Hi, this is Wayne Brown of Life Back On Track.

Welcome back to the podcast. In the previous recording, I was talking about one of the rules that I guide people through who attend my workshops, who I coach with. And this next one is sort of a continuation from that. So in the first one, I spoke about how none of us are broken. And this next one is something that has allowed me, when I have an interaction with someone where it might not be pleasant, where I might be perceiving them in a negative way, and it helps me understand where they're at.

And that rule, that guideline, that principle is, we just need better tools. So every one of us, regardless of where we're at, how we're perceived by people, we're all just doing the best we can with the tools we have. Now, the analogy that I've used for many years, is, if I gave you a hammer and I asked you to go and chop down a tree, you could do it. Now, it might take you quite some time because a hammer is a very blunt instrument, and a tree is not designed to be cut down with a hammer.

Now, the reason I'm using this analogy is because many years ago, I needed to chop down a small tree, and the only tool I had access to was a hammer. So I know in reality that this analogy is very true. You can chop down a tree with a hammer, it does however, take a lot of time, a lot of effort, and makes a lot of mess.

So a lot of people who may not be getting the result that they're after, are just trying to chop down a tree with a hammer. They're making a lot of mess, it's getting a more result, they're ultimately chopping the tree down. But it's messy, there's a lot of damage that doesn't need to happen, they may not be feeling too good at the end of it, but they've got the result, it's taken a lot of time, a lot of effort and it might of course, you know, caused scarring along the way, however, they're doing the best they can.

So for me, I now am inclined to look at people and go, Okay, if they coming into this interaction with that attitude, maybe they just have a hammer that they're trying to chop this tree down with. So if I can guide them to being able to pick up an axe, or a saw or a chainsaw, or something that's a little more effective at chopping down that tree, then they won't need to use the hammer to chop down the tree, therefore they can get a better result.

So I know that if someone comes to me and they're angry at something, or they're disappointed, they're frustrated, whatever it is, I know, they're just trying to use a hammer to get that result. So I try and guide them assist them, help them find that better tool so that they can get a better result.

So for example, if they've come to me, and let's say I've said something that offends them, it seems to be a common one nowadays, people get offended. So I say something that's offended them. So they come at me in a really aggressive tone, or a defensive tone. And for most people, we would probably be inclined to just apologise and move on. Now, that may get a result of some sort. Unfortunately, it's not a particularly good tool. So I would get them to explore that so we could get a better result. Therefore, rather than myself feeling bad for offending someone, I can actually feel better because I'm helping them find a better result and give them a better tool to find out what that is.

Now there might not have been the best example of this thinking off the top of my head there. However, regardless of what the situation is, I now look at people situations in a way that I can stop judging them and putting labels on them, that may block my ability to connect with that person, or my ability to be more empathetic or understanding, or gracious, or whatever it is. If I'm using that judgement, that negative judgement, which is so easy to do, if I'm stopping that, and realising they're just doing the best they can, no matter how much, I may perceive them in a negative way, they're just doing the best they can.

And everyone does the best they can until they learn better tools. So we become a better parent when we learn better tools, we can better at relationships when we get better tools, we get better with our mindset when we get better tools, we're better with our dating when we get better tools, we get better with our conflict resolution when we get better tools.

So basically, having that attitude, that realisation has changed a lot of my interactions with people, and I'm hoping if you think about it, that you realise it too, can help you. So even if this is the only thing you get out of the podcast, hopefully it will make you a more empathetic and understanding human being and making more effective in your interactions as a partner, as a person, as an employee, as an employer, as a parent, as a friend, regardless, hopefully that this one little guideline, rule, whatever you want to call it will help you understand people better.

Okay, thanks for listening in. We'll catch you on the next podcast. And I'll give you the third of my rules. And I think this one's pretty important as well. We'll catch you then. And here's your good life.

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 You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.