Most of us have at one point or another. 

And I'll be clear, it's hard to know the answer. I certainly can't tell you. Because no one can really know another's mind. 

BUT, I can tell you why you might think you're being used, what to do if you wonder if you're being used, and how not to be used.

First, let's talk about how people might use you...

How are you being used? You probably know the possibilities better than I, but here is a short list of common ways that people might use other people:

- For attention, someone to listen to them or admire them.
- For money or favors.
- For emotional support, they want someone to cheer them up or help them through emotional crises. 
- For sex or physical intimacy. 
- For access, they want to know the people you know or access the resources you have. 
- For entertainment, they reach out when they're bored or don't have other things to do. 
- For escape, they create a fantasy with you that is separate and different from their daily lives.

And so on. 

Let me be clear: NONE of these things are necessarily bad. After all, if you're getting what you need out of the relationship AND they are open and honest with you so that you can fully consent, then it's perfectly cool. 

However, I'm guessing that if that were the case, you'd never wonder if you're being used, right? 

Right. 

Examine the feelings that lead to the question. 

There are a certain range of feelings that trigger the question, "Am I being used?" Most have at least one foot solidly planted in resentment. 

So, what is resentment? Well, some say it's an admixture of feelings, generally disappointment, disgust, anger, and fear. Others consider it a mood. 

In either case, it's usually brought on by an experience of insult and/or injury:

- You feel imposed upon without consideration for your ability, preferences, or well-being. 
- You feel that expectations have been placed upon you without negotiation or consent. 
- You feel like once their needs or desires are met, you're no longer interesting or useful. 
- You feel like affection/friendship is offered only to get what they want. 
- You feel like you are there for them, but they don't make an effort to return the favor—or any favor. 

Ultimately, when someone questions whether they are being used, it typically means the person feels they've been taken advantage of and their boundaries have been violated. 

Ah! Boundaries. 

Those of you who read me often know that's one of my favorite concepts, and it's no surprise to you that they come into play here. 

Right? *smiles* 

Right. 

OK. So, we've talked about how you might be used, and why you might think you are being used. Let's move on.  

Find the full transcript for this episode here. https://datingkinky.com/blog/healthy-boundaries/have-you-ever-wondered-am-i-being-used/

No Regrets Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ymnh4DKvZiM