Dating Kinky
Foreplay and aftercare are far more than they seem (to me).
May 16, 2022
To me, they are so much more than some time before and after sex/kink/play.
I recently saw a post on Facebook with a screen capture of the following by variantworks: 

> "I've seen people argue that BDSM & kink is bad because of aftercare. "You don't NEED aftercare and safe words for vanilla sex because it's not harmful!"

> Uh, hate to tell you but aftercare and safe words do exist for vanilla sex. It's getting your partner a glass of water after. It's cuddling and compliments. It's asking if they're feeling good during. It's words like stop, no, easy. It's asking if there's anything to make it better next time. 

> If you don't really practice communicating and aftercare with your partner regardless of how vanilla it is or not, you're just not a good partner.


100% agree. 

And this made me think about what aftercare is, and reminded me of my personal thoughts about foreplay. 

Aftercare and foreplay make sense in situations where you are really connecting outside of any other life stuff. Like, if you're not in regular contact, those are the "before sex/kink/play" and the "after sex/kink/play" parts that should be paid attention to. 

But they are SO MUCH more than that for me. And the quote above touches on that. 


Let's talk foreplay. What sets it apart from sex? 

To me, foreplay is all of the touching and affection and teasing and innuendo and LIFE that leads up to sex/kink/play. ALL OF IT. Not just the fifteen minutes of inexpert fumbling it takes for you to get your nerve together. 

It's a lifestyle. It's maintaining the connection and heating things up whenever. 

In fact, I think anything can be foreplay or sex, based on where you are/where it takes you in the process. 

All of it is sex if you are heading TOWARDS sex. 

It's all foreplay (to me) if it's over time with no intention of making sex (or kinky play) happen within a reasonable amount of time. 

Find the full transcript for this episode here.