Saying "No" so I can say "Heck Yes" with Sabrina Runbeck
January 18, 2021
Do you find yourself saying yes to things and then walking away thinking, "why did I do that?"
Saying yes to the wrong things can steal not only your time but also your talents and treasure so this is why we are excited to have our guest with us today, Sabrina Runbeck, PA.
As a cardiothoracic surgery PA, she has to be sure to know how to make a tough decision, and saying no to many things is a part of it so she can show up and perform at her top level.
Do you find yourself saying yes to things and then walking away thinking, "why did I do that?"
Saying yes to the wrong things can steal not only your time but also your talents and treasure so this is why we are excited to have our guest with us today, Sabrina Runbeck, PA.
As a cardiothoracic surgery PA, she has to be sure to know how to make a tough decision, and saying no to many things is a part of it so she can show up and perform at her top level.
About the Guest:
Sabrina Runbeck, MPH, MHS, PA-C is a cardiothoracic surgery PA with more than 10 years of experience in public health and neuroscience.
After overcoming burnout and feeling stuck in a career that drained her, she became an International Peak Performance Speaker empowering young professionals to find their voice and overcome the stress of their personal and professional expectations. This allows them to reconnect with their passion, contribute positively to their organizations, and become influential in their fields without feeling overwhelmed, underappreciated, or undervalued!
That’s why people call her the Queen of Performance and Productivity.
She hosts the Powerful and Passionate Healthcare Professionals Podcast and is an author of an upcoming book, Asian Women who BossUp.
She also regularly shares insights on Instagram and LinkedIn for her audience and has spoken on numerous stages.
[00:00:02] spk_0: this is This show is brought to you by Safety FM. Welcome
[00:00:13] spk_1: to unapologetically bold. I'm not sorry for If you are a person that is tired of apologizing for being you, you know the human part of you that sometimes feels like it has to be different at home versus work versus play. The human side that just wants to be hot, humble, open and transparent about your wants, desires and uniqueness. If you answered yes, this is for you. Join me, Emily Elrod as I dive into conversations with Amazing Guest. About what? That you're not sorry for And creative and loving ways Let's get started. Welcome everybody to another unapologetically bold I'm not sorry for And I am so pumped today toe, Have Sabrina on with me. Thanks for joining me today is Breanna.
[00:01:02] spk_0: Hey, Thanks, Emily. So much for bringing me on with your audience and thanks everyone for listening in. I know you can be doing anything and you're choosing us. Yes,
[00:01:13] spk_1: and it's gonna be such a fun conversation. You say we both We both brought our bright game today. We're in our bright colors, just like I think that that describes us. We are very bright and shiny and possibly some dark spaces. And that's what this unapologetically bold is about, about how your human at home work and play and bringing positivity not like rainbows and butterflies, which sometimes we might could do. But it's about bringing the real nous. How being it says in the intro, Being hot Home will open and transparent about us and what makes us uniquely who we are. So again, thank you for joining me. Sabrina.
[00:01:51] spk_0: Yeah, so appreciating a space like this where people can just be themselves. At the end of the day, we're all just unique self. Yes, we might come from a similar background culture, even school and title. But how we're brought up, how we accept the poison vs the pleasant Jews into our own head on how we pivot. Our attitude is so unique, and that makes us who we are. And that's okay if you're different.
[00:02:21] spk_1: Amen. Amen to that. So, Sabrina, just for the listeners, tell us a little bit about yourself before we get into what you're not sorry for.
[00:02:30] spk_0: Yeah, I am a hard long surgery. P A. With more than 10 years background in public health and neuroscience. So a couple years back I became international peak performance speaker because I personally have gone through what most people thought is burned out. Now I believe young professional like us are just so driven. We are ambitious. We wanted to get somewhere very quickly, but because we wanted this rush of get going. Guess
[00:03:03] spk_1: what? I
[00:03:04] spk_0: was seeing a position working 80 hours a week. I'm feeling like I have to prove myself. Proved others doing more cases, patients on call. One day, barely eight o'clock in the morning, I was already exhausted because I was worried that beeper again. And there's one time I was having to be on call 29 Days Street on that particular morning. I woke up was a fever, feeling just a keenness that you just don't feel well and it wouldn't have been so bad, except I was completely gowned up with my hands inside a patient's open chest for his heart surgery. Uh, typically, I'm like this. I'm going, I'm chatting, even doing procedures on my nurse noticed that I was quiet. Sabrina, being quiet is probably not a pretty good thing. So they took pity on me and passed a call on cough Drop under my mask just to keep me going. Now, the next morning when I woke up Not any better, of course. And I was covered in night sweat barely can get out of bed, so I had to call in sick. Realizing that it doesn't take a medical degree to tell anybody you got to rest.
[00:04:29] spk_1: Mm.
[00:04:30] spk_0: So when I got on the phone with the person, my boss on the other land, he goes, You're just telling me this now. I just felt in sting me that, like, stab into your heart like that Super taking for granted. So unappreciated and study actually being found that the number one factor in workplace performance is appreciation. It actually beat out promotion, beat out more salary, more independence, autonomy and training. So if we don't feel valued in what we're doing either by ourselves and by other people now we continues to pour out and then become what you don't even want to do any more. You start losing the aim and your reason why you're even in this place.
[00:05:26] spk_1: The
[00:05:27] spk_0: first place. So I believe at the end of the day, we actually don't have a burning issue. We have a moral judgment, decision making issue and the leadership issue.
[00:05:36] spk_1: E agree so much to that, and I think that flows fantastically for what you are not sorry for. So the show's cut unapologetically bowl spring and what are you no longer apologizing for?
[00:05:50] spk_0: I am not sorry for saying no, because no, it's a perfect sentence. Think about this way one were younger. We're so good as saying yes and no
[00:06:03] spk_1: because we
[00:06:04] spk_0: don't restrict ourselves at all. Yes, when we grow up, we start conforming into others. Expectation on our own arbitrary expectations. Who is to say You have to be perfect where you have to go to certain level in your career or degrees for you to be someone you are you unique self already? We just don't even remember what I feel like look like. And when we lose that part of us losing that aim, then of course, we start making decisions and saying yes to a lot of things that truly just robbing our time, our energy on our sanity. Don't forget that last part,
[00:06:49] spk_1: and I think that's so important to go even back to your story on that. How many times did you want to say no? But I'm a people pleaser. I love to make people happy, but I found at some point in time, I am giving their happiness for my own energy. And at times it didn't serve me or did not do things that put me at a higher level that I needed to be so that I could serve the rest of the group, you know? And it was draining. So for you What? I know that you said that whenever you had that nurse pull your mask out just so that you could have a call was at that moment. You in your life? No, this this can't be it anymore. Or what was your moment when you're like, I need to start saying no.
[00:07:40] spk_0: I believe my story is not unique. Many people in health care where any other high demanding career have that moment of you just going to work even though you feel sick and you don't feel well. And you felt like, uh, it's a little bit of no problem. So for me is that was the beginning journey of seeing progression and to see myself have been changing my attitude from just going hanging out, enjoying and it becomes Oh my God, Everyone wants something like that. Think I'm responsible for someone all the time? This is not life. And when I mentioned I was on hall continuously, I want my patient for just as young as as in the early thirties. He ignored his cough and cold symptoms on end up having an infection in his heart. Bell on actually what? By the time he got to us, he need his fourth open heart surgery on all trigger down from you ignoring your own size. And then you start going to the er Onley when things hit rock bottom. I don't want it to be a person like that on my own table. And I also know that life simply means more. So I had to step back. Just accept right own up Thio, you haven't shown up for so long. You allow other people to drag your life in certain way on their path inside your path. So my own research back in the day of my neuroscience of Public Health day was on self efficacy, self care, stress management and performance. that positive psychology side. So, like dive a little deeper learning from Brandon Bashar different other coaches from Stanford, like my coach, uh, Chiesa, who focus on what does that really mean? Why are we having this emotional rollercoaster can sustain our happiness? Because we know knowledge right at the queues. Like they're just knowledge. They're just tools. If you don't use it correctly, they're not serving you and even you use correctly. There's always gonna be some unforeseen roadblocks that going to come to your way. If you allow yourself to be stuck in that roadblock, don't know how to pick out to be the resourceful, the current curious part of you. Then you no longer be able to step up. So those air the sabotaging behavior we need to recognize and get ourselves out Now we can truly build What would I call that mental immunity to go forward and then figure out What is that true mission motivation we have in life and continue to redefine that? Because one day things always change your more people coming into your life. You start thinking about what it needs to be done. But if we don't do that, we got stuck in one place that ultimately, to be that high performer to be a super efficient, productive is start with knowing your energy level. How can you reboot that basic foundation? So you're more focused, more calm, more direct with your thoughts and your actions.
[00:11:02] spk_1: I love it. It makes me think of. I think I do with some of my clients. It is your phone, like if you take out your phone right now, I could easily know where to look at to see my battery level. And many people are always aware with their battery level it. But are you with yourself? Do you know whatever your dream, do you know when you need to be recharged? Do you know what outlets you need to be plugged into? Thio bring you back up to the level so that you can do what you're meant to do, and it's more than just being a product for somebody is going into that purpose. And I love that you talk about self efficacy. I believe that's very important and having the compassion, the self compassion side that comes from it and carrying for yourself, especially your caregiver. And that's a lot of my focus is either healthcare or its high stress, high demand areas. Because if you're not caring for yourself, something's going to fall. It it I've never seen where it doesn't. And all that to say, though, is you starting to say no is not easy either. And so I love to talk about that for a minute. Is there's this kind of dilemma between which sucks more being nervous and going into the uncomfortable or staying where you're at and just waiting until you may end up on your table.
[00:12:31] spk_0: Yes, yes, Oh my goodness. So if you think about life were in the comfort bubble, right and there's your first circle and then I guess what's outside of that circle, it's your fear zone, right? Many people don't want to thio even put their foot into that water of fear. They feel like, Oh, my goodness, What could happen? Are you gonna get shocked like really, world is gonna tumbling down like how come we're so dramatic about this fear zone, which is so unrealistic, right? And then and one of the exercise I even work with by patient about and actually I mentioned one. The TV segment was just in its one years gets stuck in somewhere that you just like. Oh, I can't believe this happened, right? Like, this is terrible or your fear from Just get started. Ask yourself this question. What is the probability this actually and it happened, right? And write that down US detail as possible about this scenario, and then you're gonna flip the table. What's the probability of this? Turned out to be the amazing best thing you ever had done for your life. And then what we're gonna dio is you're gonna position yourself as your best friend. What would he or she tell you? One is in the same situation, right? When we take ourselves out of that being in the situation, then your logic comes back. Then your reason on come back, then your emotional well being start coming back. So that is getting out of the fear zone. Because guess what's outside. The fear zone is growth zone. Growth means there are growing pain. There's things you figure out us your move forward in life and it's okay when we start our first step. It might not be the best step, but at least you know whether it works or not. If you didn't even step out to try this thing, how can you validate on idea when you're just hearing it from other people? You have no personal experience in it. Your uniqueness can make something great versus other peoples uniqueness. It won't work for them. Mhm. So guess what? It's outside the growth zone. That's when you actually a salary because you know so clearly what needs to be done to get to that and go. And now you can be line it. Now you have that internal compass. You don't have to be distracted. And now you can say no to anything that come to you. That's not aligning with who you are, how you want to show up on what's the end product that you can create.
[00:15:24] spk_1: I love that it makes me think of. I call it Well, it's called the Celery Test. I called the Apple test because I hate salary, but it's basically the and it's what I've used to know when to say no. And it's again. It's not an easy thing, but say that you are going to the grocery store and you have an apple. You have potato chips, you have ice cream. Your goal is to live healthy instantly. I know my decision. We can do that with our values, knowing what your values is for my company. With works be it is accountability, Connection and results is the things and are the things that we're doing. Are they going to give people those aspects? It's fine, and it's based again on my my listeners know this on my nerdiness on oxytocin. Is it going to give us that loving grandmother? Is it going to give us that release of connection of bonding, of humanity that's needed? Also giving us a sense of safety and security? Because what you even spoke about earlier is the importance of this is a leadership problem. Burnout is a leadership problem. It's self leadership, yes, but it's also leaders in general having the confidence to know themselves first and then from there, going out and speaking with the people. Are you burned out like And what are the things that I'm doing that is killing your energy? That is depriving of you? And I can even think so many experiences in my life? Just when some leaders they gave me the energy and they depleted it. And if the word no was used more because as a high performer. And I wanna love to go into your thoughts on this, whatever you kept saying, yes, those 29 days consecutively, what was your thought process to why you couldn't say no
[00:17:26] spk_0: such a great question. I think they all come down to obligation. We have a sense of obligation that if we don't do it, no one else can on. Then we doing what we put ourselves onto a pedestal. Why are you not able to delegate? First of all, why can you just ask for help? To be able to think about what these other options out there now, Sometimes they can just be a resource problem, right? You're not in the A team that can support you. And that's also one of the big questions. I ask people when they're in that transition, whether you just graduate or you're being working and wanting to get to the next level. I asked you, How would you feel on what does it look like for you in a team base? How do you want to be supported because ultimately having a dream boss who can support your elevate you means so much more than funding an ideal job description. Just because this job description might match what you want now it doesn't mean the additional things when we see the life equation right outside all our input of time, energy, intrinsic value, sanity, resource, money, all that stuff. The output is not just your r o I of how much you're making in return. That's what people got stuck on. The only thinking about the r o I. If I put in this, I have to get something money wise, right? Otherwise, it's not valuable. No, no. Yes, That is one way to measure. There's three other ways you need to think about which our lifestyle is a truly matching. How you want to live. Do you even know how you wanna live? Uh huh. Then your future value. What does that mean for you in the person growing into the next state of your life? And that is what personal growth? Because we know if we become stagnant if we're just like oh, I'm pretty good, I'm satisfied, which is a great feeling. But we always need to have this 10% extra that we want to go forward because that's what gonna lead us, drive us, keep us going for, um, O mentum motivation standpoint, right? And if we continue to have a little bit extra, and then we feel what more joy excitement due to that novelty that we're creating as we're growing in to tomorrow to the next day,
[00:20:05] spk_1: I love it, and it makes me think on some of the studies and research on longevity, you know, exercise and eating is a part of it. But it's also that connection and learning and belonging that that come in with that as well. And if you're so burned out, you're gonna think a battery eventually dies out, you know, and if it's used in the wrong capacity, it's life span will be shortened. There's not much difference than a human in the aspect that you have this internal battery in you, and there's things that you can do to energize it. But if you let it just running away that is not designed, it will. It will end sooner, and I've never met somebody that ever said at the end of their life, that. Hey, um, I wanted to do more emails. I wanted to make sure I, um I remember my password. You know, I changed it the correct time every time. Or I did this many products. No, they talked about the memories. They talk about the life moments that gave them joy, gave them energy, the times whenever they did. Scary things, Like for me. I know that hearing my father how he sold a vehicle that he made from scratch. Hey, was a poor kid, and he built it from hands up, and he sold that to start his business like that's a memory that he tells us all the time. And that's what I want my kids. But there's so many people I remember whenever I started, uh, I was leaving the health care industry well, still in it, but leaving that corporate health care job and somebody told me I couldn't leave. That's so scary. Eso I just couldn't do that like you can You're like, No, Okay, I'm like, but why? You're no different like you have amazing gifts and talents. So I think that's something I want to go into gifts and talents to be able thio the importance of knowing it so again that you could say no. We talked about values, but also your talents and your gifts,
[00:22:13] spk_0: right? And that's it takes some work to discover. Some people feel like they give a talent is based on skills on Lee, right? Purely. But other people's gifts and talents something that I'm doing is my genius zone is actually taking a lot of people have multiple passion, right? They wanted to do X y Z in our business or in our career in that life. But then what? It becomes overwhelming because you again lost focus. It's not about having multiple passion is knowing which one is actually just a hobby on which one is actually going to perform on, take you somewhere in life. So when people have all this, I'm very easy to say who I think only one or two is what drives you and naturally lights you up. And you're really good at, because if we don't stay in that zoom 80% of the time off your passion profession, then you are being distracted and you're dragging yourself down into a different rabbit hole is actually not going to produce you any value in life.
[00:23:18] spk_1: I love that. And so, for people that are listening into this and they're like, I'm still apologizing for saying no, What would you tell them?
[00:23:31] spk_0: I will ask you, What is your value system? Many people gonna ask you for your time. Resource is insanity to feed off. There's people are living for their own. Even as leaders, people don't work for you. They work for themselves and they will elevate their proficiency by knowing the goals and value that's similar to yours on by you highlighting what they naturally good at. So when people are asking you what to do, I always tell my client, Let's give yourself just half hour hour on the weekly basis. To do what? Burnout? Bulletproof alignment? What does that even mean? You gonna write down three off your core value system for this week on anything that's outside these three? Guess what, No automatically eliminated. You can be so robotic like that, too. You don't have to think Overthink it because there are distraction there in this Woo hoo things please. No. And once they go into the category of, they do align with your value system. And what, you think he can really, truly create something amazing. Now you have to go into a focus funnel. What does that mean? First, cannot be ultimatum. Kind of be creating a system that's already categorized all this for you. Like your emails, right? I like having then delegation. Can someone do it for you, even though might not be 100% of your system, but at least they did it. You can just go back to check. So what that means for me as a speaker, as a consultant, it's my va is gonna manage most off my connections. And when I needed to be somewhere on, my contents are my own. But she organized in a way. Now we can put out on Lincoln. I'm different blocks articles, so people can get to know that. So I don't have to do every little detail on myself. And then what? Once you go down to automation, eliminate ultimate and delegate, then you have to think about Is this gonna produce me time in the future? We're just gonna rob me time right now. Even I take five minutes be able to accomplish now. But if it's not something that's gonna move me forward in life. It's just another mundane thing that to go back on top of the focus, found no right. And if it's something like you are able to have a long conversation, build a program for this patient population and you really know their gap in their problem and you're producing this result for them. Yeah, there's gonna be a long term results, right so that you might want to block off half hour hour just to do that. And that may be your own idea, plus a team that can synergistically creating something great. But if it's just something that you have to reply email with your availability to speak somewhere, right to pull a record for another person, guess what? That's not your zone. Ah, passion or genius. So really think about not only your value system, but what you're really good at. And to take that step further is every week just pick out one of your skills that you wanted to grow or dive deeper into, and how do you wanna do that? Or maybe you need to connect with someone to help you do that right so Now we start to creating even more novelty and excitement in life.
[00:27:35] spk_1: I love it. I think it's so powerful and so important. Especially. I love that you put it that way to like you're bringing your focus down and I'm going to talk about delegation all day long like I love it. Elimination automation, my best friend if, and that's what I've been doing for years is I do my list, and if it keeps happening over and over again, there's gotta be a nap for it. We're in the 20th century or 21st century like there's got to be a nap for it by now, and it typically is. But people just taking that time, and I love how you put it. I've never heard it that way. But I love how you you say it that way that can it give you time later, and that is important because it's preventative. You are being proactive instead of reactive, and that's a game changer. So I appreciate you so much for coming on. Serena, pretty body that wants to reach out or I know you have a podcast or finding elsewhere may just want to speak with you How can they find you?
[00:28:35] spk_0: I am very active on linking as well as Instagram. My handle is my phone names at Sabrina round back You can also visit my website for anyone who want Thio Really think about Issa Possible to work with me on a performance level Getting your voice out, knowing your uniqueness So then you can be less distracted and have the boost of energy to continue. Wake up excited and going and you can visit my website suffering around back dot com for slash Apply to feel a quick form, Andi Then we can jump on a quick call to see how our energy will be thinking with each other.
[00:29:16] spk_1: I love it. Thank you so much for joining me today And thank you for all the listeners that I've listened in. This this is gonna to definitely have given you something because I know it's given me so much. Thought so much inside and I'm again blessed for used to bring in Blessed for all that's listening in you'll have an amazing day Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of unapologetically bold. I'm not sorry for if this touch shoot anyway, please like and subscribe and share with your friends as we continue the message of being unapologetically bold. Bobby and hot humans who are humble, open and transparent. See you next time.
Saying yes to the wrong things can steal not only your time but also your talents and treasure so this is why we are excited to have our guest with us today, Sabrina Runbeck, PA.
As a cardiothoracic surgery PA, she has to be sure to know how to make a tough decision, and saying no to many things is a part of it so she can show up and perform at her top level.
About the Guest:
Sabrina Runbeck, MPH, MHS, PA-C is a cardiothoracic surgery PA with more than 10 years of experience in public health and neuroscience.
After overcoming burnout and feeling stuck in a career that drained her, she became an International Peak Performance Speaker empowering young professionals to find their voice and overcome the stress of their personal and professional expectations. This allows them to reconnect with their passion, contribute positively to their organizations, and become influential in their fields without feeling overwhelmed, underappreciated, or undervalued!
That’s why people call her the Queen of Performance and Productivity.
She hosts the Powerful and Passionate Healthcare Professionals Podcast and is an author of an upcoming book, Asian Women who BossUp.
She also regularly shares insights on Instagram and LinkedIn for her audience and has spoken on numerous stages.
[00:00:02] spk_0: this is This show is brought to you by Safety FM. Welcome
[00:00:13] spk_1: to unapologetically bold. I'm not sorry for If you are a person that is tired of apologizing for being you, you know the human part of you that sometimes feels like it has to be different at home versus work versus play. The human side that just wants to be hot, humble, open and transparent about your wants, desires and uniqueness. If you answered yes, this is for you. Join me, Emily Elrod as I dive into conversations with Amazing Guest. About what? That you're not sorry for And creative and loving ways Let's get started. Welcome everybody to another unapologetically bold I'm not sorry for And I am so pumped today toe, Have Sabrina on with me. Thanks for joining me today is Breanna.
[00:01:02] spk_0: Hey, Thanks, Emily. So much for bringing me on with your audience and thanks everyone for listening in. I know you can be doing anything and you're choosing us. Yes,
[00:01:13] spk_1: and it's gonna be such a fun conversation. You say we both We both brought our bright game today. We're in our bright colors, just like I think that that describes us. We are very bright and shiny and possibly some dark spaces. And that's what this unapologetically bold is about, about how your human at home work and play and bringing positivity not like rainbows and butterflies, which sometimes we might could do. But it's about bringing the real nous. How being it says in the intro, Being hot Home will open and transparent about us and what makes us uniquely who we are. So again, thank you for joining me. Sabrina.
[00:01:51] spk_0: Yeah, so appreciating a space like this where people can just be themselves. At the end of the day, we're all just unique self. Yes, we might come from a similar background culture, even school and title. But how we're brought up, how we accept the poison vs the pleasant Jews into our own head on how we pivot. Our attitude is so unique, and that makes us who we are. And that's okay if you're different.
[00:02:21] spk_1: Amen. Amen to that. So, Sabrina, just for the listeners, tell us a little bit about yourself before we get into what you're not sorry for.
[00:02:30] spk_0: Yeah, I am a hard long surgery. P A. With more than 10 years background in public health and neuroscience. So a couple years back I became international peak performance speaker because I personally have gone through what most people thought is burned out. Now I believe young professional like us are just so driven. We are ambitious. We wanted to get somewhere very quickly, but because we wanted this rush of get going. Guess
[00:03:03] spk_1: what? I
[00:03:04] spk_0: was seeing a position working 80 hours a week. I'm feeling like I have to prove myself. Proved others doing more cases, patients on call. One day, barely eight o'clock in the morning, I was already exhausted because I was worried that beeper again. And there's one time I was having to be on call 29 Days Street on that particular morning. I woke up was a fever, feeling just a keenness that you just don't feel well and it wouldn't have been so bad, except I was completely gowned up with my hands inside a patient's open chest for his heart surgery. Uh, typically, I'm like this. I'm going, I'm chatting, even doing procedures on my nurse noticed that I was quiet. Sabrina, being quiet is probably not a pretty good thing. So they took pity on me and passed a call on cough Drop under my mask just to keep me going. Now, the next morning when I woke up Not any better, of course. And I was covered in night sweat barely can get out of bed, so I had to call in sick. Realizing that it doesn't take a medical degree to tell anybody you got to rest.
[00:04:29] spk_1: Mm.
[00:04:30] spk_0: So when I got on the phone with the person, my boss on the other land, he goes, You're just telling me this now. I just felt in sting me that, like, stab into your heart like that Super taking for granted. So unappreciated and study actually being found that the number one factor in workplace performance is appreciation. It actually beat out promotion, beat out more salary, more independence, autonomy and training. So if we don't feel valued in what we're doing either by ourselves and by other people now we continues to pour out and then become what you don't even want to do any more. You start losing the aim and your reason why you're even in this place.
[00:05:26] spk_1: The
[00:05:27] spk_0: first place. So I believe at the end of the day, we actually don't have a burning issue. We have a moral judgment, decision making issue and the leadership issue.
[00:05:36] spk_1: E agree so much to that, and I think that flows fantastically for what you are not sorry for. So the show's cut unapologetically bowl spring and what are you no longer apologizing for?
[00:05:50] spk_0: I am not sorry for saying no, because no, it's a perfect sentence. Think about this way one were younger. We're so good as saying yes and no
[00:06:03] spk_1: because we
[00:06:04] spk_0: don't restrict ourselves at all. Yes, when we grow up, we start conforming into others. Expectation on our own arbitrary expectations. Who is to say You have to be perfect where you have to go to certain level in your career or degrees for you to be someone you are you unique self already? We just don't even remember what I feel like look like. And when we lose that part of us losing that aim, then of course, we start making decisions and saying yes to a lot of things that truly just robbing our time, our energy on our sanity. Don't forget that last part,
[00:06:49] spk_1: and I think that's so important to go even back to your story on that. How many times did you want to say no? But I'm a people pleaser. I love to make people happy, but I found at some point in time, I am giving their happiness for my own energy. And at times it didn't serve me or did not do things that put me at a higher level that I needed to be so that I could serve the rest of the group, you know? And it was draining. So for you What? I know that you said that whenever you had that nurse pull your mask out just so that you could have a call was at that moment. You in your life? No, this this can't be it anymore. Or what was your moment when you're like, I need to start saying no.
[00:07:40] spk_0: I believe my story is not unique. Many people in health care where any other high demanding career have that moment of you just going to work even though you feel sick and you don't feel well. And you felt like, uh, it's a little bit of no problem. So for me is that was the beginning journey of seeing progression and to see myself have been changing my attitude from just going hanging out, enjoying and it becomes Oh my God, Everyone wants something like that. Think I'm responsible for someone all the time? This is not life. And when I mentioned I was on hall continuously, I want my patient for just as young as as in the early thirties. He ignored his cough and cold symptoms on end up having an infection in his heart. Bell on actually what? By the time he got to us, he need his fourth open heart surgery on all trigger down from you ignoring your own size. And then you start going to the er Onley when things hit rock bottom. I don't want it to be a person like that on my own table. And I also know that life simply means more. So I had to step back. Just accept right own up Thio, you haven't shown up for so long. You allow other people to drag your life in certain way on their path inside your path. So my own research back in the day of my neuroscience of Public Health day was on self efficacy, self care, stress management and performance. that positive psychology side. So, like dive a little deeper learning from Brandon Bashar different other coaches from Stanford, like my coach, uh, Chiesa, who focus on what does that really mean? Why are we having this emotional rollercoaster can sustain our happiness? Because we know knowledge right at the queues. Like they're just knowledge. They're just tools. If you don't use it correctly, they're not serving you and even you use correctly. There's always gonna be some unforeseen roadblocks that going to come to your way. If you allow yourself to be stuck in that roadblock, don't know how to pick out to be the resourceful, the current curious part of you. Then you no longer be able to step up. So those air the sabotaging behavior we need to recognize and get ourselves out Now we can truly build What would I call that mental immunity to go forward and then figure out What is that true mission motivation we have in life and continue to redefine that? Because one day things always change your more people coming into your life. You start thinking about what it needs to be done. But if we don't do that, we got stuck in one place that ultimately, to be that high performer to be a super efficient, productive is start with knowing your energy level. How can you reboot that basic foundation? So you're more focused, more calm, more direct with your thoughts and your actions.
[00:11:02] spk_1: I love it. It makes me think of. I think I do with some of my clients. It is your phone, like if you take out your phone right now, I could easily know where to look at to see my battery level. And many people are always aware with their battery level it. But are you with yourself? Do you know whatever your dream, do you know when you need to be recharged? Do you know what outlets you need to be plugged into? Thio bring you back up to the level so that you can do what you're meant to do, and it's more than just being a product for somebody is going into that purpose. And I love that you talk about self efficacy. I believe that's very important and having the compassion, the self compassion side that comes from it and carrying for yourself, especially your caregiver. And that's a lot of my focus is either healthcare or its high stress, high demand areas. Because if you're not caring for yourself, something's going to fall. It it I've never seen where it doesn't. And all that to say, though, is you starting to say no is not easy either. And so I love to talk about that for a minute. Is there's this kind of dilemma between which sucks more being nervous and going into the uncomfortable or staying where you're at and just waiting until you may end up on your table.
[00:12:31] spk_0: Yes, yes, Oh my goodness. So if you think about life were in the comfort bubble, right and there's your first circle and then I guess what's outside of that circle, it's your fear zone, right? Many people don't want to thio even put their foot into that water of fear. They feel like, Oh, my goodness, What could happen? Are you gonna get shocked like really, world is gonna tumbling down like how come we're so dramatic about this fear zone, which is so unrealistic, right? And then and one of the exercise I even work with by patient about and actually I mentioned one. The TV segment was just in its one years gets stuck in somewhere that you just like. Oh, I can't believe this happened, right? Like, this is terrible or your fear from Just get started. Ask yourself this question. What is the probability this actually and it happened, right? And write that down US detail as possible about this scenario, and then you're gonna flip the table. What's the probability of this? Turned out to be the amazing best thing you ever had done for your life. And then what we're gonna dio is you're gonna position yourself as your best friend. What would he or she tell you? One is in the same situation, right? When we take ourselves out of that being in the situation, then your logic comes back. Then your reason on come back, then your emotional well being start coming back. So that is getting out of the fear zone. Because guess what's outside. The fear zone is growth zone. Growth means there are growing pain. There's things you figure out us your move forward in life and it's okay when we start our first step. It might not be the best step, but at least you know whether it works or not. If you didn't even step out to try this thing, how can you validate on idea when you're just hearing it from other people? You have no personal experience in it. Your uniqueness can make something great versus other peoples uniqueness. It won't work for them. Mhm. So guess what? It's outside the growth zone. That's when you actually a salary because you know so clearly what needs to be done to get to that and go. And now you can be line it. Now you have that internal compass. You don't have to be distracted. And now you can say no to anything that come to you. That's not aligning with who you are, how you want to show up on what's the end product that you can create.
[00:15:24] spk_1: I love that it makes me think of. I call it Well, it's called the Celery Test. I called the Apple test because I hate salary, but it's basically the and it's what I've used to know when to say no. And it's again. It's not an easy thing, but say that you are going to the grocery store and you have an apple. You have potato chips, you have ice cream. Your goal is to live healthy instantly. I know my decision. We can do that with our values, knowing what your values is for my company. With works be it is accountability, Connection and results is the things and are the things that we're doing. Are they going to give people those aspects? It's fine, and it's based again on my my listeners know this on my nerdiness on oxytocin. Is it going to give us that loving grandmother? Is it going to give us that release of connection of bonding, of humanity that's needed? Also giving us a sense of safety and security? Because what you even spoke about earlier is the importance of this is a leadership problem. Burnout is a leadership problem. It's self leadership, yes, but it's also leaders in general having the confidence to know themselves first and then from there, going out and speaking with the people. Are you burned out like And what are the things that I'm doing that is killing your energy? That is depriving of you? And I can even think so many experiences in my life? Just when some leaders they gave me the energy and they depleted it. And if the word no was used more because as a high performer. And I wanna love to go into your thoughts on this, whatever you kept saying, yes, those 29 days consecutively, what was your thought process to why you couldn't say no
[00:17:26] spk_0: such a great question. I think they all come down to obligation. We have a sense of obligation that if we don't do it, no one else can on. Then we doing what we put ourselves onto a pedestal. Why are you not able to delegate? First of all, why can you just ask for help? To be able to think about what these other options out there now, Sometimes they can just be a resource problem, right? You're not in the A team that can support you. And that's also one of the big questions. I ask people when they're in that transition, whether you just graduate or you're being working and wanting to get to the next level. I asked you, How would you feel on what does it look like for you in a team base? How do you want to be supported because ultimately having a dream boss who can support your elevate you means so much more than funding an ideal job description. Just because this job description might match what you want now it doesn't mean the additional things when we see the life equation right outside all our input of time, energy, intrinsic value, sanity, resource, money, all that stuff. The output is not just your r o I of how much you're making in return. That's what people got stuck on. The only thinking about the r o I. If I put in this, I have to get something money wise, right? Otherwise, it's not valuable. No, no. Yes, That is one way to measure. There's three other ways you need to think about which our lifestyle is a truly matching. How you want to live. Do you even know how you wanna live? Uh huh. Then your future value. What does that mean for you in the person growing into the next state of your life? And that is what personal growth? Because we know if we become stagnant if we're just like oh, I'm pretty good, I'm satisfied, which is a great feeling. But we always need to have this 10% extra that we want to go forward because that's what gonna lead us, drive us, keep us going for, um, O mentum motivation standpoint, right? And if we continue to have a little bit extra, and then we feel what more joy excitement due to that novelty that we're creating as we're growing in to tomorrow to the next day,
[00:20:05] spk_1: I love it, and it makes me think on some of the studies and research on longevity, you know, exercise and eating is a part of it. But it's also that connection and learning and belonging that that come in with that as well. And if you're so burned out, you're gonna think a battery eventually dies out, you know, and if it's used in the wrong capacity, it's life span will be shortened. There's not much difference than a human in the aspect that you have this internal battery in you, and there's things that you can do to energize it. But if you let it just running away that is not designed, it will. It will end sooner, and I've never met somebody that ever said at the end of their life, that. Hey, um, I wanted to do more emails. I wanted to make sure I, um I remember my password. You know, I changed it the correct time every time. Or I did this many products. No, they talked about the memories. They talk about the life moments that gave them joy, gave them energy, the times whenever they did. Scary things, Like for me. I know that hearing my father how he sold a vehicle that he made from scratch. Hey, was a poor kid, and he built it from hands up, and he sold that to start his business like that's a memory that he tells us all the time. And that's what I want my kids. But there's so many people I remember whenever I started, uh, I was leaving the health care industry well, still in it, but leaving that corporate health care job and somebody told me I couldn't leave. That's so scary. Eso I just couldn't do that like you can You're like, No, Okay, I'm like, but why? You're no different like you have amazing gifts and talents. So I think that's something I want to go into gifts and talents to be able thio the importance of knowing it so again that you could say no. We talked about values, but also your talents and your gifts,
[00:22:13] spk_0: right? And that's it takes some work to discover. Some people feel like they give a talent is based on skills on Lee, right? Purely. But other people's gifts and talents something that I'm doing is my genius zone is actually taking a lot of people have multiple passion, right? They wanted to do X y Z in our business or in our career in that life. But then what? It becomes overwhelming because you again lost focus. It's not about having multiple passion is knowing which one is actually just a hobby on which one is actually going to perform on, take you somewhere in life. So when people have all this, I'm very easy to say who I think only one or two is what drives you and naturally lights you up. And you're really good at, because if we don't stay in that zoom 80% of the time off your passion profession, then you are being distracted and you're dragging yourself down into a different rabbit hole is actually not going to produce you any value in life.
[00:23:18] spk_1: I love that. And so, for people that are listening into this and they're like, I'm still apologizing for saying no, What would you tell them?
[00:23:31] spk_0: I will ask you, What is your value system? Many people gonna ask you for your time. Resource is insanity to feed off. There's people are living for their own. Even as leaders, people don't work for you. They work for themselves and they will elevate their proficiency by knowing the goals and value that's similar to yours on by you highlighting what they naturally good at. So when people are asking you what to do, I always tell my client, Let's give yourself just half hour hour on the weekly basis. To do what? Burnout? Bulletproof alignment? What does that even mean? You gonna write down three off your core value system for this week on anything that's outside these three? Guess what, No automatically eliminated. You can be so robotic like that, too. You don't have to think Overthink it because there are distraction there in this Woo hoo things please. No. And once they go into the category of, they do align with your value system. And what, you think he can really, truly create something amazing. Now you have to go into a focus funnel. What does that mean? First, cannot be ultimatum. Kind of be creating a system that's already categorized all this for you. Like your emails, right? I like having then delegation. Can someone do it for you, even though might not be 100% of your system, but at least they did it. You can just go back to check. So what that means for me as a speaker, as a consultant, it's my va is gonna manage most off my connections. And when I needed to be somewhere on, my contents are my own. But she organized in a way. Now we can put out on Lincoln. I'm different blocks articles, so people can get to know that. So I don't have to do every little detail on myself. And then what? Once you go down to automation, eliminate ultimate and delegate, then you have to think about Is this gonna produce me time in the future? We're just gonna rob me time right now. Even I take five minutes be able to accomplish now. But if it's not something that's gonna move me forward in life. It's just another mundane thing that to go back on top of the focus, found no right. And if it's something like you are able to have a long conversation, build a program for this patient population and you really know their gap in their problem and you're producing this result for them. Yeah, there's gonna be a long term results, right so that you might want to block off half hour hour just to do that. And that may be your own idea, plus a team that can synergistically creating something great. But if it's just something that you have to reply email with your availability to speak somewhere, right to pull a record for another person, guess what? That's not your zone. Ah, passion or genius. So really think about not only your value system, but what you're really good at. And to take that step further is every week just pick out one of your skills that you wanted to grow or dive deeper into, and how do you wanna do that? Or maybe you need to connect with someone to help you do that right so Now we start to creating even more novelty and excitement in life.
[00:27:35] spk_1: I love it. I think it's so powerful and so important. Especially. I love that you put it that way to like you're bringing your focus down and I'm going to talk about delegation all day long like I love it. Elimination automation, my best friend if, and that's what I've been doing for years is I do my list, and if it keeps happening over and over again, there's gotta be a nap for it. We're in the 20th century or 21st century like there's got to be a nap for it by now, and it typically is. But people just taking that time, and I love how you put it. I've never heard it that way. But I love how you you say it that way that can it give you time later, and that is important because it's preventative. You are being proactive instead of reactive, and that's a game changer. So I appreciate you so much for coming on. Serena, pretty body that wants to reach out or I know you have a podcast or finding elsewhere may just want to speak with you How can they find you?
[00:28:35] spk_0: I am very active on linking as well as Instagram. My handle is my phone names at Sabrina round back You can also visit my website for anyone who want Thio Really think about Issa Possible to work with me on a performance level Getting your voice out, knowing your uniqueness So then you can be less distracted and have the boost of energy to continue. Wake up excited and going and you can visit my website suffering around back dot com for slash Apply to feel a quick form, Andi Then we can jump on a quick call to see how our energy will be thinking with each other.
[00:29:16] spk_1: I love it. Thank you so much for joining me today And thank you for all the listeners that I've listened in. This this is gonna to definitely have given you something because I know it's given me so much. Thought so much inside and I'm again blessed for used to bring in Blessed for all that's listening in you'll have an amazing day Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of unapologetically bold. I'm not sorry for if this touch shoot anyway, please like and subscribe and share with your friends as we continue the message of being unapologetically bold. Bobby and hot humans who are humble, open and transparent. See you next time.