Ask Wayne - Why is my son so argumentative? How to deal with your teenager
June 16, 2021
Even if you have never had children, everyone knows or has heard about the argumentative teenager. What the heck is up with that attitude? What do I do about it? How can I stop it?
These are the sort of questions that Michael in Brisbane, Australia recently asked.
We give you some answers and some resources. This isn't definitive by any stretch of the imagination, however, it should give you some things to start with. Look in the show notes for some resources.
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I also have a weekly online radio show called “All About Relationships” that is broadcast live on Thursdays at 6:00pm (AWST) +8hrs GMT and replayed on Sundays at 2:00pm (AWST) +8hrs GMT. You can also listen to all of the episodes through my podcast. Just search “Wayne Brown All About Relationships”
Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode again.
This is another one of those questions that someone has sent in and this one's from Michael in Brisbane in Australia. Now, Michael's question is regarding his teenage son, his teenage son is 15.5, so he's worried about him because he's becoming argumentative, he's becoming rebellious and Michael is getting a little frustrated. He doesn't know what to do, he's starting to front up to him, to get aggressive towards him and Michael's worried that it might escalate into something.
Okay, now this is a common problem. It's one that I had to prepare my sons for so that I could avoid that, and it's also because I had a realisation. I did a fair bit of work on myself at men's workshops and weekends and what I realised is there something that a lot of our young men are denied and it holds us back, a lot of us from achieving what we could really achieve, and that is a transition into adulthood.
So a lot of the times a young man, he will be obviously a child, he will be growing up, puberty will start to hit, his testosterone starts to max out, and the challenge is that nowadays there's a lot of images of manhood that are not very effective or very complete. A word that gets bandied around, I don't like this and I don't endorse this word, but toxic masculinity. I don't like that, because it infers that there's something wrong, that you're broken. I don't agree with that. I believe it's more of an incomplete manhood. You don't have all of the information to understand how to operate as a man.
So what your son will be going through Michael, is he will be in this situation where he will be looking for guidance to become that man. Now, if you yourself have not done something like this, I would recommend doing it. I did it when my boys were just coming into their teen years and I know when my youngest, he went through it, I didn't have any problems with him directly, but he had some challenges at school. So I took him to a young teen version of what I did and that made a massive difference with him. He saw manhood in a wonderful, complete version and it changed how he looked at himself and he was certainly a lot calmer and more in control of himself.
So a lot of that argumentativeness, that rebelliousness is an unconscious drive from young males so that they get driven away from the family home so that they can find their own journey, their own image, their own version of themselves. And to do that you need to step away from the family and traditionally, the males of the tribe used to come in and take the boys away and do an initiation and that could be something from a few days to a few weeks where they're kept away from the tribe and they're taught how to be a man. They are taught the skills that men need, and then they come back to the tribe.
Some initiations start as young as thirteen in the older tribes, so that the boy that left at 13 comes back as a man of 13. He now gets a place in the council, he gets a voice, he gets heard, he gets valued, he learns his place, he learns to understand how he contributes, he learns to see the bigger picture and we don't get that nowadays, a lot of our young men and that's what ends up tarnishing a lot of us and giving us this sense of something's missing and that's what it is. It's that transition into manhood.
So I heavily endorse you to go and look at something like that. I'll happily give a plug for the one that I did. It was a mob called mankind and it originated in America and it's a three day long weekend, and we can get very intense. They'll take you through a lot of processes, a lot of answers you can find for yourself, and I felt really good at the end of that. I started to find myself again.
I also did another one and the mankind one I did here in Perth in Western Australia, but they are held all around the world. And the other one I did was in Brisbane, which was called R.E.A.L. and what I realised once I did that is a lot of that was derived from mankind. It was still a good process. I enjoyed it, still got some things out of it. The one I did and organised for my younger son was, like I had a young teen version of the mankind weekend, because that's 18 and over the one I did, he was under eighteen, I think he was 15.5 16, same age as your son, Michael, where he went and spent that weekend doing this. It was camping and just having fun.
So I'll put some links in below. If you've got any other questions, send them through to us and we'll answer them as quick as we can. So until the next episode, take care and here's to a good life.
Attending a NWTA (New Warrior Training Adventure) with MKP (ManKind Project) was something that really started my journey and helped me heaps to get started. It also really helped my son through a tough spot himself. Click HERE to find out more. This is the Australian version of MKP as the person who asked the question is in Australia. You should be able to find them near you.
You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.
You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE
Thanks for listening.
This is another one of those questions that someone has sent in and this one's from Michael in Brisbane in Australia. Now, Michael's question is regarding his teenage son, his teenage son is 15.5, so he's worried about him because he's becoming argumentative, he's becoming rebellious and Michael is getting a little frustrated. He doesn't know what to do, he's starting to front up to him, to get aggressive towards him and Michael's worried that it might escalate into something.
Okay, now this is a common problem. It's one that I had to prepare my sons for so that I could avoid that, and it's also because I had a realisation. I did a fair bit of work on myself at men's workshops and weekends and what I realised is there something that a lot of our young men are denied and it holds us back, a lot of us from achieving what we could really achieve, and that is a transition into adulthood.
So a lot of the times a young man, he will be obviously a child, he will be growing up, puberty will start to hit, his testosterone starts to max out, and the challenge is that nowadays there's a lot of images of manhood that are not very effective or very complete. A word that gets bandied around, I don't like this and I don't endorse this word, but toxic masculinity. I don't like that, because it infers that there's something wrong, that you're broken. I don't agree with that. I believe it's more of an incomplete manhood. You don't have all of the information to understand how to operate as a man.
So what your son will be going through Michael, is he will be in this situation where he will be looking for guidance to become that man. Now, if you yourself have not done something like this, I would recommend doing it. I did it when my boys were just coming into their teen years and I know when my youngest, he went through it, I didn't have any problems with him directly, but he had some challenges at school. So I took him to a young teen version of what I did and that made a massive difference with him. He saw manhood in a wonderful, complete version and it changed how he looked at himself and he was certainly a lot calmer and more in control of himself.
So a lot of that argumentativeness, that rebelliousness is an unconscious drive from young males so that they get driven away from the family home so that they can find their own journey, their own image, their own version of themselves. And to do that you need to step away from the family and traditionally, the males of the tribe used to come in and take the boys away and do an initiation and that could be something from a few days to a few weeks where they're kept away from the tribe and they're taught how to be a man. They are taught the skills that men need, and then they come back to the tribe.
Some initiations start as young as thirteen in the older tribes, so that the boy that left at 13 comes back as a man of 13. He now gets a place in the council, he gets a voice, he gets heard, he gets valued, he learns his place, he learns to understand how he contributes, he learns to see the bigger picture and we don't get that nowadays, a lot of our young men and that's what ends up tarnishing a lot of us and giving us this sense of something's missing and that's what it is. It's that transition into manhood.
So I heavily endorse you to go and look at something like that. I'll happily give a plug for the one that I did. It was a mob called mankind and it originated in America and it's a three day long weekend, and we can get very intense. They'll take you through a lot of processes, a lot of answers you can find for yourself, and I felt really good at the end of that. I started to find myself again.
I also did another one and the mankind one I did here in Perth in Western Australia, but they are held all around the world. And the other one I did was in Brisbane, which was called R.E.A.L. and what I realised once I did that is a lot of that was derived from mankind. It was still a good process. I enjoyed it, still got some things out of it. The one I did and organised for my younger son was, like I had a young teen version of the mankind weekend, because that's 18 and over the one I did, he was under eighteen, I think he was 15.5 16, same age as your son, Michael, where he went and spent that weekend doing this. It was camping and just having fun.
So I'll put some links in below. If you've got any other questions, send them through to us and we'll answer them as quick as we can. So until the next episode, take care and here's to a good life.
Attending a NWTA (New Warrior Training Adventure) with MKP (ManKind Project) was something that really started my journey and helped me heaps to get started. It also really helped my son through a tough spot himself. Click HERE to find out more. This is the Australian version of MKP as the person who asked the question is in Australia. You should be able to find them near you.
You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.
You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE
Thanks for listening.