Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track.

Welcome back to this episode where I continue the story of my journey.

So, I've already explained to you the struggle that I've been through, the challenges I've had, the dark place I pulled myself back from, and now I want to explain to you as it started all to come together and how I managed to create the results that I got and that I now help other people with.

The one thing I've been working on through my whole learning journey was that of being a good parent. I had a moment, thankfully when my boys were very little where something was placed in front of me, a wonderful learning opportunity that woke me up amazingly. That occurred when I was visiting my father and we had our family challenges because, we'd only in the last year or so, lost my not only my grandmother but also my mother within a few months of each other.

So that was still very fresh, years ago and I was visiting my father and I was going through all the struggles with their mother of separating and struggling financially and emotionally and all of that. My youngest had done something that had irritated me, so I gave him a smack because you know, that's what you did when your children misbehave.

My father, who is not usually one of those people that says something, had this wonderful moment of lucidity and he looked at me and said, "Why are you taking it out on him?", and that really hit home. I went home that night with my boys, put them to bed and I sat there for hours thinking about that and he was absolutely right. He was absolutely right. I was making them responsible for my frustrations. They were the recipients of my frustrations and from that moment on I vowed to work on owning my stuff so I wanted to take responsibility.

I spent years working on myself, learning to accept what I had contributed to situations and working out why I attracted certain situations. Now, that was where my journey started was trying to be the best father to them, so as much as possible, I was trying to stay calm with them, not lose my cool with them, making sure they felt safe and secure, and for the most part of I feel I've done a pretty good job. They turned out pretty damn good considering.

The next thing I wanted to work on was, I ended up marrying that other relationship, because I thought it would make her happy, I thought her to give her security. Didn't work. Okay, Just a tip for you. If you're with someone and you think marrying them will make them happy, will give them security, don't. It's an insane belief and I had that at the time.

Anyway. I tried to make that relationship work. I tried using the things that I was learning and it was only when I ended it and I was sitting down and thinking about it the way a lot of the times with our relationships, we screwed up because we get the order wrong, okay? What I mean by that is that we go out, we meet someone, we think they're a good fit for us and we like them. So we get in a relationship with them and then we have all these struggles, we have these obstacles, we have this conflict, we have this stress.

If we don't have the tools or the understanding to change it, it ends up just being painful. Now, if you've watched my video about the five relationship stages or listened to my podcast regarding that, you will know what the five stages are and I struggled to get past the therapeutic power struggle. Once I realised why we have a partner, why we attract a particular partner, I decided I would flip the relationship journey around, knowing who I needed to be with and how they fitted myself and my journey.

Once I got clear on that, all I had to do was work out how to go out and find them. So for me, this was a real challenge because believe it or not, I'm actually a shy person, I'm a reserved person, so I created this system and this system, I spent months refining it, figuring it out, making sure I got it right and I worked out exactly who I should be with and why.

I had to look at myself, do a fair bit of introspection to get the right answers. I then went and worked out who she should be and then I went out looking for her. Now, for someone who is shy and reserved approaching a woman was a terrifying prospect. So I went out and I vowed that I would go out at least three nights a week looking for her.

So the first night I went out I spoke to no one, I mean literally no one. The second night I went out I spoke to a doorman as I went into a venue, and I didn't speak to anyone else. The third night I went out I berated myself, I took myself off to the toilet. I go kicking myself going "What are you doing? You know this is gonna work. You've been through this, you know, it's gonna work just freaking do it".

So, after I admonished myself long enough, I went out and I said, just approach one woman. So I approached one woman, we had an enjoyable conversation for 10, 15 minutes, and then I went, right, I did that, I'm going home. That gave me a tiny little bit of confidence. Then the next time I went out and spoke to a couple of ladies and every time I went out and spoke to more women, and over the course of seven weeks, my confidence increased that much I spoke to over 170 women. I would be approaching 3 to 4 women at a time. I would engage them all in a conversation. I would test them all to make sure they were qualified to be in a relationship with me, which means I went through all the aspects of who she should be based off my Dating Template that I had created.

I then kept doing that and I met lots of lovely ladies of all ages, shapes, sizes, everything, and no-one had matched yet. There were a few that were sort of close, but no-one matched. Then by the time I got to the end of the seven weeks, I was having that much fun talking to women because I'd never spoken to this many women before in my life. I was having that much fun, I'd almost forgotten to test them and qualify them to date me.

I was enjoying myself that much. I was at an event and it was with one of my social groups and this woman came in and sat next to me and I thought to myself, well, she's a bit cute, started talking to her and then, hang on, she's ticking a couple of boxes. We organised a date and we went on this date and enjoyed ourselves and needless to say a few months later, I thought actually, I could spend the rest of my life with her.

We had a few hiccups to get past and in the end, I asked her to marry me. She said yes and it's been brilliant ever since.

The other system I created was regarding conflict resolution. Now, up until that point, I had had, as I explained, a relationship where arguments would go literally for hours. They would start at 5 or 6 o'clock in the evening, seven o'clock in the evening and they would go to 2, 3, or 4  in the morning. And it was ridiculous because nothing was ever resolved and we argued about shit that didn't matter. So what I did is I looked at that, I dug deep into it to understand where it originated from and how I could use that to get a result that I was after. So I created a system for that.

Now when I have conflict with my wife, there is no yelling, occasionally I get a little bit frustrated, but there's no yelling Most of the time, 95% of the time, it's usually over in about two or three minutes because three quarters of the time, it only happens in my own head, she doesn't even need to be involved because I realised that when you get triggered by someone that's an opportunity for you to learn. So for me, I know now when I have conflict, it's nothing to do with the other person, therefore they don't need to be involved. So they trigger it, I do the work, I benefit from it and then they benefit from it as well because they get a better version of me. I created that system and there were a few others as well for emotions and mindset and all of this sort of thing.

My life did a complete turnaround from where it was, say, 10, or 11 years ago. So now I have the relationship I have always wanted. There's a lot less stress. I understand my emotions, conflict is almost non existent. The relationship with my sons is brilliant. So many different aspects of my life have vastly improved because of the systems I created based off, not just what I had learned, but what I had realised in my journey. These systems have helped me.

They've helped other people go out and find their partners, deal with conflict, to understand their emotions, to get back connection with themselves. So that's basically what I do. So if that sounds like something you'd want to look into, below is a link where you can join a thing called "The Family". "The Family" is a repository for me to put everything that I've learned and understood over the last 20 years. It's also where you can get feedback on various things and interact with people that are on a journey like yourself.

Now, the family has a number of different levels based off the amount of time, effort and money you want to put into your journey. Now the link below will take you to a free access, which means you get to look at various sections and you get to see the layout of the entire family. So you can see what's involved and it costs you nothing. So click the link below. You can read about it before you actually subscribe. Then you can subscribe and you can check out the family for yourself and then you can understand some of the things that I've learned that have helped me and many others, so go and enjoy.

I hope you've learned something from the this episode. And if you've got any questions you'd like me to answer, send them in and I'll do my best to answer them as quick as I can. Other than that, have a great life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

 You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.