Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

In our lives, we tend to have moments, moments where we hit a crossroads, where there's a big decision to be made and either of the the decisions can take us in very different directions. We generally don't have a lot of these. That's why they call them a crossroads and that's why they call them a big moment.

For me, one of my big moments was thanks to one of the people that probably caused me the most pain and struggle and that was my second wife. Now everyone's moments are different and I've had others. I've probably had about five, maybe six in my life, where I had these big moments where I realised something or I had a decision to make that dramatically altered the path of my life and you will get them as well.

When you can recognise these, it's a really cool thing. Sometimes you don't see them in the moment. Sometimes you realise it's a big moment, it's a big decision. So, I want to talk about this woman that I was married to that created potentially so much pain. But ultimately down the track became one of my greatest gifts. This woman when we were together, and you've heard me probably on other episodes talk about her.

At the time she was, to use labels, I'll describe her using labels because that's what we do with people. For me at that time, she was seen by me as very jealous, very insecure, very angry, very manipulative, very controlling, very aggressive, very determined to keep an argument going. She was very good at that one. So all of these labels that I had attached to her which were negative.

Now, the challenge when we have any relationship, is when we have a partner who we attribute a lot of these negative labels to. It's when we start to use that as a generalisation and you hear about people that do this, they have a belief that all men are a particular way or all women are a particular type of way. The problem is when we do that, I know it's an unconscious mode of coping with the world, to protect us from being hurt again. If we have this belief that they're all like that, then we can't get into a relationship and therefore get hurt again.

It's not just relationships. We do it with all aspects of our lives and where a lot of our challenges and obstacles come from. In that instance, though with myself, I could have very easily fallen into that. I could have chosen that path. This is where one of my big moments came from is, I had this opportunity to either say, okay, here's a woman who's presenting all of these particular behaviours, and attributes, and attitudes, and things that are causing me, or creating a situation where it's painful for myself. It's not causing me pain or choosing to react to it in that way. However, that's the situation I was in.

So I could have generalised and decided that all women were like that, and therefore I could have shut myself off and become a very miserable angry person. What I did, though thankfully, towards the end of my relationship with her is, I was starting to work on me more. I had come across men's groups, men's workshops, men's retreats, where you go away and you look at masculinity and how you fit in. So, I was discovering my own masculinity and where I sat with that and how engaged I was with my masculinity and bringing balance back to myself.

Because I was dealing with that at the time, I had an opportunity to look at these labels that I had put on this woman. And when I ultimately realised that I had attracted this woman into my life, because we do attract the people that we need, I realised that I needed someone who was determined to give me the lesson and the opportunity to grow, which was what she was doing.

When I had that opportunity to do that work, I was looking at that whole situation, that eleven years of relationship, of toxicity, and aggression, and arguing, and tension, and stress, and all of these negatives, and an opportunity to look all of those compressed down to one particular situation, one moment, one interaction. In that moment, I realised that this woman had been bringing me this gift, but because I was unaware of the situation and what that is, I couldn't accept that gift, I wasn't accepting it.

Therefore, I wasn't taking that opportunity to be more of myself. So when I realised that, and I accepted that lesson and explored it in that moment in my men's group, I realised that this woman was brilliant and she was actually the catalyst for the change in my life. That's where I really started to step into my own and become more congruent with who I really am, more authentic.

In that congruence and that authenticity I found my strength. I found my groundedness, my solidness and I became more of me. So, this woman who for those all those years, I put all of these negative labels on, suddenly they just fell away like leaves off an autumn tree and she became fantastic and I didn't really interact with her after that moment because I moved out, and I ended the relationship, and I never actually got to thank her. I wish I had because it would have probably freaked her out a little bit because I would have been really pleased to see her and been very grateful and she would have wondered what was going on because of all of those years of stress, and tension and that's what we did. And yes, ultimately this woman became one of my major turning points in my life.

So it might be worth for yourself, looking at your own life, that some of these people who we put supposedly, we're putting these negative labels on, that are actually bringing us our greatest gifts, our greatest opportunities and we're just not seeing them. So be aware that sometimes the shittiest moments in your life can also be some of the most profound, some of the most moving, some of the most important moments because they present this crossroads where we can continue down this path of negativity, and pain, and struggle, or we can go to this path of lightness, and growth, and opportunity.

So yes, that was my big message. I wanted to bring you as we have these opportunities to be more. Don't miss them. Be aware of them, grasp them, run with them and become all that you can do because we're all awesome given the right opportunity to grow and become that.

So I hope you've enjoyed my little story. I hope you start to recognise some of your own crossroads and your opportunities to be more so until the next episode, look after yourself, be awesome and remember here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

 You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.