Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode. In this one I want to talk a little bit about what we want in our partners.

You see, when we sit down to work out who we should be in a relationship with, people tend to draw up a list, and it usually contains certain attributes or characteristics or values that these people would be desired to have, and one that seems to pop up regularly amongst the many is honesty.

People say they want a partner who's honest. Now, I want to dig into this a little bit because it pops up a lot and I don't think enough people think about these things in depth. So, we say we want a partner who's honest and with a lot of things, it's conditional. We do want someone who's honest. We don't want them to cheat on us. We don't want us then to deceive us. We don't want them to say that they love us when they don't. So in that regard, we want an honest partner.

The times when we maybe make mistakes, we don't really want our partner to be too honest with us because it tends to be a little confronting when you're given the truth about situations. Honesty is an interesting subject in as much as there are different gradients as to the levels of honesty we want in a partner. And what for one person would be honesty, for another would not be enough honesty. So therefore, it is something that is open to conjecture and discussion and debate.

Now, when I created my dating template many years ago, or the concept of the dating template, there was some things that I had to become aware of, and one of these was when I wrote down a particular characteristic or attitude or habit or belief or value that my partner would, that I would like my partner to have, sorry about that little glitch, I had to follow up the statement with 'Why?'

So if I could define why I wanted that particular trait, and what about that particular trait was so important? I found that I could have better clarity with my partner and what that future relationship would be like. For example, if I had said, I want a partner, that's truthful, which is what a lot of people put, I would ask 'why?', and then I would define why I want them to be truthful and what aspect of truthful.

So, for example, if I had been deceived by a partner in the past, and that had caused me a lot of disappointment and frustration and hurt and rejection, I might want to avoid that. So I would put in my dating template that I want them to be honest, and then why would be because I don't want to be deceived again. Now, the other aspect to look at is what you've learned from the previous situation that contributed to you requesting that in your dating template.

So once you can start to define it, you can dig into it and find out why that was actually a good thing that that happened. And what is the positive benefit for you in this current day? The ultimate aim is to work out how your future partner would have that attitude, that attribute, that belief, that habit, that would benefit you so that you could have a better quality relationship.

Ultimately, everything we want in a partner has to be centred around its ability to give us an opportunity to grow. If a relationship gives us an opportunity to grow, it is a high quality relationship and one that is worth having. If it doesn't give us that opportunity to grow through our partner being honest or whatever it is that we have requested that they have, if it doesn't give us the opportunity, it's not worth being in because you will be stagnant. You won't grow, they won't grow, the relationship won't grow and therefore it won't benefit you in any way.

So going back to where I originally started today is if you're writing down what it is you want in a partner, you will benefit greatly from defining what it is that you want them to have. What attributes, what habit, what belief, what value, what attitude, that you would like them to have also.

'Why?', as in start digging into the reasons why, how it's going to benefit you, how it's going to give you an opportunity to become a better partner, a bit of person, a better parent, so that the relationship becomes worthwhile, and then if you can define the 'why' look for lessons there you received prior to this moment, that was the catalyst for you creating that request.

So to give that some context, I'll use one that was important for me in my dating template. When I was looking for my partner, I put in their sense of humour. Everyone puts in sense of humour. The thing is, they don't define it, they don't dig into it. They don't work out the why and how it's going to benefit them. So for me, my why was they have to be able to laugh at themselves? In other words, they don't take the world overly seriously, so there's obviously serious aspects, but they don't get hung up on stuff. They are able to relax. They have a similar sense of humour to myself. In other words, they find the same sorts of things funny.

They are comfortable with a joke, both giving and taking, and therefore they are someone who is fun to be around now. My wife, when I met her, she stated that she liked Fawlty Towers, which was a show that I've loved for many years. So the moment she mentioned that, I knew that we had a similar sense of humour so that was a tick. So then I had to work out whether or not she was comfortable laughing at herself and also if she was comfortable both giving and taking teasing. The funny thing is, or the ironic thing is, she ended up having that attitude far more than I expected.

So she and I laugh a lot. She's always teasing me, never in a nasty way. It's just always in fun, and she's very good at it, unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on which way you look at it so that we actually have a really good dynamic within the relationship, which allows me to not only enjoy myself but enjoy the company of my wife and want to spend time with her and enjoy her company. Amongst the many other things that I enjoy about her, her sense of humour is something that is big. I have laughed more with her in a month than I have in years with other partners.

So if you're looking at your dating template, look at all the values, list down what it is you want in a partner, and that's easy. Things like truth, honesty, sense of humour, All these sorts of things pop up, but start digging into it, defining why and how it will benefit you and them. If they bring that to the relationship, how will that give you the opportunity to grow and be a better person so that you can have that high quality relationship you've always wanted?

Now, if you're even if you're in relationship currently, you can still do a dating template because then you get clarity on your partner, where they are offering you strengths and where they might need to work, to be able to become the partner that you'd really like to have and also what you can bring to their relationship, which is just as important.

So that was it for today. I just wanted to talk about the dating template and every time, the fact that every time I work with a client and they say they want someone with a sense of humour, we have to dig into it and find out what that is. And the greater the clarity, the stronger the foundation of the relationship. Therefore, the likelihood of you ending up with a high quality relationship is a lot higher. That's the whole point of the dating template.

So there you go. I hope that's giving you something to think about. If you're single and looking for a partner and even if you're in a relationship and looking two, upgrade your relationship to one that is high quality. So these will give you things to think about, so I hope you've enjoyed it.

If you've got any questions, there is a link. You can send us a voice message. You can send emails any method you use. You can get feedback to us. Ask a question and we'll put it into a future episode. Whatever it is you want, we're here for you anyway. I want to end as I always do with this, saying, Here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

Thanks for listening.