How Pleasure is Ruining Your Relationships (and Your Life)
January 5, 2023
How Pleasure is Ruining Your Relationships and Your Life. In this episode, David Dubé shares the power of understanding how pleasure drives you in life and in your relationships.
How Pleasure is Ruining Your Relationships and Your Life.
We chase pleasure for two reasons; the first is in avoidance of pain and the second is to outright gain pleasure. Which of those two do you believe we are most often doing? If you said, to avoid pain, you'd be correct!
In avoidance of pain, we are choosing what's called NEGATIVE PLEASURE.
Negative Pleasure is the control mechanism for the majority of us to feel some short-term pleasure in lew of long-term pleasure or happiness. These are often done through instant gratification: social media, buying online products, instant chatting, dating apps, video games, etc.
There are 5 major Pleasure Chemicals (DOSEA)
We chase pleasure for two reasons; the first is in avoidance of pain and the second is to outright gain pleasure. Which of those two do you believe we are most often doing? If you said, to avoid pain, you'd be correct!
In avoidance of pain, we are choosing what's called NEGATIVE PLEASURE.
Negative Pleasure is the control mechanism for the majority of us to feel some short-term pleasure in lew of long-term pleasure or happiness. These are often done through instant gratification: social media, buying online products, instant chatting, dating apps, video games, etc.
There are 5 major Pleasure Chemicals (DOSEA)
- Dopamine - a feel-good neurotransmitter - a chemical that transmits information between neurons in anticipation & achievement of the reward - instant hit of excitement
- Oxytocin - hormone that acts as a neurotransmitter in the brain - "cuddle drug" - from touch, eye contact, creates social bonds (also strengthens repulsion of people outside our social bonds) watch a movie with someone - be with someone. Lowers stress, reduces cortisol, increases trust, kills pain
- Serotonin - hippocampus & gut - made from the essential amino acid tryptophan - good/bad mood area of the brain - in the gut as well. Used in social ranking - raise - 90% comes from intestines: carbs, bananas, vitamin D
- Endorphins - neurochemicals that have masking properties - Natural Painkiller: covers up any physical pain - ate a spicy taco your mouth is warm and you get a rush of endorphins. Laugh, cry & exercise - eat spicy foods. 'runners high'
- Anandamide - messenger molecule that plays a role in pleasure.
There are ways of mitigating Negative Pleasure and that's done through limiting your time doing activities that are done in avoidance of things we know we NEED to do in lew of things that can bring us some short-term pleasure.
Pay more attention to those who take the time to be with you in person. Don't pull out your phone in the presence of someone else unless you feel it absolutely necessary (ie, important or expected phone call or message, etc).
Look around you and feel grateful for what's in your present reality.
Ask yourself, "Why am I looking for this (perceived) want?" Am I trying to avoid something or is it an actual need?
If it's a need, then go ahead with it and if not, then wait on making a decision about it.
In the podcast, I made mention of Andrew Huberman and his podcast can be found here https://www.youtube.com/@hubermanlab/videos
I also mentioned Jordan Peterson, and his podcast interview of Andrew Huberman can be found here
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-mJEZbHFLs
If you'd like to join our community or make an appointment to work with me you can do so at https://relationships-first.com
To find out more and work with David Dubé go to https://daviddube.com
Pay more attention to those who take the time to be with you in person. Don't pull out your phone in the presence of someone else unless you feel it absolutely necessary (ie, important or expected phone call or message, etc).
Look around you and feel grateful for what's in your present reality.
Ask yourself, "Why am I looking for this (perceived) want?" Am I trying to avoid something or is it an actual need?
If it's a need, then go ahead with it and if not, then wait on making a decision about it.
In the podcast, I made mention of Andrew Huberman and his podcast can be found here https://www.youtube.com/@hubermanlab/videos
I also mentioned Jordan Peterson, and his podcast interview of Andrew Huberman can be found here
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-mJEZbHFLs
If you'd like to join our community or make an appointment to work with me you can do so at https://relationships-first.com
To find out more and work with David Dubé go to https://daviddube.com