Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track.

A while ago, I had someone ask me "In all of the things you've been through, what did you learn?"

Because I often ask clients, What do you learn from the experience? How can you become a better version of you from what you've learned. Anyway, I thought it was a very interesting question. So I sat and pondered for some time and looked back at my journey. The situations that I've been in, the way that I'd reacted, the ways that I would've liked to have reacted, the a-ha moments that I've had. I looked at all of this information and I came up with 12 tips.

Now I'm going to very quickly go through these because obviously I wanted to chew up a heap of your time and also because they ended up so good, I think at some point I'll turn them into a book.

Anyway, the first one I've already mentioned this one before, and it was a really big one for me, and that's what we're not broken. You see, I had this belief that I was incomplete, that I needed fixing, that there was something wrong with me. Because I believed what my ex wife had said, and that was she said, There's something wrong with you. So I was going to a psychologist and I realised there's nothing wrong with me, I'm not broken.

So I stopped doing that because I had that epiphany of, I'm not broken, so that actually took a lot of weight off of my mind and that sort of belief comes from heaps of different directions. We get given that sort of message by so many different sources, and we tend to believe it. I'm telling you, it's not true. No one is broken and that leads me to my second one.

The second one is, everyone's doing the best they can with the tools that they have. Now, I know this is one that I've used many times, the analogy, but it is so true. If you're trying to chop down a tree with a hammer, you can do it. But it takes a lot of energy, it takes a lot of time, and it's very messy. How do I know you can do this? Because I've done it. I actually chop down a tree with a hammer, and it did take a very long time, was exceptionally messy, and I was very knackered at the end of it. So if you apply that analogy to anything, whether it's communicating, whether it's having dialogue about something, exploring something difficult, whether it's dealing with a conflict, whether it's reprimanding someone, whatever it is, we all do the best we can with the tools we have. If we have shitty tools, we tend to get a shitty result. If we get a better tool, we tend to use that because it gets us a better result and it's not as messy.

The next one is, there's no right or wrong answers. There's no right or wrong information. You see everything in the world either fits us and gets us the result we want or it doesn't. You see, I read a lot of books, I've listened to lots of audio and some of it was just plain silly. Some of it was good information, but it just didn't fit me and my journey. Therefore, I didn't really utilise it. So what I want to say to you is everything you come across, don't dismiss it off hand, weigh it up, look at it and say "Will this get me the result that I want?" "Will this be effective for me?" If it doesn't fit you, that doesn't make it a wrong piece of information. It doesn't make it a wrong decision. It's just not right for that moment. It's not effective. It's not efficient, but there is no right or wrong. Try not to judge things using that label.

This next one, and this was a big one for me, and I find that this one's tied in very much with your sense of self worth, and that's your boundaries. Make sure you set boundaries. Boundaries are where you say "You know what? That's my line in the sand. You cross that line in the sand. I'm going to be very upset." Now, if we tend to move that line in the sand, it's because we're people pleasing or putting other people's needs in front of ours. Basically, we're saying that we don't matter.

If you have solid boundaries and you believe that you're worth something, your boundaries don't move. The good thing about having boundaries that don't move is that people stop pushing them. They tend to say "You know what, they know exactly where their line is. Don't push it because it's not worth it." So Number four is set your boundaries, and that's with relationships, work places, children, family, everything. Set your boundaries. Don't let them move.

Number five is one that I created when I was coaching a couple who were on the verge of breaking up. They didn't want to break up. They knew they loved each other. They wanted to make it work. So I gave them lots of tools and processes and mindset shifts to get their result. The one thing I kept saying, which I now realise is a really cool piece of information is, be gentle. That's being gentle with yourself. Being gentle with others because, remember, everyone's doing the best they can with the tools they have. See if someone's using shitty tools and getting a shitty result, it's no good beating them up, because that's not going to help them. Be gentle with yourself. Be gentle with others. We're doing the best we can. And if you do that, life becomes easier for yourself. You also find you'll become less judgmental.

Number six. Tell yourself the truth. Denial is a horrible tool to use because if you're denying things, you can't move forward, so start telling yourself the truth about yourself. Admit to yourself when you're struggling, when you're confused, when you're lost, when you're not motivated, just tell yourself the truth about you. Also, tell yourself the truth about others. If that person is sabotaging you, stabbing you in the back, staying stuff behind your back that they wouldn't say to your face, tell yourself the truth about it. The hard thing is sometimes these people are family members and friends, and they may not be my meaning to be nasty or malicious. If it's damaging, you know, just admit that they're doing it. It doesn't mean you don't care for them, but at least you're not in denial. At least you're telling yourself the truth about that person.

Number seven. You can only be responsible for you. Okay, you can't make someone else happy. You can't make someone else angry. You can't get someone else's results for them. The only person you can be responsible for is you. You can inspire someone to help themselves. You could encourage them. You could support them, but you can't do it for them. The only person for whom you can get results, that you can actually motivate, is you. So take responsibility for you and you only. Stop trying to fix other people. A lot of people do this. We can't help ourselves because we believe we're meant to be helping others and not ourselves. But if you're not helping yourself, you definitely can't help others. So make sure you take responsibility for you.

Number eight is one that I worked on for a long time, and that's understanding your emotions. You see, when you understand your emotions, you get better feedback about how you feel and where you want to be. So if you understand your emotions and that's not just the positive emotions or so called positive emotions, it's also the so called negative emotions. We get taught that you're not meant to be angry, that your not meant to be scared, that you're not going to be all of these so called negative emotions. However, they can be really good emotions to utilise if you understand them, if you recognise them. If you start to be open to those so called negative emotions and you can let them in. You can let in more of the positive. If you try to deny the negatives, you're also denying the positives. You can't have one without the other. They're all present, they're all part of life. So understand your emotions. Get in touch with them. When you're in touch with them, you can start to control them. You can choose them. Therefore you don't get dictated to by your emotions. You control them. You use them, you utilise them. Then you get a result using your emotions.

Number nine is one I learned a number of years ago and something that I do, and it's very personal. Personal is how you want to do it, and that's a morning ritual. Every morning you do something every morning, that they gets your day off to a good start. So for myself, I have a number of things that I do. A couple that I would recommend is exercise of some sort. Now, this doesn't mean working out. It could be just doing a couple of simple movements to get your body moving and primed for the day. Could be stretches, could be just some squats and push ups, it doesn't matter what it is, you get your heart moving, you get your muscles moving, and that's important. Another one I would recommend putting into your morning ritual is something where you list five things you're grateful for and try to list five things that are different every day. So one day it could be things about yourself. You're glad you've got your health. You're glad you've got hands that work. You're glad you've got lungs that breathe fresh air. The next time it could be about your partner or your children, your family, your friends, the world you live in, it could be many different things, but five things you're grateful for. If you want to really make it powerful, say "why?" So I enjoy having hands because they enable me to do ... therefore, it makes it more solid.

Number ten. This is a good one because a lot of us, we get caught up on both extremes of this. Number ten is living in the moment, in the now because the past is already gone, it's memories. It's things that no longer exist except in our head. That means all of the so called negative emotions that come along with it are in our head. They don't exist in the real world, they are only a memory and the future hasn't happened yet. So if you try to live in the past, you have a lot of regret. If you try to live in the future, you have a lot of anxiety. The only moment you have is right now. Can you learn from the past? Yes. Can you plan for the future? Yes, but don't get caught in either of those extremes. Live in the moment. Choose what you want to choose right now. That's a really big one, living in the moment.

 Number eleven.  A lot of the times we have things in our lives that we want to deal with, that could be a little big, a little overwhelming, a little bit where we're not sure where to start. So the old joke is "How do you eat an elephant?" One bite at a time. And it's the same with anything. If you break it down into small enough steps, you can do anything. So whether it's sorting out your relationship, your finances, your parenting, your health, whatever it is, whatever you want to get sorted, work out some steps that you can repeat every single day. So if you want to get healthier, for example, each day with your morning ritual, eat something healthy for breakfast. Do a little bit of exercise, it doesn't have to be big, but repeat that every day and you'll make a big change. So you're eating the elephant one bite at a time. Okay, so that's a really big one.

The final one, and this is something for you to ponder, and you can use this to influence how you act every single day. Number twelve is your legacy. A lot of people think of a legacy as something big that you're gonna leave behind like a a foundation that helps homeless kids or something like that. A legacy is something you do every single day. If you have a partner that you love, you support, you encourage, you hold accountable so that they can grow and become more. That is a legacy that you're doing. You're creating that every single day. Your Children, what you tell them, what you demonstrate to them, what you expect of them is the legacy you are creating for them. The memories you create with your friends, your family. That is your legacy. Your legacy is something you create every single day. So think about that. That's where all of these other eleven come into it, is what is the legacy that you are leaving for everyone else that's left behind when you go.

So that's it. That's my twelve tips. I hope you've written them down. Hope you've enjoyed them. If you've got any feedback on them, feel free to send it in. I'd love to hear. All right, enjoy yourself, look after yourself, and remember, here's to a good life.

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