Talking about my ghost with Sean Ambriz
December 28, 2020
Ask around your local VFW about what a military police soldier does for a living.
The answers will make you laugh, cringe, and sometimes simply lean back at the nonsensical tales evoked from our comrades in arms. Needless to say, some hidden stories can pop up like ghosts from the past. Join us as we speak with Army solider and author Sean about why he is not sorry for talking about his ghost.
Ask around your local VFW about what a military police soldier does for a living.
The answers will make you laugh, cringe, and sometimes simply lean back at the nonsensical tales evoked from our comrades in arms.
Needless to say, some hidden stories can pop up like ghosts from the past. Some don't want to talk about it but some lower their cloak of vulnerability and open up to lead and give courage to others to fight the unseen battle.
Join us as we speak with Army soldier and author Sean about why he is not sorry for talking about his ghost and don't forget to check out his book Ghosts of the Valley. https://www.amazon.com/Ghosts-Valley-Sean-Ambriz/dp/B0896X1TCP
About the Guest:
Sean wrote Ghosts of the Valley which gives a full spectrum recount of the incidents that took place in Afghanistan, and the recovery process that became necessary upon return to the peace of home. His book is not meant to glorify war, but to expose the horrors of it. Ghosts of the Valley also provides a comprehensive, and up-to-date publication, list of resources for those struggling with PTSD, or those who simply need help.
[00:00:00] spk_0: everybody. I just want to give a quick note before getting into this episode that this is an episode where we talk about some really deep stuff specifically around PTSD and the war. So I just want to go ahead if you have anybody that might be triggered by that, or if you have any little ears and little kids around. This is not the episode for you to play out where others can here. But this is an episode I do want you to hear because it has such powerful messaging. And Sean is such an amazing person that come out and to speak so openly about his ghost and that he's not sorry for talking about him. So with that said, Let's get into it. This is visited in this show is brought to you by Safety FM. Yeah, welcome to unapologetically bold. I'm not sorry for If you are a person that is tired of apologizing for being you, you know the human part of you that sometimes feels like it has to be different at home versus work versus play. The human side that just wants to be hot, humble, open and transparent about your wants desires and uniqueness if you answered Yes, this is for you. Join me, Emily Elrod as I dive into conversations with Amazing Guest. About what? That you're not sorry for And creative and loving ways Let's get started. Hey, everybody, We're live for another unapologetically bold I'm not sorry for And I'm blessed today. Thio, have Sean with me. Thank you so much for joining me today.
[00:01:44] spk_1: Thank you for having me on.
[00:01:45] spk_0: So, for the people that do not know who you are, Sean, just give them a little background.
[00:01:50] spk_1: Uh, well, my name is Sean Andris. I've been in the military for 12 years now, as a military policeman, I have served two tours in Afghanistan. My first one was, I mean, both as a military policeman. But my first one was as a medic. I got kind of thrown into that role, and then my second was as a designated squad marksman. Kind of got thrown into that role as well on. But now I'm currently serving at Fort Leonard, Missouri, where I teach the military police senior leaders course as an instructor.
[00:02:19] spk_0: So we're just gonna hop right on into this And the show is called unapologetically bold. So, Sean, what are you not sorry for?
[00:02:29] spk_1: Um I guess, uh, just who I am as a leader in the military who I am as a person. Um, I know that I have a lot of shortfalls, um, and things that I could probably improve on. But for the most part, I mean, I kind of am who I am. And so, uh, you know, as a leader, I probably don't make all the best decisions, but I always make sure that I have my soldiers and their families at the forefront of my mind in every decision that I make. So at the today, I try to do the best I can.
[00:03:00] spk_0: I love it. I think that's that's something that I embrace. A lot is about again the human. You're human at home, work and play. But sometimes we feel like we have different priorities, or we have different struggles between each one that we can't bring our full Selves for. So in your leadership, what have you learned about in essence, like not just talk. I know that you have the book about talking about your ghost in the past, but just talking about some of those things that sometimes it's like, Oh, we don't mention that we don't lend him. Yeah, as a leader,
[00:03:32] spk_1: Um, I think leaders have a hard time taking care of leaders. I mean, we're great leaders are great at taking care of soldiers, but leaders sucking, taking care of leaders, We they think that they could balance it all and that they could take care of everything and that they're problem solvers and that they're invincible. And you know that everything's gonna be okay and we'll figure this stuff out later. But ultimately we're human. And, you know, we do suck it things. And, um, you know, we have our shortfalls. And so I I think the weaknesses of leaders because you never want to be deemed week is a leader. I think that's something that needs to be talked about more. And the more open you are with it, the more you're your soldiers, I think. Well, really not just soldiers. I think any subordinate, no matter what we're in the workforce you are, will respect you more for it.
[00:04:19] spk_0: Mhmm. And that makes me think of finding you knowing your strengths but also knowing your weaknesses because in the aspect of mine, I always talk about consistency is something that I know that I could be weak, especially if it doesn't have a person attached to it. So posting things on lengthen or being consistent with that or whatever it may be, um, like I'll get to it. But I know that some things that some people value so when I have to be consistent, So finding ways to compensate for or finding people that are good at it to help S o that makes me take a delegation and the leadership side of it too. Which I know this is going a little bit off of what we were talking about, but I think it's really interesting, because one I did not know that you taught leadership. So now what? You're going to a whole another level? Um, sorry. All but about the leadership, about delegation and ego and how those kind of play with each other because I found a lot of times that people it's very hard for them to lay down their ego.
[00:05:20] spk_1: Mhm. Yeah, And
[00:05:21] spk_0: so what? Have you seen? What in your experience?
[00:05:25] spk_1: Um, yeah. I mean to be a successful leader. Like I said, you kind of have to expose your own weaknesses. I mean, I was very open with my soldiers. What? I sucked at what I was weak at, and I would actually use those moments as teaching tools for myself and the soldier. So, you know, you got somebody like me who's been in the military for a decade, and I go to a soldier who might have more experience with, you know, say, working law enforcement on They've only been in two years. Ultimately on paper. I should know more than then when it comes to that. But just the way my career panned out, and so I had No, I was not nervous or embarrassed to go to a soldier like Yo, man, I don't know what this is like, Can you? Can you show me? And they were like, Wow, my platoon sergeant, you know, feels like he's shown me that he's not like this big, scary guy who, you know, knows everything. And then it's a moment for them to teach me, and it feels like they're giving back, and they're teaching somebody when I'm teaching them at a young age. How to be a young leader, so it kind of just goes around. It's a vicious circle that, um it's for the better.
[00:06:26] spk_0: Yeah, and I agree on that because it's an interesting thing whenever, how much you can learn. But I know for me at first I am always blessed to be around some really amazing leaders that are twice my age and actually joked about this because I talked with a He's a site guy that helps her mental skills guy that helps with one of baseball teams, professional baseball teams. And I was just chit chatting with him and we were just talking about things and we learn from each other. And and it's The thing is, it doesn't matter how many degrees you have behind your name. It doesn't matter. You can always learn from people, but sometimes as a younger person, I felt like I wasn't to their level. So I love that you come to them and that reciprocation of it of being a mentor, mentee and both Everybody can learn from it. So how have or how do you teach that in the work that you do
[00:07:23] spk_1: well? So I teach a senior leaders course. So I'm dealing with a lot of staff sergeants who are about to be promoted to sergeant first class and become a platoon sergeant. And so they're currently squad leaders. Right now, they control anywhere between usually about 12 to 16 guys. Andi, they're gonna get ready to become a platoon sergeant, which runs anywhere between 35 to 45 ish soldiers underneath them. And so, um, and it's the first time they get partnered up with the commissioned officer. So as a platoon sergeant, you have a lieutenant that you work with hand in hand. And so that's a whole another realm of things that they need to understand the learn. And so during this course, obviously we go over the institutional stuff, the regulation of doctrinal material that senior leaders need to know. But we also share experiences, and usually I have 16 students, and then me is the instructor. So there's 17 of us in there. Usually, people have have been in the military. Usually I've seen anywhere between maybe 8 to 18 years in that classroom, and each one of them come from different walks of life and have been a different duty stations different employments, different parts of the world. And it's ah to two months. Use me, of course, that we could all come together and I could take the 200 year plus experience that air floating within that room and share those experiences. And, um, it's not just me being the instructor, like I just more of a facilitator. And I go over the things that we need to go over, and I just I use them as examples and I say, Hey, tell me about this What did you learn? And then they get to share their experience and it kind of just like I said, It's a vicious circle. It works, It works itself out. And it's not just me up there just being a talking head and telling my way, because my way may not always be the best.
[00:08:58] spk_0: Um, if you ever get a email from May, it always says the kiss of death is to be the genius with 10,000 helpers. Instead, be the genius with 10,000 geniuses, and I hear that so loud and clear with what you're saying right now and the importance of using that knowledge in, in essence, wisdom that has came from other people. So I did want to shift back onto the your book and some of the things that you've written about as well, because we've been talking a lot. We've been doing 21 days of gratitude for veteran suicide awareness. So mental health and I know that your book was highly promoted in the aspect of speaking up about the reality that happens a lot of the times whenever you're overseas or when the war, the ugliness of war, that sometimes it's not mentioned, you know, from the hero side. So if you could just talk about that for a minute about one that impact again on leadership, but also the impact on just humans. And what have you received from this so far from just listening from
[00:10:03] spk_1: the book, like feedback from people? Yeah. I mean, I've I've talked to a lot of veterans. Um, the thing with the book is I wanted to be very raw. In short, I didn't want you know, I'm not I'm not general. You know, Miley, I'm not General Petraeus. I'm not trying to create some new leadership philosophy that no one's ever heard of before. I don't feel like I'm that intelligent to speak on those parts and have yet that experience. But you know what I know is what I know. And so I wanted to put my experiences on paper, and I wanted to link, you know, current military people, most of our military. Now, a lot of our combat veterans have been getting out of the military. Or, you know, as time has gone on, the war is kind of died down. Deployments are hard to come by. And so now you're almost like Vietnam all over again. And you have a military full of fresh young faces, people who have been to war and the guys who have been the war are, you know, higher up in rank and our interactive it soldiers anymore, or are out of the military. And I wanted this book thio be that link to continue to share that experience between you know, our US, the war dogs. And you know, these future generation of soldiers that we are gonna be our future young leaders. You know, the next upcoming years, a swell as, um, the civilian sector on and linking. You know, the civilian community, the military communities. I almost feel like most of the civilian community, especially they don't have an interest in it. Just don't pay attention and forget that we've fought the you know, the country's longest war, and it's all. I've also received a lot of feedback from, like, say, Vietnam vets, Gulf War vets, people who have served the country and they didn't really know. I mean, that was their war. This is ours and they get to see kind of way. I grew up watching World War two Korea Vietnam videos. I studied those things. I loved watching movies and stuff. This was a chance for those veterans toe look, a glimpse of our war and what the difference is, was and kind of create a little bit of a bond between generations.
[00:11:58] spk_0: That's awesome. And I think it's important to to be able to talk about the royal truce that happened with it because a lot of times I think of some of my favorite things. I love to watch, but it's very holly Hollywood vied or very it paints a pretty heroic picture, but sometimes there's ugly in it. Um, they're sucking it. There's probably a lot of suck in it. Andi. That's the one thing that reading a lot of the comments and just hearing about it that you talk about the real truth of it. And you put the real like you don't like sugar coat it. And so how has that even been mawr of a connector for people being being riel and being honest? Because sometimes I found military people they don't because they feel like it's going outside the rank or is going against what they've been taught. Like you don't you don't make the army look bad, but I don't think it like I know what you did did not like it made it look so much better. But some people might think that. So how do you go about that?
[00:13:02] spk_1: I mean, especially, maybe an active duty. I had to watch what I put book. I mean, I'm still in the military and people forget that we don't have freedom of speech like I don't I do not have freedom of speech. I gave my freedom of speech up the day I signed my contract that there's a point to it. It's so you know exactly what you're fighting for. And So when I can't go out in protest or I can't go out and say whatever I want about so so in such person are in our government or whatever the case may be, however, I may feel, um, it's those moments that my contract makes me realize. What exactly does I'm fighting for this? That all these other people can do that? And so when I'm writing a book like this, it's it's very hard for me to have to watch, obviously, watch your mouth what I say. I have to make sure at the same time I tell a story to the best detail that I can too recognize the individuals that I fought with without giving away any type of operational security that will put our future soldiers at risk, certain tactics, things that we do. Um, you know, certain talking about certain equipment, things like that because they're still soldiers that are in harm's way. And there's no reason that my book needs thio, you know, cast a shadow over any of those guys who were still out there kicking in doors. So it was hard to balance all of that. And then, obviously I had to go through a process where my book had to go through an ethics review, it had to go through Central Command who controls Iraq and Afghanistan for authenticity. And then I had to get it approved by the D o d is Well, because I'm still active duty. Everything had to get approved for, like I said, authenticity in the classification and make sure it was all good. So it was a hell of a process, but it wasn't as bad as you think. It actually went by pretty quick. It was like two months or so, and, you know, with everything the d o. D has to do is actually a pretty quick turnaround. So, um yeah, so, uh, question
[00:14:45] spk_0: Yeah. No, that that does. And that's it's interesting, too. So I want if you if you fill out Thio, speak about a story in that whenever you realize that or when was the time that you realize it's I need to write this book. Moreover, when was it like I need to talk about
[00:15:03] spk_1: last November when I started e mean like so for years. For years I had a lot of superiors of mine very generously tell me I need to write this book. And for years I just denied it, and I just took it as a compliment. I was like, No, I'm not gonna just like, I appreciate the words, but I don't feel like exposing or being so vulnerable of having all my information to be put out there. It didn't make me feel very comfortable. Um, you know, I talked about it a little bit in the book, but the reason why they wanted to write the book was because I was kind of given a unique situation. Like I said, I'm an MP by by nature. That is my job description. And his MPs were more of a combat support role. I mean, a lot of MPs have seen combat. I mean, quite a bit over the years, um, and AR functions have just changed at each war that has gone on. We kind of changed our capabilities before, In World War two, it was, you know, even George Washington it was we mounted the rear of the element. We just stayed away from the fighting and we make sure that the rear element was always protected. And then, as the wars progressed, so did our functions. And then, you know, we're finding ourselves on the front line for find ourselves landing on the beaches of Normandy on D Day in World War Two, Vietnam, we find ourselves in the jungle closer and closer to the front line defending, you know, thes major battles on day in Iraq and Afghanistan. There are no definitive frontlines. It's you're just patrolling the country in this noncontiguous battlefield, um, and and the enemies all around you and the next thing you know, we're finding ourselves in direct action with the enemy, and our capabilities are almost I don't want to say infantry because we're definitely not infantry Infantry are amazing what they do. But we find ourselves in these frontline battles so much regularly in Iraq and Afghanistan that our capabilities and changing So, um, you know, I say all that because, like I said, my first deployment I got to Afghanistan and because Prior my first deployment, they sent me for, like, an e m T S course. They may be a medic, and I said, I'm not a medic. I didn't join to be a medic. I'm an MP, and they're like Yeah, we don't care. Here's in a bag and I'm like So I had to go work in the aid station and I go out on patrol is the medic. But I was still a MP by by by, you know, by nature And then same thing, My second deployment. Our medic had to leave because he was having triplets. And obviously there's no reason for him to get killed and miss out on being a dad of three. So they sent him home, rightfully so. And and so I filled that role is a medic. And on top of it, they gave me an additional soldier as a spotter, and they gave me a sniper rifle. And they're like, go up in the mountains in, like, spot the enemy like I'm gonna be like that, you know? So it was a very abnormal situation. There are other people who have had situations like that, but as an MP just normally don't see that. And then I fought in some pretty big battles. Um, and I was awarded two bronze stars with valor on a Purple Heart and, um, you know, because of those awards, like I said, I was very young when I received them and I didn't like the vulnerability. People were talking on the telephone game people like I heard this happened like No, that that's not true at all. People who weren't even there, you know, So it was very stressful back then. Thio deal with the burden that those awards were on me. And so when it came time when people saying, Hey, you should write a book, I was like, No, I don't I don't want any part of it. Aan den I got here to Fort Leonard Wood, and this is the first time I haven't had soldiers underneath me as an instructor. I'm by myself and for the first time, I've I'm alone. And, um, I've noticed that with PTSD, um, it evolves to your situation. So before when I was with my soldiers, we were going to the field. We were doing rotations. I was staying busy by PTSD, really didn't have a chance. Thio muster my head. I was constantly, you know, waking up to 30 in the morning going bed at six or seven, waking back up. It was, there's a go, go, go! But now here's an instructor I live in Dixon, Missouri. I have three acres, my next neighbors, like 300 m down the road. It's super quiet and I just have all this time to think. And so I got here in August of last year. And what August, September October. I made it three months and I was like, Okay, I'm going crazy because I have known to talk Thio. I'm not busy at work. I'm getting off work in, like, two or three like I don't know what to do with myself. And so somebody had mentioned again. You try to look at it. I kind of took a second glance at it, and I was like, Well, maybe if I put my pain on paper, it will help me with the healing process. And so I did that. Open up Microsoft Word and I just splurged everything. Within two months it was done ready, todo so
[00:19:35] spk_0: I love that didn't help in the healing process,
[00:19:37] spk_1: and some people like, especially some family, my family, some of the stuff that was in the book. It was their first time hearing about it, but they had known I had gone through some things that just really didn't know details. And some people were like, Are you sure you want to do this? Like, do you want to re expose yourself to these things? And, you know, simple answer? Is that like, they're like, Because I had I re walk. I have, like, a bunch of videos and pictures and, like, dead bodies and firefights and, you know, nothing crazy as faras like unethical. You know, it's all just documented that I wanted to keep, but I had to re watch and re look at some of these things to remember. You know, the sights, the smells, some of those things. I just haven't thought about it sometime. And people like, Are you sure you wanna expose yourself? You know, I had to just kind of tell them like, you gotta understand. I see these things every day in my head. I wake up every day thinking Afghanistan, no matter what. So it's not new to me, Um, you know, but yeah, it definitely rip the band aid off, You know, pretty quick as soon as I started typing. But ultimately I do think it helped and, you know, honestly, what helped me more with the book was not writing the book and get it on paper. It was the amount of feedback that I got from friends, family and people I don't even know. That supported me because I was so I was scared shitless of putting it out there. I did not want my I remember like pressing the send button and letting it go, and it got out there. And once I knew that it was live for people to see, I was scared and I've got nothing but positive feedback and people were reaching out and taking the time out of the data to say just the littlest words. And it meant more to me than really anything. So
[00:21:16] spk_0: and I think that's important. Part of it, too, is that what I've seen is in past which minds nowhere close mind is just I was a single mother and my my journey of being a single mom, and it's the feedback that you get from people of knowing that you have stresses. You have struggles like you're really human, like these are things that people actually have dealt with. But they never talked about, because it's like, OK, can I say that you know, it's gonna It's that vulnerability. And I love Renee Brown's work on vulnerability with You can't have vulnerability without courage. And two step out to be able to say some of those hard things that a lot of people have lived through, but nobody has ever did anything about nobody's ever said anything about it. So from that, that's what I do want to honor you and say Thank you so much for your vulnerability. Because I know it has impacted lives just because the stuff that I've seen, um, it has definitely impacted people. So thank you for that. And then also, obviously, thank you for your service. I want to talk back with what you talked about a little bit earlier about adaptability. Well, I heard adaptability in it. Like how you were an MP and like you were. You were everywhere, though.
[00:22:35] spk_1: Yeah.
[00:22:36] spk_0: How did that come about? Did you Do you feel like you've always been adaptable? Or do you feel like No,
[00:22:46] spk_1: No. I was a very sheltered kid, you know, Was a picky eater, my grandma, like, give me whatever I wanted. I you know, I didn't have a crazy childhood and I didn't have anything crazy that, you know, that drove me to the military. I wasn't a troubled kid. Um, you know, just very sheltered and quiet. I was a little ultra boy. The Catholic church I, you know, just played sports. I was about the craziest thing I did was play football and stuff like that. So, um, yeah, I don't know.
[00:23:17] spk_0: But I think it's true that a lot of people that I know that go into the military. Kind of Yeah,
[00:23:25] spk_1: you have no choice. But the army is really good at generating leaders, you know, at a young age, you know, you joined 17, 18, 19 years old and even even the lowest private, the lowest soldier gets thrown tasks on a daily basis, and they need to just figure it out. Andi. And you know, when I made Sergeant, I was I was in the military for 2.5 years. Since I mean, you count boot camp in that as well, Like, you figure two years really of being boots on ground. And I have sergeant stripes, my chest. I'm thinking about, like, what do I know? Honestly? A two years and just in life. Thio lead soldiers into combat. I'm think I'm almost doubting myself, but the army doesn't allow you to do that. And they continuously throw difficult tasks and situations at you on a daily basis. Soldiers do that as well. They add stress into your life. And but they allows me to be a very adaptable leader because as soon as I make Sergeant, I gotta be a psychologist. E got to be a fitness expert. Have to be. You know, all those things that a doctor s o all the soldier problems that are arising or things that happened in the field, I need to be able to figure it out. So, yeah, Army is really good at generating very adaptable young leaders, even if we don't really recognize it or if it's not put on paper by a degree, you take any of us out into the civilian sector. Even if we're not good at those things, we'll figure it out. Just what we dio.
[00:24:55] spk_0: And I think that's cool too, because I think that's a thing that you're What I hear is from your book is not a traditional. How do we deal with PTSD? kind of stout, but the adaptability to see and you have a lot of emotional intelligence. Aiken, just read that easily. Um, but your ability to understand that you have emotions, we, somebody else may have something similar to it, you know, But to be able to be honest and open it and to talk about it. So I am beyond grateful for you for again your service, your ability to put it on paper and thio, be vulnerable and open the courage that comes with it. What would you tell people about the military or about war? Like if you could tell them anything like, what would you tell them?
[00:25:44] spk_1: I mean, give me Can you break that down into, like, What do you mean? Like just a lot of talk about war?
[00:25:51] spk_0: There is a lot of talk about because it's like I feel like there's a lot of miss numbers that, like I don't even know about like and I don't know much about, but we just see, I have a lot of gratitude for you, but to put the reality back to that, I know you see dark stuff. Um, e no. One of my close friends. Joey Jones. He is on Fox News every now and then, actually every now that he's there a good bit. But he had his, um, legs blown off and like how he comes afterward, you know? And he has so much he's so positive and he's just But there's dark stuff that happens with it as well. So
[00:26:30] spk_1: some people aren't is resilient. They're just It's hard to overcome. I mean, especially when I was a big I saw. I mean, you know, I I dealt with I had personally I had 116 casualties under my belt that I worked on. Of those 116 21 died under my care. And you remember their faces Sometimes those 21 you're the last face they're ever going to see, you know, and yeah, I mean, you do see a lot of dark stuff. Uh, you know, you talked about a little beginning. Sometimes movies are very Hollywood, but sometimes Hollywood can't even get it right. Ast faras How gory and gruesome and just downright dirty people can be to other people. You know, I talked. I give this example in the book when I was a medic give you a small example? You know, we were rolled to aid station, which meant that most of the casualties came to us before we ship it out to the major hospital in Bagram. And I was we were the role to for the entire northeastern part of the country that was bordered with Pakistan. And we used to get a lot of civilian casualties. It would come in and we help them out every once in a while. There was a man that brought, I don't know, she was a toddler. She had been less than one years old and she came in with burns on her legs like a boiling water. Kind of like you said that boiling water dropped on her legs. You know, she's under under it or whatever. And so we evaluated her. We gave her some pain medication for the burns, and then the doctor wanted to see her, I think, like in a week or something like that to re evaluate her. And so the guy left and he came back in a week and she had burns on her other leg now, like, he's like, Yeah, it happened again. and he's like, Can you please help her or whatever? And then, you know, we're talking to evaluating and in our aid station we always had an interpreter with us because we dealt with a lot of local nationals and the interpreter. A lot of the trip is pretty cool, and they speak pretty good English, and they would tell us what people are really saying and stuff come to find out. The guy was taking the Childs medication just to get high on his own and wasn't doing. And so he was hoping that you could burn the child on purpose and get pain medicine for himself. It is just like, you know, you see a lot of messed up things or that's not even combat related. That's just a medical day daily things. So you just feel like the worst in people. Um, and so, yeah, it's hard. It's hard to trust people and be resilient. When I came out, I didn't fucking trust anybody, even Americans. I was like Everyone get away from me like this is ridiculous. But it wears off after a while, and I realized I shouldn't treat people like that because there's still a lot of great people in this world, so but it definitely takes a toll on your on your psyche.
[00:29:10] spk_0: E think that's important to talk about two. Is that how it can harden you? It really can, because mentally, for you to do the job, you have to get hard in at times, um, mhm so that you can survive through it in essence, on bats. One thing that I'd love to talk about is fear and fear that you typically people say it's fight or flight or freeze. There's actually more components to it. There's one that's called care and connect. And so whenever you're in zones like that, how you can connect with your people to kind of you may not have the resiliency, but you have a bond in a brotherhood or sisterhood, whatever that comes from that. How did that help you in the process is Well,
[00:29:53] spk_1: I mean, I was lucky that, um, both my deployments, the units I was in, I was in full tunes that were very close to one another. I think maybe there might have been like one or two guys that, like, you know, we had roofs with. We didn't like whatever, but it didn't matter when when the bullets started flying. Like there's nothing that we wouldn't have done to take the bullet for another, like just the way it is, you know? So we were We were really close. And, you know, we just hated seeing each other get thorn up or hurt Or, you know, even with things back home, you know, it was that brother that kind of kept us together. Guys would get dear John letters they would get broken up with, and and we would be there for one another. We had to embrace all of our personal problems that were happening back home, because although we're all fighting the war, you know, there's still personal life that's going on like our families, our wives or girlfriends, they're carrying on back home with their normal life. And so we have to deal with all these things at the same time. And yeah, that brother you talked about definitely helps the daily struggles, you know, getting through. So
[00:30:57] spk_0: and I love that and I think Thio wrap it up at the end right here. Just I love that you talk about basically being a whole person and about how you you connect personal with professional. And that is one thing that my goal is with this podcast is being unapologetically bold about who we are. We see darks things. We we all have problems. And it's like if you have somebody that says the world's all happy, I want to call you a liar because there's always something like I've never met somebody that don't have something jacked up like we all have something but coming to it and having ability of an outlet not to say exactly a counselor, but somebody to just be ableto listening with empathy. And I think that's a big skill with leaders. So I want to again commend you for everything that you've done. And my final question for this is people are apologizing for being themselves for talking about their ghosts. You're talking about things that happened that are more maybe personal. What would tell them?
[00:32:02] spk_1: Um, you gotta let him up. You gotta let those ghosts at the closet. You gotta You have to share. I mean, that's the reason why my leaders, when they got back from Iraq and I was a fresh private, they were sharing. You know, their stories, their endeavors, they're failures and successes of their war in Iraq. And I just apply that to Afghanistan because, I mean, at the end of the Day of Wars war, you know the battlefield will change, the terrain might change, the weather will change the enemy. That self might change what war itself will not the aspects of war. And so I had to apply that, And that goes with anything. I take just life lessons. It doesn't have to be combat related. Any life lessons, financial family struggles. And I teach my soldiers because there's no reason for me to have all this knowledge and experience in my head and not share it, because that's how we create better generations after us. Is that constant sharing of information? We wouldn't be where we are as a country. We just withheld every piece of experience and knowledge and didn't share it with our brothers and sisters. So we have to make sure we do that for the next generation so they could learn from our endeavors.
[00:33:06] spk_0: I love that, and it makes me think of past guests that came on, and the company works they do it for seven generations from now and how we're living today for the next generation, but also the next next so that we could be the best that we can be. You know, not that war will ever end, but in a theory that were as long as we can be our best Selves and fight to the next day. So thank you so much, Sean. If anybody wants to reach out to you, how can they get a hold of you?
[00:33:36] spk_1: Yeah, I always check my messages even like my request box, because I always try to tell veterans to contact me if you need someone to talk to you. But that goes for anybody. Really. But they could find on Facebook, Sean Tobias Amri's S e a N T O B i s And then last names and buries a m b r i z. They could also find me on instagram, which is I'm kind of on a little bit more because I work with a lot of better in companies and organizations. But my instagram is chief underscore Pink Mist. Andi, then yeah, I'm on LinkedIn and all that stuff on. Then my book is also on Amazon nook and Kindle. Um, it's titled Ghosts of the Valley On day, we're almost done with an audio book, so it's gonna be double narrated. I have a have a guy that has a really, really good voice, and he's gonna narrate the entire book. And as you actually read my book, there's a lot of italicized internal thoughts as things were happening in combat or whatever. I went recorded all those. And so you actually hear my voice in the audio book from his voice and then to me, So e
[00:34:40] spk_0: I love it. I'm excited for that. I'm audiobook girls. So y'all go check it out. Check out his book. If you like to read if you like audio book, just wait a little bit longer, but I know it's a blessing because you're open. You're honest. You have emotional intelligence like your riel and your hot human who is humble, open and transparent. So
[00:35:02] spk_1: island I do want everyone to know that, you know. So I'm not making anything off this book right? Essentially, and I'm very, very open transparent with this, my publisher essentially give me a dollar. A book of sale and most of my proceeds, like 90% of my proceeds are going to a foundation that was built for my lieutenant, who was killed. It's the Tyler Parton Foundation. So he was a West Point graduate. It's that he dies in one of the battles that's explained in the book Chapter five on DSO tryto I did not feel comfortable. And I told my publisher this, you know, had this been any like, leadership book? Sure, I'll do what I can t take money so I could support my family. But I didn't feel comfortable getting really any majority the proceeds because there's no reason I should take credit for someone who died or really other people who are involved. Um, that just wouldn't be right. So I just want people know that it is going for a good cause when they every time they purchase the book.
[00:35:57] spk_0: You know what? People are just gonna buy it, not even read it. I don't care like I'm just gonna give you money. I want them
[00:36:04] spk_1: to read it because I want them to know. Lt story. I want them to understand who he was and the sacrifices that you know, he gave us all of his tomorrow's So s
[00:36:14] spk_0: so good. Thank you. You're awesome, Sean. I am blessed beyond measure. Um, continue your work because it it makes a difference. And everybody that's listening or well, listen later on the podcast. Thank you for tuning in having amazing and Blessed Day. Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of unapologetically bold. I'm not sorry for If this touch shoot anyway, please like and subscribe and share with your friends as we continue the message of being unapologetically bold, Bobby and hot humans who are humble, open and transparent. See you next time.
The answers will make you laugh, cringe, and sometimes simply lean back at the nonsensical tales evoked from our comrades in arms.
Needless to say, some hidden stories can pop up like ghosts from the past. Some don't want to talk about it but some lower their cloak of vulnerability and open up to lead and give courage to others to fight the unseen battle.
Join us as we speak with Army soldier and author Sean about why he is not sorry for talking about his ghost and don't forget to check out his book Ghosts of the Valley. https://www.amazon.com/Ghosts-Valley-Sean-Ambriz/dp/B0896X1TCP
About the Guest:
Sean wrote Ghosts of the Valley which gives a full spectrum recount of the incidents that took place in Afghanistan, and the recovery process that became necessary upon return to the peace of home. His book is not meant to glorify war, but to expose the horrors of it. Ghosts of the Valley also provides a comprehensive, and up-to-date publication, list of resources for those struggling with PTSD, or those who simply need help.
[00:00:00] spk_0: everybody. I just want to give a quick note before getting into this episode that this is an episode where we talk about some really deep stuff specifically around PTSD and the war. So I just want to go ahead if you have anybody that might be triggered by that, or if you have any little ears and little kids around. This is not the episode for you to play out where others can here. But this is an episode I do want you to hear because it has such powerful messaging. And Sean is such an amazing person that come out and to speak so openly about his ghost and that he's not sorry for talking about him. So with that said, Let's get into it. This is visited in this show is brought to you by Safety FM. Yeah, welcome to unapologetically bold. I'm not sorry for If you are a person that is tired of apologizing for being you, you know the human part of you that sometimes feels like it has to be different at home versus work versus play. The human side that just wants to be hot, humble, open and transparent about your wants desires and uniqueness if you answered Yes, this is for you. Join me, Emily Elrod as I dive into conversations with Amazing Guest. About what? That you're not sorry for And creative and loving ways Let's get started. Hey, everybody, We're live for another unapologetically bold I'm not sorry for And I'm blessed today. Thio, have Sean with me. Thank you so much for joining me today.
[00:01:44] spk_1: Thank you for having me on.
[00:01:45] spk_0: So, for the people that do not know who you are, Sean, just give them a little background.
[00:01:50] spk_1: Uh, well, my name is Sean Andris. I've been in the military for 12 years now, as a military policeman, I have served two tours in Afghanistan. My first one was, I mean, both as a military policeman. But my first one was as a medic. I got kind of thrown into that role, and then my second was as a designated squad marksman. Kind of got thrown into that role as well on. But now I'm currently serving at Fort Leonard, Missouri, where I teach the military police senior leaders course as an instructor.
[00:02:19] spk_0: So we're just gonna hop right on into this And the show is called unapologetically bold. So, Sean, what are you not sorry for?
[00:02:29] spk_1: Um I guess, uh, just who I am as a leader in the military who I am as a person. Um, I know that I have a lot of shortfalls, um, and things that I could probably improve on. But for the most part, I mean, I kind of am who I am. And so, uh, you know, as a leader, I probably don't make all the best decisions, but I always make sure that I have my soldiers and their families at the forefront of my mind in every decision that I make. So at the today, I try to do the best I can.
[00:03:00] spk_0: I love it. I think that's that's something that I embrace. A lot is about again the human. You're human at home, work and play. But sometimes we feel like we have different priorities, or we have different struggles between each one that we can't bring our full Selves for. So in your leadership, what have you learned about in essence, like not just talk. I know that you have the book about talking about your ghost in the past, but just talking about some of those things that sometimes it's like, Oh, we don't mention that we don't lend him. Yeah, as a leader,
[00:03:32] spk_1: Um, I think leaders have a hard time taking care of leaders. I mean, we're great leaders are great at taking care of soldiers, but leaders sucking, taking care of leaders, We they think that they could balance it all and that they could take care of everything and that they're problem solvers and that they're invincible. And you know that everything's gonna be okay and we'll figure this stuff out later. But ultimately we're human. And, you know, we do suck it things. And, um, you know, we have our shortfalls. And so I I think the weaknesses of leaders because you never want to be deemed week is a leader. I think that's something that needs to be talked about more. And the more open you are with it, the more you're your soldiers, I think. Well, really not just soldiers. I think any subordinate, no matter what we're in the workforce you are, will respect you more for it.
[00:04:19] spk_0: Mhmm. And that makes me think of finding you knowing your strengths but also knowing your weaknesses because in the aspect of mine, I always talk about consistency is something that I know that I could be weak, especially if it doesn't have a person attached to it. So posting things on lengthen or being consistent with that or whatever it may be, um, like I'll get to it. But I know that some things that some people value so when I have to be consistent, So finding ways to compensate for or finding people that are good at it to help S o that makes me take a delegation and the leadership side of it too. Which I know this is going a little bit off of what we were talking about, but I think it's really interesting, because one I did not know that you taught leadership. So now what? You're going to a whole another level? Um, sorry. All but about the leadership, about delegation and ego and how those kind of play with each other because I found a lot of times that people it's very hard for them to lay down their ego.
[00:05:20] spk_1: Mhm. Yeah, And
[00:05:21] spk_0: so what? Have you seen? What in your experience?
[00:05:25] spk_1: Um, yeah. I mean to be a successful leader. Like I said, you kind of have to expose your own weaknesses. I mean, I was very open with my soldiers. What? I sucked at what I was weak at, and I would actually use those moments as teaching tools for myself and the soldier. So, you know, you got somebody like me who's been in the military for a decade, and I go to a soldier who might have more experience with, you know, say, working law enforcement on They've only been in two years. Ultimately on paper. I should know more than then when it comes to that. But just the way my career panned out, and so I had No, I was not nervous or embarrassed to go to a soldier like Yo, man, I don't know what this is like, Can you? Can you show me? And they were like, Wow, my platoon sergeant, you know, feels like he's shown me that he's not like this big, scary guy who, you know, knows everything. And then it's a moment for them to teach me, and it feels like they're giving back, and they're teaching somebody when I'm teaching them at a young age. How to be a young leader, so it kind of just goes around. It's a vicious circle that, um it's for the better.
[00:06:26] spk_0: Yeah, and I agree on that because it's an interesting thing whenever, how much you can learn. But I know for me at first I am always blessed to be around some really amazing leaders that are twice my age and actually joked about this because I talked with a He's a site guy that helps her mental skills guy that helps with one of baseball teams, professional baseball teams. And I was just chit chatting with him and we were just talking about things and we learn from each other. And and it's The thing is, it doesn't matter how many degrees you have behind your name. It doesn't matter. You can always learn from people, but sometimes as a younger person, I felt like I wasn't to their level. So I love that you come to them and that reciprocation of it of being a mentor, mentee and both Everybody can learn from it. So how have or how do you teach that in the work that you do
[00:07:23] spk_1: well? So I teach a senior leaders course. So I'm dealing with a lot of staff sergeants who are about to be promoted to sergeant first class and become a platoon sergeant. And so they're currently squad leaders. Right now, they control anywhere between usually about 12 to 16 guys. Andi, they're gonna get ready to become a platoon sergeant, which runs anywhere between 35 to 45 ish soldiers underneath them. And so, um, and it's the first time they get partnered up with the commissioned officer. So as a platoon sergeant, you have a lieutenant that you work with hand in hand. And so that's a whole another realm of things that they need to understand the learn. And so during this course, obviously we go over the institutional stuff, the regulation of doctrinal material that senior leaders need to know. But we also share experiences, and usually I have 16 students, and then me is the instructor. So there's 17 of us in there. Usually, people have have been in the military. Usually I've seen anywhere between maybe 8 to 18 years in that classroom, and each one of them come from different walks of life and have been a different duty stations different employments, different parts of the world. And it's ah to two months. Use me, of course, that we could all come together and I could take the 200 year plus experience that air floating within that room and share those experiences. And, um, it's not just me being the instructor, like I just more of a facilitator. And I go over the things that we need to go over, and I just I use them as examples and I say, Hey, tell me about this What did you learn? And then they get to share their experience and it kind of just like I said, It's a vicious circle. It works, It works itself out. And it's not just me up there just being a talking head and telling my way, because my way may not always be the best.
[00:08:58] spk_0: Um, if you ever get a email from May, it always says the kiss of death is to be the genius with 10,000 helpers. Instead, be the genius with 10,000 geniuses, and I hear that so loud and clear with what you're saying right now and the importance of using that knowledge in, in essence, wisdom that has came from other people. So I did want to shift back onto the your book and some of the things that you've written about as well, because we've been talking a lot. We've been doing 21 days of gratitude for veteran suicide awareness. So mental health and I know that your book was highly promoted in the aspect of speaking up about the reality that happens a lot of the times whenever you're overseas or when the war, the ugliness of war, that sometimes it's not mentioned, you know, from the hero side. So if you could just talk about that for a minute about one that impact again on leadership, but also the impact on just humans. And what have you received from this so far from just listening from
[00:10:03] spk_1: the book, like feedback from people? Yeah. I mean, I've I've talked to a lot of veterans. Um, the thing with the book is I wanted to be very raw. In short, I didn't want you know, I'm not I'm not general. You know, Miley, I'm not General Petraeus. I'm not trying to create some new leadership philosophy that no one's ever heard of before. I don't feel like I'm that intelligent to speak on those parts and have yet that experience. But you know what I know is what I know. And so I wanted to put my experiences on paper, and I wanted to link, you know, current military people, most of our military. Now, a lot of our combat veterans have been getting out of the military. Or, you know, as time has gone on, the war is kind of died down. Deployments are hard to come by. And so now you're almost like Vietnam all over again. And you have a military full of fresh young faces, people who have been to war and the guys who have been the war are, you know, higher up in rank and our interactive it soldiers anymore, or are out of the military. And I wanted this book thio be that link to continue to share that experience between you know, our US, the war dogs. And you know, these future generation of soldiers that we are gonna be our future young leaders. You know, the next upcoming years, a swell as, um, the civilian sector on and linking. You know, the civilian community, the military communities. I almost feel like most of the civilian community, especially they don't have an interest in it. Just don't pay attention and forget that we've fought the you know, the country's longest war, and it's all. I've also received a lot of feedback from, like, say, Vietnam vets, Gulf War vets, people who have served the country and they didn't really know. I mean, that was their war. This is ours and they get to see kind of way. I grew up watching World War two Korea Vietnam videos. I studied those things. I loved watching movies and stuff. This was a chance for those veterans toe look, a glimpse of our war and what the difference is, was and kind of create a little bit of a bond between generations.
[00:11:58] spk_0: That's awesome. And I think it's important to to be able to talk about the royal truce that happened with it because a lot of times I think of some of my favorite things. I love to watch, but it's very holly Hollywood vied or very it paints a pretty heroic picture, but sometimes there's ugly in it. Um, they're sucking it. There's probably a lot of suck in it. Andi. That's the one thing that reading a lot of the comments and just hearing about it that you talk about the real truth of it. And you put the real like you don't like sugar coat it. And so how has that even been mawr of a connector for people being being riel and being honest? Because sometimes I found military people they don't because they feel like it's going outside the rank or is going against what they've been taught. Like you don't you don't make the army look bad, but I don't think it like I know what you did did not like it made it look so much better. But some people might think that. So how do you go about that?
[00:13:02] spk_1: I mean, especially, maybe an active duty. I had to watch what I put book. I mean, I'm still in the military and people forget that we don't have freedom of speech like I don't I do not have freedom of speech. I gave my freedom of speech up the day I signed my contract that there's a point to it. It's so you know exactly what you're fighting for. And So when I can't go out in protest or I can't go out and say whatever I want about so so in such person are in our government or whatever the case may be, however, I may feel, um, it's those moments that my contract makes me realize. What exactly does I'm fighting for this? That all these other people can do that? And so when I'm writing a book like this, it's it's very hard for me to have to watch, obviously, watch your mouth what I say. I have to make sure at the same time I tell a story to the best detail that I can too recognize the individuals that I fought with without giving away any type of operational security that will put our future soldiers at risk, certain tactics, things that we do. Um, you know, certain talking about certain equipment, things like that because they're still soldiers that are in harm's way. And there's no reason that my book needs thio, you know, cast a shadow over any of those guys who were still out there kicking in doors. So it was hard to balance all of that. And then, obviously I had to go through a process where my book had to go through an ethics review, it had to go through Central Command who controls Iraq and Afghanistan for authenticity. And then I had to get it approved by the D o d is Well, because I'm still active duty. Everything had to get approved for, like I said, authenticity in the classification and make sure it was all good. So it was a hell of a process, but it wasn't as bad as you think. It actually went by pretty quick. It was like two months or so, and, you know, with everything the d o. D has to do is actually a pretty quick turnaround. So, um yeah, so, uh, question
[00:14:45] spk_0: Yeah. No, that that does. And that's it's interesting, too. So I want if you if you fill out Thio, speak about a story in that whenever you realize that or when was the time that you realize it's I need to write this book. Moreover, when was it like I need to talk about
[00:15:03] spk_1: last November when I started e mean like so for years. For years I had a lot of superiors of mine very generously tell me I need to write this book. And for years I just denied it, and I just took it as a compliment. I was like, No, I'm not gonna just like, I appreciate the words, but I don't feel like exposing or being so vulnerable of having all my information to be put out there. It didn't make me feel very comfortable. Um, you know, I talked about it a little bit in the book, but the reason why they wanted to write the book was because I was kind of given a unique situation. Like I said, I'm an MP by by nature. That is my job description. And his MPs were more of a combat support role. I mean, a lot of MPs have seen combat. I mean, quite a bit over the years, um, and AR functions have just changed at each war that has gone on. We kind of changed our capabilities before, In World War two, it was, you know, even George Washington it was we mounted the rear of the element. We just stayed away from the fighting and we make sure that the rear element was always protected. And then, as the wars progressed, so did our functions. And then, you know, we're finding ourselves on the front line for find ourselves landing on the beaches of Normandy on D Day in World War Two, Vietnam, we find ourselves in the jungle closer and closer to the front line defending, you know, thes major battles on day in Iraq and Afghanistan. There are no definitive frontlines. It's you're just patrolling the country in this noncontiguous battlefield, um, and and the enemies all around you and the next thing you know, we're finding ourselves in direct action with the enemy, and our capabilities are almost I don't want to say infantry because we're definitely not infantry Infantry are amazing what they do. But we find ourselves in these frontline battles so much regularly in Iraq and Afghanistan that our capabilities and changing So, um, you know, I say all that because, like I said, my first deployment I got to Afghanistan and because Prior my first deployment, they sent me for, like, an e m T S course. They may be a medic, and I said, I'm not a medic. I didn't join to be a medic. I'm an MP, and they're like Yeah, we don't care. Here's in a bag and I'm like So I had to go work in the aid station and I go out on patrol is the medic. But I was still a MP by by by, you know, by nature And then same thing, My second deployment. Our medic had to leave because he was having triplets. And obviously there's no reason for him to get killed and miss out on being a dad of three. So they sent him home, rightfully so. And and so I filled that role is a medic. And on top of it, they gave me an additional soldier as a spotter, and they gave me a sniper rifle. And they're like, go up in the mountains in, like, spot the enemy like I'm gonna be like that, you know? So it was a very abnormal situation. There are other people who have had situations like that, but as an MP just normally don't see that. And then I fought in some pretty big battles. Um, and I was awarded two bronze stars with valor on a Purple Heart and, um, you know, because of those awards, like I said, I was very young when I received them and I didn't like the vulnerability. People were talking on the telephone game people like I heard this happened like No, that that's not true at all. People who weren't even there, you know, So it was very stressful back then. Thio deal with the burden that those awards were on me. And so when it came time when people saying, Hey, you should write a book, I was like, No, I don't I don't want any part of it. Aan den I got here to Fort Leonard Wood, and this is the first time I haven't had soldiers underneath me as an instructor. I'm by myself and for the first time, I've I'm alone. And, um, I've noticed that with PTSD, um, it evolves to your situation. So before when I was with my soldiers, we were going to the field. We were doing rotations. I was staying busy by PTSD, really didn't have a chance. Thio muster my head. I was constantly, you know, waking up to 30 in the morning going bed at six or seven, waking back up. It was, there's a go, go, go! But now here's an instructor I live in Dixon, Missouri. I have three acres, my next neighbors, like 300 m down the road. It's super quiet and I just have all this time to think. And so I got here in August of last year. And what August, September October. I made it three months and I was like, Okay, I'm going crazy because I have known to talk Thio. I'm not busy at work. I'm getting off work in, like, two or three like I don't know what to do with myself. And so somebody had mentioned again. You try to look at it. I kind of took a second glance at it, and I was like, Well, maybe if I put my pain on paper, it will help me with the healing process. And so I did that. Open up Microsoft Word and I just splurged everything. Within two months it was done ready, todo so
[00:19:35] spk_0: I love that didn't help in the healing process,
[00:19:37] spk_1: and some people like, especially some family, my family, some of the stuff that was in the book. It was their first time hearing about it, but they had known I had gone through some things that just really didn't know details. And some people were like, Are you sure you want to do this? Like, do you want to re expose yourself to these things? And, you know, simple answer? Is that like, they're like, Because I had I re walk. I have, like, a bunch of videos and pictures and, like, dead bodies and firefights and, you know, nothing crazy as faras like unethical. You know, it's all just documented that I wanted to keep, but I had to re watch and re look at some of these things to remember. You know, the sights, the smells, some of those things. I just haven't thought about it sometime. And people like, Are you sure you wanna expose yourself? You know, I had to just kind of tell them like, you gotta understand. I see these things every day in my head. I wake up every day thinking Afghanistan, no matter what. So it's not new to me, Um, you know, but yeah, it definitely rip the band aid off, You know, pretty quick as soon as I started typing. But ultimately I do think it helped and, you know, honestly, what helped me more with the book was not writing the book and get it on paper. It was the amount of feedback that I got from friends, family and people I don't even know. That supported me because I was so I was scared shitless of putting it out there. I did not want my I remember like pressing the send button and letting it go, and it got out there. And once I knew that it was live for people to see, I was scared and I've got nothing but positive feedback and people were reaching out and taking the time out of the data to say just the littlest words. And it meant more to me than really anything. So
[00:21:16] spk_0: and I think that's important. Part of it, too, is that what I've seen is in past which minds nowhere close mind is just I was a single mother and my my journey of being a single mom, and it's the feedback that you get from people of knowing that you have stresses. You have struggles like you're really human, like these are things that people actually have dealt with. But they never talked about, because it's like, OK, can I say that you know, it's gonna It's that vulnerability. And I love Renee Brown's work on vulnerability with You can't have vulnerability without courage. And two step out to be able to say some of those hard things that a lot of people have lived through, but nobody has ever did anything about nobody's ever said anything about it. So from that, that's what I do want to honor you and say Thank you so much for your vulnerability. Because I know it has impacted lives just because the stuff that I've seen, um, it has definitely impacted people. So thank you for that. And then also, obviously, thank you for your service. I want to talk back with what you talked about a little bit earlier about adaptability. Well, I heard adaptability in it. Like how you were an MP and like you were. You were everywhere, though.
[00:22:35] spk_1: Yeah.
[00:22:36] spk_0: How did that come about? Did you Do you feel like you've always been adaptable? Or do you feel like No,
[00:22:46] spk_1: No. I was a very sheltered kid, you know, Was a picky eater, my grandma, like, give me whatever I wanted. I you know, I didn't have a crazy childhood and I didn't have anything crazy that, you know, that drove me to the military. I wasn't a troubled kid. Um, you know, just very sheltered and quiet. I was a little ultra boy. The Catholic church I, you know, just played sports. I was about the craziest thing I did was play football and stuff like that. So, um, yeah, I don't know.
[00:23:17] spk_0: But I think it's true that a lot of people that I know that go into the military. Kind of Yeah,
[00:23:25] spk_1: you have no choice. But the army is really good at generating leaders, you know, at a young age, you know, you joined 17, 18, 19 years old and even even the lowest private, the lowest soldier gets thrown tasks on a daily basis, and they need to just figure it out. Andi. And you know, when I made Sergeant, I was I was in the military for 2.5 years. Since I mean, you count boot camp in that as well, Like, you figure two years really of being boots on ground. And I have sergeant stripes, my chest. I'm thinking about, like, what do I know? Honestly? A two years and just in life. Thio lead soldiers into combat. I'm think I'm almost doubting myself, but the army doesn't allow you to do that. And they continuously throw difficult tasks and situations at you on a daily basis. Soldiers do that as well. They add stress into your life. And but they allows me to be a very adaptable leader because as soon as I make Sergeant, I gotta be a psychologist. E got to be a fitness expert. Have to be. You know, all those things that a doctor s o all the soldier problems that are arising or things that happened in the field, I need to be able to figure it out. So, yeah, Army is really good at generating very adaptable young leaders, even if we don't really recognize it or if it's not put on paper by a degree, you take any of us out into the civilian sector. Even if we're not good at those things, we'll figure it out. Just what we dio.
[00:24:55] spk_0: And I think that's cool too, because I think that's a thing that you're What I hear is from your book is not a traditional. How do we deal with PTSD? kind of stout, but the adaptability to see and you have a lot of emotional intelligence. Aiken, just read that easily. Um, but your ability to understand that you have emotions, we, somebody else may have something similar to it, you know, But to be able to be honest and open it and to talk about it. So I am beyond grateful for you for again your service, your ability to put it on paper and thio, be vulnerable and open the courage that comes with it. What would you tell people about the military or about war? Like if you could tell them anything like, what would you tell them?
[00:25:44] spk_1: I mean, give me Can you break that down into, like, What do you mean? Like just a lot of talk about war?
[00:25:51] spk_0: There is a lot of talk about because it's like I feel like there's a lot of miss numbers that, like I don't even know about like and I don't know much about, but we just see, I have a lot of gratitude for you, but to put the reality back to that, I know you see dark stuff. Um, e no. One of my close friends. Joey Jones. He is on Fox News every now and then, actually every now that he's there a good bit. But he had his, um, legs blown off and like how he comes afterward, you know? And he has so much he's so positive and he's just But there's dark stuff that happens with it as well. So
[00:26:30] spk_1: some people aren't is resilient. They're just It's hard to overcome. I mean, especially when I was a big I saw. I mean, you know, I I dealt with I had personally I had 116 casualties under my belt that I worked on. Of those 116 21 died under my care. And you remember their faces Sometimes those 21 you're the last face they're ever going to see, you know, and yeah, I mean, you do see a lot of dark stuff. Uh, you know, you talked about a little beginning. Sometimes movies are very Hollywood, but sometimes Hollywood can't even get it right. Ast faras How gory and gruesome and just downright dirty people can be to other people. You know, I talked. I give this example in the book when I was a medic give you a small example? You know, we were rolled to aid station, which meant that most of the casualties came to us before we ship it out to the major hospital in Bagram. And I was we were the role to for the entire northeastern part of the country that was bordered with Pakistan. And we used to get a lot of civilian casualties. It would come in and we help them out every once in a while. There was a man that brought, I don't know, she was a toddler. She had been less than one years old and she came in with burns on her legs like a boiling water. Kind of like you said that boiling water dropped on her legs. You know, she's under under it or whatever. And so we evaluated her. We gave her some pain medication for the burns, and then the doctor wanted to see her, I think, like in a week or something like that to re evaluate her. And so the guy left and he came back in a week and she had burns on her other leg now, like, he's like, Yeah, it happened again. and he's like, Can you please help her or whatever? And then, you know, we're talking to evaluating and in our aid station we always had an interpreter with us because we dealt with a lot of local nationals and the interpreter. A lot of the trip is pretty cool, and they speak pretty good English, and they would tell us what people are really saying and stuff come to find out. The guy was taking the Childs medication just to get high on his own and wasn't doing. And so he was hoping that you could burn the child on purpose and get pain medicine for himself. It is just like, you know, you see a lot of messed up things or that's not even combat related. That's just a medical day daily things. So you just feel like the worst in people. Um, and so, yeah, it's hard. It's hard to trust people and be resilient. When I came out, I didn't fucking trust anybody, even Americans. I was like Everyone get away from me like this is ridiculous. But it wears off after a while, and I realized I shouldn't treat people like that because there's still a lot of great people in this world, so but it definitely takes a toll on your on your psyche.
[00:29:10] spk_0: E think that's important to talk about two. Is that how it can harden you? It really can, because mentally, for you to do the job, you have to get hard in at times, um, mhm so that you can survive through it in essence, on bats. One thing that I'd love to talk about is fear and fear that you typically people say it's fight or flight or freeze. There's actually more components to it. There's one that's called care and connect. And so whenever you're in zones like that, how you can connect with your people to kind of you may not have the resiliency, but you have a bond in a brotherhood or sisterhood, whatever that comes from that. How did that help you in the process is Well,
[00:29:53] spk_1: I mean, I was lucky that, um, both my deployments, the units I was in, I was in full tunes that were very close to one another. I think maybe there might have been like one or two guys that, like, you know, we had roofs with. We didn't like whatever, but it didn't matter when when the bullets started flying. Like there's nothing that we wouldn't have done to take the bullet for another, like just the way it is, you know? So we were We were really close. And, you know, we just hated seeing each other get thorn up or hurt Or, you know, even with things back home, you know, it was that brother that kind of kept us together. Guys would get dear John letters they would get broken up with, and and we would be there for one another. We had to embrace all of our personal problems that were happening back home, because although we're all fighting the war, you know, there's still personal life that's going on like our families, our wives or girlfriends, they're carrying on back home with their normal life. And so we have to deal with all these things at the same time. And yeah, that brother you talked about definitely helps the daily struggles, you know, getting through. So
[00:30:57] spk_0: and I love that and I think Thio wrap it up at the end right here. Just I love that you talk about basically being a whole person and about how you you connect personal with professional. And that is one thing that my goal is with this podcast is being unapologetically bold about who we are. We see darks things. We we all have problems. And it's like if you have somebody that says the world's all happy, I want to call you a liar because there's always something like I've never met somebody that don't have something jacked up like we all have something but coming to it and having ability of an outlet not to say exactly a counselor, but somebody to just be ableto listening with empathy. And I think that's a big skill with leaders. So I want to again commend you for everything that you've done. And my final question for this is people are apologizing for being themselves for talking about their ghosts. You're talking about things that happened that are more maybe personal. What would tell them?
[00:32:02] spk_1: Um, you gotta let him up. You gotta let those ghosts at the closet. You gotta You have to share. I mean, that's the reason why my leaders, when they got back from Iraq and I was a fresh private, they were sharing. You know, their stories, their endeavors, they're failures and successes of their war in Iraq. And I just apply that to Afghanistan because, I mean, at the end of the Day of Wars war, you know the battlefield will change, the terrain might change, the weather will change the enemy. That self might change what war itself will not the aspects of war. And so I had to apply that, And that goes with anything. I take just life lessons. It doesn't have to be combat related. Any life lessons, financial family struggles. And I teach my soldiers because there's no reason for me to have all this knowledge and experience in my head and not share it, because that's how we create better generations after us. Is that constant sharing of information? We wouldn't be where we are as a country. We just withheld every piece of experience and knowledge and didn't share it with our brothers and sisters. So we have to make sure we do that for the next generation so they could learn from our endeavors.
[00:33:06] spk_0: I love that, and it makes me think of past guests that came on, and the company works they do it for seven generations from now and how we're living today for the next generation, but also the next next so that we could be the best that we can be. You know, not that war will ever end, but in a theory that were as long as we can be our best Selves and fight to the next day. So thank you so much, Sean. If anybody wants to reach out to you, how can they get a hold of you?
[00:33:36] spk_1: Yeah, I always check my messages even like my request box, because I always try to tell veterans to contact me if you need someone to talk to you. But that goes for anybody. Really. But they could find on Facebook, Sean Tobias Amri's S e a N T O B i s And then last names and buries a m b r i z. They could also find me on instagram, which is I'm kind of on a little bit more because I work with a lot of better in companies and organizations. But my instagram is chief underscore Pink Mist. Andi, then yeah, I'm on LinkedIn and all that stuff on. Then my book is also on Amazon nook and Kindle. Um, it's titled Ghosts of the Valley On day, we're almost done with an audio book, so it's gonna be double narrated. I have a have a guy that has a really, really good voice, and he's gonna narrate the entire book. And as you actually read my book, there's a lot of italicized internal thoughts as things were happening in combat or whatever. I went recorded all those. And so you actually hear my voice in the audio book from his voice and then to me, So e
[00:34:40] spk_0: I love it. I'm excited for that. I'm audiobook girls. So y'all go check it out. Check out his book. If you like to read if you like audio book, just wait a little bit longer, but I know it's a blessing because you're open. You're honest. You have emotional intelligence like your riel and your hot human who is humble, open and transparent. So
[00:35:02] spk_1: island I do want everyone to know that, you know. So I'm not making anything off this book right? Essentially, and I'm very, very open transparent with this, my publisher essentially give me a dollar. A book of sale and most of my proceeds, like 90% of my proceeds are going to a foundation that was built for my lieutenant, who was killed. It's the Tyler Parton Foundation. So he was a West Point graduate. It's that he dies in one of the battles that's explained in the book Chapter five on DSO tryto I did not feel comfortable. And I told my publisher this, you know, had this been any like, leadership book? Sure, I'll do what I can t take money so I could support my family. But I didn't feel comfortable getting really any majority the proceeds because there's no reason I should take credit for someone who died or really other people who are involved. Um, that just wouldn't be right. So I just want people know that it is going for a good cause when they every time they purchase the book.
[00:35:57] spk_0: You know what? People are just gonna buy it, not even read it. I don't care like I'm just gonna give you money. I want them
[00:36:04] spk_1: to read it because I want them to know. Lt story. I want them to understand who he was and the sacrifices that you know, he gave us all of his tomorrow's So s
[00:36:14] spk_0: so good. Thank you. You're awesome, Sean. I am blessed beyond measure. Um, continue your work because it it makes a difference. And everybody that's listening or well, listen later on the podcast. Thank you for tuning in having amazing and Blessed Day. Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of unapologetically bold. I'm not sorry for If this touch shoot anyway, please like and subscribe and share with your friends as we continue the message of being unapologetically bold, Bobby and hot humans who are humble, open and transparent. See you next time.