Hello, everybody, thank you so much for joining me. This is Michele Heyward. I have Dr. Lizette with thrive minds here with me today. And I'm going to introduce her I'm really excited to talk to her. We talked a few weeks ago, probably like two months ago. And so much has changed since then. And this was such a, an important topic that we decided, hey, let's do this now as opposed to later. So, number one, she's an award winning diversity psychology expert authority on career development. She is a tenured associate professor at Texas a&m, where she teaches multicultural counseling and career counseling. Her diversity scholarship has been recognized by the National Academies of Science, Engineering, and medicine. She has presented and publish her research in numerous outlets, including the US American Psychological Association journal, cultural diversity and ethnic minority psychology. She is the founder of work life lab where she and her research team are currently analyzing data on 1200 diverse parents in STEM. As a child of Mexican immigrants who do not even attend high school. She is passionate about helping diverse leaders unlock their highest selves at work with out having to burn out, opt out or sell out. She is also the proud mother of three trilingual, black brown boys. Thank you, Dr. Lizette. So for joining us today.

Thank you, Michelle. I'm so excited to be here.
 
Great. So let's start out first of all, you're you're at Texas a&m. What am I one of my early bosses when I started construction, he actually has nuclear My engineering degree from Texas a&m, and he will always fight the long horn in office. So it was always a lot of fun to have that happen. Oh, somebody says clap for 2002. Okay. Okay. Thank you everybody for joining us. So we want right now we're in the midst of a pandemic, and we weren't initially talking, we were talking about the pandemic. And then we've now doing more social justice, more social change, creating anti racist organizations, institutions, corporations. And that is a lot of an additional work for people of color. So what are some things today we're going to be you're going to be talking about how we can take care of ourselves in all of this, like, what are some strategies, but first, I want you to tell us a little bit about how did you get to this point Helping people of color really focus on self care, because that's not something we could afford to do, right. Like our parents didn't take vacations. Usually, they don't do a staycation is like that. It was always something to do. You always have to make sure that kids are taken care of the bills were paid, or at least mostly paid as much as you get paid. How did you get to this point, say, Hey, we need to change this for at this generation.
 
I'm telling you, the journey hasn't been easy.
Still, to this day, I get I challenged myself because there's only one of me and there's so much work that needs to get done. And I think that's something that's really common among
us. Feel like we have to make a big impact.
And we want to make a bigger impact and give back
to our communities.
Because we come from a place where a lot
of our past generations have had to sacrifice a lot. Struggle have their identities stripped their
language stripped,
be in a position where limited opportunities were available. And so the thing that I hear a lot and that, quite honestly is also something that I carry with me is that
I have to be my best I have to
I have to go after every opportunity that is available to me or create my opportunity, because I owe it to my family, my my parents, my grandparents, everything that they went through to help me get to this point. The thing though, is that we still have the some baggage in terms of what is possible for us.

And so when you're with it's like navigating to different worlds, and you're you have one foot in each world one is
where you come from like for me, I'm a child of Mexican immigrant parents, like I didn't even know how to use
When I went to like fancy dinners, I didn't even know how which fork to use. I'm like, Alright, so and it's just like little things like that where it starts to make you feel stressed out. In addition to navigating networking events, in addition to doing your work, it's these little micro doses of extra stress that is unnecessary, that holds you back from being at your best because you've got to constantly be thinking about these things, and how to navigate different spaces. And with different faces, right, we talk about code switching, and that
alone is exhausting.

Like, the way that you talk, the way that you move, your mannerisms, the words that you choose, having to think about who you're with, what is their, what is their perception to be about you, depending on how you show up in front of them and so kind of, it's like being in a closet. Trying to figure out okay, which mask Am I going to put onto? It depends on who you're with. And whether you perceive them as an ally, or someone who has your back. And in many ways these days is a lot more stressful because you can always have this guard up and you can't tell whether they're safe or not.

We're in back in the days when there was a lot more overt discrimination. I mean, we still have it now, obviously. But there was a lot more over like, you can't sit here you can't hear that kind of thing. Right. And so in a way that was
I hear this from a lot of people is that that was a little bit easier because you knew who was safe and who wasn't you knew where they stood.

Exactly. You don't have
to waste that energy in trying to read between the lines to try to figure out it are they for me, or are they against
exactly how much of me do I bring to the table and could it possibly used against me. How do I speak up? When do I speak up? Who do I speak up to? Do they have the best? My best interest in mind? Do I have to be careful about the things that I say?
And so think about it, this extra layer of stress compound with what's going on right now with the COVID, and the cultural crises.
And one of the things that is really important is to think about how you right now have to navigate multiple roles and multiple spaces. And that also compounds So thinking about how not just the cultural but the professional and the personal and the familial, all come into play, asking for your time, effort and energy all at the same time at 100% level. And so what happens have a tendency of darting or feeling like Something's got to give, I don't know what And oftentimes, we, it ends up being us that we sacrifice our sleep or health or our mental mental well being. And what happens when you do that is if you push beyond your abilities to tolerate a lot of stress, and a lot of us are used to carrying this around. But let me tell you, they're gonna become a point where it all comes crumbling down, you're gonna find yourself in a corner in the closet, crying, because you're like, I can't take it anymore or it's gonna come out with your kids, your family, your partner, and they're the people that you're doing all this for to begin with, and now it's they're taking the brunt of it, because it's just too much for you to bear or maybe You know, you respond to an email in a way that
kind of was passive aggressive, or, you know,
it's like the straw that broke the camel's back type of thing. And so what we want to do is be in prevention mode rather than remediation mode or intervention mode. Because it's a lot easier, less stressful, to avoid something, prevent something from happening than to deal with it. When it does happen, because there's a lot of course correcting, it has a ripple effect, it causes different levels of problems in different areas of your so to go back and fix something, let's let's not, let's try to work to not get it to that place as much as possible.

And so with the mud, I mean, there's a lot of things that I encourage my clients to think about and it falls into three different things. The first one is clarity, strategy, and then Your mentality. So when I say clarity, I'm talking about getting really clear on your vision, your values, who you are, how you want to show up, where you're putting your time, effort, and energy into where you see yourself next year, the year after that for the duration of your career, your life, right, getting really clear on that, and then figuring out alright, everything that I'm doing right now take a hard look at that and ask yourself, Is this helping or hurting and then start to make some really difficult decisions as to whether you're going to let go of something or Give your all to something else because we can't be all things to all people all the time at the same time. Okay, and so getting crystal clarity on what you want, what matters most what your vision is. for yourself, for your professionally personally, so that you're able to allow your whole self to show up fully
without having to sacrifice your identity, your, your energy, your productivity, your sanity, your family.

And so you have to take a really good look at all these dimensions of your life, the personal, the professional, the physical, the familial, and see what needs to be amplified. What has been neglected for far too long, and that if it continues that way, that it might
make the you know, the ceiling fall down, right. You might be faced with the glass ceiling. Yeah, it might start coming down on you. And so how do we get rid of this? Start with clarity, and once you're clear on what really matters most to you what you need to be doing especially considering the current context, right? I don't really like the word realistic because that I think that that puts some limitations on us because of what we think is possible for us. But really, I'm all about helping you unleash your limitless potential. And at the end of the day, I believe that there's much more that you can have that if you work on addressing some of the political, social cultural issues, and how to navigate that in a way that is going to help you move forward in a much easier, less stressful wait. And so with that said, I want you to keep in mind, what are the current times we have going on right now? It's no joke. It's been really stressful. I've had to slow down a lot. I do a whole bunch of different things. But my kids are home right now. And, and, you know, I have to switch things around. And so I want you to think about reprioritizing what really matters to you. So why have that clarity and in every aspect of your life, then I want you to think about an aligned strategy. So how are you going to get from where you are to where you want to be in a way that works for you, if you sit here and look around and compare yourself to how other people are doing things, that's unfair to you, and you're setting yourself up for failure, possibly, and comparison itis is a real thing. So don't compare your chapter one to somebody chapter 10, especially if their book is a different color, you know what I mean? If they have a different set of circumstances. So I can't sit here and compare myself to a white male CEO who has somebody working at home, take care of their kids, right? Like, that's unfair to me. And so you have to think about that for you. Right, and that's why that first step is really important, that clarity piece so Think about what do I need to do to get to where I want to be? What strategies are available to me? What are the different options? Think about the pros and cons for each. What are the resources that you need to make this a reality for you. And so be very strategic creating a plan to help you get to where you want to be. And if self care is something that you really need right now, and I think that's, that's something everybody can, can use, right? Like, that's really important stuff. Let's take that as an example. So let's say you're not getting enough sleep, because you have a lot of work to do. And everybody wants a PC right now, right? What happens if you don't get enough sleep? Well, you're not going to be at your best you're going to set yourself up for possibly making mistakes, which is what you want to avoid. Because maybe right now you're thinking about holding on to your position. And so think about that. If you're already stressed and worried about Whether you're going to be eliminated from your position, how do you think not getting enough sleep is going to impact that it's going to exacerbate the thing that you are trying to avoid in the first place. Okay? If you don't get enough sleep, let's continue with that example, you're going to set yourself up for being more susceptible to getting sick. And what happens when you get sick? There we go again, right? You might not perform as well. And so it goes back to what are you trying to avoid in the first place? Right? And how am I not getting enough sleep really, actually be detrimental to you, instead of you thinking that by getting less sleep, you're able to do more things? What's the point if the more things that you're going to be doing are not going to be as good if you were at your best imagine that being fully refreshed, ready to go, being laser focused and productive because it's all about the quality of your work, the quantity of hours that you put into it. And so let's think of a strategy what, what are some ways that you can get more sleep? Maybe if you have a partner at home, and you've got other family responsibilities, talking to them about what your needs are, one of the things that I'm seeing right now is a lot of tension at home because of stress coming from every Aiko as well as trying to get work done, and also stay sane along the way. And so having the communication making time for that, to talk about what do you need, how can I support you, and here's what I need, I really need to get some more sleep. This is why I think I need to get more sleep and this is how I think

I can actually accomplish that. And what I would need from you is XYZ I would need for you maybe to take care of the morning responsibilities and getting breakfast started. So I can get a little bit more sleep or I wouldn't need you to not Let the kids come into the room so that I can get a little bit more sleep. Is that something we can do? What do you think about that? And so I'm using sleep as an example of how you can create a strategy to getting more sleep, if that's something that is lacking.

And figuring out what's going to help you make that happen. Given your current situation, your home environment, everything that you worked on in the clarity phase, you are not going to bring in to discover what strategy is going to be working for you the best. Okay? And be resourceful. Who do you need on board? Do you need to have a conversation with certain people outside of your home, right? And so figure out what it is that you need. Okay. And so once you you have that strategy in place. The next thing that I want you to think about is your mentality. This is the area that people struggle with the most and that's getting out of there. Own Way,
self sabotaging.

Feeling like an imposter, thinking that you have to work really, really hard in order to get a certain result. But the thing is, and this is this worker mentality, right, and I have it still because that's how I was raised, you have to work twice as hard to get half as far because people don't who, who are in high places don't necessarily look like you sound like you talk like you. dress like you look like you. And so if you internalize those kinds of messages that you've received from society, and it's going to take an additional toll on you, and so, being super aware of when that's showing up. So for example, if I walk into a meeting and you know, it's a really important meeting, there are decision makers there and I'm the only one who has an accent. Or who is not a white male, I'm going to be honest, I'm going to start to feel a little
bit uncomfortable. Now, the goal is not to be fearless. The goal is to fear less. So being able to walk into that space as your true authentic self, step up, stand out with confidence and speak as if you know your stuff. And you belong there. instead of allowing these internalized beliefs that are in the back of your head, because we all have them, right, it's unavoidable. It's subliminal, it's, you don't even realize it. Because it shows up in certain ways that you're like, Where'd that come from? And so for example, if I start to get anxious, I have to tell myself, all right, talk to myself in a way that is actually going to work in their science based on it. So for example, asking yourself, okay, what's the worst that can happen here? The worst that can happen? might be, they wonder if I'm the person in charge that should be in this room? How do I want to handle that? I have these options. What is the outcome that I am looking for by being in this space right now that is making me a little bit uncomfortable? What do I need to do before entering that space meditation, listening to some music that's going to amplify my energy? having one of those poses that has been shown to actually help you feel empowered. And so that's part of that strategy piece as well. And this, this is stuff that comes with time. You have to be aware of your thoughts. Are they positive or negative? And those thoughts, then we're going to trigger the way that you feel about it, fight, flight, flee, or freeze. And then that is going to then trigger whether you do something or not How you show up, whether you're stuttering or hiding or don't speak up because of that emotion of not being safe, because of the thought that you have.

And so this chain of reaction, I call it the, the, the terror method, like your thoughts, your emotions, your actions, and then the results you get. And so you have control over that. And it starts with your thoughts. And one of the things that I hear a lot of times is, well, I can't control other people's response to me. I can't control what other people do. I can't control how other people perceive me. And yes, that's true. And yes, there are some, you know, some, you know, people out there who don't. They're waiting for you to make a mistake. They already don't think that you have what it takes because there's not enough people who are who look like you in certain positions, and so they also have these beliefs, some of them are obvious others are not. There's, you know, it depends on the how ingrained This is and their level of awareness of their own unconscious biases, right? We're talking about unconscious stuff, stuff that we're not even aware of. But that triggers these emotions in us, that elevates the stress. And I'm here to help you try to elevate competence instead of stress. And that starts by, for example, thinking about what you're already really good at. And then leveraging that instead of focusing on what you're not so good at, that's just going to make you feel worse. Start with what you're really good at. It's going to amplify your confidence, it's going to take less time, which means more time for sleep, right? And or whatever self care needs that you have right now. And so that's one tip that I would suggest for you to Really think about what is your area of strength, your zone of brilliance? What is it that you do that you have no doubt that you are amazing at.

We all have it, hold on to that, put it put it somewhere obvious.
Think about it every day. And what what that's going to do is that's going to help you amplify other areas that maybe you aren't as aware of that are within your zone of genius. And the more confident you feel in yourself, the more you're going to be able to present yourself with confidence. And even when other people have assumptions about you.

They're going to feel compelled to listen to you more because of the way you show up but it all starts in here. And you know self care is really a non negotiable. Sometimes we may feel guilty because Other people need us there's more impact we want to make in this world. I know that I have experienced that. But I have a non negotiable self care routine, for example, massages. That's my go to thing. I used to feel so guilty about that, because that's a luxury. nobody in my family gets that. And so I used to feel a little bit uncomfortable when I would say, you know, I'm sorry, I can't make this meeting. Because I have a prior commitment. And that commitment was to myself
a massage because guess what, I know myself, I don't get that done.

I'm not going to be at my best for you, for my family, for anybody. And so it all starts with you. And so I want you to release the guilt that you might have about taking care of yourself. You are your most prized possession. Everything that comes out of you. Starts with taking care of yourself. Your thoughts, nobody else has them like you. The way that you make the change that you you produce, especially in STEM where there aren't enough people who come from where you come from, right? Think about that you want to be able to
us show self with confidence.

And that really starts with feeling really good about yourself and taking care of your most prized possession because, like I said, Everything you do with your hands with your mind, with your mouth, it comes from this and you need to make time to attend to it to give it what it needs, including the rest that it deserves to be at its best.

Okay, I just talked a lot and I can talk forever, but uh, I'll give it back to you we show.
Now that was really great. We have so many great comments in here. People, ladies mostly, this is the resume With
a lot of us Miss massages that that is what our go to things are first of working on our zone of genius. And definitely fear less, not being fear less. But the having less fear. I absolutely agree with people like I want to be fearless like you're like I'm not fearless. I do everything I do is within fear. I just have just enough lesson it just enough to move. So I always tell people, you stand in fear, you walk in fear or you run like hell and fear is one of the three things you do. So if you can get just a little bit less, you won't stand in fear. I'm so true. Plus you get bags and dark circles when you aren't getting sleep. I love how you can pair your check. Hi, how you don't compare your chapter one with somebody else's chapter 10 Mind blown. Yeah, so, so many people are definitely resonating with the things they need to do. Someone said I quit my job because of this. My straw was when my boss told me I needed to remember and know my place. This was a blessing though, because I'm now in such a better place. Yes. Um, we definitely, especially as women, of color families always first and you're always taught you have to take care of them. Right? But you can't take take care of somebody else unless you put your mask on first and you're making yourself a priority. Absolutely agree. So we have skincare is on the list too. So we have a lot of people here it was a comment. Here we go. Yes, put your mask on. Bird. Absolutely. So um, anything Any final words? Because I know like you said it was it's so much in there about prioritizing yourself, not comparing yourself to others. What, you know how Jenner generations and culturally were taught, you're gonna work twice as hard to get half as much. And really what those technical things we are to really take care of ourselves emotionally. And mentally right now is truly important. It was it was a report, a friend of mine posted about people have, on average gain 16 pounds during the pandemic, just just during the pandemic. So I won't say which side of that I'm on, but I'm looking at a spin bikes. So I didn't see you that way. So it's sometimes it's an investment because you're not I'm not paying for the gym right now. So I can put the investment in equipment. So it is definitely like what's that thing you need to do, plus, it'll help you sleep better. When you work out you generally sleep better. So if you're having issues sleeping, a good workout generally, for many of us works other times it doesn't. But for many of us that work out isn't there. So I do want to thank you so much. This is really great. You gave us a lot of tips and tactics and tools we can use during these stressful but yet important changing times around us. Is there acronym for mass?

Hmm, do you have acronym for math, not mask
llama. I might just make one because it's easier for us to remember. When
we had, um, one, one person asked, Did you have a handout with these tips?

Uh, yeah, I didn't prepare one for this. But if you get in touch with me, I will send you something.
Okay. I will I will let them know that they weren't able to attend They post them in any event, so I'll let her know too. I tagged you in the comment, but I'll let her know to dm you so she had no gas. So any final comments or questions from the audience? Y'all now know you're going to take care of you first you're going to get some sleep. You're going to put your mask on first and you're not going to be comparing yourself to other people. Their journey is so different. It's like looking at somebody 20 years in and you're at, you're at a 20 It's so unfair to you and plus, even somebody that's coming in day 20. They may have been groomed, like you said, Hey, you had to learn how to eat with the right fork. I took the etiquette class in college, right? So there are a lot of different things like you had a fork at dinner and that was your fork. You were six other people at this dinner table. So you were happy to have a fort. So at least in my house, it was seven of us. So It was it was always it was always thankful for what you had. But also knowing you worked hard for other things. Do you think that mindset of culturally being taught having to work hard or hurt drives us? Or both?

Oh, my goodness. Okay, that I love that question because I,
what do I want to say how much time we have?
We have? We're over time. So yeah. Okay.

message me. But what I want to say about that real quick is that a lot of us are paid to, for our thoughts or knowledge. Yeah. And, you know, you know, my parents were immigrants, and so they work hard, like hard labor and so even sometimes, so I have a really strong work ethic as a lot of us do. And but at the same time, it's like, wait a minute, I don't have to myself to the ground to feel like I deserve
what I am getting compensated.

Like it is okay for me to be standing here and just speaking my knowledge, like, it doesn't have to be a tangible deliverable like that, you know what I mean? Like I could actually change the world compensated for my thoughts, the words that come out of my mouth, right? And so I don't have to, you know, do hard labor to deserve this.

Oftentimes,
they're internalized beliefs that do show up by staying late working early working weekends, not having those boundaries. Because sometimes we have a sense of, Do I really have to prove that I deserve this, that I've earned this
and that I'm working really hard to have this.

Somebody says they're making it up what mask is make actual self care. They can't figure out where the key would be. Oh, Well mask is now with a C instead of a K. I'm just saying. So, Alright everybody, she's gonna come up with something you're gonna find out before this summer. All right, thank you so much, Dr. Liz that thank you everybody for joining us. Be sure you connect with her here on LinkedIn messaged her. If you want her list of tips, she would definitely be glad to share them with you. We are going to get out of here. I'll be back on Thursday with my d ei diversity, equity inclusion partner in crime or really not crime we're solving. We're providing solutions to the in organizations. And you can find us here on Thursday at 1pm. As usual, everybody, have a great week. Be sure to connect with Dr. Lizette. Now you see why I had her. Join us today. Thanks so much.

Bye, everybody.