Candice Horbacz
August 11, 2020
Today on The Jay Allen Show, Jay speaks with Candice Horbacz. Candice Horbacz is a podcast host of Chatting with Candice, Twitch Partner, and has her BA in Psychology. She is interested in self-improvement, psychology, relationships, and spirituality.
During the conversation, Candice and Jay discuss high-risk work, relationships, sexuality, and jealousy. Hear it all today on The Jay Allen Show.
#CandiceHorbacz #JayAllen #Sexuality #SafetyPodcast #SafetyEducation #SafetyRadio #RealSafetyTalk #SafetyFM #BITW #KOASM
Today on The Jay Allen Show, Jay speaks with Candice Horbacz. Candice Horbacz is a podcast host of Chatting with Candice, Twitch Partner, and has her BA in Psychology. She is interested in self-improvement, psychology, relationships, and spirituality.
During the conversation, Candice and Jay discuss high-risk work, relationships, sexuality, and jealousy. Hear it all today on The Jay Allen Show.
[00:00:02] spk_0: This is what this show is brought to you by safety Eyes streaming
[00:00:12] spk_1: hello and welcome to the J. Allen Show. We're coming to you live from the safety of M Studios in Orlando, Florida. I hope you're off to a fantastic week so far as you're rolling and bowling into this new week in 2020 way talked about it in the past and we knew what was gonna happen at some points that were there Now the beginning of the J. Allen show. We said We will be doing some things outside of the safety world and that's one of those conversations that we have going on today. Way. Today I have the privilege of speaking to Candace Horbacz. She is the host for chatting with Candace and has a B A in psychology. She's interested in self improvement, psychology, relationships and spirituality and discussing those things and length on her show. We reached out to Candace to see if we could have her come on and have that conversation here with some of our safety professionals that we have out there in the audience. They could have a listen to what Candice has to say in regards of this difficult conversation that most don't have enjoy my conversation with Candace here today on the J. Allen show. So I guess, really, let me start off with the main question I like, ask most people what kind of lifted down this path of wanting to have conversations with people about, I guess, coaching and personal relationships. I did this all come about for you.
[00:02:16] spk_0: So I think a lot of it just came from having, like, a unique path, if you will like, I guess I have a very exaggerated form of experience when it comes to relationships. So I do have my B a in psychology, and then I was in the adult industry for, like, 10 years. Um, I navigated that through that with my you know, fiance and now husband. Um, we were in a really like we were in a traditional relationship, kind of at the beginning, and it evolved into something else. So every kind of like Myrtle that we had to go over was just like an exaggerated version of what, like a regular civilian would go through. So, like, you know, cheating became like Well, what is monogamy and what is important to us. So just like very similar issues, just like on a bigger stage. So I figured if we could handle, like, you know, all of these issues exaggerated than I should have some, like advice in just some experience sharing that I could, you know, provide other people. Um, And then, you know, through those struggles, we had to kind of, like, focus on ourselves and how to, like, improve and, you know, make sure we're always growing together, making sure the relationship is healthy. And then, through that self improvement, um, I just felt like I was in a place where I really wanted toe learn. And I think the best way to learn is to have conversations. So it just was like a very good, um, outlet for me for, like, given. Take.
[00:03:48] spk_1: So I have to tell you, I really admire the way that she warded. That How civilians. So you really looking at this like, hardcore? Did you as you're looking at this, I mean, you say civilians. So do you feel like there was, almost, like, a military style relationship that you're going?
[00:04:01] spk_0: No. So I know it like that term throws a lot of people off, But just anyone in the adult industry, like you, refer to anyone that's not as a civilian. I don't know where it came from, but it's just kind of like the terminology. Um, and I think it's just It's not, like, obviously out of disrespect for anyone in the military cause it's not comparable at all. But it is just more of like drawing a line in the sand music. It's a very stark difference in a lot of people. Unless you have a curious mindset, you're not going to understand the other side at all.
[00:04:33] spk_1: Okay, so let me kind of ask a couple of strange questions because of being is you brought it up. I want a backtrack for sure. You say that you started off with a traditional style relationship, and I know that I will say that you have a very at that particular time, a very different style, job or career path that you're going down. So how do you start having the discussions and regards aware? How does jealousy come about? Like, how does it come into question of okay if I'm in a traditional relationship. I would see you with someone else. I would be jealous. So how do I move forward and say Okay, now, this is part of your career path. So I am going to attempt not to be jealous now with what you're doing.
[00:05:10] spk_0: So it was like, I mean, we talked about it, probably for years before. I kind of, like, made the transition into doing, like, you know, hardcore film, like before that it was very soft. And it wasn't anything that was gonna be like to, um, difficult for either. Must, like navigate. But it was a no ongoing discussion. Um, so for me, I didn't want to be in a situation where it was very, like, one sided. So it was like, OK, well, I get to go and do these scenes, and you have to sit at home by yourself on the East Coast while I'm out in l a shooting. And I expect you to, like, you know, just be like this good boy and not look and talk to other girls. And because we're just worried making the distinction between sex for work and sex for pleasure. And I just think that that's that wasn't a fairway toe look at it. If we wanted to tackle jealousy, I wanted to tackle it like in its entirety on, and I kind of wanted to have that discussion with him as to like, Well, where is this coming from? An. Almost all jealousy comes from insecurity or of fear of loss, and it depends on, like your belief system. But if you feel like you own a person or that the person belongs to you like I don't feel like that's a healthy form of a relationship, I think every day it's making a decision to be with somebody, Um, and that that's what love is. Love is freedom, and I think when you try to pin something down, too hard is kind of when you lose. It's like purity, in a sense, um, so we just had to understand they were humans, and we're going to have these feelings like that's part of the human experience, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. But how you express it is totally up to you. So if you want to express that jealousy in a healthy way, or if you want to act out like a lot of people dio almost like reflexively and shout and threatened to end the relationship. It's like, Well, where do you want to be in, like, how serious is this relationship? Soto us? It's like sex is obviously what we still think. It's important. But we do think that there is a difference between, like, loving somebody and having that sexual connection with them and then just having so the casual affair, if you will, um,
[00:07:25] spk_1: you so many people in the audience for now, going holy hell but is going on here.
[00:07:32] spk_0: It's a lot. But I guess if you dumb it down, it's basically if you, if you really are committed to somebody and you really love somebody to me like that is letting that person have the freedom to make their own choices and also having the freedom to make mistakes. So people think, um, you know, because we may be because of my history, my past career, like we're just out there swinging and doing all of these crazy things, and that's just not the case. It's more of looking at things like, you know, if there is an incident like if there is a if I have Ah, you know, negative reaction to If I get jealous, I'm not okay with something that we can discuss it. We cannot do it again and we can move forward. It's the permission to make mistakes. So I think a lot of people is like, you know, he cheated, were divorcing or he cheated were breaking up. And to me, I think that that's not necessarily the healthiest approach.
[00:08:24] spk_1: Now, when you say that, do you look at it and go? It is more common nowadays for people to will say now, air quote, cheat on people and say it over because of that opposed to having the open mind of Hey, I'm in love with this other person and we we had a one off or I decided to do something that I made the decision to move forward with.
[00:08:45] spk_0: I think it's kind, at least for my experience and like the people that have, like, you know, experience shared with me, like I find a lot of especially women, if their partner cheats like they're just done were that they can't actually truly forgive the person and move forward and like heal those wounds It's like, OK, you broke this trust and that's it. So I think if you expand on the jealousy right, if you look inward instead of outward so it don't look on like your partner's transgressions look at like why you're having this reaction and then, like, ask yourself what you actually want, like, is this person in every other sense, like a good partner? They like taking off all of those boxes. And if the answer is yes and maybe it's something worth saving.
[00:09:28] spk_1: So let's kind of do the reverse portion then. So let me kind of ask kind of the story in question. So as you're having these discussions throughout the years before you decide to go in to where we what you dreamed hard course stuff, how did that actually work? How did it work for your fiancee of the time? Your husband? Now, did he ever come back to you and say I'm interested in doing something outside as you're doing this for? Is that No,
[00:09:50] spk_0: I like that. That was like, that was my decision just because I was in the industry for a few years before I made that decision and I just I'm like a spectator. Like I just I'm always constantly like seeing what everyone else is doing around me just cause I'm kind of a shy person. So, like, rather than like, um, like, I guess, partake in the conversations. I just, like, observe. So it's actually more common, I think, than not for people in the industry t to make their partner who is a quote, you know, civilian still be monogamous. And I just saw how toxic that could become because it's like there's one rule for one person and another rule for someone else. And that's never gonna work out, that you both have to be on the same page with, like, your philosophies with anything. So for me, I was like, OK, well, if I'm going to do this for work, I can't hold a different standard to you. Um, and we're both gonna work on our jealousy, and we're both gonna outline what rules we want for this relationship and try our best to abide by those rules.
[00:10:51] spk_1: So the first time, then he decides to go do something. How do you feel as the other as the other person at the time? How is How does this work? I know that you're preparing yourself mentally for this, but how does it go for you? First interaction.
[00:11:04] spk_0: Oh, my gosh, I waas so just so jealous. So worked up when I found out and I was actually. And the funny thing is, I was in l. A and I was there for probably two weeks filming. So it's not like I was, you know, not not, you know, causing him stress. Um, and then he has this one moment with somebody else and then he's honest cause I asked him, and it was like, still new. And it was hit the first time I was wildly jealous. And then I had to kind of, like, take a step back and then again, be like, Well, like, this isn't fair. Like I expect him toe, let me, you know, do my career and follow like my path there. And then I expect different from him. So it's kind of like I had to go back and say, OK, well, what were the rules that we agreed on and like, what is important to me? And it's just kind of like a muscle that I feel like you have to kind of like work. So it's not to say everyone should be in an open relationship or anyone should be, you know, questioning monogamy. I think everyone has, like, a blueprint that's gonna work for them, But it's just assessing that jealousy in general, right? So, like for some people, it so you can't even, like, have a conversation with someone of the opposite sex, you have to like, tackle that, or for some people it's dancing. And some people, it's like going to Hooters, whatever it is that everyone has that thing, that kind of makes that little jealousy monster pop out. So it's like it's going inward to kind of see where that's like stemming from.
[00:12:30] spk_1: So as you take a look at this, of course, some people are going to go well, that's the extreme side of it. So if we back up and let's say we'll say average, because that's definitely what it has to be average relationship, What do you think is that some of these triggers that happen to certain people? So let me kind of use what my target audience as the majority of the audience here, our safety professionals and they're kind of like the outcast inside of most of their organizations because they're kind of like the stand alone there. And when they go back home, they have a hard time because, hey, they've had this work environment where not everybody loves them. But all of sudden they go home and they're expecting some kind of level will say of love, interaction, maybe sex in the evening. But sometimes those are not the things that get them super excited. And those are the things that they go well. How am I supposed to be able to proceed forward when I'm having a stressful job here day in and day out, and now I go home and let's say, for instance, they can't be the person that they want to be. They can't be the lover that they were once before, or they can be in the relationship the way they're looking at because of all this pressure throughout the day. How do you take a look at that and *** these? There may be some techniques you can use.
[00:13:37] spk_0: I think you need to first tackle your mindset when it comes to your work so everyone can have different stressors in their job obviously can be it. You can show a bit like different levels, but everyone faces stress, and I think you have to kind of find your purpose, if you will, with your job. So I think too many people, especially with social media, were pressured to be like the CEO or an entrepreneur or the big dog in the office. And if we're not, then all of a sudden, like there is like this discrepancy. So I think it's like first trying to find some kind of gratitude for your work and like, look at how may be like the ripple effect and like what you're providing for other people. I think that that, like, is like a really good form of like gratitude and how to just have a sense of appreciation for the work that you're doing. So just first, try to shift that try to get like a more positive relationship with work. Also, when you're leaving work in your transitioning to going back to like husband, boyfriend, partner, whatever it is is having some kind of like totem. If you would so like for me, I work from home, so it's really important to have something that kind of like tells my brain. Okay, time to switch gears like were no longer working. Um, we're going into, like, Mommy mode or we're going in tow wife mode or we're just going into relaxation mode. So it's like a bracelet that I put on so it could be like a T shirt that you put on and like, you know, jewelry, a ring, just anything that's like a physical X signal of like we are switching gears. So the more you do that, it's like gonna have a very powerful effect. You know, for some people, it might sound like a little Wu. Um, I don't have the science in front of me, but it is proven to help. So having a totem is like another tip on. Then I would say meditating is also wildly important, especially if you have a high stress job. So check taking, even just like 60 seconds when you first come in in the door like don't engage, don't feel like all of a sudden like you have to be this other person. Take 60 seconds for yourself. Close your eyes, do some deep breathing and then just get in a place where you can, Alec, relax and enjoy, like the second half of your day.
[00:15:49] spk_1: So as you look at this now, especially with a lot of the changes have been taking your cross inside of the world where people might not have the opportunity of going to a physical location and working, and they have to work at home. What techniques would you tell them to apply there?
[00:16:01] spk_0: So for me again, it would be if you can if you are, you know, fortunate enough to have the space, like have a designated workspace like try not to work out of your bed. That's always been something that a lot of professionals have advised is like, You want that to kind of be like your serenity space so you don't want to take work into the bedroom. So try to like work, you know, in the kitchen, in the living room, if you have it, and at home office or a spare bedroom that you can kind of convert so kind, like separating out the spaces and again having like that totem. So like having that reminder of like a hard stop. So just because you're at home, you need to make sure that you're still having, like, the very strict boundaries of, like, thes air, the hours that I'm going toe work and then also recovery is very important. So I have a hard stop at five o'clock or I have a hard stop at six o'clock, whatever it is. So I think that a lot of people, especially if they're not used to working from home, it's very easy to work into the late hours of the night because you're like, Oh, well, I'm still here and I'm not done yet. So recovery is crucial when it comes to productivity. Um, you're actually going to get a lot more work done if you do take the time to relax and have that time with your loved ones.
[00:17:13] spk_1: So let's talk about work life balance, because I believe that that becomes another issue for high stress jobs. So as you look at it and you said hard stop So you have the hard stop five oclock, six o'clock. So one. What about those people that are, Let's say, for instance, are quote unquote on call 24 7 and all of a sudden you know, at any any given moment, you and I could be having a conversation saying we're in a relationship all of a sudden, I have a phone call. I know that I have to be paying attention to my phone. How can they make a separation there based on what you've seen?
[00:17:41] spk_0: So it depends on what your line of work is, because I find that there is probably very few people that actually are, like, truly on 24 hour call on and usually lose their like, you know, first responders, doctors, things like that, Um, for anyone that you know doesn't fall into that category, someone who maybe just feels like they have to be 24 7 for their boss again. It goes into, you know, having healthy boundaries on. And if you don't have those healthy boundaries like you have to set them for yourself. So you know, having an auto response on your email, like I'm out of the office for the rest of the day. That way you don't have to do it and that you don't have to feel that guilt Turn off your devices that maybe take, you know, a couple of minutes to yourself to reset and then get ready for the you know, the second half the day, which is not going to be work related. Um, for that percent of people that truly are on call, I think it goes back to being being present. So that's another muscle that you have to work. And meditation is like the easiest way to get there. So if you can be present and truly enjoy, like the moment that you're not on call, then you're not going to be constantly stuck in the future, having that anxiety, thinking about the call that's going to come and then inevitably having to be torn away from your moment with your loved ones. Or, you know, there's relaxing moments by yourself and then having to go into a stressful job. So being present, I would say, is probably the most important factor for those people
[00:19:06] spk_1: now. Now Ieave reference a couple of times meditation. Is there a particular style of meditation that you use or that you would recommend?
[00:19:13] spk_0: So I I feel like I'm like most people? I would tell myself that I stuck at it and thats like a reason I don't do it. So for me, guided meditation helps a lot. Um, I use, uh, it's called Waking Up by Sam Harris, and I just I've used a lot of abs. And for me, like that's the most useful one, especially for someone who's just getting into meditating. Ah, box breathing is also a really good form of meditation, and it's kind of like, Ah, specific breath control that you do. And then that's easy toe, kind of like hone in on because there's something to pay attention to use. Your mind tends to wander less on, and there are a lot of like physical benefits to box breathing as well. So those those two or the the ones I would recommend to someone just starting.
[00:19:58] spk_1: So let me ask a couple of strange questions if you don't mind and want to go back to what some of the self that you were saying. So as I look at this and I kind of look at the big picture and what you're what you're saying for regards of relationships, so you dealt with this very, very important portion of of your life. That was a big a very big industry that you know, people will probably go it. Look at and go. Oh, my Lord, I can't believe it. How has the transition been for you transitioning out of the industry into your personal life and then doing some of this coaching work?
[00:20:26] spk_0: It's really difficult. I wouldn't say it was easier to, like craft this fictitious person than it is to craft like the royal meeting. Um, I think a lot of people are still very uncomfortable with that. You know that industry and there's a lot of reasons why for sure. Um so to kind of create that separation and like, remind people that that was a fictitious character, right? Like it's still entertainment. Um, and that's like not the real me. That's just, you know, that was just my job. Like, I'm not that thing. It's just something that I did. So you kind of have Teoh
[00:21:03] spk_1: you've taken. This improves where you embrace it. I mean, it's not like it's you put it out there. It's not like a it's not something that sure you're not letting people know it's Hey, this is who I was. This is what I did. But this is who I really am now. So such a different approach.
[00:21:19] spk_0: Totally. Yeah. And I think everyone has a different experience. Um, for me, like, I just I'm not ashamed of my decisions. I think that it was like a great platform for me to kind of get where I'm supposed to be. I don't think that that's like my ending point. Um, and I find that, like, you're gonna have people with opinions and believe systems. And it's not my job to change those or challenge those. It's just this is right. It's like a force of nature. It just is like, That's a fact. It's something that I did. It's I don't think that it defines me. I'm not going to let it define me. And I think that I've, you know, taken out a lot of like useful information from my experiences. And if I can help anyone, then it was all worth it.
[00:22:01] spk_1: So let's talk about that for a moment, because it was something that you did. So you've referenced the word that that was a character. And so how does it go from transitioning being a character to the real person that you are? Because a lot of people will say was suffer of imposter syndrome. And I'm not saying by, you know, the churn imposter, anything to that extent. But what I'm saying is, they go from okay, this is what I do in the spotlight put on me. And this is the focus is me, me, me, me, me. And now you're going into You said earlier that your your new mom, you reference it right now. How is a transition for you where you know you don't have the fans gathering? You don't have the people saying recognizing you potentially on the street because now you're taking a different approach of life and you reference L A and then the East Coast. So I'm assuming that you did that for separation purposes, to be able to separate of two things.
[00:22:48] spk_0: Totally. So I think a lot of people suffer from imposter syndrome. I know I definitely did in a lot of areas in my life, like throughout my life. And it's there's something that I constantly have to kind of be just like, you know, checking in on to make sure that, like I'm where I want to be mentally and not having like this negative self talk that I think a lot of us tend to fall into. So for me, um, I grew up on the East Coast, so I would travel out West just to work, and then it would come back home. So I never really got sucked into, like, the lifestyle and like the glitz and the glam that I think a lot of people tend to when you live out their um for me, I'm like, really fortunate that my husband is just like a very grounded person. And any time he would see me kind of like maybe starting to drift off into the wrong direction cause it's hard, right? You get invited to, like, thes a list parties and you're around, you know, like really celebrities. And it's easy to see these cars and houses and money and things that those are the things that matter, and then you have. It's important to have those people kind of in your corner, that are living the life and have the principles that you want that can kind of like hold you accountable if you start to slip. So any time that you know, I'd go out there for like, a month at a time and maybe come back with, like, an attitude that was less than what I would want. You look OK like you need to take some time D talks and he'd be like, Oh, this, like, this is evil coming out, which is, like, you know, my fictitious names So I would laugh like, you know, he's right, because I tryto, like, focus on self awareness, so I never get offended if someone's pointing out something that maybe I could improve on. I take that as like, an opportunity to grow. So like he would just call me out, like for what it was. And then I would have to kind of, like, literally detox, like, just, you know, turn my phone off, go back into nature and then, just like, refined like who I am, because when you have this fictitious character, it's very easy to get caught up in it. I think you see that in, you know, mainstream acting as well. If someone like dives too deep into a character, they can kind of get lost into it. So it's remembering that that you know that person belongs on a shelf and they serve a purpose and their on screen. But soon is your off screen. You have to go back to the real self like that's the only healthy way to do it, in my opinion.
[00:25:08] spk_1: So let's talk about the digital world because the digital world was, I would imagine they're still probably some of you, that persona, that she were still available. But you've also developed some different some different things inside of the digital world as well. You have a twitch channel, you have a podcast. Now, I believe you also have an instagram and Twitter that I that I could find. Now, do you ever have kind of like a cross breeding of fans where they ones looking for one and they find the other or vice versa?
[00:25:34] spk_0: Oh, totally. Um, it's actually funny because I have had a lot of people that followed my My Eva account for a while. Um, and then when I started plugging like my, you know, non explicit work like my twitch channel or my YouTube channel or whatever, almost all of my Candace stuff, they kind of like navigated over there in there. Oh, I enjoy this content so much more. I didn't know you were a real person. And it goes back to people like forgetting like that. That's a character. A And then they're like, Oh, there's this whole other spite of you.
[00:26:05] spk_1: I have to tell you have this one video on torch that I was watching, which I thought was hilarious. And you left it all on their which most people have been like, Oh, no, there's no way that I can leave it. You're doing a video chat, and you're like, I'm gonna do a live podcast and you're into it. You move the microphone, stand in the thing falls down and you just run with it. You're like, I'm not holding back. This is me. This is You go with it. And I'm like most people believe what? God, I can't believe this happened would cut it. And you're like, No, I'm just going to show you. So as these people Hey, you're a real person now, do they? Do you ever have kind of where you get like them? The mix scenario? I know the twitch audience is pretty interesting on how it works because they want to get so involved in what's going on when you look at it, Do they ever try to bring up some of the things that you did as the persona opposed to just talking about what you have going on at the moment?
[00:26:54] spk_0: Oh, totally. It's like herding cats sometimes. And I can't get mad at it because it is such like an interesting topic. Like how often do you, you know, meet somebody that was in that industry? You know, I would imagine people have a lot of questions like it. It's like a fascinating topic. Um, so it's really hard to get the attention sometimes off of that and like, redirect it to like the task at hand. Um, so it's kind of just like retraining the follower, essentially. So, like they're so used to seeing content pushed out on one type of way that I just have to show them like there's other options as well.
[00:27:30] spk_1: So as you look at both things that you've done in, now that you know, you're you're building this this other platform as you're doing this, what have you enjoyed the most so far? Is there one that you like better than the other? Or how do you look at it? I know that's probably a terrible question to ask, but it's almost like ask me what? Who's your favorite kid?
[00:27:46] spk_0: I know. I e um I think they all served a purpose. And they all serve a purpose. Um, I would say the thing right now, though, that gets me the most Excited is the podcasting. Just because I do get to like, for at least virtually me, a bunch of different people from different walks of life and have these conversations, um, and the conversations air all over the place. Like I have ones that are on relationships on sex on imposter syndrome like you name it. So, like, to me, that's really interesting, especially right now, because we're so limited and like how we can socialize. Um, So I feel like it's just something that I'm I feel like talking is like a fine art, right? And people that have been doing it for years like they can just, like, like lace words together in such a way that it's it's so beautiful, and for me, I don't think I'm very good at that, So I like that challenge, and I'm like, trying to kind of craft my like public speaking and my podcasting skills and just like the art of conversation and especially right now, it's just like getting lost. So to me, that's really exciting.
[00:28:49] spk_1: No, and that's the other thing, too. I mean, there's some people that have put out podcast that I g o. I'm not even sure if anybody that I would go personally would want to listen to it. But there's some pockets that are very detailed to go into some things that some people don't talk about, which I think is really interesting as well as they do move forward. So as you looked at it and you were looking at the whole Bible, the podcasting world, why did you just wanted to go down that angle?
[00:29:12] spk_0: Why I decided to just do podcasting or like the
[00:29:18] spk_1: podcast, because, you know, you see that there is a total. I mean, it's very competitive. What was the decision pointed?
[00:29:24] spk_0: Holy cow. Yeah, it's competitive. I was like doing some of the research when I was first starting, and it's something like over 350 podcaster uploaded Teoh apple podcast a day like brand new podcast that's insane.
[00:29:38] spk_1: Those. Then you have old stats. 4000 cast a week, and that was pretty pandemic.
[00:29:44] spk_0: Oh, okay. That's true. Um, I don't know. I just feel like I have my psychology degree, and I am such a learner. I love talking to people. I love to constantly be, like, expanding, like my my view on the world, if you will. Um, so I guess even out of, like, a selfish way by the podcast, like, I can have these interesting conversations with people and then call it work, Right? So, um, for me, it's, like, kind of work and play. And it's something that I just kind of like, felt like I had to do. I don't know how it's to describe it, like if you ever just kind of, like, felt like a little bit of a poll in a direction. You're like, maybe I should explore this a little bit. That's kind of what happened with podcasting.
[00:30:30] spk_1: Now I know that you've done it on twitch. Have you ever thought of maybe doing something along the lines where you do with the question and answer session where goes directly into the podcast, where you do it as a release form as some of the stuff that you've done. Which,
[00:30:43] spk_0: um So I'm thinking about doing like it old again. Am a segment? Possibly. But it's like up in the air just because it tends to, like, focus solely on the adult content and like, to me, that's not very exciting. Like, I don't mind talking about it on. And I think there are some, like, valuable, like insights that I do have that can, you know, benefit even people that are never going to, you know, even touch the adult industry. But to me, like there's so much more to talk about. So until I kind of get like a I don't want to see a new fan base. But just until my fan base kind of starts getting a little bit more curious about things outside of adult, I'm not like ready to do in a M A.
[00:31:25] spk_1: Okay, And then, if you don't mind me asking, how long ago did you transition out of the adult industry into going into this?
[00:31:32] spk_0: So I quit like big production about like, four years ago, Um and that's like, you know, like the really big companies like going to l. A, like sets shooting with other people. Um, so I still have, like, that even character that's, like, alive and doing well. But it's just more for, like, amateur platforms right now. Um, so it's definitely not like anything like hard core, like,
[00:31:57] spk_1: really? So she still makes an appearance then from time to time?
[00:32:00] spk_0: Totally. Uh,
[00:32:02] spk_1: okay. Well, very, very interesting. People want to know more information about you with the podcast on what you have going on working the girl
[00:32:10] spk_0: I'm thinking chatting with candace dot com and then that has all of my socials and my podcasts and wherever you want to go.
[00:32:18] spk_1: Well, Candace, I really do appreciate you coming on to the show.
[00:32:21] spk_0: Yeah. Thank you for having me.
[00:32:27] spk_1: Well, ladies and gentlemen, this brings another episode of the J. Allen show to an end. Hopefully, you enjoyed our conversation today between myself and Candice Horbacz be one more information on Candace and her podcast. Go to chatting with candace dot com. Thank you for always being the best part of safety FM. And that is the listener. Thank you for always coming back to safety FM home of Real safety talk. Don't worry. We'll be back with another episode of the J. Allen show Before Too long. Goodbye for now, once more. The J. Allen Show Em Home.
[00:33:10] spk_0: The views and opinions expressed on this podcast are those of the host and its guest, and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the company. Examples of analysis discussed within with podcast are only example. It's not be utilized in the real world at the only solution available as they're based only on very limited. Undated Open source information. Assumptions made within this analysis or not reflective of the position of the company. No part of this podcast may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means mechanical, electronic recording or otherwise, without prior written permission of the creator of the podcast, J. Allen.
[00:00:02] spk_0: This is what this show is brought to you by safety Eyes streaming
[00:00:12] spk_1: hello and welcome to the J. Allen Show. We're coming to you live from the safety of M Studios in Orlando, Florida. I hope you're off to a fantastic week so far as you're rolling and bowling into this new week in 2020 way talked about it in the past and we knew what was gonna happen at some points that were there Now the beginning of the J. Allen show. We said We will be doing some things outside of the safety world and that's one of those conversations that we have going on today. Way. Today I have the privilege of speaking to Candace Horbacz. She is the host for chatting with Candace and has a B A in psychology. She's interested in self improvement, psychology, relationships and spirituality and discussing those things and length on her show. We reached out to Candace to see if we could have her come on and have that conversation here with some of our safety professionals that we have out there in the audience. They could have a listen to what Candice has to say in regards of this difficult conversation that most don't have enjoy my conversation with Candace here today on the J. Allen show. So I guess, really, let me start off with the main question I like, ask most people what kind of lifted down this path of wanting to have conversations with people about, I guess, coaching and personal relationships. I did this all come about for you.
[00:02:16] spk_0: So I think a lot of it just came from having, like, a unique path, if you will like, I guess I have a very exaggerated form of experience when it comes to relationships. So I do have my B a in psychology, and then I was in the adult industry for, like, 10 years. Um, I navigated that through that with my you know, fiance and now husband. Um, we were in a really like we were in a traditional relationship, kind of at the beginning, and it evolved into something else. So every kind of like Myrtle that we had to go over was just like an exaggerated version of what, like a regular civilian would go through. So, like, you know, cheating became like Well, what is monogamy and what is important to us. So just like very similar issues, just like on a bigger stage. So I figured if we could handle, like, you know, all of these issues exaggerated than I should have some, like advice in just some experience sharing that I could, you know, provide other people. Um, And then, you know, through those struggles, we had to kind of, like, focus on ourselves and how to, like, improve and, you know, make sure we're always growing together, making sure the relationship is healthy. And then, through that self improvement, um, I just felt like I was in a place where I really wanted toe learn. And I think the best way to learn is to have conversations. So it just was like a very good, um, outlet for me for, like, given. Take.
[00:03:48] spk_1: So I have to tell you, I really admire the way that she warded. That How civilians. So you really looking at this like, hardcore? Did you as you're looking at this, I mean, you say civilians. So do you feel like there was, almost, like, a military style relationship that you're going?
[00:04:01] spk_0: No. So I know it like that term throws a lot of people off, But just anyone in the adult industry, like you, refer to anyone that's not as a civilian. I don't know where it came from, but it's just kind of like the terminology. Um, and I think it's just It's not, like, obviously out of disrespect for anyone in the military cause it's not comparable at all. But it is just more of like drawing a line in the sand music. It's a very stark difference in a lot of people. Unless you have a curious mindset, you're not going to understand the other side at all.
[00:04:33] spk_1: Okay, so let me kind of ask a couple of strange questions because of being is you brought it up. I want a backtrack for sure. You say that you started off with a traditional style relationship, and I know that I will say that you have a very at that particular time, a very different style, job or career path that you're going down. So how do you start having the discussions and regards aware? How does jealousy come about? Like, how does it come into question of okay if I'm in a traditional relationship. I would see you with someone else. I would be jealous. So how do I move forward and say Okay, now, this is part of your career path. So I am going to attempt not to be jealous now with what you're doing.
[00:05:10] spk_0: So it was like, I mean, we talked about it, probably for years before. I kind of, like, made the transition into doing, like, you know, hardcore film, like before that it was very soft. And it wasn't anything that was gonna be like to, um, difficult for either. Must, like navigate. But it was a no ongoing discussion. Um, so for me, I didn't want to be in a situation where it was very, like, one sided. So it was like, OK, well, I get to go and do these scenes, and you have to sit at home by yourself on the East Coast while I'm out in l a shooting. And I expect you to, like, you know, just be like this good boy and not look and talk to other girls. And because we're just worried making the distinction between sex for work and sex for pleasure. And I just think that that's that wasn't a fairway toe look at it. If we wanted to tackle jealousy, I wanted to tackle it like in its entirety on, and I kind of wanted to have that discussion with him as to like, Well, where is this coming from? An. Almost all jealousy comes from insecurity or of fear of loss, and it depends on, like your belief system. But if you feel like you own a person or that the person belongs to you like I don't feel like that's a healthy form of a relationship, I think every day it's making a decision to be with somebody, Um, and that that's what love is. Love is freedom, and I think when you try to pin something down, too hard is kind of when you lose. It's like purity, in a sense, um, so we just had to understand they were humans, and we're going to have these feelings like that's part of the human experience, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. But how you express it is totally up to you. So if you want to express that jealousy in a healthy way, or if you want to act out like a lot of people dio almost like reflexively and shout and threatened to end the relationship. It's like, Well, where do you want to be in, like, how serious is this relationship? Soto us? It's like sex is obviously what we still think. It's important. But we do think that there is a difference between, like, loving somebody and having that sexual connection with them and then just having so the casual affair, if you will, um,
[00:07:25] spk_1: you so many people in the audience for now, going holy hell but is going on here.
[00:07:32] spk_0: It's a lot. But I guess if you dumb it down, it's basically if you, if you really are committed to somebody and you really love somebody to me like that is letting that person have the freedom to make their own choices and also having the freedom to make mistakes. So people think, um, you know, because we may be because of my history, my past career, like we're just out there swinging and doing all of these crazy things, and that's just not the case. It's more of looking at things like, you know, if there is an incident like if there is a if I have Ah, you know, negative reaction to If I get jealous, I'm not okay with something that we can discuss it. We cannot do it again and we can move forward. It's the permission to make mistakes. So I think a lot of people is like, you know, he cheated, were divorcing or he cheated were breaking up. And to me, I think that that's not necessarily the healthiest approach.
[00:08:24] spk_1: Now, when you say that, do you look at it and go? It is more common nowadays for people to will say now, air quote, cheat on people and say it over because of that opposed to having the open mind of Hey, I'm in love with this other person and we we had a one off or I decided to do something that I made the decision to move forward with.
[00:08:45] spk_0: I think it's kind, at least for my experience and like the people that have, like, you know, experience shared with me, like I find a lot of especially women, if their partner cheats like they're just done were that they can't actually truly forgive the person and move forward and like heal those wounds It's like, OK, you broke this trust and that's it. So I think if you expand on the jealousy right, if you look inward instead of outward so it don't look on like your partner's transgressions look at like why you're having this reaction and then, like, ask yourself what you actually want, like, is this person in every other sense, like a good partner? They like taking off all of those boxes. And if the answer is yes and maybe it's something worth saving.
[00:09:28] spk_1: So let's kind of do the reverse portion then. So let me kind of ask kind of the story in question. So as you're having these discussions throughout the years before you decide to go in to where we what you dreamed hard course stuff, how did that actually work? How did it work for your fiancee of the time? Your husband? Now, did he ever come back to you and say I'm interested in doing something outside as you're doing this for? Is that No,
[00:09:50] spk_0: I like that. That was like, that was my decision just because I was in the industry for a few years before I made that decision and I just I'm like a spectator. Like I just I'm always constantly like seeing what everyone else is doing around me just cause I'm kind of a shy person. So, like, rather than like, um, like, I guess, partake in the conversations. I just, like, observe. So it's actually more common, I think, than not for people in the industry t to make their partner who is a quote, you know, civilian still be monogamous. And I just saw how toxic that could become because it's like there's one rule for one person and another rule for someone else. And that's never gonna work out, that you both have to be on the same page with, like, your philosophies with anything. So for me, I was like, OK, well, if I'm going to do this for work, I can't hold a different standard to you. Um, and we're both gonna work on our jealousy, and we're both gonna outline what rules we want for this relationship and try our best to abide by those rules.
[00:10:51] spk_1: So the first time, then he decides to go do something. How do you feel as the other as the other person at the time? How is How does this work? I know that you're preparing yourself mentally for this, but how does it go for you? First interaction.
[00:11:04] spk_0: Oh, my gosh, I waas so just so jealous. So worked up when I found out and I was actually. And the funny thing is, I was in l. A and I was there for probably two weeks filming. So it's not like I was, you know, not not, you know, causing him stress. Um, and then he has this one moment with somebody else and then he's honest cause I asked him, and it was like, still new. And it was hit the first time I was wildly jealous. And then I had to kind of, like, take a step back and then again, be like, Well, like, this isn't fair. Like I expect him toe, let me, you know, do my career and follow like my path there. And then I expect different from him. So it's kind of like I had to go back and say, OK, well, what were the rules that we agreed on and like, what is important to me? And it's just kind of like a muscle that I feel like you have to kind of like work. So it's not to say everyone should be in an open relationship or anyone should be, you know, questioning monogamy. I think everyone has, like, a blueprint that's gonna work for them, But it's just assessing that jealousy in general, right? So, like for some people, it so you can't even, like, have a conversation with someone of the opposite sex, you have to like, tackle that, or for some people it's dancing. And some people, it's like going to Hooters, whatever it is that everyone has that thing, that kind of makes that little jealousy monster pop out. So it's like it's going inward to kind of see where that's like stemming from.
[00:12:30] spk_1: So as you take a look at this, of course, some people are going to go well, that's the extreme side of it. So if we back up and let's say we'll say average, because that's definitely what it has to be average relationship, What do you think is that some of these triggers that happen to certain people? So let me kind of use what my target audience as the majority of the audience here, our safety professionals and they're kind of like the outcast inside of most of their organizations because they're kind of like the stand alone there. And when they go back home, they have a hard time because, hey, they've had this work environment where not everybody loves them. But all of sudden they go home and they're expecting some kind of level will say of love, interaction, maybe sex in the evening. But sometimes those are not the things that get them super excited. And those are the things that they go well. How am I supposed to be able to proceed forward when I'm having a stressful job here day in and day out, and now I go home and let's say, for instance, they can't be the person that they want to be. They can't be the lover that they were once before, or they can be in the relationship the way they're looking at because of all this pressure throughout the day. How do you take a look at that and *** these? There may be some techniques you can use.
[00:13:37] spk_0: I think you need to first tackle your mindset when it comes to your work so everyone can have different stressors in their job obviously can be it. You can show a bit like different levels, but everyone faces stress, and I think you have to kind of find your purpose, if you will, with your job. So I think too many people, especially with social media, were pressured to be like the CEO or an entrepreneur or the big dog in the office. And if we're not, then all of a sudden, like there is like this discrepancy. So I think it's like first trying to find some kind of gratitude for your work and like, look at how may be like the ripple effect and like what you're providing for other people. I think that that, like, is like a really good form of like gratitude and how to just have a sense of appreciation for the work that you're doing. So just first, try to shift that try to get like a more positive relationship with work. Also, when you're leaving work in your transitioning to going back to like husband, boyfriend, partner, whatever it is is having some kind of like totem. If you would so like for me, I work from home, so it's really important to have something that kind of like tells my brain. Okay, time to switch gears like were no longer working. Um, we're going into, like, Mommy mode or we're going in tow wife mode or we're just going into relaxation mode. So it's like a bracelet that I put on so it could be like a T shirt that you put on and like, you know, jewelry, a ring, just anything that's like a physical X signal of like we are switching gears. So the more you do that, it's like gonna have a very powerful effect. You know, for some people, it might sound like a little Wu. Um, I don't have the science in front of me, but it is proven to help. So having a totem is like another tip on. Then I would say meditating is also wildly important, especially if you have a high stress job. So check taking, even just like 60 seconds when you first come in in the door like don't engage, don't feel like all of a sudden like you have to be this other person. Take 60 seconds for yourself. Close your eyes, do some deep breathing and then just get in a place where you can, Alec, relax and enjoy, like the second half of your day.
[00:15:49] spk_1: So as you look at this now, especially with a lot of the changes have been taking your cross inside of the world where people might not have the opportunity of going to a physical location and working, and they have to work at home. What techniques would you tell them to apply there?
[00:16:01] spk_0: So for me again, it would be if you can if you are, you know, fortunate enough to have the space, like have a designated workspace like try not to work out of your bed. That's always been something that a lot of professionals have advised is like, You want that to kind of be like your serenity space so you don't want to take work into the bedroom. So try to like work, you know, in the kitchen, in the living room, if you have it, and at home office or a spare bedroom that you can kind of convert so kind, like separating out the spaces and again having like that totem. So like having that reminder of like a hard stop. So just because you're at home, you need to make sure that you're still having, like, the very strict boundaries of, like, thes air, the hours that I'm going toe work and then also recovery is very important. So I have a hard stop at five o'clock or I have a hard stop at six o'clock, whatever it is. So I think that a lot of people, especially if they're not used to working from home, it's very easy to work into the late hours of the night because you're like, Oh, well, I'm still here and I'm not done yet. So recovery is crucial when it comes to productivity. Um, you're actually going to get a lot more work done if you do take the time to relax and have that time with your loved ones.
[00:17:13] spk_1: So let's talk about work life balance, because I believe that that becomes another issue for high stress jobs. So as you look at it and you said hard stop So you have the hard stop five oclock, six o'clock. So one. What about those people that are, Let's say, for instance, are quote unquote on call 24 7 and all of a sudden you know, at any any given moment, you and I could be having a conversation saying we're in a relationship all of a sudden, I have a phone call. I know that I have to be paying attention to my phone. How can they make a separation there based on what you've seen?
[00:17:41] spk_0: So it depends on what your line of work is, because I find that there is probably very few people that actually are, like, truly on 24 hour call on and usually lose their like, you know, first responders, doctors, things like that, Um, for anyone that you know doesn't fall into that category, someone who maybe just feels like they have to be 24 7 for their boss again. It goes into, you know, having healthy boundaries on. And if you don't have those healthy boundaries like you have to set them for yourself. So you know, having an auto response on your email, like I'm out of the office for the rest of the day. That way you don't have to do it and that you don't have to feel that guilt Turn off your devices that maybe take, you know, a couple of minutes to yourself to reset and then get ready for the you know, the second half the day, which is not going to be work related. Um, for that percent of people that truly are on call, I think it goes back to being being present. So that's another muscle that you have to work. And meditation is like the easiest way to get there. So if you can be present and truly enjoy, like the moment that you're not on call, then you're not going to be constantly stuck in the future, having that anxiety, thinking about the call that's going to come and then inevitably having to be torn away from your moment with your loved ones. Or, you know, there's relaxing moments by yourself and then having to go into a stressful job. So being present, I would say, is probably the most important factor for those people
[00:19:06] spk_1: now. Now Ieave reference a couple of times meditation. Is there a particular style of meditation that you use or that you would recommend?
[00:19:13] spk_0: So I I feel like I'm like most people? I would tell myself that I stuck at it and thats like a reason I don't do it. So for me, guided meditation helps a lot. Um, I use, uh, it's called Waking Up by Sam Harris, and I just I've used a lot of abs. And for me, like that's the most useful one, especially for someone who's just getting into meditating. Ah, box breathing is also a really good form of meditation, and it's kind of like, Ah, specific breath control that you do. And then that's easy toe, kind of like hone in on because there's something to pay attention to use. Your mind tends to wander less on, and there are a lot of like physical benefits to box breathing as well. So those those two or the the ones I would recommend to someone just starting.
[00:19:58] spk_1: So let me ask a couple of strange questions if you don't mind and want to go back to what some of the self that you were saying. So as I look at this and I kind of look at the big picture and what you're what you're saying for regards of relationships, so you dealt with this very, very important portion of of your life. That was a big a very big industry that you know, people will probably go it. Look at and go. Oh, my Lord, I can't believe it. How has the transition been for you transitioning out of the industry into your personal life and then doing some of this coaching work?
[00:20:26] spk_0: It's really difficult. I wouldn't say it was easier to, like craft this fictitious person than it is to craft like the royal meeting. Um, I think a lot of people are still very uncomfortable with that. You know that industry and there's a lot of reasons why for sure. Um so to kind of create that separation and like, remind people that that was a fictitious character, right? Like it's still entertainment. Um, and that's like not the real me. That's just, you know, that was just my job. Like, I'm not that thing. It's just something that I did. So you kind of have Teoh
[00:21:03] spk_1: you've taken. This improves where you embrace it. I mean, it's not like it's you put it out there. It's not like a it's not something that sure you're not letting people know it's Hey, this is who I was. This is what I did. But this is who I really am now. So such a different approach.
[00:21:19] spk_0: Totally. Yeah. And I think everyone has a different experience. Um, for me, like, I just I'm not ashamed of my decisions. I think that it was like a great platform for me to kind of get where I'm supposed to be. I don't think that that's like my ending point. Um, and I find that, like, you're gonna have people with opinions and believe systems. And it's not my job to change those or challenge those. It's just this is right. It's like a force of nature. It just is like, That's a fact. It's something that I did. It's I don't think that it defines me. I'm not going to let it define me. And I think that I've, you know, taken out a lot of like useful information from my experiences. And if I can help anyone, then it was all worth it.
[00:22:01] spk_1: So let's talk about that for a moment, because it was something that you did. So you've referenced the word that that was a character. And so how does it go from transitioning being a character to the real person that you are? Because a lot of people will say was suffer of imposter syndrome. And I'm not saying by, you know, the churn imposter, anything to that extent. But what I'm saying is, they go from okay, this is what I do in the spotlight put on me. And this is the focus is me, me, me, me, me. And now you're going into You said earlier that your your new mom, you reference it right now. How is a transition for you where you know you don't have the fans gathering? You don't have the people saying recognizing you potentially on the street because now you're taking a different approach of life and you reference L A and then the East Coast. So I'm assuming that you did that for separation purposes, to be able to separate of two things.
[00:22:48] spk_0: Totally. So I think a lot of people suffer from imposter syndrome. I know I definitely did in a lot of areas in my life, like throughout my life. And it's there's something that I constantly have to kind of be just like, you know, checking in on to make sure that, like I'm where I want to be mentally and not having like this negative self talk that I think a lot of us tend to fall into. So for me, um, I grew up on the East Coast, so I would travel out West just to work, and then it would come back home. So I never really got sucked into, like, the lifestyle and like the glitz and the glam that I think a lot of people tend to when you live out their um for me, I'm like, really fortunate that my husband is just like a very grounded person. And any time he would see me kind of like maybe starting to drift off into the wrong direction cause it's hard, right? You get invited to, like, thes a list parties and you're around, you know, like really celebrities. And it's easy to see these cars and houses and money and things that those are the things that matter, and then you have. It's important to have those people kind of in your corner, that are living the life and have the principles that you want that can kind of like hold you accountable if you start to slip. So any time that you know, I'd go out there for like, a month at a time and maybe come back with, like, an attitude that was less than what I would want. You look OK like you need to take some time D talks and he'd be like, Oh, this, like, this is evil coming out, which is, like, you know, my fictitious names So I would laugh like, you know, he's right, because I tryto, like, focus on self awareness, so I never get offended if someone's pointing out something that maybe I could improve on. I take that as like, an opportunity to grow. So like he would just call me out, like for what it was. And then I would have to kind of, like, literally detox, like, just, you know, turn my phone off, go back into nature and then, just like, refined like who I am, because when you have this fictitious character, it's very easy to get caught up in it. I think you see that in, you know, mainstream acting as well. If someone like dives too deep into a character, they can kind of get lost into it. So it's remembering that that you know that person belongs on a shelf and they serve a purpose and their on screen. But soon is your off screen. You have to go back to the real self like that's the only healthy way to do it, in my opinion.
[00:25:08] spk_1: So let's talk about the digital world because the digital world was, I would imagine they're still probably some of you, that persona, that she were still available. But you've also developed some different some different things inside of the digital world as well. You have a twitch channel, you have a podcast. Now, I believe you also have an instagram and Twitter that I that I could find. Now, do you ever have kind of like a cross breeding of fans where they ones looking for one and they find the other or vice versa?
[00:25:34] spk_0: Oh, totally. Um, it's actually funny because I have had a lot of people that followed my My Eva account for a while. Um, and then when I started plugging like my, you know, non explicit work like my twitch channel or my YouTube channel or whatever, almost all of my Candace stuff, they kind of like navigated over there in there. Oh, I enjoy this content so much more. I didn't know you were a real person. And it goes back to people like forgetting like that. That's a character. A And then they're like, Oh, there's this whole other spite of you.
[00:26:05] spk_1: I have to tell you have this one video on torch that I was watching, which I thought was hilarious. And you left it all on their which most people have been like, Oh, no, there's no way that I can leave it. You're doing a video chat, and you're like, I'm gonna do a live podcast and you're into it. You move the microphone, stand in the thing falls down and you just run with it. You're like, I'm not holding back. This is me. This is You go with it. And I'm like most people believe what? God, I can't believe this happened would cut it. And you're like, No, I'm just going to show you. So as these people Hey, you're a real person now, do they? Do you ever have kind of where you get like them? The mix scenario? I know the twitch audience is pretty interesting on how it works because they want to get so involved in what's going on when you look at it, Do they ever try to bring up some of the things that you did as the persona opposed to just talking about what you have going on at the moment?
[00:26:54] spk_0: Oh, totally. It's like herding cats sometimes. And I can't get mad at it because it is such like an interesting topic. Like how often do you, you know, meet somebody that was in that industry? You know, I would imagine people have a lot of questions like it. It's like a fascinating topic. Um, so it's really hard to get the attention sometimes off of that and like, redirect it to like the task at hand. Um, so it's kind of just like retraining the follower, essentially. So, like they're so used to seeing content pushed out on one type of way that I just have to show them like there's other options as well.
[00:27:30] spk_1: So as you look at both things that you've done in, now that you know, you're you're building this this other platform as you're doing this, what have you enjoyed the most so far? Is there one that you like better than the other? Or how do you look at it? I know that's probably a terrible question to ask, but it's almost like ask me what? Who's your favorite kid?
[00:27:46] spk_0: I know. I e um I think they all served a purpose. And they all serve a purpose. Um, I would say the thing right now, though, that gets me the most Excited is the podcasting. Just because I do get to like, for at least virtually me, a bunch of different people from different walks of life and have these conversations, um, and the conversations air all over the place. Like I have ones that are on relationships on sex on imposter syndrome like you name it. So, like, to me, that's really interesting, especially right now, because we're so limited and like how we can socialize. Um, So I feel like it's just something that I'm I feel like talking is like a fine art, right? And people that have been doing it for years like they can just, like, like lace words together in such a way that it's it's so beautiful, and for me, I don't think I'm very good at that, So I like that challenge, and I'm like, trying to kind of craft my like public speaking and my podcasting skills and just like the art of conversation and especially right now, it's just like getting lost. So to me, that's really exciting.
[00:28:49] spk_1: No, and that's the other thing, too. I mean, there's some people that have put out podcast that I g o. I'm not even sure if anybody that I would go personally would want to listen to it. But there's some pockets that are very detailed to go into some things that some people don't talk about, which I think is really interesting as well as they do move forward. So as you looked at it and you were looking at the whole Bible, the podcasting world, why did you just wanted to go down that angle?
[00:29:12] spk_0: Why I decided to just do podcasting or like the
[00:29:18] spk_1: podcast, because, you know, you see that there is a total. I mean, it's very competitive. What was the decision pointed?
[00:29:24] spk_0: Holy cow. Yeah, it's competitive. I was like doing some of the research when I was first starting, and it's something like over 350 podcaster uploaded Teoh apple podcast a day like brand new podcast that's insane.
[00:29:38] spk_1: Those. Then you have old stats. 4000 cast a week, and that was pretty pandemic.
[00:29:44] spk_0: Oh, okay. That's true. Um, I don't know. I just feel like I have my psychology degree, and I am such a learner. I love talking to people. I love to constantly be, like, expanding, like my my view on the world, if you will. Um, so I guess even out of, like, a selfish way by the podcast, like, I can have these interesting conversations with people and then call it work, Right? So, um, for me, it's, like, kind of work and play. And it's something that I just kind of like, felt like I had to do. I don't know how it's to describe it, like if you ever just kind of, like, felt like a little bit of a poll in a direction. You're like, maybe I should explore this a little bit. That's kind of what happened with podcasting.
[00:30:30] spk_1: Now I know that you've done it on twitch. Have you ever thought of maybe doing something along the lines where you do with the question and answer session where goes directly into the podcast, where you do it as a release form as some of the stuff that you've done. Which,
[00:30:43] spk_0: um So I'm thinking about doing like it old again. Am a segment? Possibly. But it's like up in the air just because it tends to, like, focus solely on the adult content and like, to me, that's not very exciting. Like, I don't mind talking about it on. And I think there are some, like, valuable, like insights that I do have that can, you know, benefit even people that are never going to, you know, even touch the adult industry. But to me, like there's so much more to talk about. So until I kind of get like a I don't want to see a new fan base. But just until my fan base kind of starts getting a little bit more curious about things outside of adult, I'm not like ready to do in a M A.
[00:31:25] spk_1: Okay, And then, if you don't mind me asking, how long ago did you transition out of the adult industry into going into this?
[00:31:32] spk_0: So I quit like big production about like, four years ago, Um and that's like, you know, like the really big companies like going to l. A, like sets shooting with other people. Um, so I still have, like, that even character that's, like, alive and doing well. But it's just more for, like, amateur platforms right now. Um, so it's definitely not like anything like hard core, like,
[00:31:57] spk_1: really? So she still makes an appearance then from time to time?
[00:32:00] spk_0: Totally. Uh,
[00:32:02] spk_1: okay. Well, very, very interesting. People want to know more information about you with the podcast on what you have going on working the girl
[00:32:10] spk_0: I'm thinking chatting with candace dot com and then that has all of my socials and my podcasts and wherever you want to go.
[00:32:18] spk_1: Well, Candace, I really do appreciate you coming on to the show.
[00:32:21] spk_0: Yeah. Thank you for having me.
[00:32:27] spk_1: Well, ladies and gentlemen, this brings another episode of the J. Allen show to an end. Hopefully, you enjoyed our conversation today between myself and Candice Horbacz be one more information on Candace and her podcast. Go to chatting with candace dot com. Thank you for always being the best part of safety FM. And that is the listener. Thank you for always coming back to safety FM home of Real safety talk. Don't worry. We'll be back with another episode of the J. Allen show Before Too long. Goodbye for now, once more. The J. Allen Show Em Home.
[00:33:10] spk_0: The views and opinions expressed on this podcast are those of the host and its guest, and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the company. Examples of analysis discussed within with podcast are only example. It's not be utilized in the real world at the only solution available as they're based only on very limited. Undated Open source information. Assumptions made within this analysis or not reflective of the position of the company. No part of this podcast may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means mechanical, electronic recording or otherwise, without prior written permission of the creator of the podcast, J. Allen.
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