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A hard slap in the face. 

A cold splash of water.

An unexpected knee to your gut.

It makes you lose your balance.

It leaves you dazed and confused. 

It makes you want to look around to make sure it’s directed at you; there’s no need – you already know.

Whether it’s your very first rejection or the 101st experience with rejection, the pain is the same. The rejection or the fear of being rejected can cause you to withhold your authentic self from people. There may have been times when you wanted to ask someone out, ask a favor, or give someone affection, but you didn’t because you were afraid you would be met with a negative reaction.

 

Your fear has caused there to be a misunderstanding in the relationship. The person you are withholding yourself from probably has no idea that you have this fear. It is possible that they are feeling rejected by you. 

 

Growing up, many of us encountered unintentional rejection. Maybe you felt ignored or abandoned when you wanted attention the most. These feelings didn’t go away just because you grew up. Each time you encountered a similar situation, you filed it away in your memory banks and continued building a case for why you shouldn’t open up to people. As mentioned in this episode of the Authentic Wellness Podcast, rejection can alter your beliefs. Not your spiritual beliefs, but the self-imposed rules that guide your life.  

 

Consider the fact that the rejection your perceived possibly has nothing at all to do with you. A person could have had a bad day and subsequently has an encounter with you. You ask a question and their response to you may be less than cordial, but you received a truthful response. The fact that the information was delivered in a manner that you found unpalatable doesn’t negate the truth. Instead of choosing to be hurt by the delivery, choose to be thankful for the fact that a response was received at all. 

 

When you go through life looking for negative cues from people, you will find them; even if they exist in your imagination. Do you go through the day analyzing every look or listening for an angry inflection in someone’s voice? Do you think those actions are connected to your feelings of loneliness, hurt, or rejection? When you objectively look at the big picture, you can begin to assemble the pieces of the puzzle. Can you commit to being observant and objective? 

 

I am sure your answer to the last question was a resounding YES! Your old ways of reacting will pop up every now and again, but since you are committed to being more observant, you will recognize them more quickly and get yourself back on track faster. You can start that process by asking yourself these questions when you have a flare-up: 

·         Why do I feel rejected?

·         Is this real or imagined? 

·         Was the intent confirmed with the other person involved?

·         Can I connect this feeling to an event from my past?

It is also beneficial to keep a journal to document your encounters. This way you can look for patterns of behavior. As with any true and lasting change, it will take time. For right now, pat yourself on the back for having the courage to explore this topic.

Here are a few episodes that may support your efforts as well: