The dangers of inauthenticity
August 2, 2021
In this episode, we talk about why the authenticity is really important.
Have you ever met someone and you could tell that they were being inauthentic and you're trying to get close to them, but because they put this facade in front that it's really difficult to get to know them and to build any kind of report. This is one of the reasons why authenticity is so important to me and within the south asian culture and it doesn't matter if it's a south asian culture in South Asia or the south asian diaspora elsewhere, there's this real feeling of needing to save face and they actually have this concept in china as well, it's called Zhao Manza. But this this sentiment or this feeling of needing to save face, it creates people to act out and authentically, people are actually scared to be themselves because they're too worried about what other people will think about them.
But the consequence of that is is people actually can probably see through it. You're not really fooling anyone and when someone does want to get real close to you, it's really difficult to do to do this. I know that one of the things that I used to think about when I was younger is if I ever do something, quote unquote bad with someone and when you say bad it could be like unsavory. So if it's like smoking a cigarette or something like this, then you instantly build this bond with this other person.
And there's actually been studies that show that if you are comfortable cursing in front of other people or teams and co workers that curse in front of each other, this also builds a bond and this bond is a strong connection because you can trust the other person to be real with you, right? And when you see this authenticity come out and someone is real with you, like it's just much so much easier for you to build a stronger connection. And this point is actually kind of goes into like my relationship with my family, so my grandparents, my uncles, my parents, etcetera. They all struggle with authenticity. They're very inauthentic because they have this real need to be able to save face to show that they're awesome in every single way.
And one of the things that I was doing is actually I was documenting the lives of my grandparents and one of the reasons why I was doing this is because having this kind of documentation, especially within the south asian family, it's just not there. We don't have, you know, the family crests and all these other things that european families might have, there's no history there. So I wanted to document this because I wanted the real history. So I broke up my video camcorder and this was the video camcorders that actually used the cassette videotapes. Um this was a long, long time ago. But I broke out my video camcorder and I wanted to record an interview with my grandfather and I would ask my grandfather a lot of these, a lot of questions because I was trying to build a connection with them, you know? So I wanted to know things out of his real childhood, some of his challenges that he's faced, how he's made his decisions and just basically real info. So I can feel like, you know, hey, this guy gets me, this guy understands me like I can connect with this person.
But my grandfather, the type of answers that he was giving me was basically BS answers. Um he would tell me how his entire life was just for his grandmother and some of the stories that would share and they were very sweet stories, but some of the stories that he would share is like when he was out with his friends, you know, he would always want to go and hang out with my grand grandmother. So his friends used to make fun of him for that and I think that's probably the most authentic things that he said, but I wanted to know more than that, right? Like has he ever tried beer? Has he ever smoked weed? Has he ever done anything? But he was hesitant to share any of this information with me and the only memory that I have um is really just him showing how he felt about my grandmother.
But because our relationship was very inauthentic, I didn't get to know the man himself. I can't say that I actually know my grandfather at all. Like I really don't I don't know who he is. All I know is who he wants me to think he is and that's about it. And because of this inauthenticity, I don't feel very close to my grandfather at all. And actually, I don't feel very close to many of my family members because it's really difficult to, I guess just to get close to them to understand what they're thinking and you know, engages like real people with real problems instead of all these shiny people, the shiny facade that they want to show.
And I think that's that's the main risk, right? Is if you have to help me members that are not authentic with you, then it's really difficult to create that bond. And if that bonds not there, if that bond is missing, then that relationship really isn't there. So now when I look back and with the family members that have passed away with family members that are getting ready to pass away, I don't feel a strong connection to them at all. And to me, they're just strangers, right? So it's like they're biding their time to strangers. Every time my parents forced me to get on the phone call with them and things like this, I don't know who they are and they're not willing to tell me who they are. So, it's like, it's just for me, it just feels like a waste of time.
nAnd I think this is why one of those core values that are so important to me is brutal honesty. I'm willing to be brutally honest with anyone. Um ever because if I do something they don't like that, I know that that's not my person, right? They're not my people and I don't care about trying to impress these people. I don't care about making myself happy and making my friends and family happy that are open to being happy about it. I feel like I'm going on a tangent. Um I wanted to show this story because hopefully you can see how authenticity is really important. And sometimes when we put up this facade, we're trying to save face or we're trying to show a best version of ourselves, it doesn't really have the intended effect that we think it does. Which yeah, you might impress people, but you're not making any friends. So I think it's really important to be authentic, Be true to yourself and you know, just be a gangster and do gangster shit. This is Robin Copernicus boom bam, I'm out.
Continue your journey with me on my other channels:
But the consequence of that is is people actually can probably see through it. You're not really fooling anyone and when someone does want to get real close to you, it's really difficult to do to do this. I know that one of the things that I used to think about when I was younger is if I ever do something, quote unquote bad with someone and when you say bad it could be like unsavory. So if it's like smoking a cigarette or something like this, then you instantly build this bond with this other person.
And there's actually been studies that show that if you are comfortable cursing in front of other people or teams and co workers that curse in front of each other, this also builds a bond and this bond is a strong connection because you can trust the other person to be real with you, right? And when you see this authenticity come out and someone is real with you, like it's just much so much easier for you to build a stronger connection. And this point is actually kind of goes into like my relationship with my family, so my grandparents, my uncles, my parents, etcetera. They all struggle with authenticity. They're very inauthentic because they have this real need to be able to save face to show that they're awesome in every single way.
And one of the things that I was doing is actually I was documenting the lives of my grandparents and one of the reasons why I was doing this is because having this kind of documentation, especially within the south asian family, it's just not there. We don't have, you know, the family crests and all these other things that european families might have, there's no history there. So I wanted to document this because I wanted the real history. So I broke up my video camcorder and this was the video camcorders that actually used the cassette videotapes. Um this was a long, long time ago. But I broke out my video camcorder and I wanted to record an interview with my grandfather and I would ask my grandfather a lot of these, a lot of questions because I was trying to build a connection with them, you know? So I wanted to know things out of his real childhood, some of his challenges that he's faced, how he's made his decisions and just basically real info. So I can feel like, you know, hey, this guy gets me, this guy understands me like I can connect with this person.
But my grandfather, the type of answers that he was giving me was basically BS answers. Um he would tell me how his entire life was just for his grandmother and some of the stories that would share and they were very sweet stories, but some of the stories that he would share is like when he was out with his friends, you know, he would always want to go and hang out with my grand grandmother. So his friends used to make fun of him for that and I think that's probably the most authentic things that he said, but I wanted to know more than that, right? Like has he ever tried beer? Has he ever smoked weed? Has he ever done anything? But he was hesitant to share any of this information with me and the only memory that I have um is really just him showing how he felt about my grandmother.
But because our relationship was very inauthentic, I didn't get to know the man himself. I can't say that I actually know my grandfather at all. Like I really don't I don't know who he is. All I know is who he wants me to think he is and that's about it. And because of this inauthenticity, I don't feel very close to my grandfather at all. And actually, I don't feel very close to many of my family members because it's really difficult to, I guess just to get close to them to understand what they're thinking and you know, engages like real people with real problems instead of all these shiny people, the shiny facade that they want to show.
And I think that's that's the main risk, right? Is if you have to help me members that are not authentic with you, then it's really difficult to create that bond. And if that bonds not there, if that bond is missing, then that relationship really isn't there. So now when I look back and with the family members that have passed away with family members that are getting ready to pass away, I don't feel a strong connection to them at all. And to me, they're just strangers, right? So it's like they're biding their time to strangers. Every time my parents forced me to get on the phone call with them and things like this, I don't know who they are and they're not willing to tell me who they are. So, it's like, it's just for me, it just feels like a waste of time.
nAnd I think this is why one of those core values that are so important to me is brutal honesty. I'm willing to be brutally honest with anyone. Um ever because if I do something they don't like that, I know that that's not my person, right? They're not my people and I don't care about trying to impress these people. I don't care about making myself happy and making my friends and family happy that are open to being happy about it. I feel like I'm going on a tangent. Um I wanted to show this story because hopefully you can see how authenticity is really important. And sometimes when we put up this facade, we're trying to save face or we're trying to show a best version of ourselves, it doesn't really have the intended effect that we think it does. Which yeah, you might impress people, but you're not making any friends. So I think it's really important to be authentic, Be true to yourself and you know, just be a gangster and do gangster shit. This is Robin Copernicus boom bam, I'm out.
Continue your journey with me on my other channels:
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