In this episode, we talk about one of the best ways to shift a person's behavior.
One of the best ways to shift a person's behavior is to assign them a trait that they don't have. So I'll give you an example of how this works, let's say that you come across someone that is pretty harsh and pretty mean and if you want to change their behavior, all you have to do is tell them, "hey, you are such a nice and sweet person, how did you become a nice and sweet person?", automatically this person is going to start thinking "oh, this person recognizes that I'm a nice and sweet person" because in our heads as people are, ego wants us to believe that we are good at everything and we have high confidence and pretty much everything we do.
So even if this person isn't nice and sweet, just hearing that someone else considers them nice and sweet will actually get them to want to play on these new strengths that they've just discovered, even though that these might not be strengths, but they're like "okay, this person thinks I'm nice and sweet, so I guess I must be a nice and sweet person" and they will actually actively try to act out a little bit nice and sweet.
So one of the ways that I've actually applied this is at a restaurant, I was getting very poor service and it was really frustrating and I was, I was getting upset and I was thinking to myself, there's no way that I'm gonna tip this person, like, you know, I was pretty much just cursing in my head because I was just really upset, it was just really bad service, and the second time around when the waitress came over to our table, I actually just stopped myself and I was like, okay, maybe this person is having a bad day, you know? And I actually just said "hey, you seem like a really sweet person, but right now, like um is there something wrong or you like having a bad day?" and all of a sudden this person is like, what do you what do you mean? You know, I was like, yeah, well, you know, you came to our table and you treated us this way and stuff like this and you just don't seem like that kind of person. So I was just wondering if there's something wrong, something off and you know, they'll be like "yeah, I am having a bad day."
But after that little interaction where I was able to plug in that seed that they are actually sweet and they are nice. Then the rest of the interactions for the dinner actually went well where this person was kind of cognizant of how they were treating us earlier and now they were trying to play on these new strengths that I signed them. This actually works really well with children.
If you tell a child, let's say that a child is misbehaving because I don't know, um, let's say that they keep their room messy, right? Well, if you keep drilling into this childhood that they are a messy person and you know, they need to go clean the room and why are they so messy, etcetera? Well, they're just going to inherit these traits that you give them. So they're going to think, well, you know, my mom knows best for, my dad knows best and they're telling me that I'm a messy person or they're telling me I'm a dumb person or whatever traits that you want to assign them, they're actually going to take these traits on. However, if you tell them that "hey, you are such a clean organized person and we really value that well", that that child is going to want to play to the strengths.
So he's like "okay, you know, my parents think that I'm a really clean and organized person. Um, let me make sure that I actually keep this cleaning and organizing up" and what the child might find is that they'll actually attempt to try to do this, they might fail, but they don't want to let anyone down in terms of this, these positive perceptions that they have and they'll actually shift their behavior in order to play to the strengths of this, of this trait that you just assign them.
Now, there's a little interesting thing that actually happened to me on how I came across this epiphany. And if you want to learn a little bit more about that epiphany, it's a little dark, it's a little, it's something that people definitely don't say in public, but it will be published in tomorrow's episode. So don't forget to subscribe and do all that stuff and let's cue the outro music. This is Robin Copernicus, boom bam, I'm out.
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