Judgy Fear Hurts Relationships
A BIT OF GRACE
Judgy Fear Hurts Relationships
December 10, 2021
We humans are built to connect with each other. Our friends, our family, our associates we work with. Even the people behind the cash register when we're out at stores and in the community. I'm not sure how we can get quickly caught up in judgment...
We humans are built to connect with each other. Our friends, our family, our associates we work with. Even the people behind the cash register when we're out at stores and restaurants, throughout the larger community, and as we travel the world.
 
When I was young, I had to work at my dad's hardware store every summer from about age 13 to 16. I learned a lot about serving others and how it feels to be behind the counter, and how that can affect relationships with those customers. I had to accept and work with such a variety of people.
 
You see, I grew up in a small town that in summer would double in size, with lots of people visiting, staying at their cottages or visiting other people's cottages. It's a beautiful place in the Eastern townships of Quebec. There is a big, beautiful deep lake and just a lovely environment with the mountains around.
 
Often in the store, my dad's store, I got to encounter so many different characters. There were some who treated me with respect and others who were impatient. Full of ego and expectation that they should be waited on first, even though there were four people ahead of them. It was a real learning experience.
 
When the ones that were kind and respectful and patient came in, I would jump to take care of them and do everything I could to find whatever it was in the store. If you don't know, hardware stores can contain a lot of different things, a lot of variety! Then there were the ones who'd come in and be so demanding. I took a little longer to get to those ones. I thought, you know what? You can learn a little patience.
 
I'm not sure how we can get quickly caught up in judgment and thinking that it's the other person's fault. Blaming the other person and accusing the other person and belittling another person or ignoring, dismissing, all those fun words that you can think of. The way that we can be cruel and mean to others. Why is that? How is it that we can go from being calm and just plain reasonable and considerate of others, to raving, mad, impatient, afraid, judgy, smallminded, self, self, self-focused people?
 
I have a real problem with giving too much attention to people who behave in a cruel way. It's troubling to think that really what they're being is bullies and that they can get away with it. So if we don't let them get away with it. If we don't let bullies or demanding people determine how we feel, what we think, how we behave, wouldn't that be nice? Wouldn't it be nice to stand in our own power and first consider what feels right for us? Instead of listening to everyone else and following the lead of everyone else and following the crowd?
 
Look at the situation we're in today with so much division within family and friends over life choices of what people do in their life. When did it become okay to judge so harshly, all of a sudden and forget the incredible relationship that you have? To forget, the bonds that you have, to forget the love that you share. All because of one decision that's been broadcasted again and again and again and again and again to convince and divide us.
 
Come on. We're all human beings. We have so much else in common. It's time to get off the fear train and throw out your fear bunnies. Calm the heck down. Take a breath and realize what's important to you. Don't throw away your relationships so quickly. These are relationships that have been formed over the years. Now, if someone is treating you badly and cruelly, bullying and abusing you. Of course, those are relationships that have to end.
 
Just be wise and don't be the bully. Don't be the abuser now just because you think you're better and you think you're right. You think you made the right decision and you think they're stupid because they made a different decision? No! Who made you the judge? Stop. Take a breath.
 
Love the people you have loved all along. Get out of your head, into your heart and feel what's right. You'll know then what the priority is. I hope that you can see you have choices in your life. I hope that you can see that we don't need to be separate. It's just so sad to see people get hurt and crushed along the way. It's so harmful to be controlled by fear.
 
I'd say, take a look at yourself. Take a look within. I find it a pretty good exercise to look within myself and go. Okay, what part of this is me? What part of this is something that makes me uncomfortable, so I'm overreacting?
 
Especially when occasions come up where normally we would gather together, such as soon it will be Christmas time. Don't let conflict destroy friendships and relationships that have meant a lot to you for many years.
 
Like I said, get off the fear train. Take a look around. Have a few breaths and enjoy your relationships. Yeah, there's bumps along the way, but there's so much that you have in common. Again, be strong in your heart, not your head and know what feels right for you and go with that!