Downside of Multigenerational Homes – Ep 178
June 10, 2019
It Can Be a Daunting Task
People who experience multigenerational homes know that it can sometimes have its downside. But it isn’t all that rare in our close-knit society. Where we often find 3 generations of families living under the same roof.
Sometimes, there comes a time that older adults make the decision to give up their home and move in with their adult children. They may not need complete care at all. But the deeper reason here is that they are unable to stay by themselves anymore. This results in a multigenerational household where seniors, their adult children, and young grandchildren are living together under one roof. It can be a daunting task but so can the benefits. And many families are making this thing work.
The Downside of Families Living Together
When you’re living in a multigenerational household, you are stepping outside as we used to as our cultural norm a little bit. Because there are some differing expectations from what we may have thought we were going to have of our future self-picture. There is some emotional conflict that comes from that. This article goes through how the adult child might feel. How the younger people in the house might feel and how it will affect the oldest adult in the generational house. That is why it wraps up by talking about kind of the emotional bullet points. Points of how to maybe make the transition better or easier. Acknowledging that some of these feelings are going to exist helps with how you manage the downside of multigenerational homes.
Downside for Seniors
My father came to live with us last year. We’ve been a multigenerational household from teens all the way up to 60s for that year. There are some really great aspects just like what we’ve talked about on the last episode. The downsides though are also very real. Before my father moved in, I’ve spent some time creating a contract. The contract was more of an acknowledgment of the emotional place of each person in the household.
Having that very different perspective starting place made some difficulties. While the contract was a good intention, sometimes the fine bits got pushed to the wayside. One of the things that I found really interesting about the integrations is that you have a second chance to learn your parent. You have your child perspective and then your adult perspective. The downside though is that sometimes I think that we become our child self with our parent more than we would in any other situation. And they will adopt those same roles.
Downside for Kids
Depending on their age, it can also be difficult for kids to get accustomed to living with their grandparents. They may enjoy spending time with them and have a close relationship, but they will have to get used to a new routine. They will have to share their parents’ attention with their grandparents. It's because their parents may not be able to do with them as many things as before.
Being Really Honest with Your Loved One is Important
I work with adult children bringing in older adults quite often. Those people that have been most successful are the ones that first off come from a place of charity, and giving, and openness. Even before you ever have somebody live with you. Making sure that your heart is in the right place and that it’s not a chore because it can become a chore. It can get to that place. And if you’re not or already in a place of love and openness, then it makes it that much more complicated.
Also, remember to be an advocate for your loved one. Not feeling like you’re doing them a certain favor by having them in your space. But actually, that you’re advocating for their health and happiness. That you want the best for them and you feel like that’s living with y...