Unapologetically BOLD: I'm not sorry for....
Always encouraging gratitude with Kevin Monroe
April 5, 2021
Gratitude seems to be a common word used a lot these days. However, it is something in a season of darkness that may not feel easy to conjure up. Sometimes it feels ""fluffy"" or how will this even help me? How can coming from a grateful heart actually benefit you ESPECIALLY when some people you deal with don't seem to give the gratitude back to you? Listen in as Emily talks with her good friend, Kevin Monroe, about why he is not sorry for always encouraging gratitude.
Gratitude seems to be a common word used a lot these days. However, it is something in a season of darkness that may not feel easy to conjure up.

Sometimes it feels "fluffy" or how will this even help me?

How can coming from a grateful heart actually benefit you ESPECIALLY when some people you deal with don't seem to give the gratitude back to you?

Listen in as Emily talks with her good friend, Kevin Monroe, about why he is not sorry for always encouraging gratitude.

About the guest: Kevin Monroe is has a lot of titles but the ones he most cherishes is Husband, Dad, Friend, and Gratitude Guy. Kevin is the host of This Extraordinary Life Podcast and community. For more information, please visit, https://www.thisextraordinary.life/

[00:00:00] spk_0: Oh, no, This is This show is brought to you by

[00:00:05] spk_1: safety FM. Welcome to unapologetically bold. I'm not sorry for If you are a person that is tired of apologizing for being you, you know, the human part of you that sometimes feels like it has to be different at home versus work versus play. The human side that just wants to be hot, humble, open and transparent about your wants, desires and uniqueness. If you answered yes, this is for you. Join me, Emily Elrod as I dive into conversations with Amazing Guest. About what? That you're not sorry for and creative and loving ways Let's get started. Welcome everybody to another unapologetically bold I'm not sorry for. And I'm pumped today because I have one of my good friends, Kevin, on a little bit about yourself. And then I want to tell people a little bit about how I know you.

[00:01:05] spk_0: Oh, wow. So, Emily, uh, when the way I I tell people I've had a lot of titles, you know, big fancy sounding titles through the years. The titles that mean the most to me at this point in life are husband, Father, Papa friend Um believer a lever and belonging and gratitude guide that that's a new one. I wouldn't have called myself that. A few years ago other people started. I had a client asked me this year Would you do a webinar for us? I'm like, Sure. What would you want to do it on? Well, of course. Gratitude. I'm

[00:01:43] spk_1: like, Okay, I love it. And that z those air. So you So anybody that is listening to this if you don't get a hint at how amazing this man is by just asking him that question out there, you're missing a lot because you are more than what you dio. You are a person that cares for people. So I describe you as a connector as somebody that cares somebody that loves for people. You are a servant leader, and you're awesome. Just on top of it also.

[00:02:15] spk_0: Thank you. You know, I was in a conversation with the group last week and we were doing different exercises, and they were what your superpower and people were describing different things. And maybe it's because I've just done a little more work around this, but you used the word and I'm like you know truly. I mean, people say, Oh, you're a great facilitator and I love facilitating. But when I peel back the onion at the core of that onion, I believe my superpower is a word. You used care, e. I genuinely care for people, and you can't think that, right? So that care, uh, invites me. It compels me to do all kinds of things connect. I love connecting with people. But why? Because I care about people and yeah, it's just so yeah, I do care

[00:03:07] spk_1: is so you and I'm so excited. And I think that also transitions very well into what this show is called unapologetically bold. I'm not sorry for. And so, yes, in the aspect of pairing, sometimes we feel like, Oh, we can't say some things or we may need to be people pleasing, but I think this one that you are gonna be talking about today is very, very important. So my question for you is what are you not sorry for,

[00:03:35] spk_0: Emily? I'm not. I am not sorry for always starting a question with what are you grateful for? And always encouraging gratitude even in the most difficult year ever for people to be great. It is it. Oh,

[00:03:58] spk_1: that is so powerful. And it's so needed. And that's the only thing I want to go into because I love the science behind it. But you do it just It was just naturally for you. It literally is. It's like it wasn't what I feel again. Okay, so let's go. Let's start with that. When did you first? When? When was your first time? Like home. And then you try this gratitude thing out? Well, you know, I

[00:04:27] spk_0: used to think it was fluffy. And I guess for me, I really go back two or three years ago when when grad got really for me or gratitude got serious. I was raised like you raised in the South and had drilled into me. Um, two sets of two words that you're always supposed to say as a child, right? You know what those are? Somebody does something for you And what are you supposed to say? What do you say? What do you say? Thank you. Thank you. And then some. And then you know what do you respond to that with? You're welcome. You're welcome. I remember as a kid my mom. We were going over to stay with some friends. My mom and dad had to go out of town. I think it was just for the day. We were over the Richardson's house and my mom just drilled into me. Remember your manners. Remember your manners, Mr. Richardson Fixed lunch that day and in the south, we fixed lunch. Okay, I know in other parts of the world, you don't fix meals, but in the South, you fixed lunch, uh, and served me a sandwich. And I looked at her, and I'm remembering this. I looked at her and I said, You're welcome. It's cheaper. I think you man. Thank you. And I'm like, Oh, you know, whatever. But that was drilled in me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And three years ago, a little over three years ago, we were hosting this What we called the extraordinary experiment. 90 days, 13 weeks? Yeah. Inviting people to think, do these little bitty experiments that might just to see will it allow you to experience more extraordinary in life if you do these ordinary things with a little extra focus fervor and flair? I don't think I was quite using those words. I think I was using energy intention at that time. But since then I've realized its focus, fervor and flair, and we got this one week we're going to do gratitude. And it was the first time in my life that I really pondered the question. Is there a difference between being thankful and being grateful? And Emily, that's what launched me on this journey towards gratitude, and it just kept me going on that. But it is the first time because I I kind of thought they were synonyms. I think most people would say, Oh yeah, it's synonyms Now you may say Gosh, eso Last Wednesday a week ago, I was up early. I'm always up. Early that morning, I was drawn to Entomology. Where does the word grateful come from it? And it comes from the word gratis, which means to give thanks. But I found this little clip somewhere in the threads of Entomology. That I was reading is talking about thankful means expressing thanks. Grateful often expresses the feeling and the readiness to manifest the feeling by acts even ah, long time after the receipt of the favor, and that that's when it really skin at a different, deeper level, like, Oh, gratitude is Thanksgiving that lingers longer.

[00:07:39] spk_1: Oh, that's so good. That's and it's so right to because you know me, I'm gonna turn it back to my nerdiness. And how the human body's design is that gratitude has always been called a secret weapon for me. And the reason why is that whenever you give gratitude, it actually releases oxytocin, which I call the loving grandmother of the body. And it's very interesting to that. Whenever you give gratitude, you get it just as much as whenever you receive it. It's that bonding. It's that connection. It's that care that we want with our fellow humans. It's love that I call that is patient, kind, honest and understanding. And it's not boasting Veil. Well, what if we actually strip flip that script for a day or two and quit going to so much negative and pointing it out and showing gratitude? What? Jane, I love machine, she said. What are you freshly grateful for in one of our meetings before? And it's just like, That's right. It's what it's for. Fresh what's really. But it lingers on throughout the day, so telling about what are you freshly grateful for?

[00:08:46] spk_0: Oh, today s Oh, I'm freshly grateful for cold weather because you and I don't live that far apart. And wow, we had a cold snap. Yeah, we had. And And this morning, I mean, it's the first time this year or this season that I've worn a sweater, so I'm off cold weather. Um, you're

[00:09:06] spk_1: not from Georgia. Come on now, like when I was born

[00:09:09] spk_0: in Georgia, I wasn't born in Georgia. I was born in Ohio, moved to Georgia when I was, too. But I love cold weather. Uh, you know, because for me, here's the difference. Uh, you you can layer on enough to get warm when it's hot. When it's hot and humid, there's just nothing to dio, right? You're just you're just laying there, soaking in sweat here in the south so that that's one thing. The other thing, you know? Okay, here's something that just keeps lingering with May Emily. I am I am incredibly grateful for, and I realize earlier today I was talking to some friends about this. This may be my number one lesson of 2020. My number one lesson maybe I finally got to the place where I take imperfecta action on inspired ideas and realize it's okay. Yeah, yeah, because what? What? What I've done for so many years. Any a gram? Type one perfectionist. You know, you have this idea. You want to do something and you work and you work and you work to Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. With the belief the Miss Aligned Belief that you can actually perfect something, right. I in perfect action is the Onley action. I'm capable of taking your human right. But there times I used to know I can perfect this so you wouldn't do it rather than getting it to 80% releasing it and then figuring out the rest. No thinking. You got to get it to 97 98 99% and never doing anything. So this year I've dunmore things that were in just coupled with imperfectly action. So I'm grateful for that. And then one more We're talking about gratitude. You know the other thing? I learned this. I started discovering this last year, but it's multiplied every time we do a gratitude challenge. We're starting one next week. Another 10 day gratitude challenge. But every time I do it, you said something that triggered this thought. Gratitude is actually physically literally better experienced together with other people. So when you hear other people express gratitude or see them express gratitude, it multiplies and magnifies your gratitude. All of you, All of a sudden you're saying, Oh my gosh, I'm grateful for that too, you know? And it's like, Oh, I hadn't thought of that. And so graduate really is better together,

[00:11:48] spk_1: and it's so good, because what it makes me think of is because I'm not. I do it with my team, but also do it in my family. We have CEO meetings and we've been doing our CEO meetings is basically where the whole family comes together. Me and my husband, my two kids, and we talk about what are we grateful for? And we talk about things that suck things that are good and we just go into this whole rhythm. But since my kids have been little, we have I have some water, three blessings in this moment. That's my prompt. I've always said for gratitude. I've done this. It's amazing to see this with my clients. Even my large clients. Fortune 500. I sent out a text to everybody randomly throughout the month, and it says, What are three blessings in this moment? At first it was like people like, Oh, they're gonna think this is religious because it says blessings. I'm like, No, no, no, no, it's gratitude. And I gave the science behind why Gratitude is a health story and a safety story. But all that to say is that has always been the number one top recommended thing that they love. They love that, that they could do that and they could express it. And then whenever we told people what people other with permission, of course, Um, what people were grateful for, it's like, Yes, it's just taking that moment, Um, a power during that time. But it's so cool with my kids, seeing them do it and how quicker you get with it. So gratitude is a

[00:13:16] spk_0: muscle. It is a muscle. It is a muscle. You know, The other thing I said, What am I not sorry for in career, especially in a year when it's been easy for people to be in grateful, ungrateful, whichever way you choose toward them, Yeah, I was in a had some tough things happen like we all have. This isn't a pity party. I'm just saying, In the middle of that, a good friend of mine introduced me to a quotation that has become my favorite quotation on gratitude. It comes from Ann Voskamp, the writer and an wrote, and so let let's just let's just look at this. We This year has been a year where so many people have experienced so many bad things, and there's been a lot of regret over things. And there's so much uncertainty about the future. And and, you know, back in April and May, we thought that uncertainty would be gone by September, October, November and now tomorrow starts December, and the uncertainties Onley magnified well, An said this no amount of regret changes the past. No amount of anxiety changes the future. Any amount of gratitude changes the present. And and that's another. The reason that I'm apologetically bold about gratitude gratitude has the power to shift. So you watching us right now or listening to the recording? What? Emily sad, you know, because I know they're people that go right now. There aren't three things good in my life right now. I mean, really, three maybe. What? I'd be hard pressed to come up with one. No, there are three things you could probably come up with. 13. 3300. Right? But people go there, Not three things. Okay? You're still alive. Let's start there. Right. You Wow. If you have the means to participate in this conversation generous life, whether that's delayed, you're listening to the broadcast of this. That means have technology. That means you have access to the Internet. That all of these things that puts you probably in the top, at least the top 20% of wealthy people on the planet. It's not in the top 10, but you. You you drive down the street and you look at the neighborhood across the street and you go all my life so miserable. No, it's not. No, it's not. You got

[00:16:00] spk_1: a I think that's the power of it too. And it reminds me so I do this in all of my classes. I've been doing it for about four years, five years now, and I always tell this one story of whenever I've done it, and I always ask people to get their phones out and put it for some random time in the future. And I had this lady do it, and it was She said it from midnight. I always tell people never said it for midnight if you don't quit For her, it was It was the divine timing. It was the universe's timing. Whatever you wanna call it was the timing that she needed it because she had just received her divorce papers and that popped up. And whenever she was at the literal end of her rope that she did not know she could keep going. She sent me that email. She goes, Think she She thanked me. Um, I'm like I don't know how to receive this. She thanked me, and then she said, I remember, have a good job. I have my kids and I have something to live for. It may not be how I wanted it in life, but I am grateful for this moment, and that's so important because even the research that connects back to that is the longevity there's. There's a lot of research between gratitude, longevity that is so unique and so cool, and that's one of my favorites toe look at is the nun study, which is one of them, and it looks at basically, at the end of their life. The people that had more gratitude had more gracious writing from whenever they were 22. That actually lived longer by 10% you know, and we know that gratitude increases your life by 17% if you just improve it. So it literally is a game changer.

[00:17:45] spk_0: Well, and a life changer, I think, is not just game changer. It's life changing. It's life changing. And yeah, so how and this is not. There's not to say bad things aren't happening. There's plenty of bad things happening to people. But even in the midst of that, in our darkest moments, in our darkest moments, there's always something for which we can be freshly grateful. So, Jane, you mentioned Jane, Jane adds, Head Grant is a Brit, you know, and she says this with her lovely British accent. But you know, what do you freshly grateful for? And that's something I love is is helping people. So here was the other thing that kind of led me on this journey. I'd had a mentor years ago that had said before Your feet hit the floor. When you're getting out of bed in the morning, think of three things to be grateful for. And so, Emily, I had done that for years. And maybe it's like after three years of doing that that I realized, OK, my whole list is about nine things that I cycle through, you know, the same three every couple of days. And then So I'm grateful for my family. I'm grateful for my health. I'm grateful for my my business, or I'm grateful, you know? And then somebody says, Well, cash, maybe you should be a little more specific with your gratitude. Okay. I'm grateful for my wife, Gwen. I'm grateful for our son Jot. Okay, I mean, that that was, like, the specificity of gratitude of gratitude. But then all of a sudden you start thinking, Wow, I'm grateful for site. I'm grateful for the gift of smell, the gift of taste, the gift of touch, the gift of hearing the gift of speech, you know, And we start just going through, and all of a sudden you you could make these really long list. Now I wanna ask you something. I don't know how much more time we have left, but, you know, this is a gratitude question that doesn't really use the gratitude word in it. But I'm wondering. And you, you you joining us whenever it is you're joining, I'd love that. Next thing. What is something you treasure mawr. Now towards the end of 2020 or into 2021. Whenever it is you're catching this. What is something you treasure more now, then you did at the beginning of this year.

[00:20:01] spk_1: That's so good. And I know for me, that's such a powerful question because it also has been around what I've been struggling on. And so and it that struggle with patients on. I'm blessed for my challenges, which I have had my I'm a person of faith and people that have listened this You'll notice that me and God have had a lot of conversations we've had I've had a lot of yelling matches because I don't understand his plan and it doesn't match up to mine at times. But the I have so much gratitude for this season of patients that I'm in, it sucks. It doesn't make it fun, but I'm still grateful for it because the learning process, because it's like even today I posted something about books because I'm still I'm just always in this this phase of learning. I wanna learn something new every day, and it's like my people. There were so many people that commented on things, and it's like the kiss of death is to be the genius with 10,000 helpers. Instead, be the genius with 10,000 geniuses, and I think that epitomizes what is coming to life for me. So I think that's a powerful question because it makes it goes back to that freshly aspect of it. So I want to reverse that back on you. What's yours?

[00:21:15] spk_0: So when and I helped a friend craft this question for a meeting and then I was in the meeting and I hadn't really given it any fall and in that moment, and it's so funny because this this response connected me to a new friend. She was also in the meeting Kiva, my new friend, Kiva. I said this and I said, You know, off all the things I treasure more. Now there's one. There's one I treasure hugs Oh, morning. I know you're a hooker on, and and I also treasure snuggles with our granddaughter. I am. And we went months not being able to hug, right? Because And it's like, Wow. And then there's also research. I don't know it off the top of my head, but research about the efficacy and the the necessity of physical touch hugs. We need hugs. Right? And here we've We've been banned from hugging. So that's one of those things I realized. Oh, my gosh. I treasure hugs because you used to just hug people every time you met them. Especially in our family. We're a family of huggers. Yes. Then you then you weren't able to hug. And I had a a friend who has We exchange this message this morning. Um, her daughter's having, you know, some really serious mental health sees, And I said, give her a hug for me, and she said, Oh, I can't wait to hug her again. And I'm thinking I'm sorry right now. Oh, okay. So I'm gonna say something politically incorrect for some people, right? Figure it out. There's some people dying for a hug right now. I mean, literally dying for Ah, hug and and figure out a way to give that person a hug because there are people dying because that they've lost. You know that that connection to people so

[00:23:11] spk_1: and that's why, actually me and one of my what? My team, we've talked about this and we're actually doing an event coming up called adapting without snapping because what we found two is that our fear it's and we know it's based on how the human is designed. Hugs actually released oxytocin, that loving grandmother, the thing that builds trust that brings community that brings the stuff that we need as humans literally have to have it. They're gonna be more people that die of mental health disparities. Then there will be of co bid because they can't. So yes, hugs. And if you can't hand written notes are so. But the thing is, and for Children to if you have a child that's having a hissy fit, a 22nd hug, literally 20 seconds of holding will help them start to release the oxytocin, which actually reduces their quarters all their anger and increases their safety and their serotonin. So those are some things that you can literally do that air practical, and it means it means the world to people

[00:24:13] spk_0: months ago, seeing this family that had figured it out and they put the thing in their doorway where they had this, you know, places to put their arms through that were protected to to reach around grandmother, grandfather or whatever in the child. And they found a way to hug Big, big, really eso hugs or something. I just I took for granted. E took for granted, and now I treasure so much more than I ever had before.

[00:24:43] spk_1: It is irony ironic, that comes with this. That 2020 is the Eurovision are for 20 twenties, but it is. It's like the year vision, the the year clarity for May. It's really again. It has sucked. I'm not going to take away the sucky nous of it, especially being a hugger, as Kevin knows, but the power to bring it back to gratitude. They've learned the vision in the clarity that I've had of the need for what I call those oxytocin release is we now call the Human Connector because my team doesn't like my nerdiness. I

[00:25:18] spk_0: love your nerdiness,

[00:25:19] spk_1: but some of those things. You know, those air so powerful, like our safety and how we are literally designed. And we are designed for gratitude. So two part final question, because I really want you to talk about some of your new stuff that specifically, some new awesome things that my listeners might could go by. Um, but before that, somebody is apologizing. They're saying I'm sorry for always encouraging gratitude. What would you say to them? Stop

[00:25:53] spk_0: it. Why? Why? Why do you feel you need to apologize for being grateful on? I would think the answer is Is that my being grateful magnify somebody else. Feeling lack? Mhm. You know that That that okay, there in scarcity, I'm in abundance, and I'd say no. Gratitude is the gateway to abundance. So help them find something to be grateful for, to shift the focus and to realize that they have a lot more than they think they do in this moment.

[00:26:30] spk_1: So beautiful. Um, and second part working people find you. And what are you working on that I'm really excited about?

[00:26:39] spk_0: Oh, gosh, You can find me on linked in Kevin Monroe. I guess I was early enough. That I got the original Kevin Monroe on LinkedIn. You can find me online. You can find me at, um, this extraordinary dot life, this extraordinary dot life hosted community and a podcast by that name. And yeah, and gosh, you know what? I do this, Emily. You can whats app? May you can call you can text. +14047130713 It's probably best that you text first if you're gonna call because I don't always take unknown callers. But that is my cell phone number. And I was inspired by Bob Golf to give out my number. So there's my number.

[00:27:31] spk_1: Awesome. And you're you have some cards that came out. Eso

[00:27:36] spk_0: We did this when I host these gratitude challenges. And Cat Hayes is the artist that joined us and created these beautiful prompts that, uh, images that accompany our prompts. And we now have the gratitude Challenge card Deck 54 images and prompts to guide and grow your gratitude. And you go to gratitude. Gift shop dot com gratitude, gift shop dot com. Order your cards. You can have them in time to give as christmas gifts.

[00:28:11] spk_1: Yeah, I'm so excited for it. Thank you so much. Thank you for all that you do. Thank you for being amazing friend. And for all that listened, I hope you have an amazing and blessed day. Thank you so

[00:28:24] spk_0: much for tuning in to this episode of unapologetically bold. I'm not sorry for If this touch shoot anyway, please like and subscribe and share with your friends as we continue the message of being unapologetically bold. Bobby and hot humans who are humble, open and transparent. See you next time.