The Key to Understanding Your Relationships and Life
We have this belief that all our thinking came from our intellectual perspective.
The reality is that much of our thinking is on a knee jerk reactive basis. Many of these reactions are actually emotional reactions. The first reaction or impulse is often a gut reaction mediated through the Enteric nervous system or your Gut Brain. So you are feeling it through your gut.
The Key to Understanding Your Relationships and Life
When you were born, you were completely vulnerable, a helpless infant, dependent upon others to feed, clothe, protect and nurture you. If you are properly cared for, you are filled with joy. Your little being radiates unconditional love.
In fact you are still today radiating unconditional love, because it is what you are at essence. But your ability to express real love has been severely suppressed and blocked by what has happened to you.
As you grew, you realised, through direct experience, that the world was not filled with unconditionally loving beings. Many people, including those close to you, were stressed and expressed negative emotion.
The daily chores were too much for them, or they were not particularly intelligent and, perhaps in their own minds, felt they were losing at the game of life. In this state they often became despondent, angry and full of pain. They may have tried to hide it from you, but you, with your young mind, could see what was really going on.
Or they may have even used you as a dumping ground for their negativity and frustrations. You may have been abused, physically, emotionally or psychologically. As well, you found that the world itself was full of dangers, not only from the natural world, but also from the products of "civilization", such as cars, electricity, kitchen stoves & so on.
You had to defend yourself. This is how we all survive.
You did this by building up an "energetic shield" in your system that became your protection for your survival and wellbeing. You had to protect the "vulnerable child" you began your life as.
This protective covering, which is called your personality , contains both positive and negative behaviours, and everything in between. It is what you use to express yourself, it is the mask you wear, and communicate through in all your relationships.
The word 'personality' comes from the Latin word 'persona', which literally means mask. You experience this as your 'personness' or 'personality'. So your personality is just a mask worn by your true Self. There is nothing right or wrong about this, it is just the way life is for everyone.
You may not realize it, but your mind remembers just about everything, and you have, stored within your subconscious, all the parts of yourself you have ever or never expressed.
The first key for true success in all areas of your life, is for you to understand your personality and embrace, or accept, all of it . By doing so you become fully conscious of all parts of your being, and can therefore experience what you truly are .
This self discovery is the great opportunity of relationship. And only this will give you excellent relationships. In fact, it is the true purpose of relationship. All problems in relationship arise because people hold onto identifying with, and protecting, the personality, and never experience what they truly are, the Self. And this blocks their ability to feel real love, because they are out of touch with the essence of their being, the True Self.
You cannot help but take yourself and your past experiences, into a relationship. However there is a system which the Stones have discovered, that gives you the tools to use your old patterns as stepping stones to love, growth and freedom, rather than alienation and closing down from your partner, which eventually leads to separation.
You will discover that your personality has many different parts or 'subpersonalities', which explains how you have become the person that you are, and how you have created your life. You will also discover several different examples of subpersonalities.
Your Personality is Made up of Many Parts
Your personality is a multi-faceted faculty. It is made up of many different parts, each with its own identity and individuality. You can see this multitude of different selves in your own life.
The way you relate to your lover is different to the way you relate to your parents. The way you relate to your boss is different to the way you relate when you are out socialising with friends. The energy you feel when you are making love is different to the one you express when you are playing sport or studying for an exam.
Previously, it was thought that these were just different expressions of one personality structure, but now we know, that you are made up of myriads of actual individual structures called "selves" or "subpersonalities" , that, together, make up what we refer to as the personality.
By the way, this is nothing to do with a split personality, which is a clinical condition usually based on severe trauma in early childhood. This is the normal state of every human being, even though very few know of it.
It is the force of survival that builds your personality. From infancy onwards, you spontaneously expressed yourself in a variety of behaviours: anger, laughter, excitement, fear, enthusiasm, sadness and so on.
When you were appreciated and acknowledged for a particular behaviour, by those who bring you up, you retain it. When your behaviour is not appreciated or rejected, your mind buries that behaviour into your subconscious.
For instance, if you were praised by a parent for great school work, you keep that behaviour of a good student. It becomes a 'self' , or more accurately, a subpersonality . This is what allows you to do your school work.
Each mode of expression, each behaviour you have, is an individual 'self'. You have many different 'selves', such as a Perfectionist, an Analyst, an Inner Critic, a Pusher, a Clown, a Slave, a Pleaser, a Humorist, an Aggressor, a Manipulator, a Sports person, a Couch Potato, a Playful one and so on.
There is a whole range of possibilities. Think for a moment how would you describe yourself and your behaviours? When you do this, you are describing your subpersonalities . And, the ones you keep at the surface of your mind, due to your upbringing, are called 'Primary Selves'. Psychologists Hal and Sidra Stone's brilliant "Psychology of Selves" system describes this perfectly. It has become the recognized standard in many schools of psychology.
You also have those selves which you tried to express, but were rejected. If you expressed anger, and that was frowned upon, or you were punished for it, then you may avoid expressing anger. The angry self is suppressed, maybe bursting to the surface, years later in life, at inopportune times. Or, perhaps as an adult, you always feel angry inside and you don't know why. Many of these rejected selves are emotionally negative, such as sadness, frustration and resentment.
If you grew up in an environment that was somewhat restricted in what you could do or not do, then your range of possibilities you could envisage and express would also be somewhat restricted. Its almost like you have not had the opportunity to express that part of you. SO if you could never express and energy like anger properly or appropriately then you would have to spend some time become familiar with this energy.
If you grew up in an environment where you had to be the father or mother to your father or mother , then one of your dominant self would be the “Parent” or “Caretaker”. There would be parts of you like your “inner child” that would have felt neglected. This can surface at times and leave you feeling emotional and overwhelmed.
There are also others you have, which are actually amazingly powerful and creative. But, when you were young, these were never encouraged or nurtured. So they stay buried in your subconscious. These are called the 'Disowned Selves' . You are filled with undreamed of potentials. It is extraordinary the power and abilities you have within you,
These are common benefits gained from understanding "Who is running your Life"
- how to grow closer in your personal relationships and marriage, and develop a relationship which gets better every year.
- increase intimacy, experience real love and increase the heart connection with your partner
- help your children fulfil their potentials and have happy and successful lives.
- attract the right person to have a relationship with
- uncover the real reasons why so many relationships go into a downward spiral and what to do about this
- Understand why you may draw the same types of people again and again into your life, and what to do about it
- become more attractive, as well as growing into a more whole and balanced person
- discover how your energy levels, self-confidence, career, finances and creativity are created by your personality structure.
- learn about the power of your mind over your health. Truly understand what body pains and symptoms may, in fact, mean and learn how to use them for greater health and vibrancy.
- Create a flourishing career , earning a great income, doing what you love and living with a strong sense of purpose .
- crack the code of your own dreams , and see how they can become a teacher for you
- learn a powerful and unique self development technique that can deepen your relationships, communication abilities, and every aspect of your life.