occasion would make sure to tell me... that...
Well, let me say it this way. I'll say it like she used to say it, "Ingrid, It's a man's world and you might as well get that right now".. phew... "Ingrid, it's a man's world and you might as well get that right now." And lately I've been kind of breaking that down a bit. Trying to hear what was in that for her? What did it come out meaning to me? What have I made of it? What difference has that made in some ways?
It feels like she delivered it in the same way that you would say to a kid who was sulking because they could not or didn't want to go out and play on a rainy day. Just like I'm experiencing today. And in some ways it's like she was saying, "well you can't do anything about the weather", and of course she said that a lot too, "well you can't do anything about the weather." So when there are things you cannot control, don't let it trouble you, really is what she would say about the weather. When there are things that are beyond you that you really can't do a darn thing about there's no sense in being upset about them, or perhaps in bothering your mom about them, or whining to her, right? Did your kid ever whine to you about stuff that you know, you couldn't do anything about it? "I don't want to ever go to school." Well, sorry, guess what? So this statement... this..."It's a man's world Ingrid. You might as well get used to." It was delivered I think with some of that kind of energy, you know, why make yourself miserable over a fact Jack? If she were superman, I suppose she could have fixed that. But she taught us very clearly that, that was not the case.
As I remember, you know, there was another tone in her voice that was very different though. There was a very different sound between "it's a man's world Ingrid" and "there's nothing you can do about the weather." And as a kid, I was really able to pick up that tone. I know I was and I think most kids are able to be pretty great detectors of the tone and the energy and the feelings behind the voices that come out of their parents mouth or their caretakers. And so there was an edge. There was a little edge to that tone, different than it is as if she was talking about the weather, an edge of frustration, of a sense of a wrongness maybe...you might as well get used to it... as if the rest of the sentence was...as I've also had to get used to it. And that edge kind of makes me sad. It makes me sad to feel like my mom had to pass on this word of caution or... resignation to me. Really how sad to have to resign to something that maybe bigger parts of you or even a logical piece of you says, well that's just not right... right. How much of our population is made up of women? I think it's like 51%. Yeah? And yet someone raising a child in the United States would say to their kids, well, "it's a man's world", and who is this man? What about being a man? Made it the man's world.
I mean, my dad certainly didn't run the world, although maybe he did run our home a bit. I think people always thought my mom did because she had a pretty...direct way, a pretty big personality. She could state her mind. I don't think it was really until I was in my twenties, that I actually realized she check, check, check, checked with dad. She kind of ran everything through that and she would try to change maybe how he would think about things sometimes in really hilarious ways. But I think ultimately it was her sense that it was, yes, a partnership, but one where he had a lot of say...and maybe that was fine, you know, it was certainly, I wasn't unhappy there.
But back to the being a man's world, what is she trying to say to me? I mean, I probably wanted to do something that maybe my brother had been allowed to do when he was my age, you know, go sleep out on the hill or... I don't know, pee standing up? I have no idea, go somewhere, do something, be in charge of something, be able to have some kind of power in some kind of way. I don't know what I was talking about that she would react to me that way. And I know it didn't come out of nowhere. She didn't just walk up to me and say "Sit down, I have news... it's a man's world." No, it was a reaction. It was a reaction. It was a way of getting me pacified, calm down and quieter. And yet it was an edge of "You might as well get used to it." Yeah?
So what difference does it make now? Here I've been alive on this earth for many decades. And what difference has it made to have to sort of, sit back and maybe except just like I have to accept the weather? That the systems, the organizations, the loss, the considerations, the writings, the history, the documentation of things... The first thought, the language, the premise of who you're talking to... is based on masculine. It's based on male. Right? Every song I sang in church was to a he and in many, if not most churches, it's the same. Every history book was written from a man's perspective. Every bit of government was run by men. Men were allowed to do things that women were absolutely not allowed to do in my lifetime and still are. So this was to be something that in order not to lose my mind with frustration. I was to accept, says my mom, you might as well get used to it. So that is to be resigned to the status quo. You know, I think anybody anytime who tells us something that limits us in any way... doesn't allow us to kind of come into the fullness of who we're to be on this planet... is doing a wrong. I think it's doing it wrong. And the thing is, I don't think it's just doing a wrong too. The person that is happening too, it's doing a wrong to the whole right. If this, 51 % of the population does not have a steak, a say, a hand in a power toward the earth the world, right? It's a man's world. Don't we all get limited? Don't we all suffer? I think that while it offers, you know, privileges to men, I think it's just a terrible tragedy to men. I know in my own home, if I feel like something is all about me and all on me, especially as I was raising children. Like, you know, no one else could possibly offer any ideas or use their talents, or you know, be a true partner, it hurt me. And it kind of surprises me in this man's world, that many who adhere to that kind of concept in a not, not a resigned way, but like a "Yes, and that is how it should be." I'm always kind of surprised at that, that that they don't feel the pain or the loss of allowing others to be fully... represented and full equal with them and not living in a world that is biased or turned only to them even on a small scale like a family or a workplace.
And I wonder about you, what were you taught growing up whether you were male, female, non binary? What what were the messages that you received about the world you lived in, whose world was it? Was it a man's world? Was it your world? Were you taught to accept things just the way they were? Or were you allowed to question them, and maybe even place them aside and move forward? Get off of the ladder. That's what Sonya Renee Taylor talks about getting off that ladder, of white male supremacy so that you're not even playing the game on that board anymore. I just mixed metaphors, ladders and boards. You know what I mean? If you stay in that system, fighting that system, you are still in the system.
So maybe take it down to a personal level today? What world do you want to live in? How do you want to be in this world? What do you know is true for you? And does it require standing up? Does it require courage or maybe acceptance? I have to accept the rain today and I'm happy to do. So It feels lovely, but...I don't have to... extend the grimace of resignation when things are wrong. When things are unfair or slanted or hurtful. They don't have to extend that resignation of hopelessness to my children and my grandchildren. I hope I can let them know that all of who they are... is available to them in this very world right now. Let me know what you think. I would really love to open the conversation and hear from you. You can drop me a DM or you can put a comment in and let me know, what do you think? Is it a man's world? Even if you're a man, I hope you'll be well, thanks for listening. I want to remind you that if you love seriously yourself and you'd like more seriously yourself. The membership is also open. You can find it at ingridyhelanderlmft.com or in the show notes. Take good care of yourselves. I'll see you soon. Bye.
Thank you for joining me for this episode of Seriouslyourself. To help treat yourself well each week, go ahead and subscribe to Seriouslyourself wherever you listen to podcasts, and please share this link with anyone you love who might be seeking a little more truth and delight in their lives.
It's a very rainy, dreary, drizzly day here in New England...in the northeast of the United States. It's springtime, and we get a lot of that here. So I'm kind of just feeling cozy and comfortable and happy to be in my warm house, and happy to be here with you.
I thought it would be interesting today, as I was thinking cozy thoughts, I got thinking about being little, being a kid and you know, some of the things that happened or I learned about as a child. And one of the things that's been coming up for me lately, and I'm not really sure why, but I figured, hey, if it's coming up for me, maybe it's coming up for you?...Are things that my mom taught me. Maybe not so intentionally, but through little comments or facial expressions or quips that she had. I mean, one of the things I definitely remember was her frequently saying, you know, "Who do you think I am superman?" That must have been popular at the time because my husband too, reports that his mom would ask if he thought she was superman. But what I'm thinking of today... is that I don't know how many times it happened... Maybe a handful, I have no idea honestly, but my mom on occasion would make sure to tell me... that...
Well, let me say it this way. I'll say it like she used to say it, "Ingrid, It's a man's world and you might as well get that right now".. phew... "Ingrid, it's a man's world and you might as well get that right now." And lately I've been kind of breaking that down a bit. Trying to hear what was in that for her? What did it come out meaning to me? What have I made of it? What difference has that made in some ways?
It feels like she delivered it in the same way that you would say to a kid who was sulking because they could not or didn't want to go out and play on a rainy day. Just like I'm experiencing today. And in some ways it's like she was saying, "well you can't do anything about the weather", and of course she said that a lot too, "well you can't do anything about the weather." So when there are things you cannot control, don't let it trouble you, really is what she would say about the weather. When there are things that are beyond you that you really can't do a darn thing about there's no sense in being upset about them, or perhaps in bothering your mom about them, or whining to her, right? Did your kid ever whine to you about stuff that you know, you couldn't do anything about it? "I don't want to ever go to school." Well, sorry, guess what? So this statement... this..."It's a man's world Ingrid. You might as well get used to." It was delivered I think with some of that kind of energy, you know, why make yourself miserable over a fact Jack? If she were superman, I suppose she could have fixed that. But she taught us very clearly that, that was not the case.
As I remember, you know, there was another tone in her voice that was very different though. There was a very different sound between "it's a man's world Ingrid" and "there's nothing you can do about the weather." And as a kid, I was really able to pick up that tone. I know I was and I think most kids are able to be pretty great detectors of the tone and the energy and the feelings behind the voices that come out of their parents mouth or their caretakers. And so there was an edge. There was a little edge to that tone, different than it is as if she was talking about the weather, an edge of frustration, of a sense of a wrongness maybe...you might as well get used to it... as if the rest of the sentence was...as I've also had to get used to it. And that edge kind of makes me sad. It makes me sad to feel like my mom had to pass on this word of caution or... resignation to me. Really how sad to have to resign to something that maybe bigger parts of you or even a logical piece of you says, well that's just not right... right. How much of our population is made up of women? I think it's like 51%. Yeah? And yet someone raising a child in the United States would say to their kids, well, "it's a man's world", and who is this man? What about being a man? Made it the man's world.
I mean, my dad certainly didn't run the world, although maybe he did run our home a bit. I think people always thought my mom did because she had a pretty...direct way, a pretty big personality. She could state her mind. I don't think it was really until I was in my twenties, that I actually realized she check, check, check, checked with dad. She kind of ran everything through that and she would try to change maybe how he would think about things sometimes in really hilarious ways. But I think ultimately it was her sense that it was, yes, a partnership, but one where he had a lot of say...and maybe that was fine, you know, it was certainly, I wasn't unhappy there.
But back to the being a man's world, what is she trying to say to me? I mean, I probably wanted to do something that maybe my brother had been allowed to do when he was my age, you know, go sleep out on the hill or... I don't know, pee standing up? I have no idea, go somewhere, do something, be in charge of something, be able to have some kind of power in some kind of way. I don't know what I was talking about that she would react to me that way. And I know it didn't come out of nowhere. She didn't just walk up to me and say "Sit down, I have news... it's a man's world." No, it was a reaction. It was a reaction. It was a way of getting me pacified, calm down and quieter. And yet it was an edge of "You might as well get used to it." Yeah?
So what difference does it make now? Here I've been alive on this earth for many decades. And what difference has it made to have to sort of, sit back and maybe except just like I have to accept the weather? That the systems, the organizations, the loss, the considerations, the writings, the history, the documentation of things... The first thought, the language, the premise of who you're talking to... is based on masculine. It's based on male. Right? Every song I sang in church was to a he and in many, if not most churches, it's the same. Every history book was written from a man's perspective. Every bit of government was run by men. Men were allowed to do things that women were absolutely not allowed to do in my lifetime and still are. So this was to be something that in order not to lose my mind with frustration. I was to accept, says my mom, you might as well get used to it. So that is to be resigned to the status quo. You know, I think anybody anytime who tells us something that limits us in any way... doesn't allow us to kind of come into the fullness of who we're to be on this planet... is doing a wrong. I think it's doing it wrong. And the thing is, I don't think it's just doing a wrong too. The person that is happening too, it's doing a wrong to the whole right. If this, 51 % of the population does not have a steak, a say, a hand in a power toward the earth the world, right? It's a man's world. Don't we all get limited? Don't we all suffer? I think that while it offers, you know, privileges to men, I think it's just a terrible tragedy to men. I know in my own home, if I feel like something is all about me and all on me, especially as I was raising children. Like, you know, no one else could possibly offer any ideas or use their talents, or you know, be a true partner, it hurt me. And it kind of surprises me in this man's world, that many who adhere to that kind of concept in a not, not a resigned way, but like a "Yes, and that is how it should be." I'm always kind of surprised at that, that that they don't feel the pain or the loss of allowing others to be fully... represented and full equal with them and not living in a world that is biased or turned only to them even on a small scale like a family or a workplace.
And I wonder about you, what were you taught growing up whether you were male, female, non binary? What what were the messages that you received about the world you lived in, whose world was it? Was it a man's world? Was it your world? Were you taught to accept things just the way they were? Or were you allowed to question them, and maybe even place them aside and move forward? Get off of the ladder. That's what Sonya Renee Taylor talks about getting off that ladder, of white male supremacy so that you're not even playing the game on that board anymore. I just mixed metaphors, ladders and boards. You know what I mean? If you stay in that system, fighting that system, you are still in the system.
So maybe take it down to a personal level today? What world do you want to live in? How do you want to be in this world? What do you know is true for you? And does it require standing up? Does it require courage or maybe acceptance? I have to accept the rain today and I'm happy to do. So It feels lovely, but...I don't have to... extend the grimace of resignation when things are wrong. When things are unfair or slanted or hurtful. They don't have to extend that resignation of hopelessness to my children and my grandchildren. I hope I can let them know that all of who they are... is available to them in this very world right now. Let me know what you think. I would really love to open the conversation and hear from you. You can drop me a DM or you can put a comment in and let me know, what do you think? Is it a man's world? Even if you're a man, I hope you'll be well, thanks for listening. I want to remind you that if you love seriously yourself and you'd like more seriously yourself. The membership is also open. You can find it at ingridyhelanderlmft.com or in the show notes. Take good care of yourselves. I'll see you soon. Bye.
Thank you for joining me for this episode of Seriouslyourself. To help treat yourself well each week, go ahead and subscribe to Seriouslyourself wherever you listen to podcasts, and please share this link with anyone you love who might be seeking a little more truth and delight in their lives.
If you just can't get enough and you'd like even more goodness, you can become a part of Seriouslyourself, The Membership Community. You'll receive a monthly magazine, personal gatherings and cool little treats delivered right to your mailbox. Find out more about that on my website: https://ingridyhelanderlmft.com/seriouslyourself-the-membership/.
And thanks to those who make Seriouslyourself special: our wonderful music is Midsummer from the album Flood by the fabulous Joel Helander. Seriouslyourself is produced by Particulate Media, K.O. Myers, Executive Producer. The ideas and inspirations come from beautiful humans like you, that I feel lucky to know. And I'm Ingrid Helander. Take good care of yourself. See you next time.