Unlearning my good girl ways with Laura Gmeinder
February 5, 2021
Have you been known as a goodie two shoes?
You know someone that is always pleasing others, going above and beyond, and walking the strait and narrow... These things aren't wrong but when they start becoming a deterrent to your livelihood then it opens up to another ball game.
And this is exactly why Laura is not sorry for unlearning her good girl ways.
Have you been known as a goodie two shoes?
You know someone that is always pleasing others, going above and beyond, and walking the strait and narrow... These things aren't wrong but when they start becoming a deterrent to your livelihood then it opens up to another ball game.
And this is exactly why Laura is not sorry for unlearning her good girl ways.
About the guest: Laura survived a quarter-life crisis, made friends with fear, courageously left her corporate HR job (after 14 years) and set out to make an impact in the world. And spoiler, it's been bold. Her entrepreneurial spirit has lead her to start several award winning businesses and movements including Laura Gmeinder Coaching & Consulting. She's been recognized as an InBusiness Magazine “40 Under 40” and a BRAVA magazine “Woman to Watch”. She also is a judge for the International Stevie Awards for Women in Business.
She is committed to building community (Gmeinder means community in German) and giving back; She volunteers to support entrepreneurial development and women's empowerment for several local and international nonprofits.
[00:00:02] spk_1: this is This show is brought to you by Safety FM. Welcome to unapologetically bold. I'm not sorry for If you are a person that is tired of apologizing for being you, you know the human part of you that sometimes feels like it has to be different at home versus work versus play. The human side that just wants to be hot, humble, open and transparent about your wants, desires and uniqueness. If you answered yes, this is for you. Join me, Emily Elrod as I dive into conversations with Amazing Guest. About what? That you're not sorry for And creative and loving ways Let's get started. Welcome, everybody. We're live for another unapologetically bold I'm not sorry for. And I am so blessed today, toe have the amazing Laura with me. Thank you for joining me today.
[00:01:03] spk_0: Thank you for having me.
[00:01:05] spk_1: So for the people that don't know anything about you before we go into what you're not sorry for, can you give just a quick background about who you are? Who is Laura?
[00:01:17] spk_0: That is a great question. I am someone who lives unapologetically. Um, Who is Laura? That is a really great question, and I have had some of the most exciting adventures after being scared of my own shadow on and I had done 14 years in corporate. Um, halfway through, I had a quarter life crisis and knew I was being called for something more, something different on DSO. The rest of the last 10 years have been really amazing Journey of starting my own business and simultaneously finding myself.
[00:01:55] spk_1: I love it. I love it. And I think that's something that a lot of people don't dio. They don't do it. And I love like, because I know some of the work that you do, like how much more you've given back to the world. But you you have also received from the world by doing what I cause the you were. When you do that, you work. It pays off 10 fold. So congrats for you on that. And I think that's the cool thing that allows us to get into today about what you are not sorry for. So, Lord, just to get, go ahead and dive on in. Can you tell the world what you are no longer apologizing for?
[00:02:34] spk_0: I'm not sorry for letting go of my good girl ways. I'm not sorry for finding myself. I'm not sorry for going on this adventure. I love
[00:02:43] spk_1: it. So tell us more. How did you get to the point of? Well, let's start with this good girl ways. What? Like what were some of the things I'm assuming from childhood? This is assumptions here that just had, like, inundated on with you about being good. So I got you did here?
[00:03:05] spk_0: Yes. And I think like, you know, so many women can relate because we're really raised to be good girls. And I joked only afforded as the disease toe, please and driven towards perfectionism, not realizing till I was an adult. More recently, even that, like perfect, doesn't exist. Eso We're driving our lives towards external validation Thio, Please others Thio put others needs and wants ahead of our own and what that looks like. And for me, it was someone that didn't even know themselves like remember that soul crushing feeling of feeling I was in the wrong life, But I didn't even know where to start. And I was worried I was gonna make the wrong for smooth that mistake, right? That paralyzing fear of making a mistake because oh my gosh said I'm not perfect and everyone's gonna know e.
[00:03:56] spk_1: I love that. I think it's so imperative because it's like growing up. Not that Barbie's bad, but it's like you're the Barbie like we need to like Barbie like lice. Perfect. And it's a fairy tale. And like, if you walk the perfect path, you're not in shining armor is going to come and save the day. Yeah, world, it does not happen. So we're like, where were you at or what experience? Or maybe have a story of whenever you're like Okay, I'm done. I'm done with being a quote unquote good girl. I'm letting that down. Where was that moment for you?
[00:04:35] spk_0: You know, a really big moment was starting my business and how that kind of evolved from a spy gig Thio leaving corporate, which was like, the scariest thing I could ever think to dio on dso you know, I'm in my first week. I'm in my business and I had no idea what to do, and I was paralyzed. I like binge watch next flicks and I got to the end of the first week. I realized that if something doesn't change like there was no business. I'm going back our bread. And I just knew that I didn't want to do that and really kind of reflecting on that. It's like you have all these ideas. Um, you have all these skills. You have all these people wanting to like, work with you and really trying to figure out what that was about and honestly, like I've spent so much of my life being told what to dio and asking for permission that it was like I really was almost kind of waiting for like Okay, now go do this next in your own business. That doesn't happen. No,
[00:05:32] spk_1: no. And I think it's funny. I was talking to somebody the other day about that, and it's like It's like whenever you first have a kid or the first time you get like whenever you get married or whatever it is, it's like there's this proverbial like. Experts will tell you what to do and how to do it right. There is no manual. There's no manual to having kids. There's no manual to owning a business. There is no manual, there's best practices, but we're all unique we all our own way of doing things. It may work for some, but it may not work for others. And so I think the important thing is that self realization. So from there, fast forward to now how has eliminate or e won't say eliminating that. But working through the people pleasing, working through the ask for permission wait for that aspect. How has that changed from day one owner to now You've been in the business for a while.
[00:06:33] spk_0: You know the confidence piece of really figuring out who you are and what your values are and having in for me. There was that piece of it at the beginning where it was a lot of the external validation. And and I remember I want an award a few years back after starting my business and thinking that like, Oh, my gosh, I made it and I had a really ization not too long after that. That was like I didn't need that award. I didn't need that validation like I'm good at what I dio. I'm able to help people in their businesses and to build their confidence. And so well, I really appreciate that having gotten that it's I look at it so much different that it's like if you're not getting the words, if you're not getting the praises, you know you're doing what God put you here to do And you know, Your Honor, that call and all the peoples lives that it's allowed me, thio lives and businesses that it's allowed me to touch.
[00:07:28] spk_1: And I think that's extremely important today. I put it on, linked in, but there was somebody. Long story short. Somebody sent me something and wanted me Thio Look at his work and just some perspectives from a sports sock side because I love sports psychology and do some work with some universities and colleges, and he's like, What do you think it was like with the dudes? Awesome loved his work, but he stayed. He said. This statement that drove me insane. He said that whenever you're at the top of the mountain, you know it's harder there because there's less oxygen. I'm like, No, there's actually the same amount of oxygen. We always have the same amount of oxygen. It's always there. It's the pressure is different. There's actually lower pressure on the top of the mountain And so. And that's what speaking here with what you're saying is that whenever you get that validation, if you're not careful on your journey up the mountain and you're not self aware that hey, I have tow have these pressures that are coming in. But the pressure change of like I finally made it and I need this validation if you're not careful, it could literally kill you like it will kill people because it they may have inflated egos, but they don't have inflated lungs and they can't get to the another mountain. And it's that confidence that is very important, but also with a self awareness. So for you, when or what advice or invitation would you give to people or women or just anybody in general, a business leader that is going up that mountain? And it's like, dang it, another climb after another climb and how confidence and letting go some of these ways that we feel like we have to be and being unapologetically about how important is that?
[00:09:19] spk_0: I think it's huge. I think that just knowing yourself and what you're able to accomplish and you know, I think of that mountain climbing that mountain and it takes resilience and it takes grit and grace. And what is that that is motivating you? And what is that? That especially now where we are in the world, like, what is your meaning and purpose and what is getting you out of bed in the morning? You know, to climb that mountain and to be an inspiration for all the peoples lives that you touch.
[00:09:52] spk_1: Yes, I love that so much, and I think it's important. Like you said Thio, find your in essence, this is how I hear it is finding your wine, knowing your motivation and knowing what's going to get you there and for you. I know that you talk a lot about confidence, and it makes me think of a book that I've been reading the year of. Yes, by Shonda Rhimes. Best book Literally. It's hilarious, and it speaks so many truths in there, so if you want a good book, that is it. But some of the things that she talks about is there was an award ceremony, and basically all the women had an issue with accepting the award. They would either dismiss it or it would be like, Oh, don't don't say May or they would undermine it. And it was like her thing was to say yes, thank you. And just tip like, just show that confidence. She calls it badass ery. And so she wants to have bad ass three and and be like she does with her show. Gladiator, you know, be a glad array, be a gladiator, have bad ass tree. But it's that confidence that it seems like a lot of people like No matter if you're a male or a female, how do you slip into that?
[00:11:10] spk_0: Well, and I think that, you know, sharing that story, that receiving praise like that is so hard for so many of us. And so I think, really having Thio have those cumber internal, that internal dialogue where you are gentle on yourself. And then I think there's a piece of it to where celebrating your hard work like letting yourself received that. But then you know the big wins, like in a war. But even some of the small stuff like thinking about it the end of your day like I know a zoo. I'm falling asleep. I'll be thinking of this and grateful for an opportunity Thio connect. And you know, even though I flubbed a little in the beginning like we're just we're is different along here and just kind of being, you know, receiving that and accepting that and celebrating, um, trying something new, connecting with someone, making a new friend and in all those pieces of what? That the lessons that we learn every day for we're willing to do that.
[00:12:08] spk_1: And I think that's important to the gratitude aspect of it, but also to find the positive because also, here's the thing. We can get reports back about how we've done and like this, like, I know that you're going to say a million things that you've done positive through this. I know that I could be able to say it, but as somebody that I know for me, that I with perfection, I am a recovering addict felling daily at it. But it's like we stick to that one time when we screwed up that one time we messed up instead of going to the next step and seeing the good and focusing or on the good. So I think that's important that you touch on graduate I loved it to put that a little bit more because some people like, Well, that's a good girl way. But is it is it either good or bad? It's just It's who you are. It's who I am and I see the benefit of it. So I love for you about more, about how gratitude has helped you in this experience of becoming the full you that's unapologetically bold.
[00:13:15] spk_0: I think it's been huge because, you know, if you aren't grateful for what you have, how can you ask and receive more and that you've been a good steward of the gifts that you've been given? Like to me? I think that that's really important to know that you did that in the days when I maybe don't feel like getting out of bad to know that like the Greater God and really that that purpose and meaning, but to really be focused on, we do have so many things and so many ways that we can impact others and just having that focused on, you know, gratitude, practice. And they've even done studies that my alma mater, they did a study like if you sending me three or write down three things you're grateful for every day and you do it for months, like boost your happiness But like, I think it's like 10 or 20% but, like significantly.
[00:14:04] spk_1: Yeah, And it's extremely important for me to to find the gratitude, because what it helps me do is what it brings me self awareness of. There is good. What we say is kill the ants, automatic negative thoughts. It helps me to control them. And I even have this conversation with my husband last night. He doesn't listen to this. And so I joke with them, like if you actually listen, you hear how many times to talk about you. But what he is is that we talked about how are so fear of influence is so important. And lately, for May, it's been to like a bigger level as I'm continuing to grow the negativity. If you surround yourself with negative people, you will be negative. You you do what you around always joke. If you're around non broke people, you got to be the 10th one. So if you're around nine negative people, you're gonna be the 10th. When you are, you're severe of influence and it's very hard to get away from that physiologically. There's tons of reasons also, but talk about that connecting with the right people as well in this process of learning who you are, because e never think it's a one man job. Always think this is This is a team effort, but you gotta have the rock team on board. So talk to me about that.
[00:15:20] spk_0: Yeah, I think you're right. It's so important. There's a cult that says like you are the some of the five people that you spend your most time with And I think that that is absolutely true. Like, are you being with the people that are cheering you on? Are you that Are you encouraging you that or maybe having the hard conversations with you? And that you know that you have similar values and to be able Thio grow together and then to know, I always think that you know, the people that we have in our lives. It's like a season, a reason or a lifetime. And so there were well, and I know as I've grown and I always joke, like 10 years and I'm just getting started. E. I mean, there have been people where it's like I can't be a good friend to you. You're not a good friend to me right now. And so, um, you know, we're able to spread our energy and our love and to be able to impact and have those season or lifetime friends with friendships or relationships with other people. Um,
[00:16:22] spk_1: and that Z But it's so true to that. I didn't dress this until my like, I'm in my early thirties. I didn't just grab. I didn't grasp us until literally Right now, my my third like 30. It's like I don't know if it's the thing of changing 30 or its purpose and passion. This is the basically the 10 years that purpose and passion is huge. Whatever it may be, it is something that I want to make sure that I walk out on integrity and knowing my values and get into the next level so that I can say, Hey, this is something I want to do. This is something that can help grow me, but also the reciprocal of it. It helps my clients. It's always about my clients, like yeah, and I think that's something I'd like to talk about for a minute on how us growing ourselves is the rest. Ferocity effect like it affects people tenfold. That's around us to us or the ripple effects on people say, How have you saying you learning who you are have a ripple effect of the people you are a round?
[00:17:28] spk_0: I think that it's helped other people thio push past their fear. And you know some of the stories I've told, like honestly, if you told me 10 years ago here's this life that you can have But oh, by the way, you have to tell some of your darkest, deepest secrets that you never want to say publicly. Um, but I know like the first time I had to tell, I talk. I'm so motivational speaker and I talk about when I was a teenager, a sexually molested by my next door neighbor and the first time I had or wanted, I needed to tell my story publicly a t end of it. A woman had waited to come up and talk to me, and she said the same thing happened to me and she gave me a big and just thank you for sharing that because we think that we're so alone in these hard times and so on. I always think about like my little my little turtle, like a pony HUD in my arms and stuff into that shell. But we just need each other like to be able tohave the community and the support and no, that we're not alone and know that it's not our fault and that we didn't do anything bad and it's nothing to be ashamed about. It gets something that happened to me and it was hard and I've been working through it. But it's part of how I'm still resilient. It's part of why I'm so success because I'm stubborn and I'm committed to this, um, this way of life.
[00:18:51] spk_1: I love it, and that's the one thing I talk a lot about, as well as some of my I call it My season of suck and it waas, and it's not just one thing, it's enough. It's like one after another after another, you know, and those things you wouldn't wish on your worst. Not like your worst enemy. But the thing is, is weird enough. I've gratitude for it because it has put me to where I am and my son, who is not asked the other day. What days would you change in your life, Mom? E No, right. And I could think about some of the hell days like I still don't think I would change that. Like I think of changing like my seventh grade picture of whenever I was wearing like these bottle like glasses, like maybe that. But well, these nightmare stories that I've I've dealt with it and I've lived through E don't think I would have as much gratitude and be as resilient or bia's knowledgeable or wise as I am. If it did not happen so. But I think the important thing is how many people don't tell their story because they think it's going to show as if they are no longer a good girl. Like that was literally. My story is like, I'm a good girl. I'm teaching Bible study. Oh, I got pregnant out of wedlock, You know, we don't do that, but we hide ourselves. We put mass behind ourselves and they're so fake. Mhm well, fake. So let's talk about that for a minute. Whenever you could probably take that mask off and bu oh, freeing. Is it to be you?
[00:20:37] spk_0: Yeah, it it is like into me. It's been the way to combat toe combat my fear to do something that's done, you know, so scary. That was a secret I kept for so long. And then you keep one big secret, and it it reinforces that, like that's how you should go through life is, you know, And then there was the disconnect for himself. You know that that was that part of it. And I think that being able to be brave, like Renee Brown talks about it a lot. But it's like you either, like, own your story and live the lessons and are inspiring other people. Or you're hustling for your worth and you're wearing that mask and you're dying a slow death inside because you're not letting anybody in your not letting anybody know the true you and that again like is something that erodes confidence when you don't show up as yourself mhm.
[00:21:31] spk_1: And I think it's important to for leaders that are listening to this or parents that are listening to this. Of course, there's right age, right maturity level for people to hear. But what stories are you not telling? Because it may show that you're a human. Yes, you don't have to go into deep dark secrets. But there are probably something that you have I'd always talk about. It's like the unsaid rule about being a mom. Like we have to act like we have it all together, like or being a wife. You like? No, Like this thing, this thing is jacked up. We have finds all the time. I thought with my kids I screw up all the time. Oh, I have the mom of the Year Award. You know, why do we have to be like that? Why do you think people are so afraid to be unapologetically bold?
[00:22:27] spk_0: I think that it goes back to kind of like what? We're conditioned. Thio B. And our society particularly has pushed so much pressure on women. Thio get married and have kids. And then you have to be like the best mom and the best wife. And for a lot of people, the best employees the like you need, like, 30 hours a day just to get half the stuff yourself get done. And I think too. It's like we put labels on people and we value like you have kids. You're more value than the woman that doesn't or you're married, you know, like that's just even. And that was something I had to work with. And part of my quarter life crisis is that I thought, you know, 25. I thought I'd have all but you know, 30 have kids and like Oh my gosh, none of any of the title norms. The expectations, like none of those happened anywhere near the time when I felt like we were talking before we got. But I just got married a year ago in my forties. On That's so true
[00:23:30] spk_1: is that we put these expect or we well, and as it's we could put the expectations on ourselves most of time. We dio and and I think that's port important to note an amazing person. His name's Andy Bias. He helps with the pirates, a za mental skills coach. He said something the other day that just we nerd out about things. So if your nerd and love to nerd, especially about things called cognitive entrenchment, but what that is is in essence, you entrench. This is how obviously what it is. You entrench yourself in your cognition, which is your thoughts, and you examine them. Are they true in diving down? Why do you believe the way? The way that you do. And until you get to that core of like, I truly, truly believe that, then you can hold on to it as a core value and you control bill to the next step with it. But it's that cognitive entrenchment of analyzing to say Who am I thinking this way? Because I put the expectation of perfection on me. Yeah. Could it be that maybe some part of our school system where we always had to be like we were compared, like 4.0, student Thio 3.0, and if you didn't get that certain standard or you didn't hit the score on this test, or could it be our parents and some of the things that they said for us and they cheered us poor grades? There's so many things there, so many things that make us who we are. There's so many experiences that make us who we are so exploring them. And so I think that's the invitation I have for you, Um, Thio, give Thio the audiences. If you could ask them to explore anything. What would be like wanted, Like your top three things that you ask them to, like, look, seek fine for with their Selves to be unapologetically gold
[00:25:26] spk_0: e think that, you know, getting to the core of who are you like I used to have a sticky note on my door that every time I would leave it said, How do I want to show up people I really wanted That thought is like the last thing as I'm leaving and I'm going But like how, um I honoring myself. And if I'm not honoring myself, why? And like you said really thinking about that? Like, what is the fax and what is the fiction, right? Like, you know, I know, like, through values, work and things like that. But you know, people that air, you know, maybe, um, you know, exploring like religion and spirituality. Politics, like, what were you told them? Believe versus what you actually balloon. And in some of that, I'm still navigating right now. And and so it's It's this evolution of who we are. um, but but your call, like, just really encouraging people thio, even if it's like 5% more yourself. But have those conversations you know, with curiosity and compassion, but don't shy away from the opportunity to really deeply connect with people and to let them see who you are. And then if I meet you there, great. If not, they ain't your people,
[00:26:46] spk_1: E. That's important. But it's also hard Truth. Yeah, like stepping away from those people that you have been with your entire life a school or maybe because of family. Or maybe what? And stepping back and saying, Yeah, I love you, but I love you at a distance. Uh, that's very difficult, but still something that is it's so much more than ever. So I greatly This is such an amazing talk, Laura. So right, getting close to our time. I do want to ask you this final question for people that are apologizing for letting go of their good girl ways or letting go of their their good ways or whatever ways that they have put on themselves. What would you tell them?
[00:27:39] spk_0: Sorry, not sorry, but just, you know, being you like you bring so much value and love. And you're exactly what the world needs and to really on that and toe like yourself first. And then you'll be able to show up and attract the right people in your lives and the right opportunities.
[00:27:59] spk_1: I love it. I agree so much. And I'm blessed beyond measure that you came on today. And I know that people have also had to get something from this. So thank you so much for your time and everybody that is listening in having amazing and Blessed Day. Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of unapologetically bold. I'm not sorry for if this touch shoot anyway, please like and subscribe and share with your friends as we continue the message of being unapologetically bold, Bobby and hot humans who are humble, open and transparent. See you next time
You know someone that is always pleasing others, going above and beyond, and walking the strait and narrow... These things aren't wrong but when they start becoming a deterrent to your livelihood then it opens up to another ball game.
And this is exactly why Laura is not sorry for unlearning her good girl ways.
About the guest: Laura survived a quarter-life crisis, made friends with fear, courageously left her corporate HR job (after 14 years) and set out to make an impact in the world. And spoiler, it's been bold. Her entrepreneurial spirit has lead her to start several award winning businesses and movements including Laura Gmeinder Coaching & Consulting. She's been recognized as an InBusiness Magazine “40 Under 40” and a BRAVA magazine “Woman to Watch”. She also is a judge for the International Stevie Awards for Women in Business.
She is committed to building community (Gmeinder means community in German) and giving back; She volunteers to support entrepreneurial development and women's empowerment for several local and international nonprofits.
[00:00:02] spk_1: this is This show is brought to you by Safety FM. Welcome to unapologetically bold. I'm not sorry for If you are a person that is tired of apologizing for being you, you know the human part of you that sometimes feels like it has to be different at home versus work versus play. The human side that just wants to be hot, humble, open and transparent about your wants, desires and uniqueness. If you answered yes, this is for you. Join me, Emily Elrod as I dive into conversations with Amazing Guest. About what? That you're not sorry for And creative and loving ways Let's get started. Welcome, everybody. We're live for another unapologetically bold I'm not sorry for. And I am so blessed today, toe have the amazing Laura with me. Thank you for joining me today.
[00:01:03] spk_0: Thank you for having me.
[00:01:05] spk_1: So for the people that don't know anything about you before we go into what you're not sorry for, can you give just a quick background about who you are? Who is Laura?
[00:01:17] spk_0: That is a great question. I am someone who lives unapologetically. Um, Who is Laura? That is a really great question, and I have had some of the most exciting adventures after being scared of my own shadow on and I had done 14 years in corporate. Um, halfway through, I had a quarter life crisis and knew I was being called for something more, something different on DSO. The rest of the last 10 years have been really amazing Journey of starting my own business and simultaneously finding myself.
[00:01:55] spk_1: I love it. I love it. And I think that's something that a lot of people don't dio. They don't do it. And I love like, because I know some of the work that you do, like how much more you've given back to the world. But you you have also received from the world by doing what I cause the you were. When you do that, you work. It pays off 10 fold. So congrats for you on that. And I think that's the cool thing that allows us to get into today about what you are not sorry for. So, Lord, just to get, go ahead and dive on in. Can you tell the world what you are no longer apologizing for?
[00:02:34] spk_0: I'm not sorry for letting go of my good girl ways. I'm not sorry for finding myself. I'm not sorry for going on this adventure. I love
[00:02:43] spk_1: it. So tell us more. How did you get to the point of? Well, let's start with this good girl ways. What? Like what were some of the things I'm assuming from childhood? This is assumptions here that just had, like, inundated on with you about being good. So I got you did here?
[00:03:05] spk_0: Yes. And I think like, you know, so many women can relate because we're really raised to be good girls. And I joked only afforded as the disease toe, please and driven towards perfectionism, not realizing till I was an adult. More recently, even that, like perfect, doesn't exist. Eso We're driving our lives towards external validation Thio, Please others Thio put others needs and wants ahead of our own and what that looks like. And for me, it was someone that didn't even know themselves like remember that soul crushing feeling of feeling I was in the wrong life, But I didn't even know where to start. And I was worried I was gonna make the wrong for smooth that mistake, right? That paralyzing fear of making a mistake because oh my gosh said I'm not perfect and everyone's gonna know e.
[00:03:56] spk_1: I love that. I think it's so imperative because it's like growing up. Not that Barbie's bad, but it's like you're the Barbie like we need to like Barbie like lice. Perfect. And it's a fairy tale. And like, if you walk the perfect path, you're not in shining armor is going to come and save the day. Yeah, world, it does not happen. So we're like, where were you at or what experience? Or maybe have a story of whenever you're like Okay, I'm done. I'm done with being a quote unquote good girl. I'm letting that down. Where was that moment for you?
[00:04:35] spk_0: You know, a really big moment was starting my business and how that kind of evolved from a spy gig Thio leaving corporate, which was like, the scariest thing I could ever think to dio on dso you know, I'm in my first week. I'm in my business and I had no idea what to do, and I was paralyzed. I like binge watch next flicks and I got to the end of the first week. I realized that if something doesn't change like there was no business. I'm going back our bread. And I just knew that I didn't want to do that and really kind of reflecting on that. It's like you have all these ideas. Um, you have all these skills. You have all these people wanting to like, work with you and really trying to figure out what that was about and honestly, like I've spent so much of my life being told what to dio and asking for permission that it was like I really was almost kind of waiting for like Okay, now go do this next in your own business. That doesn't happen. No,
[00:05:32] spk_1: no. And I think it's funny. I was talking to somebody the other day about that, and it's like It's like whenever you first have a kid or the first time you get like whenever you get married or whatever it is, it's like there's this proverbial like. Experts will tell you what to do and how to do it right. There is no manual. There's no manual to having kids. There's no manual to owning a business. There is no manual, there's best practices, but we're all unique we all our own way of doing things. It may work for some, but it may not work for others. And so I think the important thing is that self realization. So from there, fast forward to now how has eliminate or e won't say eliminating that. But working through the people pleasing, working through the ask for permission wait for that aspect. How has that changed from day one owner to now You've been in the business for a while.
[00:06:33] spk_0: You know the confidence piece of really figuring out who you are and what your values are and having in for me. There was that piece of it at the beginning where it was a lot of the external validation. And and I remember I want an award a few years back after starting my business and thinking that like, Oh, my gosh, I made it and I had a really ization not too long after that. That was like I didn't need that award. I didn't need that validation like I'm good at what I dio. I'm able to help people in their businesses and to build their confidence. And so well, I really appreciate that having gotten that it's I look at it so much different that it's like if you're not getting the words, if you're not getting the praises, you know you're doing what God put you here to do And you know, Your Honor, that call and all the peoples lives that it's allowed me, thio lives and businesses that it's allowed me to touch.
[00:07:28] spk_1: And I think that's extremely important today. I put it on, linked in, but there was somebody. Long story short. Somebody sent me something and wanted me Thio Look at his work and just some perspectives from a sports sock side because I love sports psychology and do some work with some universities and colleges, and he's like, What do you think it was like with the dudes? Awesome loved his work, but he stayed. He said. This statement that drove me insane. He said that whenever you're at the top of the mountain, you know it's harder there because there's less oxygen. I'm like, No, there's actually the same amount of oxygen. We always have the same amount of oxygen. It's always there. It's the pressure is different. There's actually lower pressure on the top of the mountain And so. And that's what speaking here with what you're saying is that whenever you get that validation, if you're not careful on your journey up the mountain and you're not self aware that hey, I have tow have these pressures that are coming in. But the pressure change of like I finally made it and I need this validation if you're not careful, it could literally kill you like it will kill people because it they may have inflated egos, but they don't have inflated lungs and they can't get to the another mountain. And it's that confidence that is very important, but also with a self awareness. So for you, when or what advice or invitation would you give to people or women or just anybody in general, a business leader that is going up that mountain? And it's like, dang it, another climb after another climb and how confidence and letting go some of these ways that we feel like we have to be and being unapologetically about how important is that?
[00:09:19] spk_0: I think it's huge. I think that just knowing yourself and what you're able to accomplish and you know, I think of that mountain climbing that mountain and it takes resilience and it takes grit and grace. And what is that that is motivating you? And what is that? That especially now where we are in the world, like, what is your meaning and purpose and what is getting you out of bed in the morning? You know, to climb that mountain and to be an inspiration for all the peoples lives that you touch.
[00:09:52] spk_1: Yes, I love that so much, and I think it's important. Like you said Thio, find your in essence, this is how I hear it is finding your wine, knowing your motivation and knowing what's going to get you there and for you. I know that you talk a lot about confidence, and it makes me think of a book that I've been reading the year of. Yes, by Shonda Rhimes. Best book Literally. It's hilarious, and it speaks so many truths in there, so if you want a good book, that is it. But some of the things that she talks about is there was an award ceremony, and basically all the women had an issue with accepting the award. They would either dismiss it or it would be like, Oh, don't don't say May or they would undermine it. And it was like her thing was to say yes, thank you. And just tip like, just show that confidence. She calls it badass ery. And so she wants to have bad ass three and and be like she does with her show. Gladiator, you know, be a glad array, be a gladiator, have bad ass tree. But it's that confidence that it seems like a lot of people like No matter if you're a male or a female, how do you slip into that?
[00:11:10] spk_0: Well, and I think that, you know, sharing that story, that receiving praise like that is so hard for so many of us. And so I think, really having Thio have those cumber internal, that internal dialogue where you are gentle on yourself. And then I think there's a piece of it to where celebrating your hard work like letting yourself received that. But then you know the big wins, like in a war. But even some of the small stuff like thinking about it the end of your day like I know a zoo. I'm falling asleep. I'll be thinking of this and grateful for an opportunity Thio connect. And you know, even though I flubbed a little in the beginning like we're just we're is different along here and just kind of being, you know, receiving that and accepting that and celebrating, um, trying something new, connecting with someone, making a new friend and in all those pieces of what? That the lessons that we learn every day for we're willing to do that.
[00:12:08] spk_1: And I think that's important to the gratitude aspect of it, but also to find the positive because also, here's the thing. We can get reports back about how we've done and like this, like, I know that you're going to say a million things that you've done positive through this. I know that I could be able to say it, but as somebody that I know for me, that I with perfection, I am a recovering addict felling daily at it. But it's like we stick to that one time when we screwed up that one time we messed up instead of going to the next step and seeing the good and focusing or on the good. So I think that's important that you touch on graduate I loved it to put that a little bit more because some people like, Well, that's a good girl way. But is it is it either good or bad? It's just It's who you are. It's who I am and I see the benefit of it. So I love for you about more, about how gratitude has helped you in this experience of becoming the full you that's unapologetically bold.
[00:13:15] spk_0: I think it's been huge because, you know, if you aren't grateful for what you have, how can you ask and receive more and that you've been a good steward of the gifts that you've been given? Like to me? I think that that's really important to know that you did that in the days when I maybe don't feel like getting out of bad to know that like the Greater God and really that that purpose and meaning, but to really be focused on, we do have so many things and so many ways that we can impact others and just having that focused on, you know, gratitude, practice. And they've even done studies that my alma mater, they did a study like if you sending me three or write down three things you're grateful for every day and you do it for months, like boost your happiness But like, I think it's like 10 or 20% but, like significantly.
[00:14:04] spk_1: Yeah, And it's extremely important for me to to find the gratitude, because what it helps me do is what it brings me self awareness of. There is good. What we say is kill the ants, automatic negative thoughts. It helps me to control them. And I even have this conversation with my husband last night. He doesn't listen to this. And so I joke with them, like if you actually listen, you hear how many times to talk about you. But what he is is that we talked about how are so fear of influence is so important. And lately, for May, it's been to like a bigger level as I'm continuing to grow the negativity. If you surround yourself with negative people, you will be negative. You you do what you around always joke. If you're around non broke people, you got to be the 10th one. So if you're around nine negative people, you're gonna be the 10th. When you are, you're severe of influence and it's very hard to get away from that physiologically. There's tons of reasons also, but talk about that connecting with the right people as well in this process of learning who you are, because e never think it's a one man job. Always think this is This is a team effort, but you gotta have the rock team on board. So talk to me about that.
[00:15:20] spk_0: Yeah, I think you're right. It's so important. There's a cult that says like you are the some of the five people that you spend your most time with And I think that that is absolutely true. Like, are you being with the people that are cheering you on? Are you that Are you encouraging you that or maybe having the hard conversations with you? And that you know that you have similar values and to be able Thio grow together and then to know, I always think that you know, the people that we have in our lives. It's like a season, a reason or a lifetime. And so there were well, and I know as I've grown and I always joke, like 10 years and I'm just getting started. E. I mean, there have been people where it's like I can't be a good friend to you. You're not a good friend to me right now. And so, um, you know, we're able to spread our energy and our love and to be able to impact and have those season or lifetime friends with friendships or relationships with other people. Um,
[00:16:22] spk_1: and that Z But it's so true to that. I didn't dress this until my like, I'm in my early thirties. I didn't just grab. I didn't grasp us until literally Right now, my my third like 30. It's like I don't know if it's the thing of changing 30 or its purpose and passion. This is the basically the 10 years that purpose and passion is huge. Whatever it may be, it is something that I want to make sure that I walk out on integrity and knowing my values and get into the next level so that I can say, Hey, this is something I want to do. This is something that can help grow me, but also the reciprocal of it. It helps my clients. It's always about my clients, like yeah, and I think that's something I'd like to talk about for a minute on how us growing ourselves is the rest. Ferocity effect like it affects people tenfold. That's around us to us or the ripple effects on people say, How have you saying you learning who you are have a ripple effect of the people you are a round?
[00:17:28] spk_0: I think that it's helped other people thio push past their fear. And you know some of the stories I've told, like honestly, if you told me 10 years ago here's this life that you can have But oh, by the way, you have to tell some of your darkest, deepest secrets that you never want to say publicly. Um, but I know like the first time I had to tell, I talk. I'm so motivational speaker and I talk about when I was a teenager, a sexually molested by my next door neighbor and the first time I had or wanted, I needed to tell my story publicly a t end of it. A woman had waited to come up and talk to me, and she said the same thing happened to me and she gave me a big and just thank you for sharing that because we think that we're so alone in these hard times and so on. I always think about like my little my little turtle, like a pony HUD in my arms and stuff into that shell. But we just need each other like to be able tohave the community and the support and no, that we're not alone and know that it's not our fault and that we didn't do anything bad and it's nothing to be ashamed about. It gets something that happened to me and it was hard and I've been working through it. But it's part of how I'm still resilient. It's part of why I'm so success because I'm stubborn and I'm committed to this, um, this way of life.
[00:18:51] spk_1: I love it, and that's the one thing I talk a lot about, as well as some of my I call it My season of suck and it waas, and it's not just one thing, it's enough. It's like one after another after another, you know, and those things you wouldn't wish on your worst. Not like your worst enemy. But the thing is, is weird enough. I've gratitude for it because it has put me to where I am and my son, who is not asked the other day. What days would you change in your life, Mom? E No, right. And I could think about some of the hell days like I still don't think I would change that. Like I think of changing like my seventh grade picture of whenever I was wearing like these bottle like glasses, like maybe that. But well, these nightmare stories that I've I've dealt with it and I've lived through E don't think I would have as much gratitude and be as resilient or bia's knowledgeable or wise as I am. If it did not happen so. But I think the important thing is how many people don't tell their story because they think it's going to show as if they are no longer a good girl. Like that was literally. My story is like, I'm a good girl. I'm teaching Bible study. Oh, I got pregnant out of wedlock, You know, we don't do that, but we hide ourselves. We put mass behind ourselves and they're so fake. Mhm well, fake. So let's talk about that for a minute. Whenever you could probably take that mask off and bu oh, freeing. Is it to be you?
[00:20:37] spk_0: Yeah, it it is like into me. It's been the way to combat toe combat my fear to do something that's done, you know, so scary. That was a secret I kept for so long. And then you keep one big secret, and it it reinforces that, like that's how you should go through life is, you know, And then there was the disconnect for himself. You know that that was that part of it. And I think that being able to be brave, like Renee Brown talks about it a lot. But it's like you either, like, own your story and live the lessons and are inspiring other people. Or you're hustling for your worth and you're wearing that mask and you're dying a slow death inside because you're not letting anybody in your not letting anybody know the true you and that again like is something that erodes confidence when you don't show up as yourself mhm.
[00:21:31] spk_1: And I think it's important to for leaders that are listening to this or parents that are listening to this. Of course, there's right age, right maturity level for people to hear. But what stories are you not telling? Because it may show that you're a human. Yes, you don't have to go into deep dark secrets. But there are probably something that you have I'd always talk about. It's like the unsaid rule about being a mom. Like we have to act like we have it all together, like or being a wife. You like? No, Like this thing, this thing is jacked up. We have finds all the time. I thought with my kids I screw up all the time. Oh, I have the mom of the Year Award. You know, why do we have to be like that? Why do you think people are so afraid to be unapologetically bold?
[00:22:27] spk_0: I think that it goes back to kind of like what? We're conditioned. Thio B. And our society particularly has pushed so much pressure on women. Thio get married and have kids. And then you have to be like the best mom and the best wife. And for a lot of people, the best employees the like you need, like, 30 hours a day just to get half the stuff yourself get done. And I think too. It's like we put labels on people and we value like you have kids. You're more value than the woman that doesn't or you're married, you know, like that's just even. And that was something I had to work with. And part of my quarter life crisis is that I thought, you know, 25. I thought I'd have all but you know, 30 have kids and like Oh my gosh, none of any of the title norms. The expectations, like none of those happened anywhere near the time when I felt like we were talking before we got. But I just got married a year ago in my forties. On That's so true
[00:23:30] spk_1: is that we put these expect or we well, and as it's we could put the expectations on ourselves most of time. We dio and and I think that's port important to note an amazing person. His name's Andy Bias. He helps with the pirates, a za mental skills coach. He said something the other day that just we nerd out about things. So if your nerd and love to nerd, especially about things called cognitive entrenchment, but what that is is in essence, you entrench. This is how obviously what it is. You entrench yourself in your cognition, which is your thoughts, and you examine them. Are they true in diving down? Why do you believe the way? The way that you do. And until you get to that core of like, I truly, truly believe that, then you can hold on to it as a core value and you control bill to the next step with it. But it's that cognitive entrenchment of analyzing to say Who am I thinking this way? Because I put the expectation of perfection on me. Yeah. Could it be that maybe some part of our school system where we always had to be like we were compared, like 4.0, student Thio 3.0, and if you didn't get that certain standard or you didn't hit the score on this test, or could it be our parents and some of the things that they said for us and they cheered us poor grades? There's so many things there, so many things that make us who we are. There's so many experiences that make us who we are so exploring them. And so I think that's the invitation I have for you, Um, Thio, give Thio the audiences. If you could ask them to explore anything. What would be like wanted, Like your top three things that you ask them to, like, look, seek fine for with their Selves to be unapologetically gold
[00:25:26] spk_0: e think that, you know, getting to the core of who are you like I used to have a sticky note on my door that every time I would leave it said, How do I want to show up people I really wanted That thought is like the last thing as I'm leaving and I'm going But like how, um I honoring myself. And if I'm not honoring myself, why? And like you said really thinking about that? Like, what is the fax and what is the fiction, right? Like, you know, I know, like, through values, work and things like that. But you know, people that air, you know, maybe, um, you know, exploring like religion and spirituality. Politics, like, what were you told them? Believe versus what you actually balloon. And in some of that, I'm still navigating right now. And and so it's It's this evolution of who we are. um, but but your call, like, just really encouraging people thio, even if it's like 5% more yourself. But have those conversations you know, with curiosity and compassion, but don't shy away from the opportunity to really deeply connect with people and to let them see who you are. And then if I meet you there, great. If not, they ain't your people,
[00:26:46] spk_1: E. That's important. But it's also hard Truth. Yeah, like stepping away from those people that you have been with your entire life a school or maybe because of family. Or maybe what? And stepping back and saying, Yeah, I love you, but I love you at a distance. Uh, that's very difficult, but still something that is it's so much more than ever. So I greatly This is such an amazing talk, Laura. So right, getting close to our time. I do want to ask you this final question for people that are apologizing for letting go of their good girl ways or letting go of their their good ways or whatever ways that they have put on themselves. What would you tell them?
[00:27:39] spk_0: Sorry, not sorry, but just, you know, being you like you bring so much value and love. And you're exactly what the world needs and to really on that and toe like yourself first. And then you'll be able to show up and attract the right people in your lives and the right opportunities.
[00:27:59] spk_1: I love it. I agree so much. And I'm blessed beyond measure that you came on today. And I know that people have also had to get something from this. So thank you so much for your time and everybody that is listening in having amazing and Blessed Day. Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of unapologetically bold. I'm not sorry for if this touch shoot anyway, please like and subscribe and share with your friends as we continue the message of being unapologetically bold, Bobby and hot humans who are humble, open and transparent. See you next time