Your Life By Design
September 18, 2021
Remember, all the surface sub-personalities you have are called the 'Primary Selves'. Those which are buried, the subconscious sub-personalities, are called the 'Disowned Selves'. They still live in your subconscious, motivating you, even though you are completely unaware of them.
Now, here is the crucial law of your mind. This is the secret of human life – that which you disown and bury in your subconscious mind, you attract into your life. 
So, if you find someone incredibly fascinating, it is because you have an identical fascinating self within you, but it is buried. As you can't bring it to the surface of your own mind at the moment, you seek it out in others and temporarily gain a feeling of "integration" within yourself. 
If you look at this very carefully, it is the key to who you are attracted to, in all areas of your life. 
An example would be a very hard-nosed, tough, ruthless businessman, who has suppressed into his subconscious, his feminine side, with its gentleness, caring and sensitivity. He will find himself fascinated and strongly attracted to a very feminine woman, who has as her primary selves, gentleness, caring and sensitivity. 
She too, if she has suppressed and disowned her tough, hard  nosed qualities, will find him attractive, because he represents to her, everything she is disowning in her own personality. 
In other words, his primary selves match her disowned selves exactly, and her primary selves match his disowned selves exactly. They are what is called a 'perfect match'
Or, you may know someone who has difficulty with money, and discover that they find someone who is financially disciplined and decisive, very impressive. Or someone who is fearful and lacking in confidence will find a courageous person extremely attractive. 
The list goes on and on. When you discover the Psychology of Selves system, you can understand other people in a way that sets you apart from everyone else. 
You now have access to exactly why people behave as the do in relationship. Of course it is much deeper than that, as Hal and Sidra will explain. 
What you realise, is that nobody is a single personality
If you believe that, then you will be unprepared when your partner suddenly starts to express themselves in a totally different way. 
Sometimes, when a partner does this, it seems almost as if a new person is in the relationship with you. Which, in a way, is in fact true, because each sub-personality is a person it itself. It can be a shock, a surprise or a relief, to find there is more to your partner than you originally realised. 
Interestingly, many lawyers, specialising in divorce, say the most common remark people give about their partners, when asking for a divorce is: 'I never really knew they were like that' or 'I never knew they were really like that underneath'. 
Their partner had suddenly started to express himself or herself in a new and different way. The person did not realise the partner was merely expressing another self. It wasn't that they were 'really like that'. They were no more the particular self they were expressing, then the original one they were used to. They did not understand this, and thought they had married the wrong person. 
Had they had the benefit of understanding the idea of sub-personalities , and used the correct processes, their relationship would have grown closer and more loving. All these difficult events that drew them apart, in fact, could have been used to communicate in a far deeper and more fulfilling way. 
So, before you can successfully relate with another person, at a powerfully satisfying and meaningful level, you need to become conscious of which of these selves you are expressing, at any particular time. 
In a long-term relationship, you have the opportunity to express many more of your different subpersonalities. Instead of this being a difficulty, it becomes a great benefit to you both. You are not going to be stuck with someone dimensional lemon all your life. 
You, and the person you are with, whether you both realise it or not, are filled with a vast smorgasbord of selves, each one a whole person in itself, with all its own history, memories, agendas, desires, emotions, abilities and ways of behaving. 
Many of them are deeply interesting and fun filled. Others are serious and sad, attractive and energised. Some are fascinating and wise. There are countless different types that make you up. It is these different selves that good actors get in touch with, when they play different roles. 
This is the joy of relationship ­­– discovering your own and your partner's selves, and letting them express themselves as they wish. It is truly enriching and fulfilling in ways that are stunning and powerful. It is known as the path of consciousness. To experience your True Self, you have to know your 'selves' first. 
It is vitally important that you understand how your personality is made up. Because when you enter into a relationship, you are arriving with a group of selves as is your partner. So it is actually two groups of people getting together - and let's hope that a few of them get on! 
Not knowing this, is an unwise way to live, because your life will be limited, your personal relationships unfulfilling, and your creative and expressive powers blocked and sabotaged. It is the cause of most confusions in relationships. 
You will also be using up a lot of energy to suppress the disowned selves, and that will make you less attractive. The word attractive has (attr-) active in it. To be attractive, you have to have an active energy system. It is your energy which attracts other people to you, and keeps them there. 
It is so simple to make profound and ecstatic changes, once you understand that you are far more than you have ever considered yourself to be. Knowledge of the true form of your personality is the essential means to ensure your relationships will be filled with respect and love, and continue to grow in a way that is necessary for life long pleasure, and deep insight into the true nature of what you are. 
The technique associated with Dr. Hal and Sidra Stone's Psychology of Selves system, is called 'Voice Dialogue', and it truly is the greatest tool to improve any relationship and allow both people to express all their potentials. It also gives you the means to understand other people at a very profound and insightful level. 
Each sub-personality has its own way of expressing itself, it's 'voice', and with Voice Dialogue you learn to allow it to express itself. The dialogue is also able to tell you about your feelings, which you may be totally unaware of. 
A psychiatrist, who once said in his practice, 80 to 90 percent of relationships are out to revenge their parents, by using their partner as the substitute parent!   
There are so many other drives that Hal and Sidra reveal. Imagine all the hidden motivations we have going on in our subconscious. What chance have we got to experience an ever deepening connection with anyone unless we understand our selves at a deep level? 
Who really comprehends that they are a multi faceted being, a mixture of different potentials and qualities? Very few. Most of us only show our partners a small percentage of what is really going on inside ourselves. 
When you understand the Voice Dialogue system, and you learn to hear your subpersonalities, your ability to express yourself rapidly increases. You feel empowered and amazed that you have so much more within yourself than you ever imagined. 
With Voice Dialogue, you are able to grow yourself. You discover and 'unlock' your many selves along with your partners.   It is truly the most fascinating, powerful and fun activity that you can have with that special person in your life.   And the feelings of compassion, insight and closeness that grow in each session are amazing. It beats watching any movie! 

The Unique Difference ­­– The Aware Ego 

Why take a chance with what is most important to you, when the solution has been discovered? Save yourself a lifetime of trying to work it out for yourself. 
What makes Voice Dialogue stand out above all the other techniques and methods that you might have heard of? The system is totally unique, and it reveals a crucial faculty that sets it above the other methods available.   It will show you how to develop a brand new faculty, called the 'Aware Ego' , which allows you to embrace all parts of yourself. You will see how to awaken those dormant potentials, and ways of expressing yourself, that will radically improve your life.   
What is the Aware Ego? 
A good metaphor for understanding it is that of an 'orchestra' which contains dozens of 'instruments'. The instruments of your mind are your subpersonalities or 'selves'. Through upbringing and conditioning by society, your self expression has been limited, and you use only a handful of the instruments in the orchestra of your personality. Not only that, these few instruments may be playing in a haphazard, uncoordinated way. 
The Aware Ego, which is intentionally developed by understanding Voice Dialogue, is like the conductor. The Aware Ego, like the conductor, can bring forward the appropriate instrument as required, and has the choice of using the whole range of instruments in the orchestra. The orchestra of your personality can now play in tune, and to its full capacity. 
This is the potential that awaits all those committed to their own personal growth. 
I am sure you know you can be far more than you have been so far in your life. What you may not know is how to bring these inactive sub-personalities to the surface. The Voice Dialogue Series will show you how. 

Benefits you gain from Voice Dialogue 
These are common benefits gained from understanding Voice Dialogue. 

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