This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

Okay, in this one, I want to tell you a bit of a story, and this originates from having now learnt a lot of things. When I look around, I see people creating obstacles and problems for themselves. And it saddens me because, sometimes these tiny little aspects of the way they look at life cause massive problems for themselves. They seem to struggle and think it's everyone else's problem, not realising that it's actually them.

What I want to talk to you about is, I have social groups that I also run, and I was at one of these social groups and we're having a discussion about challenges and obstacles that we have with dating. Well, I don't, but they do. The group was probably about 60% women and 40% men. So it's mostly women, probably a little more actually. One of the guys, he would have been in his late thirties, early forties said "The thing that annoys me is when I'll take a woman out for dinner and I've paid for the meal, and at the end of the night she won't...", and I put my hand up and said, "You might want to stop right there," because I knew exactly what he was going to say.

I said, "You might want to re-think what you're about to say, because if you say that, with all these women here, they're gonna tear you into pieces" and they had every right because that is a shitty attitude. Sadly, there are a lot of blokes that have this attitude and they'll try to defend it and all of this sort of thing and explain it. Regardless of how you try and explain it, it's a crap attitude.

If a guy buys a woman a meal, that doesn't mean she is obligated to do anything other than say, "Thank you for the meal. It was enjoyable". That's the only thing she's obligated to say. Is to be a little grateful, a little appreciative. If she doesn't want to do that, well, she's obviously someone you shouldn't date. But that attitude is not good, and sadly, I see a lot of people doing lots of these tiny little things that make a massive barrier for themselves, and they can't see it.

Now, the sad thing is, is that undercurrent that this young man had, I say young, because he's younger than me. This young man had is that, he won't value a woman. So even if he finds someone who's right for him and he's right for her, that relationship will struggle because he won't value her, the way he should value her. That's sad, because then they both get short changed and they miss out on so much.

These little attitudes, ones that we given by media, culture, other people. They're very subtle in the way that they shift our mindset and get us to think. That story I just told is just one example of the many things that people do. That's a really big one, because it's a very strong contrast as to how you should be thinking about people. Now, if he was coaching with me, the first thing, I would have said to him, "You don't take a woman out on a dinner date in the first few dates. It's just not a done thing, because if the date doesn't go well, you're suddenly stuck with someone, and it's very awkward to extricate yourself from that situation". It becomes very awkward.

Now, it's OK if you've got the skills to, but most people don't have the skills to or the courage probably far more courage than skills, to be able to be honest with someone, and say "Look, this isn't working. How about we just call it a night? I thank you for your time". Most people don't have that courage, they'll excuse themselves and go to the toilet and do a runner or they'll say "I had a lovely time" and sit through the whole night and then at the end, awkwardly text him and say, "I think it's gonna work out". However, if it starts off with the man thinking, "Here's this woman, she's good looking. I'll buy her a meal and at the end of the night, I'll get a bit of...", you know, whatever.

 Starting off with that attitude is not healthy. It's not healthy for them. That's not healthy for the relationship. And the bad thing is, and this is one that I say to people when you're out walking up to people, if you have a crappy attitude and the next, there's someone who sees you have that crappy attitude talking to someone, and that's whether it's a man or a woman or man approaching, woman approaching or vice versa. If you have that crappy attitude, when you then walk up to them, they are going to go. "Not interested". The sad thing is, they could have been the right one for you. They could have been someone with whom you could have built a really good relationship.

That's sad, because that opportunity is now gone. So this young guy, he could be meeting lots of women who were right for him. With this attitude, though, he goes out on a meal. He has his crappy attitude that sabotages the situation, and he loses that opportunity with someone, with whom he could have had a fantastic relationship. So that one little attitude destroys all of these opportunities.

If you're dating and I don't know if you are, because obviously you can only hear me, I can't hear you. But if you're dating, I want you to really think about, are there little attitudes, little habits, behaviours that could be sabotaging your dating efforts?", and this also actually applies to relationships.

You know, there could be little things like, they've done studies about things that people do that contribute to a happy relationship. And it's amazing how simple these things could be but repeated regularly make a massive difference. And it's the same thing with dating or anything. Are there little habits and behaviours that are sabotaging your efforts, your results that you may not even be aware of. You know, feel free to ask friends, family, people that you know, who will give you honest feedback.

Ask them, "With my dating, is there anything that I do you think could be wrong?" You know, when you hear me talking about it, if you've watched me talk to people, is there anything that you think I might need help with? And if you've got people that really care, they'll give you the honest truth. Anyway, that was, a memory that popped up talking to this friend the other day, and it was interesting. It was interesting to revisit it, and my wife and I, when we're out, we do a date night every Friday, and when we're out I see people and I watch people, we both do.

We both, like to people-watch sometimes, and we guess, whether if that's a first date that they're on or whether that's a third date and it's good fun. We don't know what the actual correct answer is, but it's fun to look at them. I don't like seeing it, because I feel sad that these people could be missing out on something that's great for them. And I wouldn't like to think that you're missing out on great things for you.

There you go, a thought for the day. Look after yourselves. Keep up the good work. Thanks for listening. It's great having you as my audience grows and remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

 You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

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