Tiny, Panicky Parts
September 29, 2022
Sometimes, small parts of us rebel when we're trying to embrace the positive. What are those parts trying to tell us? Sometimes when we feel two polarizing truths (happiness & depression/panic) we can feel inauthentic. In this podcast, we learn how to fully feel our positive moments without avoiding the voice of anxiety that can knock on the door when we are feeling good.
Hi there, come on in. This is Seriously Yourself, the podcast and I'm Ingrid Helander.
Hey there, hello, come on in, I'm excited that you're here with me today and I think I have a really helpful and interesting topic for you because I'm hearing about it a lot, I'm feeling it, and I think there are lots of people who right now are experiencing sort of resurgence of life, a verb, um a happiness to be social and to be part of community. Yay, yay, it feels so, so good. And I also think that for many of us, especially those who tend to have some worries there is this simultaneous sensation that happens just behind the scenes. I would say kind of just behind my shoulder, right, so let me describe what I'm talking about. Today, we're talking about that tiny little panic that we might be experiencing about different things at different times, but it comes up often. So if you have any sensations inside you that sometimes get very concerned about your life, about the world, about the way things are, then stay tuned because this podcast is really for you with great affection.
So I realized this the other day when I was um with a group of colleagues in zoom call and we were talking about life just doing a check in. And I realized that as I would mention things in my life that felt good or optimistic or healthy or happy or for which I had gratitude, I would get almost within seconds, maybe even simultaneously a voice inside that would have a counterpoint and and the voice was a little panicky. No, I am not, I do not hear others voices. I just want to say that these are parts of me, right? I think we can all experience that there's parts of you that are like yeah, go and do this thing and then you'll hear or experience or sense in your body pretty quickly. I don't want to write or I don't feel like it, that's an example of this kind of thing. So it's a very subtle internal dialogue if you will and it's good to get used to noticing this several internal dialogue and I'll tell you why in a minute.
So I would say something like, well you know, my family is all healthy and well and I would feel that and then I might hear and I worry about them right, okay and things are good in general, we like where we live and then I might hear though, we often are concerned or I am concerned about climate change and its impacts and you know, losing species of plant and healthy living on the planet. I do worry about that. And then I might feel something like you know, day to day things are generally calm and then this little tiny panicky part would come up with something like you know, except for the fact that many groups, even within my own community are terribly polarized right now and there are elections coming up and I fear what it will be like. Or I think yay the kids are in elementary school and daycare, they get to go back again. And then I hear the tiny panicky parts say though I'm very aware that schools are often not safe places for our children and this is how it goes.
You know, this awareness when I'm really paying attention of the up and down, like this balancing factor inside me that feels quite concerned to the point where I can feel actually kind of like panic and if I'm not aware of it, right? And you might be noticing you do this. I know a lot of my clients and a lot of people I talk to say, yeah, that's that phenomenon that says, you know, I feel like we're all dancing and living it up on the deck of the titanic, right? Or we're all arguing about which political leader we like best while all being in the same concentration camp, for example, you know, those little kind of memes and jokes and stories and I think this is why this happens, right. That there are parts of us that want us to make sure that we know well, you know, things might be fine for you and "I" meaning this little tiny panicky part, am still kind of concerned about this now before I would take the time and feel, recognize, own, allow, some attention to go to this tiny panicky part and often people don't want attention to be directed toward their tiny panicky parts because they fear that they will take over, right. And then they may have full blown panic, right, start thinking about all of those negative things and they scare you and if you don't have any perspective with this part of you inside, you don't have a relationship with it, it truly can sort of come up and all of a sudden you realize you're breathing heavier, your heart's pounding more and you go into seriously a panic attack.
So obviously if you have those kinds of feelings, you might want to get a little help with this and you can, you really can, but I would say if you just notice these little tiny panicky parts, these little tiny inner sensations that want your attention, it can help. For me, when I didn't realize that I sort of had more than one perspective going on inside me simultaneously, here's what would happen. I would say something like um yeah things are good, but I wouldn't feel congruent inside me or I would say, you know, we're really happy living where we are, but I wouldn't notice that there was maybe another little happening inside another little message coming to me from my psyche, from my personality, whatever you wanna call it. And so I would be like that's kind of annoying whenever I say good things, I feel nervous or stressed, right? Or like I'm not being authentic, I don't like that feeling. And so this whole inner shame system would kind of come up for me like yeah, you're not very appreciative. You know, you talk like you are happy about stuff and indeed I am, but you don't feel it all the way inside. Therefore you must not really appreciate what's going on for you. Makes sense or you're quite the pessimist, aren't you? Even though you're saying things that should sound happy, you're having a negative view of them, aren't you? And I'd be like, gosh, maybe I am. You see when we have to look at ourselves as I am as a whole, either being all this way or all that way, then we get very confused inside and we often will feel very negative about ourselves, right? I was a pessimist. I was neurotic, I was un appreciative. I wasn't grateful for all of these things that I was saying or noticing that we're good in life. When I had these other little things inside telling me things aren't all that perfect.
So I wonder about you, do you have a running tally inside or maybe you do and you've learned to really push it away. I would say this is not necessarily in your best interest to just simply say, oh yeah, there's a part of me that could get really worried about that, but I'm choosing to ignore it completely, why do I say that's a bad idea. I'll tell you, when we choose to ignore parts of us that are deeply concerned about things, whether they're connected to our past, when we are children or teens or young adults or whatever. Whether they're connected to just sensations that carry concern. If we ignore them, they tend to get louder just as if you ignore a child, it tends to get louder, right? Mommy, you ignore mommy, you ignore mommy! Mommy! Mommy, right? It's gonna really come at you.
And sometimes these worried parts come at us when we're trying to sleep or when we don't expect it or when we're under stress, right? And then we literally do have perhaps a full blown panic attack or what feels more like a crisis. And it needn't be that way. If we've taken the smaller moments to notice. Oh yes, I in fact am happy about my family being healthy and at the same moment there are parts of me that want me to remember that there are things that are important to me to carry concern about that impacts my family's world.
When I listen to it that way, I can get some clarity. I can create some space inside. Does that make sense? I can take this deep breath and I go, well for sure, that makes sense, right? And I don't have to shut down any information. I don't have to ignore that the crisis of the climate is important to me. I don't have to ignore that. Political concerns matter to me. I don't have to ignore that while my life and my family's life feels safe and sound, I carry a deep concern about the lives of others that don't feel safe and sound. I don't have to ignore those things just to be quote unquote, authentically pleasant, happy upbeat. I can take those into deep consideration and I can be more effective about those things, right? When I'm not either panicking from them or ignoring them completely, I can have an impact. I can do something to impact the political system or the environment or others lives around me that I care about without denying that many, many, many, many if not all really, most things in my life feel really great. I don't have to succumb to messages of like, wow, you know, life is good. And then I have this little voice in the back that says and it's really hard for me and many of us to make it financially these days. That's very difficult. It feels like a setup like we just can't win. Okay, both of those things can be true. I don't have to rule either out and I don't have to feel all caught up in my tiny panicky part. Nor do I have to ignore because it is real. That part cares deeply about my life and the wellness and safety of others lives too and it wants me to know that. So when I take a minute, I take a breath and I let it know I hear you, I hear you Yeah, and that is a different experience than the good one I'm having when I think about how well things are, when I celebrate wellness, when I celebrate health, when I celebrate having enough to eat, when I celebrate fun times and all of this rejoining and getting together in community again, which we so love and we so need.
I hope that's helpful for you. If you have any tiny panicky parts, go ahead and let me know, I'm interested to hear your questions and if you want to go a little deeper and if you'd really like to go deeper, I would recommend highly my community Seriously Yourself. It is a place where you can share, you can get more of these kind of offerings every month in print, in live coaching calls and you get some sweet tender, wonderful gifts in the mail just for you, take good care of yourself and all those tiny panicky parts and celebrate what you know is good in your life today. Thanks for being with me. I'll talk with you soon, bye.
Thank you for joining me for this episode of Seriouslyourself. To help treat yourself well each week, go ahead and subscribe to Seriouslyourself wherever you listen to podcasts, and please share this link with anyone you love who might be seeking a little more truth and delight in their lives.
Hey there, hello, come on in, I'm excited that you're here with me today and I think I have a really helpful and interesting topic for you because I'm hearing about it a lot, I'm feeling it, and I think there are lots of people who right now are experiencing sort of resurgence of life, a verb, um a happiness to be social and to be part of community. Yay, yay, it feels so, so good. And I also think that for many of us, especially those who tend to have some worries there is this simultaneous sensation that happens just behind the scenes. I would say kind of just behind my shoulder, right, so let me describe what I'm talking about. Today, we're talking about that tiny little panic that we might be experiencing about different things at different times, but it comes up often. So if you have any sensations inside you that sometimes get very concerned about your life, about the world, about the way things are, then stay tuned because this podcast is really for you with great affection.
So I realized this the other day when I was um with a group of colleagues in zoom call and we were talking about life just doing a check in. And I realized that as I would mention things in my life that felt good or optimistic or healthy or happy or for which I had gratitude, I would get almost within seconds, maybe even simultaneously a voice inside that would have a counterpoint and and the voice was a little panicky. No, I am not, I do not hear others voices. I just want to say that these are parts of me, right? I think we can all experience that there's parts of you that are like yeah, go and do this thing and then you'll hear or experience or sense in your body pretty quickly. I don't want to write or I don't feel like it, that's an example of this kind of thing. So it's a very subtle internal dialogue if you will and it's good to get used to noticing this several internal dialogue and I'll tell you why in a minute.
So I would say something like, well you know, my family is all healthy and well and I would feel that and then I might hear and I worry about them right, okay and things are good in general, we like where we live and then I might hear though, we often are concerned or I am concerned about climate change and its impacts and you know, losing species of plant and healthy living on the planet. I do worry about that. And then I might feel something like you know, day to day things are generally calm and then this little tiny panicky part would come up with something like you know, except for the fact that many groups, even within my own community are terribly polarized right now and there are elections coming up and I fear what it will be like. Or I think yay the kids are in elementary school and daycare, they get to go back again. And then I hear the tiny panicky parts say though I'm very aware that schools are often not safe places for our children and this is how it goes.
You know, this awareness when I'm really paying attention of the up and down, like this balancing factor inside me that feels quite concerned to the point where I can feel actually kind of like panic and if I'm not aware of it, right? And you might be noticing you do this. I know a lot of my clients and a lot of people I talk to say, yeah, that's that phenomenon that says, you know, I feel like we're all dancing and living it up on the deck of the titanic, right? Or we're all arguing about which political leader we like best while all being in the same concentration camp, for example, you know, those little kind of memes and jokes and stories and I think this is why this happens, right. That there are parts of us that want us to make sure that we know well, you know, things might be fine for you and "I" meaning this little tiny panicky part, am still kind of concerned about this now before I would take the time and feel, recognize, own, allow, some attention to go to this tiny panicky part and often people don't want attention to be directed toward their tiny panicky parts because they fear that they will take over, right. And then they may have full blown panic, right, start thinking about all of those negative things and they scare you and if you don't have any perspective with this part of you inside, you don't have a relationship with it, it truly can sort of come up and all of a sudden you realize you're breathing heavier, your heart's pounding more and you go into seriously a panic attack.
So obviously if you have those kinds of feelings, you might want to get a little help with this and you can, you really can, but I would say if you just notice these little tiny panicky parts, these little tiny inner sensations that want your attention, it can help. For me, when I didn't realize that I sort of had more than one perspective going on inside me simultaneously, here's what would happen. I would say something like um yeah things are good, but I wouldn't feel congruent inside me or I would say, you know, we're really happy living where we are, but I wouldn't notice that there was maybe another little happening inside another little message coming to me from my psyche, from my personality, whatever you wanna call it. And so I would be like that's kind of annoying whenever I say good things, I feel nervous or stressed, right? Or like I'm not being authentic, I don't like that feeling. And so this whole inner shame system would kind of come up for me like yeah, you're not very appreciative. You know, you talk like you are happy about stuff and indeed I am, but you don't feel it all the way inside. Therefore you must not really appreciate what's going on for you. Makes sense or you're quite the pessimist, aren't you? Even though you're saying things that should sound happy, you're having a negative view of them, aren't you? And I'd be like, gosh, maybe I am. You see when we have to look at ourselves as I am as a whole, either being all this way or all that way, then we get very confused inside and we often will feel very negative about ourselves, right? I was a pessimist. I was neurotic, I was un appreciative. I wasn't grateful for all of these things that I was saying or noticing that we're good in life. When I had these other little things inside telling me things aren't all that perfect.
So I wonder about you, do you have a running tally inside or maybe you do and you've learned to really push it away. I would say this is not necessarily in your best interest to just simply say, oh yeah, there's a part of me that could get really worried about that, but I'm choosing to ignore it completely, why do I say that's a bad idea. I'll tell you, when we choose to ignore parts of us that are deeply concerned about things, whether they're connected to our past, when we are children or teens or young adults or whatever. Whether they're connected to just sensations that carry concern. If we ignore them, they tend to get louder just as if you ignore a child, it tends to get louder, right? Mommy, you ignore mommy, you ignore mommy! Mommy! Mommy, right? It's gonna really come at you.
And sometimes these worried parts come at us when we're trying to sleep or when we don't expect it or when we're under stress, right? And then we literally do have perhaps a full blown panic attack or what feels more like a crisis. And it needn't be that way. If we've taken the smaller moments to notice. Oh yes, I in fact am happy about my family being healthy and at the same moment there are parts of me that want me to remember that there are things that are important to me to carry concern about that impacts my family's world.
When I listen to it that way, I can get some clarity. I can create some space inside. Does that make sense? I can take this deep breath and I go, well for sure, that makes sense, right? And I don't have to shut down any information. I don't have to ignore that the crisis of the climate is important to me. I don't have to ignore that. Political concerns matter to me. I don't have to ignore that while my life and my family's life feels safe and sound, I carry a deep concern about the lives of others that don't feel safe and sound. I don't have to ignore those things just to be quote unquote, authentically pleasant, happy upbeat. I can take those into deep consideration and I can be more effective about those things, right? When I'm not either panicking from them or ignoring them completely, I can have an impact. I can do something to impact the political system or the environment or others lives around me that I care about without denying that many, many, many, many if not all really, most things in my life feel really great. I don't have to succumb to messages of like, wow, you know, life is good. And then I have this little voice in the back that says and it's really hard for me and many of us to make it financially these days. That's very difficult. It feels like a setup like we just can't win. Okay, both of those things can be true. I don't have to rule either out and I don't have to feel all caught up in my tiny panicky part. Nor do I have to ignore because it is real. That part cares deeply about my life and the wellness and safety of others lives too and it wants me to know that. So when I take a minute, I take a breath and I let it know I hear you, I hear you Yeah, and that is a different experience than the good one I'm having when I think about how well things are, when I celebrate wellness, when I celebrate health, when I celebrate having enough to eat, when I celebrate fun times and all of this rejoining and getting together in community again, which we so love and we so need.
I hope that's helpful for you. If you have any tiny panicky parts, go ahead and let me know, I'm interested to hear your questions and if you want to go a little deeper and if you'd really like to go deeper, I would recommend highly my community Seriously Yourself. It is a place where you can share, you can get more of these kind of offerings every month in print, in live coaching calls and you get some sweet tender, wonderful gifts in the mail just for you, take good care of yourself and all those tiny panicky parts and celebrate what you know is good in your life today. Thanks for being with me. I'll talk with you soon, bye.
Thank you for joining me for this episode of Seriouslyourself. To help treat yourself well each week, go ahead and subscribe to Seriouslyourself wherever you listen to podcasts, and please share this link with anyone you love who might be seeking a little more truth and delight in their lives.
If you just can't get enough and you'd like even more goodness, you can become a part of Seriouslyourself, The Membership Community. You'll receive a monthly magazine, personal gatherings and cool little treats delivered right to your mailbox. Find out more about that on my website: https://ingridyhelanderlmft.com/seriouslyourself-the-membership/.
And thanks to those who make Seriouslyourself special: our wonderful music is Midsummer from the album Flood by the fabulous Joel Helander. Seriouslyourself is produced by Particulate Media, K.O. Myers, Executive Producer. The ideas and inspirations come from beautiful humans like you, that I feel lucky to know. And I'm Ingrid Helander. Take good care of yourself. See you next time.