A BIT OF GRACE
Build A Strong Relationship
September 5, 2020
How is your relationship going? Is it easy and smooth or are you having some challenges? I've been hearing about people going through really emotional roller coasters with online dating...
How is your relationship going? Is it easy and smooth or are you having some challenges? I've been hearing about people going through really emotional roller coasters with online dating.

All that apprehension beforehand and the challenges of texting or not texting and how often to text and different rules and observations. Then the experiences of having people reject you or you reject them. Boy, I sympathize with you because I'm just an old married lady who had her anniversary last week. It was forty four years for us, but I gotta say, it hasn't all been smooth.

It has been a roller coaster at times and there were points where, frankly, I was ready to give up. But I can say that when you do commit and if you're each able to speak freely about your own feelings and your own goals and have independence, you can enjoy a happy relationship.

You can allow each other flexibility to grow, and I think it's super important that in a loving relationship, it's feeding you, not draining you. It is bringing you joy and peace, not anxiety and fear and doubting yourself. This is a really important choice. Our choice of partner is an important piece in our puzzle of life. Making that wrong choice or hanging in with that wrong choice when it's just being brutal to us, isn't healthy.

If people are not feeling good in a relationship, it's important to talk about it. It's important to give voice to those feelings. Don't stuff it down because it will just grow, and then there's a nice little nest for illness to happen. 

It's much better to have a conversation to sort things out than to just pile up resentment, swallowing what you want to say and building it up until you blow up like a volcano. Don't do that. Say it now, don't save up all your garbage to dump on someone when you are at your limit. It's much easier to work it through if you each have a chance to talk.

Our experience has been up and down and a roller coaster at times. In the end, the best stuff that's happened is the calm conversations and solutions that come from them. That would be my best advice as a person who's hung in there in a relationship for a long time, since I was very young. It is that you try to give it a chance to be looked at from both sides. Don't be too self-centered and stuck on just what you're feeling but look from the other side. Let each other speak of how you feel. Don't shut either of you down. Don't block, don't avoid. 

Another avoidance people go through in relationships is frankly using other things. Other activities keeping busy, whether it's with a lot of drinking or drugs, or travel or something. Always doing something, so they don't have to deal with their actual feelings and stuff that's been piling up in a relationship. 

Maybe the COVID times have helped bring some of that to the surface. So people actually talk about what they need to talk about and look at life a little more realistically, because there's so much potential for it to be better. You just have to be open to shifting and listening and changing. Seeing things from a different perspective, you both can grow and you both can enjoy your life together.