Dealing with conflict in your relationships can always be tricky. In this episode we talk about being triggered and what you can do to get through it.

Different kinds of triggers

Swear words can be extremely triggering for some, names of past abusers, or the sound of things that associate to a past experience. Triggers can be caused by any number of things, it's about being aware of them and knowing what to do when they come up.

For personal triggers, self-awareness is important. Knowing what triggers you and then dealing with them before they're expressed in a public place. It's recommended for personal triggers one sits down and writes out the scenario of the trigger - what causes your trigger (ie. a name, phrase, or an event) be specific while writing it down. Allow yourself to feel the emotions and write your thoughts on them as you feel them. 

Ask yourself...

If you're dealing with someone else who's being triggered it's important to allow them a safe space for their feelings while not allowing them to get out of control (of course). A powerful technique to calm them is to say "I can see you're very passionate about this." By using the word "This" you don't say the triggering word, phrase, or name while still validating their feelings.  Then you want to ask, "What makes you so passionate about this?" By asking this you allow them space to feel their emotions fully and share them with you if they're in a position to do so.

The idea here is to allow them the ability to feel and express their feelings while coming down from their extreme emotional state. This should help deflate the situation and only deepen your relationship with them.

Sometimes we're unable to help another move through their traumas and triggers, in which case I recommend seeking outside counsel. I understand that sometimes we're too proud to seek assistance, in those cases, it's best to reassure the ones we love that it's not because we're not strong enough - I liken it to having a spotter while weightlifting, it's not that you can't hold the weight you can, it's just when we're on that last rep and the weight is just too much for us to re-rack it the spotter helps us alleviate the pressure.

There are resources like EMDR - Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing), CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), Hypnotherapists, Family counselors, Therapists, Psychologists, etc. that you could reach out to for additional assistance..

If you'd like to work with David Dubé, you can do so at https://relationships-first.com/ and click on "Relationship Consult"

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