Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

In this one, I want to talk to you about relationships. I regularly meet people who complain, bemoan, and criticise their ex partners. The thing that I struggled with for a long time, because I was one of these people who complained about ex partners, and labelled them, and judged them without fully understanding why they were in my life. The thing that I eventually came to realise, especially with my second wife, was that I had attracted her because I needed her.

When we start relationships, it is natural, and it is easy to focus on what it is we want in a partner. So we have all of these expectations that we place on our partners and we attract who we need as a partner for who we are at that particular moment in time. However, if we are not aware of why we have attracted them, they come in being who we need. We recognise that they're not who we want after a period of time, and then we start to struggle with the relationship, judge them, have conflict with them, and eventually the relationship ends because we have attracted who we need for who we are.

At that particular moment in time, we failed to realise that that's who we actually need and instead look at them through the filter of what we wanted. The thing is, what we want is usually all the nice stuff we want in a partner, who's understanding, and supportive, and funny, and encouraging, nice to be around and all of these things, and that's easy to acknowledge. That's easy to point out. That's easy to put on the list.

The challenge is knowing that a relationship is about you and your growth, or if I was looking from my point of view about myself and my growth, it has nothing to do with the person opposite us. They are merely a mirror or a reflection of what we need to work on. So if we are not aware of this, we tend to discard them for their importance that they play in our life. We look at them, we judge them, we put blame on to them and ultimately we don't benefit from that relationship, which was what we needed at that point in time.

So to give you a real world example. My first wife and I, we had struggles with a little bit of conflict. Nothing excessive, but we just had conflict, a few yelling arguments, nothing excessive. I didn't get the lesson that she bought to that relationship that I needed. I didn't get it. I wasn't aware of it. I didn't know what to look for. I didn't know what to do with it, even if I was aware of it. So ultimately that relationship didn't work. It did not benefit me, and it probably didn't benefit her either.

Fast forward a few years and I'm with my second wife and the level of conflict is escalated now. I spent quite a number of years with this woman going through a lot of stress, a lot of aggravation, a lot of anguish, a lot of conflict, a lot of toxicity, and it wasn't healthy for either of us. I'm surprised neither of us had a stroke or a heart attack from the rubbish we were putting through each other through. It was only after, when I finally understood that I attracted who I wanted that I realised I needed an angry woman. I needed a woman who would give me enough grief to break my inertia to get me started to be the catalyst for my change.

My second wife was that. She is wholly responsible for giving me the lesson so intensely that I finally got it so that my next partner was a vast improvement because I had that lesson. Sadly, though, those habits that I had started slipping back into my life and the quality of that relationship deteriorated not because of her, but because of myself. I could own that, once I fully understood that after ending that relationship, I finally got it. I finally got the lesson, and because of that, this relationship that I'm currently in is vastly different because I haven't forgotten the lesson. I've stayed with what I needed to learn from these women who were perfect for who I was at that point in time.

If I had not received that lesson or been aware of it to receive it, I'd probably be in a toxic relationship, stressful relationship still, So if you are one of these people and it is normal and natural to do this because a lot of people do it, if you judge and minimise your ex partners, know that they were perfect for who you were at that point in time.

Now, if you get the lesson, you become a better person, a better version of you. Therefore you don't need to attract that person anymore. Therefore, you can attract a better quality of person, therefore, have a better quality relationship to move forward. First, though, you have to understand that it's not about them. It's about you. You attracted exactly what you needed. You agreed to the relationship because a part of you knew that it was what you needed. If you received this lesson, you will have the relationship you've wanted and also what you need.

So that's today's lesson just talking about relationships and ex partners because sometimes it's easy for us to heap the blame on them and attack them etc, and they don't deserve that. They were right for who we were at that point in time. We just couldn't get it, and that's okay. That's part of our journey as well. So look for your lesson, receive your lesson, become a better version of you and get a better partner so you can have that better relationship. That's today's lesson.

Feel free to send me a little voicemail. Give me some feedback. You can keep an anonymous if you want. Also, you can click the other link in the show notes and check out my subscription site with a 30-day money-back guarantee. At the end of it, if you don't think it's something that will benefit you, so you can check it out risk free.

So thanks for listening. Feel free to pass on this podcast to people you believe will benefit from it. That's what I'm trying to do is get people just to open their minds to some possibilities. Other than that, have a great day. Look after yourself. Thanks for listening and remember, he is to a good life.
 
You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

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