Dating Kinky
Throwback: Unconditional Relationships? *cough cough* BULLSHIT!
May 12, 2022
Over the years, I've had a lot of feels about the idea of "unconditional." Here are a few from years previous.
Over the years, I've had a lot of feels about the idea of "unconditional."

Back in 2015, I wrote:

Unconditional Love?

So in a comment on yesterday's post, a friend mentioned unconditional love. It caught my attention, and I thought I'd discuss this a bit.

Drawing on the post I made a few days back, the definition of love is:


an intense feeling of deep affection.

When I think of this, I think of the feelings of wanting what's best for someone, feeling a depth of care, and acceptance of them as a whole person.

That kind of love, I believe can be unconditional.

The kind of love where you HAVE to be with them, hold their hand, have sex, marry, live together, laugh, play and travel together...

That kind of love is not and, dare I say it, SHOULD NOT be unconditional.

Now, if you read what I have to say very regularly, you will know I'm not one to tell people how to live their lives, but I'm kinda gonna here.

Here's why I think THAT kind of love should NOT be unconditional.

For the giver:

You deserve to have conditions on who you choose to allow in your life. You deserve to get back the good stuff from your lover.

- You deserve to have poly if you need it or monogamy.
- You deserve someone sexually compatible with you.
- You deserve a partner who communicates with you.
- You deserve someone who respects your limits.
- You deserve someone you enjoy spending time with.
- You deserve someone who tells you that you are beautiful or smart, or whatever you need to hear.

And if you do not have these things, no matter how much you love someone, you deserve to go find them elsewhere, and still love them and wish them all the best in finding a better match.

Find the transcript for this episode here.