Your Life By Design
October 2, 2021
When you walk your talk there is nothing to remember, nothing to forget. Who you are is who you are. You are free to be you. Your nervous system stays balanced and in harmony. You are in harmony. You celebrate who you are.

CONGRUENT LIVING – Aligning mind, body and spirit 


Walk your talk

Are you consistently being you? Do you know what that means? Let’s try and experiment. Keep reading, breath deep, relax and let your mind open to the words that follow. Imagine you’re in a crowded room that is packed wall to wall and overflowing with your most perfect customers. It’s a festive occasion. 

There’s plenty of mingling and little groups chatting about this, that and other things. You hear music playing and people laughing. You think of the glasses and rattle of ice as drinks are served and consumed. Not caring, you pick a small glass and approached. You’re laughing over something, it doesn’t matter what. As you draw near, a couple of heads start and notice. 

You say, “Do you mind if I crash this party?” Everyone smiled as their body shift to welcome you closer. The tall elegant woman says, “Tell us about you.” At this moment, all eyes and ears are upon you. What do you say? Even more critical, what message does every fiber of your being communicate through those that are around you? It’s not merely the words you use, but the presence or command.

Regardless of whether you realize it or not, with every action you take and every word you use, you communicate precisely what it is that makes you uniquely you. Even if you don’t understand that completely, does it makes sense for your success to take the time, to learn how best to leverage those aspects of your personality, to create the most compelling indeed the most unique presence you can? You bet it does. 

And guess what? How congruent you are also determines how your nervous system regulates yourself.

When you walk your talk there is nothing to remember, nothing to forget. Who you are is who you are. You are free to be you. Your nervous system stays balanced and in harmony. You are in harmony.

You celebrate who you are.

Make commitments sparingly and follow through

Are Your Commitments Crippling You?

“I committed to doing X, but now things have changed, I realize the reasons that led me to make the commitment are no longer valid and I really loathe having to keep doing it. What do I do?”

X can represent whatever the commitment is. From being an accountability buddy to someone else in a coaching group, to being part of an charity, to meeting a group to play your favourite game to being the chair at the annual conference.

Couple-a-thoughts here. And, as always, hold them loosely!

We all make commitments based on two things, right?

(1) what we know (like we really ever know anything), and

(2) what we think we know (if I had $1 for everything I thought I knew)

Once we get deeper into a commitment, two things happen…

One – a solid chunk of what we were “sure” we knew turns out to be wrong. A circumstance is not what we thought it was, a person or partner or resource isn’t what what thought. Or,… , we aren’t who we thought and we don’t feel the way we thought we would.

It’s like Mark Twain supposedly said, “it ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”

And, two – a solid chunk of what we admitted from the word-go was a complete leap of faith, well that ends up being anywhere from a little bit off to profoundly, entirely, utterly, WRONG.

Now, sometimes these things are wrong in ways that – taken as a whole – still preserve our original motivation for saying hell yes in the first place. So, we stay. We keep the commitment, because our original motivation for it remain intact, even though some of the details have shifted.

But, other times, we find ourselves in this place where reality is all…

“this is NOT what I agreed to and I NEVER would have said yes if I’d know before I got started.”

And, the thing is, it’s not even about anyone being underhanded or dishonest. Sometimes, things just change, murkiness becomes clarity, facts become clear, circumstances evolve.

In fact, the thing that may have changed most is, um, well, you, your own personal circumstance, clarity about what you want, how much time and energy you really have and what you’re willing to work or sacrifice for.

That’s all okay. Question is, when this happens, what are you going to DO about it?

As with everything, I don’t have all the answers, but here’s something to play with…

If you had to make the decision now, knowing what you know, would you still have said yes?

If the answer is no, then start working on figuring out how to exit as gracefully as possible. If you can do it with integrity, minimal disruption and effort, make it happen fast. If you were “duped” into saying yes by the misrepresentations of others, staying with something or someone out of a sense of obligation to those who’ve misled you is not a reason to remain in the game.

If others have committed resources, investment, effort and made sacrifices on the basis of your original yes, then it’ll likely take more time to figure out how to put together the pieces in a way that will let you make your exit with integrity. That may mean recruiting other resources, people or assets to step in, bring a project to place where the impact of your departure is easier to weather. Setting up and documenting systems and processes to allow someone else to step in may be a part of that process.

Why is this important? Because unresolved commitments upset your nervous system and lead to dysfunctions in your nervous system.

Look at one commitment everyday you have already made and decide if you will keep it or let it go.
Consider if someone asks you for something is you should commit or not.  

When eating eat, chew, swallow and enjoy the mouthful
Often, we're so trapped in thoughts of the future or the past that we forget to experience, let alone enjoy, what's happening right now. We sip coffee and think, "This is not as good as what I had last week." We eat a cookie and think, "I hope I don't run out of cookies."

Why does living in the moment make people happier—not just at the moment they're tasting molten chocolate pooling on their tongue, but lastingly? Because most negative thoughts concern the past or the future. As Mark Twain said, "I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened." The hallmark of depression and anxiety is catastrophizing—worrying about something that hasn't happened yet and might not happen at all. Worry, by its very nature, means thinking about the future—and if you hoist yourself into awareness of the present moment, worrying melts away.

Make a practice of chewing each mouthful twenty times and appreciating the flavour. Chew until the food is almost liquid and you are literally drinking it down. Appreciate the texture and the flavour.   

Appreciation for what works in your life
Relish or luxuriate in whatever you're doing at the present moment—what psychologists call savouring. "This could be while you're eating a pastry, taking a shower, or basking in the sun. You could be savouring a success or savouring music," explains Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychologist at the University of California at Riverside and author of The How of Happiness . "Usually it involves your senses."

When subjects in a study took a few minutes each day to actively savor something they usually hurried through—eating a meal, drinking a cup of tea, walking to the bus—they began experiencing more joy, happiness, and other positive emotions, and fewer depressive symptoms, Schueller found.

The flip side of worrying is ruminating, thinking bleakly about events in the past. And again, if you press your focus into the now, rumination ceases. Savouring forces you into the present, so you can't worry about things that aren't there.

Practice appreciation for three things that you are grateful for every day and give thanks. For example you can be grateful for your health, the capacity to make choices and being on this challenge.  
Let us support you on your journey to wellness. You can always download a summary of my book Life by Design at “Life by Design” Lite: The summary e-book of the full “Life by Design” version that gives you the overview of the core steps required to design an incredible life and business. Based on 20 years of research from working with 15,000 people. The golden nuggets to a transformational powerful life. At

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Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams. I am Dr Sundardas. Join me on Your Life by Design.