Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

In this one I want to talk to you about a mindset shift, a different way of looking at something and something that I see affects a lot of people. That is that I have a belief that their relationship failed, that their marriage failed, that they failed.

I know for myself I bought into this belief for a long time because obviously I had been through two marriages prior. It was only after the so called failure of my second marriage that I started to look at this mindset of seeing it as a failure. The problem is, we're taught from a very young age that a relationship, a marriage, you have to look for this happily ever after, this forever type thing.

What I realised, was, that sets us up for a failure because we tie longevity in with the quality or the effectiveness of a relationship. I know a chap, years ago, he said that his parents had 50 years of wedded misery. He actually encouraged him to make his mother to leave his father. That is how bad it was, he encouraged his mother to leave his father. She, of course, had taken wedding vows and said, "No I'm going to stick it out to the bitter end". She didn't use those words, but she may as well have.

That is where we get our challenges. That is where we get the mindset where we feel bad about a relationship ending. If you are in a damaging relationship. If you are in a demoralising relationship, sticking that out does not make you some sort of champion or martyr or anything like that. It makes you an idiot. The length of a relationship has nothing to do with the quality or the effectiveness of a relationship.

If a relationship lifts you up, it is worth pursuing. It is worth sticking at. If it is dragging you down, you need to be walking away. So for myself, I know I've been married twice before, and I'm now married a third time. As far as I'm aware, this one will be it. If, however, for whatever reason it ended, I would still view it as the best thing that ever happened to me, and neither of us have failed because within this relationship, we have both grown immensely, and that is what dictates the effectiveness of a relationship. It is not the length of time, it is the quality.

I dare say, most people would prefer to have 10 years of really high quality than 50 years of just blehh. So what we need to do is have a mindset shift. We need to be looking at relationships effectiveness instead of their longevity. So if you have a relationship, a marriage that has ended, if you want to view it as a failure, that is your choice. That is your prerogative.

What I would recommend though, is to look at what you can get from the relationship. So I'm not talking about bad memories and all of this sort of stuff and with the pain. What I'm referring to is, what lessons can you get from it? What can you get from that, that will make you a better person? If you can receive from a relationship or a marriage that has ended, if you can receive lessons, if you can receive insight, if you can receive some sort of information that makes you a better person, then that relationship has succeeded.

The lessons that I received, especially from my second marriage, was so immense that relationship, that marriage succeeded. As far as I'm concerned now it's succeeded. It worked, I got from what I wanted, I got from what I needed. It guided me to becoming a better person. Therefore it succeeded. It didn't have longevity. It did, however, have effectiveness. It did what it set out to do. It assisted me. It guided me. It encouraged me and challenged me to be a better person.

Without that relationship, without that woman who at the time I thought or felt was extremely negative, she turned out to be the best thing to ever happen to me. Without that, I would not be where I am today, more than likely. What I would recommend to you is that little mindset shift of, it may not have worked longevity-wise. How did it work quality-wise? What did it give me that allowed me to become a better person?

If you make that small mindset shift, you will find that all your relationships suddenly become successful. If you look deep enough and you were brave enough and you are curious enough and admit the truth to yourself. You can get some wonderful insights that can make all your relationships successful, and I mean all of them. I look at all of my relationships now as successful. They all guided me to where I am now. None of them failed.

They all did their job, and that is what we are ultimately after. Is a relationship moving us forward or is dragging us backwards? If it's dragging you backwards, you need to walk away. If it's pushing you forward, be grateful for it. Be grateful that that person came into your life. So no marriage, no relationship ever actually fails.

That was a little mindset shift I want to give you. It's a big one. It's an important one because otherwise we drag them around and beat ourselves with it, and we feel bad. We can't. We shouldn't do that because it does not help us at all. Having fear, guilt, shame about relationships that have not had longevity, is a poor thing to do that serves us no good.

So there you go. A little mindset shift for you. That should help you make a lot of sense of your relationships and feel better about them. Get curious. Be brave. Look for some answers and become a better version of you because of these so called failed relationships and marriages.

So look after yourselves, put in the hard work because you're worth it. You deserve a good life. And that's the thought I want to leave you with today.

You deserve a good life. So here's to a good life. Thanks for listening. Take care of yourselves.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

Thanks for listening.