The Mind, Body & Relationship Maze
A podcast exploring all areas to do with improving your mind, body and relationship. We are interested in personal development, physical and mental health as well as creating fulfilling relationships. Having a rounded life means growing in all these areas. And that's what this podcast is all about.
Successful relationships during the pandemic
November 29, 2020 • 28 MIN
In this episode we're talking about how to improve relationships during the pandemic, both for people in relationships and also for single people wanting to date. If you're stuck at home with your partner for weeks, it often leads to conflict. We're talking about ways to help you deal with that conflict and save your relationship. We also talk about how social restrictions could actually be a way that could help you find a fulfilling long term relationship if you are currently single.
How learning about attachment styles can help you understand your relationship
December 6, 2020 • 25 MIN
In this episode we're going to be talking about attachment styles. Your attachment style can have a huge impact in your finding and creating a great relationship. It also determines whether you're going to be happy in your long term relationship. Understanding your relationship style and another person's style will help you find better relationships and also help you improve your existing relationships. So tune in to find out about this really important topic.
Interview with Derek Clark - how teaching riders to develop better relationships with horses can improve your relationships
December 13, 2020 • 31 MIN
In this episode I'm talking to Derek Clark, one of the founders of the Holistic Equitation Centre and creator of the Schooling Made Simple online coaching programme. In this fascinating discussion, you'll learn about how change and amazing relationships really come from developing a deep level of understanding and empathy. Derek Clark has been helping people achieve their dreams in sport and in business for nearly 40 years. After enjoying success in rowing at school and university, he became one of the first professional rowing coaches in the UK and helped his athletes achieve success at all levels - from complete beginners to world champions. In 1996 he was a coach of the Swiss Rowing Team that won 2 gold medals at the Olympic Games in Atlanta. Then, as ‘Technical Consultant' to the Oxford University Boat Club he helped them turn a 7-year losing streak into 7 wins from the next 10 years in the annual Boat Race against Cambridge. Derek also has a strong entrepreneurial and business background. He has run his own businesses for over 20 years and delivered coaching and training in leadership and communication skills to managers and directors of some of the UK’s best known companies. Just over 20 years ago, Derek discovered a whole new angle on life when his wife Jo (who was also a rowing finalist at the Olympic Games in Seoul in 1988) bought her own horse for the very first time. But the dream quickly turned into a nightmare when they discovered her new ‘dream’ horse, Perry, was actually a very unhappy, frightened and dangerous creature who hated anything at all to do with humans. Convinced that he must have been drugged when she had tried him out, Jo was unwilling to resell Perry or have him put to sleep and so, while Derek was learning all about horses for the first time, she had to let go of everything she thought she 'knew’ from a lifetime of riding because her own horse told her it all stank and there was no way he was going to put up with it! Fortunately, Derek and Jo’s search for a better way uncovered some almost forgotten, centuries-old knowledge and wisdom that has been kept alive in the modern day only by a handful of teachers. After immersing themselves in years of study, they learned how a different approach can enable any caring rider to develop a deep relationship of trust with even very sensitive or ‘difficult' horses, while at the same time being able to train and educate them to a high level. Since Perry’s turnaround, they've been inundated with requests for help from people who care what their horses think about life. They’ve spent the last 15 years showing other people how to make riding and training their own horses more productive, more effective and more fun for both parties.
Stop the fighting - dealing with relationship conflict
December 20, 2020 • 26 MIN
In this episode we're going to be talking about how to deal with arguments and conflict in relationships. In particular, over the last few months there have been even more strains on relationships. The majority of relationships don't last and a huge part of this is because people don't know how to deal with conflict. Learning how to deal with conflict is crucial to build long term and fulfilling relationships.
How hope can help you and your relationships when things seem challenging
December 27, 2020 • 34 MIN
Have you ever felt like you've tried everything and nothing seems to work? Maybe if you are single, you've been on dozens of dates or spent years looking for the relationship you know you deserve, but still haven't found it. Or maybe you've been arguing with your partner for months and it feels like it is never going to get better? In this episode we're talking about hope. Hope is essential to help motivate you and give you energy to keep going at those times when things are challenging. In the darkest hours, hope gives us the mindset and emotional resources to keep going until we find a solution. Hope provides us with agency and pathways: it enables us to have the will and determination to achieve a goal and to find ways to get there. Over years of working with clients, one of the most important factors that prevents someone from falling into helplessness is hope. So in this episode, we're going to explore what hope is and how to find it.
Achieve your dreams through finding your inner compass - interview with Floyd Woodrow
January 3, 2021 • 33 MIN
Have you ever dreamed of things you'd like to achieve in life, but never took action on them? We all are full of potential and capable of so much more than most of us ever fulfil. So what stops so many of us from achieving that potential? In this episode I am talking with Floyd Woodrow. Floyd has spent his career achieving at the highest possible level and has developed a unique approach to helping people achieve their potential. Having served in the SAS for more than 20 years, Floyd Woodrow MBE DCM has achieved at the very highest levels. Inspiring his men in the most demanding of situations, he drove his team to success, ultimately being awarded the UK's second-highest award for gallantry, the Distinguished Conduct Medal. Floyd Woodrow is Managing Director and founder of Chrysalis Worldwide, a world leading values-based organisation, and owner of Quantum Group, recently winning an innovation award for 2018 in the Fintech sector. Floyd has an excellent track record of success as a Military Leader, Director, Non-Executive Director, Consultant and Negotiator. Floyd is challenging, supportive and totally committed to developing elite teams and individuals as well as offering practical and commercial value in strategic planning and execution. Floyd has established an international reputation for designing and running leadership and elite performance training in sports, business, government, police, not for profit organisations and education.
How projection can make or break your relationships
January 10, 2021 • 26 MIN
Have you ever felt blamed for something you didn't do? Maybe even when you know the person blaming you is the one who behaves in that way? Or have you ever been attracted to the 'wrong' type of people? If so, it could be influenced by projection. Projection is where we attribute our unwanted thoughts, feelings, motives and desires onto other people. Some signs we may be projecting are when we feel overly hurt or defensive about something someone has said or done. Or when we allow someone to push our buttons in ways that don't happen with other people. We can also project positive qualities onto other people that may not be there, and lead us getting into relationships that aren't good for us. In this episode, we're going to talk about projection and some of the things you can do to become aware of it and positively influence your relationships.
How to transform your mind through body awareness
January 17, 2021 • 49 MIN
In this podcast I'm talking to Thomas Kampe, Professor of Somatic Performance and Education. Thomas was born in Germany and moved to the UK in his twenties. Thomas has worked as a performing artist, researcher and educator across the globe. He has worked with a number of well known choreographers, dancers, play writers and artists. In this interview you will witness Thomas' passion for and commitment to his work: he loves witnessing change in the participants he works with. For example, students learn how a focus on small movements helps us to tune in better to what we are experiencing internally. Thomas is a qualified teacher of the Feldenkrais method which informs his work greatly. Students learn to go through a sequence of movements that they repeat and explore, gaining insight into internal sensations. Shifts can be achieved by moving differently. Moving differently in turn will impact not only on physical sensations but also on a person's thinking and feeling. In this work Thomas has witnessed his students becoming more self-aware and confident, moving differently through the world. This podcast will help you learn more about the body and mind connection. There is room for all of us to pay more attention to our bodies and the kind of repetitive movements that are not serving us well.
Anxiety and how to manage it
January 24, 2021 • 27 MIN
We all experience anxiety at times for a number of reasons, for example because of stress at work, concerns about our health or worries about our friendships or relationships. Currently, anxiety levels generally are very high because of COVID-19 concerns. We experience anxiety when we feel that we are under threat and when we are dealing with uncertainty. Anxiety leads to challenges in relationships and vice versa. If you feel worried about your partner this will impact the relationship; if the relationship throws up difficulties, you may start to feel anxious. Generally speaking, you are more likely to experience anxiety if you have an insecure attachment style and interpret other people’s intentions or behaviour in a way that is not favourable towards you. In this podcast we talk about the biological reasons for feeling anxious sometimes as well as the different forms that anxiety can take. When anxiety gets out of hand it can manifest as Generalised Anxiety, Health Anxiety, Social Anxiety, Panic Attacks, OCD or PTSD. We experience anxiety in our bodies and in our thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Managing anxiety is crucial: we will talk you through one exercise that you can do to calm your body and your mind. Working effectively with anxiety entails a focus on relaxing your body, challenging your thoughts and addressing the underlying causes to change your behaviour.
Toxic Relationships - interview with Sarah K Ramsey
January 31, 2021 • 26 MIN
In this episode I'm talking with Sarah K Ramsey. Sarah K Ramsey is a Toxic Relationship Specialist, Life Coach and NLP Master Practitioner who helps amazing women remember how amazing they are after enduring the pain of a toxic partner or parent. She works with women who have experienced toxic relationships and who remain stuck in a cycle of pain and confusion transform their minds and lives by taking back their power, recreating a life they are excited about living and bringing renewed energy, clarity, and excellence into establishing careers and relationships they love. Her podcast Toxic Person Proof has been ranked in the top 5% of podcasts globally and was rated the best podcast for getting over your ex. Her work has been featured in the Emotional Abuse Recovery and Resilience Summit, Healing Narcissistic Trauma Conference, Medium, Thrive Global, The Elephant Journal and The Courageous Woman Summit. Contact Sarah at sarah@sarahkramsey.com or www.sarahkramsey.com/contact.
Loneliness and isolation
February 7, 2021 • 21 MIN
Loneliness can affect almost anyone. During the pandemic the experience of feeling lonely has become an even greater issue. More and more people report that they are struggling with feeling isolated. Loneliness has become a major source of emotional and mental health concern. We can experience loneliness when single and when we are in a relationship. You can have a large family but still find yourself feeling alone and disconnected from everybody. There are different degrees of loneliness. Some people feel lonely some of the time; others have a more profound and continuous experience of loneliness. If you experience profound loneliness there are good reasons for this. It helps to understand the underlying reasons for this experience and to consider how to overcome associated challenges. In this episode, we are going to explore loneliness and isolation. We will explore the experience of feeling lonely and explore some strategies that may help you on your way towards more connection.
Living with a narcissist? How to spot the signs and know what to do.
February 14, 2021 • 36 MIN
In today's episode I will be talking with Dr Mariette Jansen, author of 'From Victim to Victor - Narcissism Survival Guide'. Mariette trained as a psychotherapist and later on as a life coach focusing in particular on issues related to stress at the workplace or personal life. Mariette has had her own experience of having narcissists in her life: her mother is a narcissist and Mariette was in a relationship with a narcissist. She has written 'From Victim to Victor' from the perspective of surviving these relationships. If you have a narcissist in your life - be it a partner, parent, friend, work colleague - this podcast will help you to learn how they operate, how they impact on you and what strategies you can develop to move away from the narcissist. If you aren't sure whether a certain person in your life is a narcissist, stay tuned to find out whether they show signs of narcissism like grandiosity or not being able to handle criticism. Her best selling and award winning book 'From Victim to Victor' is available on Amazon.
Challenging times and how to deal with them
February 21, 2021 • 26 MIN
Everyone faces challenges at some point in their life. Recently with the pandemic, there have been more challenging times than ever. In this podcast are talking about permanence and pervasiveness: the idea that a challenging situation feels like it will never end and the idea that it colours all of your life. Often we may feel that we are helpless in the face of a challenge, we may feel that we have no control over our life. In the podcast we are also talking about projection: feeling worried or stressed with challenges often leads to passing on that stress and frustration to the person who is closest to us. Many relationships in the last year have been affected in this way; partners struggled with taking on the other's stress on top of their own. We explore how anger with the current situation plays out in relationships with our partners, colleagues and the public at large. There are times when it can feel like we don't have the strength we need to get through the current situation we face. However, everyone has resources within them that they often don't realise exist. Learning how to deal with challenges can help build your strength and resilience. In this podcast, we explore all of the above challenges and consider what you might be able to do to address them.
Relationship insights with the Eneagram
February 28, 2021 • 30 MIN
In this podcast I'm talking with Dr Henrie Lidiard, where we are talking about how the Eneagram can help you have deeper insight into your relationships. Henrie began her career as a research scientist, and has spent the last 20 years helping people improve their relationships at work through self-awareness and communication skills. She is a master trainer of NLP, an Enneagram trainer and is based in West Yorkshire where she lives with her partner of 26 years and a cat who adopted them during lockdown. In this podcast she is talking about the Enneagram, which is a powerful and profound model for understanding archetypal patterns in human nature. It is sometimes described as “A map of the human soul”.
How to use Transactional Analysis to communicate better
March 7, 2021 • 27 MIN
In this episode we will look at one of the most commonly used models of Transactional Analysis, the Parent/Adult/Child model. Transactional Analysis is a form of therapy that looks at the way that we talk to each other. At any given point in time we are in either in a Parent, Child or Adult state of mind that determines how we receive and respond to other people. When we are in a Parent state of mind our thoughts, feelings and behaviours are those that we learned from parental figures in our life, e.g. telling someone else what to do or not or looking after someone else. When we are in a Child state of mind we may be playful, compliant or throw a temper tantrum. In an Adult state we mediate between Parent and Child. Transactional Analysis helps us to examine which state we are in and to understand what happens when your partner is in a Parent state and you are in a Child state or vice versa. The insights that can be gained from these interactions are hugely helpful in understanding difficulties in our communication and how to address these.
Rebuild your career after having had a baby
March 14, 2021 • 31 MIN
In today's episode I will talk to Judith Plastow, counsellor, psychotherapist and coach. Judith had worked at as a senior manager at Sky and Yahoo in her previous career. In addition to working as a lecturer on the MSc Integrative Counselling and Coaching at the University of East London, Judith runs women's groups in companies where mothers returning to work can discuss the challenges that they face. Women frequently struggle with issues like low confidence and impostor syndrome. Returning to work after maternity leave brings up additional concerns for many mothers: guilt about leaving the baby behind, worries about being deskilled at work or juggling the demands of home and work. Judith discusses what it means to be 'good enough' in both roles and how to manage these multi-faceted demands. We start off the episode by looking at the recent challenges faced by parents whose children were at home during the Covid-19 pandemic lockdown and we are also discussing the impact of having a child has on fathers.
'I'm ok, you're ok' - the foundation of healthy relationships
March 21, 2021 • 29 MIN
Following on from episode 15 we explore further ideas from Transactional Analysis. In this episode you'll learn: - how to be more empowered in your relationship - how to help your partner feel more empowered - the drivers behind our behaviour - to understand why your partner behaves and communicates in the way they do Discover how transactional analysis can help you and your relationships in this episode.
Unfinished business - when you haven't said what needs saying
March 28, 2021 • 25 MIN
In this episode we will be talking about unfinished business. Is there something that you wish you had said to a friend/family member/partner or colleague? We will be talking about.... ...communication that has been left hanging. Frequently, we don't tell another person what we think or feel because of an underlying fear that the other person may not like what we say. Our unexpressed feelings or thoughts may stay with us for hours, days or sometimes even years. Why is it to difficult to say certain things to our partner? In relationships some partner struggle to say what needs saying. They may prefer to sulk. We explore the challenges that people face in expressing what they need to express and the impact it has on us in the short and long term.
Let's talk about sex: understanding your on and off switches
April 4, 2021 • 23 MIN
In this episode we're talking about some of the factors that influence the quality of your time in your bedroom (or wherever takes your fancy!) with your partner. In most relationships partners experience their level of sexual drive in different ways from each other. Relationships change over time; this includes the sexual dimension of your relationship. What starts off amazing can fade away and be an often unspoken source of dissatisfaction in relationships. Learning about the dual drives that determine arousal can help you improve your relationship in and out of the bedroom. Many couples struggle to have a dialogue about sexual issues in the relationship. Often this is related to feelings of shame, of low confidence, worries about not being 'good enough' or simply not knowing what language to use. Gaining an understanding of you 'turn ons' and 'turn offs' can help you gain more confidence in your own sexuality, help you communicate better with your partner which in turn creates closeness and mutuality. Do you know what gets you in the mood and receptive towards having sex with your partner? And do you know what gets in the way of your desire for sex?
mBraining - get more out of life by using your multiple brains
April 11, 2021 • 31 MIN
This week I'm talking with Reb Veale about mBraining - which is all about how to use your multiple brains to do cool stuff! Reb is an mBIT Trainer and Master Coach and NLP Master Trainer. She is also a coach supervisor, occupational psychologist and is psychotherapeutically-trained. Reb is also a Yiayia (which is Greek for Grandma), a gardener and maker of chutney. She has always been passionate about what makes people tick, what makes us different and what we share in common. This fascination is what led her down a wormhole in the internet back in early 2013 and how she came across the field of mBraining. Reb has so far trained and certified almost 300 mBIT coaches in nine countries in four continents and her personal mission is to bring mBraining to as many people as possible during her lifetime.
Have you been Kondo-ed? Dating terms and their deeeper meaning
April 18, 2021 • 28 MIN
You might be familiar with ghosting, but how about Kondo-ing? There's a bizarre world of terms used in dating now including dog-fish & being zombied! Today we're exploring some of these terms in a fun and lively episode. We're also looking a little deeper and exploring what drives people who are 'guilty' of these behaviours and how to cope if you are the innocent victim.
When you feel irritated with your partner
April 25, 2021 • 17 MIN
In this episode we talk about moments when you get annoyed or irritated with your partner. You may get irritated by a number of small behaviours that can over time build up to a more serious frustration with your partner. These irritations tend to arise at a later stage in the relationship, once the honeymoon is over. We talk about bringing these behaviours to your partner's attention in a way that feels ok for both of you and that can lead to behavioural change.
Approaches to addressing and treating depression
May 3, 2021 • 25 MIN
In this episode we're talking about depression. According to Word Health Organisation, depression is the most common illness worldwide: in 2017 264 million people were affected. In the UK 10% of the population will have had an experience of depression in their life time. Depression is characterised by persistent low mood, lack of motivation and a loss of interest in activities that are usually experienced as pleasurable. Depressive symptoms vary in their intensity depending on the severity of the depressive episode. Symptoms may include a lack of appetite, insomnia, morbid thoughts, feelings of hopelessness, restlessness, decreased energy, feelings of guilt or lack of concentration. We are talking about clinical depression if more than one of these symptoms are ticked and a person's life is impacted to such an extent that it interferes with their daily life. In the field of therapy there are different ways of thinking of depression and how best to work with it. Psychodynamic approaches focus more on understanding and addressing the underlying causes of depression due to adverse life experience whereas cognitive behavioural approaches are mainly concerned with addressing faulty thinking and behavioural changes necessary to bring about change. Humanistic approaches are mainly concerned with offering emotional support and looking at the obstacles that get in the way for lifting the depression. In this episode we discuss the different approaches to depression. Depending on how you think about depression - as a cause or as a symptom of more complex underlying difficulties - will depend what therapeutic approach may suit you best. If you are unsure you may want to consider a more integrative approach which would consider root causes of the depressive symptoms as well as look at cognitive and behavioural changes.
Building resilience - identify and utilise your strengths
May 9, 2021 • 21 MIN
In this episode we explore your inner strengths that get you through difficult times in life. Are you aware of the strategies that you employ to manage challenges? Most of the time you go through life managing obstacles without even thinking about it. Bringing these strategies into your awareness will enable you to creatively employ them in situations which are more demanding and stretching for you. These situations may include challenges at work, in your relationship or in other areas of your life. Developing more resilience will also enable you to cope better with your partner's distress or frustrations. In this podcast we discuss Padesky and Mooney's Four Step Strengths-Based cognitive behavioural model. The focus is on helping you discover the positive qualities you already have and to consciously apply your strengths in all areas of difficulty in your life.
Change your thoughts, transform your relationships
May 16, 2021 • 24 MIN
In this episode we explore the connection between thoughts, feelings, physical sensations and behaviour. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) has been useful at helping us identify how our interpretations of a particular event, rather than the event itself, determines how we feel about it. It is our reaction to situations that make them problematic, not the situation itself. Most of the time something happens to us and we assume that the thing that happens to us makes us feel sad, upset, angry etc. What we often fail to pay attention to is that we have an underlying belief or belief system that assesses a situation and comes up with an interpretation. These interpretations frequently don't serve us well. This is true in relationships where our partners says or does something that we interpret as disrespectful, annoying or hurtful. Subsequently we may fight back or sulk and lick our wounds. It is also true in dating scenarios where you may chose to interpret another person's lack of response as a lack of interest. Understanding our underlying beliefs gives us more control over the outcome of a situation that we find frustrating. We have a choice in being offended for example. Thoughts, feelings, physical sensations and behaviours are in constant interaction with each other. For example, I might think that nobody likes me. I then feel sad or angry. I notice a sinking feeling in my stomach. As a result, I may decide to stay at home in order to avoid feeling bad about myself. This is in turn will generate thoughts that I am not worthy of liking and so on and so forth. In a CBT model the idea is to break this cycle. You can start for example to change the behaviour by going out more often. This might make you feel a bit better about yourself and can positively influence thoughts and feelings.
Understanding yourself - the key to fulfilling relationships
May 24, 2021 • 19 MIN
'Know Thyself', this ancient saying encourages us to go in search of a deeper level of self-understanding - In today's episode we explore why knowing yourself matters in the context of relationships. Couples are often surprised that their partner 'changed' over time. One or two years down the line you may think that your partner is not the person you thought they would be. You may notice that they are not as patient, cuddly, understanding or present as you want them to be. The ideal partner from the honeymoon days seems to have disappeared. The disappointment with the partner frequently results in a mutual blame game. What many couples fail to acknowledge is their own perspective and their own expectations. It helps to know your own starting point. What are your thoughts about relationships? What do you expect from your partner? And how do you respond to disappointments? Your ideas about relationships have been formed over a long period of time, starting in your childhood. You would have learned how relationships work (or don't work) and you would have developed all sorts of ideas about other people and the world in general. There would have been some disappointments along the way and an unconscious desire to find the one person who can make everything alright for you. For example, if you struggle with low confidence you may wish for a partner who reassures you and makes you feel good about yourself. If you partner struggles to do this all the time, you may feel disappointed and over a long period of time you may get very frustrated. We often choose our partners (unconsciously) to heal old wounds from the past. We have expectations of our partner that may be realistic or may be completely impossible to meet. Bringing our wishes and expectations into our awareness can help us to articulate what it is that we need and enables us to review our expectations. Can your partner really over everything to you? Are there some expectations that may need reviewing? So, ask yourself, what you want and need from a relationship? How would you know that you are in the relationship that you need?
How to sleep like a child
May 31, 2021 • 27 MIN
Trouble with falling asleep or waking up in the middle of the night affects most of us at some point in our life. We talk about insomnia if you regularly have problems sleeping. In today's podcast we talk about the importance of sleep and how problems with sleeping impact on your life. For example chronic sleep problems can lead to weight gain, memory performance decrease, depression or anxiety. Sleep problems are caused by a number of different factors such as stress, excessive worry, bad habits, environmental factors or shift work. Want to sleep better and more regularly? Find out more about what you can do to develop healthy sleep patterns and to improve your sleep if you struggle with insomnia. We talk you through sleep hygiene and developing more sleep efficiency, that is improving the percentage of time asleep in bed. Ideally you would want to spend roughly 85% of your time in bed asleep rather than awake. Following the guidance on behaviour around sleep can really make a big difference. Are you aware for example that what you eat or drink can have a big impact on the quality of your sleep? There are drinks and food that can contribute to you sleeping better, and drinks that do the opposite. We also address some of the common myths about sleep such as needing eight hours of sleep at night.
Increase your self-esteem
June 6, 2021 • 28 MIN
In this episode we talk about self-esteem and building more confidence in yourself. The terms self-esteem and self-confidence are often used interchangeably but are slightly different. Low self-esteem manifest as having a generally negative opinion of yourself , talking negatively to yourself and judging or evaluating yourself negatively. Overall you struggle to see yourself in a positive light. We discuss how self-esteem manifests and impacts on a person who struggles with having a healthy self image. Generally speaking, if you have low self-esteem you tend to have a very strong inner critic, telling yourself that you are not doing well, not likeable or not doing as well as other people. The impact can be mild to quite devastating. It can lead to withdrawal, isolation, depression and anxiety or to excessive drug and alcohol use. We discuss the causes of low self-esteem, for example negative messaging in your family home, bullying at school or experiencing an abusive relationship as an adult. There are often a number of factors that contribute to developing low self-esteem. We briefly discuss ways of addressing low self-esteem, developing more compassion for yourself and having a healthier belief in yourself.
How to starve the anger gremlin
June 13, 2021 • 23 MIN
We all feel angry at times, frequently because we feel an injustice has been done or another person is being hurtful to us. Anger itself is a completely normal human emotion. As a fleeting feeling it is relatively harmless and unproblematic. However, if anger starts to control your life and affect relationships with others it might be good to examine what the underlying causes are and how to manage your anger better. Anger has been a necessary feeling that helped our survival. In its biological function anger is a response to a perceived threat. The instinctive way to express anger is through aggression. This would allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when under attack. Physically the body responds by showing an increased heart rate and blood pressure. In this episode we discus what to do if your anger remains unrestrained, very intense and frequent. We talk about anger as serving useful function in terms of propelling you to take action and stand up for values that are important to you. Anger can be expressed outwardly through shouting for example or it can go inward. When anger does not find expression and goes inward it can create a range of problems - it can turn into depression or self harm. Often anger is simply the tip of the iceberg and there are many underlying emotions beneath it, for example sadness, loneliness or shame. Many people struggle to express their feelings - the result Anger that cannot be safely expressed is often coming out in a passive aggressive comments where the frustration is not quite openly voiced but the person is under attack. How was anger managed in your family when you were growing up? In relationships there are often difficulties if one partner is used to expressing anger while the other learned to suppress it. In addition to the underlying causes of anger, we talk about strategies to manage it better, specifically in your relationships with others. We also discuss how to respond to your partner's anger in a helpful way.