Sketch Comedy Podcast Show
Dr. Sean Horan | Primary Care Physician with MAGIC SPARKLE-FINGERS
September 17, 2021
Dr. Sean Horan is a self-proclaimed sex geek and is a naturopathic primary care physician in Portland, OR.
ABOUT THIS EPISODE

When you think of a doctor, perhaps you imagine a white lab coat, glasses, a stethoscope around their neck and an insatiable sexual appetite. Maybe that has to do with the fact that most of my impressions of doctors come from “Grey’s Anatomy” and this episode’s guest.

Dr. Sean Horan is a self-proclaimed sex geek and is a naturopathic primary care physician in Portland, OR. When he isn’t being a talented doctor, he is designing sex toys and lubricants and running classes on how to keep whips medically clean so the world can be a safer place.

We have a great discussion on his journey from a nice, Italian boy headed to seminary to a raucous life as a swinging, sexy doctor! We also talk lube. Lots and lots of lube.

This episode’s sketch: “Father, I Think I Have Sinned”

For more episodes, information, and apply to be on the show, visit: http://sketchcomedypodcastshow.com

Sketch Comedy Podcast Show is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.

© Copyright 2021 Stuart Rice

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MORE ABOUT THE GUEST

Dr. Sean Horan is a naturopathic primary care physician in Portland, OR who is actively seeing patients and helping them with their day to day healthcare needs by the day, and by night he is a sex-positive advocate, educator, and practitioner. 

Links
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TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] spk_1: in this episode, Dr Sean Haran and I came up with a few sketch ideas. I love the doctor sparkle, fingers

[00:00:09] spk_0: crosses

[00:00:10] spk_1: the sex positive priest

[00:00:13] spk_0: in confession.

[00:00:15] spk_1: The East Coast italian guy trying to teach a consent

[00:00:19] spk_0: class.

[00:00:22] spk_1: Which one did we pick? You'll find out on this episode of it's a sketch comedy podcast show. Welcome to sketch comedy podcast show, the one of a kind show where I Stewart rice invite interesting people to have intriguing conversations and then improvise a comedy sketch based on what we talked about. It's the only show like it on the internet when you think of a doctor, perhaps you imagine a white lab coat glasses, a stethoscope around their neck and an insatiable sexual appetite. Well, maybe that has to do with the fact that most of my impressions of doctors come from Grey's anatomy and this episode's guest, Dr Sean Horan is a self proclaimed sex geek and is a naturopathic primary care physician in Portland Oregon. When he isn't being a talented doctor, he is designing sex toys and lubricants and running classes on how to keep whips medically clean so the world can be a safer place. We have a great discussion on his journey from a nice italian boy headed to seminary to a raucous life as a swinging sexy doctor. We also talk lube. Lots and lots of lube and now my conversation with dr Sean Horan? Primary care physician with magic sparkle fingers. Dr Sean dr heron Heron Heron. How do I say Horan? I had none of that. Right. Mhm I got a question for you.

[00:02:01] spk_0: Okay,

[00:02:02] spk_1: what makes you interesting?

[00:02:05] spk_0: You would think I'd have a canned answer for this

[00:02:07] spk_1: question. Yeah, I would think you would have it. You've got a couple of things that I know

[00:02:11] spk_0: your I I honestly think I'm predictably unpredictable, which is probably makes me very interesting. I have very specific, clear direct boundaries, but I'm also queer and strange in all the ways that don't seem to conform. So it's kind of a weirdness, even operating parameters.

[00:02:31] spk_1: Sure. Do you have any examples of that?

[00:02:34] spk_0: Um Well I'm a doctor but I'm queer and I have Rainbow classes and I have a strange presentation for personality that goes along with that. Um I I am a doctor but I'm in sex positive communities and I'm open on the internet about my different things in that realm, which is not usually a common thing, a lot of people live in fear around that instead of just living their truth in that regard. And um it definitely leads to some professional, I have to be considered, for example when I go in certain environments that there might be patients there and whatnot, but it always keeps life very interesting. Nonetheless. That could I can

[00:03:18] spk_1: imagine. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if I've ever gone in to see a doctor and you're like a primary care physician. Right?

[00:03:25] spk_0: Yeah, I'm a naturopathic physician and I serve as a primary care provider at a women's health clinic on hawthorne in Portland.

[00:03:32] spk_1: Okay. Um Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen a doctor or had a doctor or been to a visit and they came in with rainbow glasses. That's true, That is a true statement. I've never experienced that, although I don't think, but that might just be me, uh that wouldn't shock me too much, especially living where I live and it wouldn't be too bad, but have you had a bad experience with that?

[00:03:54] spk_0: Um I've had some older people um that I've had some older people that think it's fantastic and then I've had other other people that I wish my nails were painted and it's like you're going to get a prostate exam from sparkle fingers because you're so closed minded type of thing. But um it's actually, I think more um the reason I like to, I mean I don't have rainbow hair and at least keeping my hair the way it is, but I'm wearing a mask and I started my job the day that shelter in place went into effect last year and most of my patients have not seen my face if they've seen me in person. Um Well none of the people that have seen me in person have seen my face, they only get to see me if we do telehealth, so I uh kind of have to have my glasses and uh speak for me and just uh a moat for me at the same time because it's like, hey you're here for a pap smear we've never met before and you can't see me a moat. So.

[00:04:52] spk_1: Right. Yeah. Yeah I think I would imagine uh it would actually be pretty comforting especially if you like doing well like your primary care provider. Um But you you don't just stop there right like you you go a little bit beyond that if I'm not mistaken,

[00:05:12] spk_0: about half my practice is um is mental health med management, which was not necessarily expected when I first started out, but it's something that I really enjoy doing. It's something that um we're really good about mental health coverage in Oregon with the Oregon health plan and other insurance providers, but trying to get in to see a psychiatrist or a psychiatric nurse practitioner um or a counselor for that matter is a really really long waiting list often times. Um And a lot of mental health has been pushed into primary care anyways because depression, anxiety. Um PTSD other concerns are so kind of diffuse in the population that everybody that's in primary care is facing that every single day. Um But what I'm really passionate about outside of just never knowing what the heck is going to walk in my door is teaching classes on sexual health and wellness topics, consent. My B. D. S. M. Fluids and safety class is probably my favorite one to teach because I get the most left field questions that I've ever heard in my entire life. And yet there's always an answer to it in terms of risk reduction or how to manage the particular instances. So it's uh, some

[00:06:26] spk_1: of those questions. Yeah, yeah. Let's hear some of those questions like this is the thing. Like I think people don't realize that there are answers to those questions and they just don't ask them. So yeah, what's an example of, of some of that? How do you get blood out of a whip? Things like that, like I don't know.

[00:06:46] spk_0: Um, the question that comes up most often related to whips is more usually people want to know how long hepatitis C lasts on surfaces and whips because they're leather and leather is the hardest product to clean. People always want to know how to clean leather and it's like leaving it on the sunlight essentially for weeks to actually ensure there's nothing alive on it. But realistically using it on one person is the best thing for, for leather. But um, I had honestly, at least in terms of the question that I thought was most interesting of all because I had to take a deep breath and answering it. So I didn't step in shit and run of 50 women was a guy asked me like one out of every four women I go down on like they smell and like how am I supposed to tell them that and just was like, how do you answer this question without looking like an asshole in the process and I responded that normal was no order at all through beef jerky and this lesbian woman in the back was hooting and hollering at the beef jerky because she knew exactly what I meant about menstrual sense and everything related to that. But um, I just went into how person needed to be um if it's somebody who dated for a long time and you know what they smell like and their owners changed. Like definitely tell them you should have a report that created already. Like, hey, I noticed that something is a little different. Maybe you see your doctor, if it's somebody you just met, you should have zero comments on that whatsoever because you may just not like the way that they smell and you should probably get smacked in the face for saying something. Um but all different kinds of, I don't know how vulgar your show gets, but there's all different kinds of things that I've been asked.

[00:08:32] spk_1: Yeah, go for it. Like wheels off, go for it. Like

[00:08:37] spk_0: p play comes up a lot. One of my favorite jokes is the fact that it happens to be something I'm, I am interested in. But um, I always happen to forget and eat asparagus before. It's like the right moment to do that and of course it's the wrong time to do it. So we go through a list of like foods you should probably not eat and like just hydration and electrolytes and things like that.

[00:09:02] spk_1: People

[00:09:03] spk_0: can get

[00:09:04] spk_1: around pretty

[00:09:05] spk_0: much people like that. I I would prefer just water with electrolytes. Gatorade's a lot of sugar and not enough electrolytes, but um good after a run perhaps. But um yeah, people are into some really weird shit. I figured out as uh I've been teaching my class is more and more and I thought I was, and then I'm like, oh, I never even thought you could do this with that and like, but that's how you'd have to be safe about it.

[00:09:31] spk_1: So it's like,

[00:09:33] spk_0: you're, oh, sorry,

[00:09:34] spk_1: go ahead, go ahead. No, no,

[00:09:35] spk_0: go ahead. I'm going to say it's like a weird application of knowledge because like, none of us in, in any sort of medical training program really get enough education on a number of topics and human sexuality honestly is one of them. And it's something that literally almost all of us engaged in some way or another. Um You think that it would be a little uh I put my patients on the spot every day with very direct questions about behaviors so that I can like, no medically what to do for them, but nobody teaches you how to have those conversations and most people have shame around answering it. So it's uh it's an interesting thing to navigate, but having having,

[00:10:16] spk_1: but do you think having, like the rainbow and and being a little bit more less doctoring in there in your presentation allows people to to kind of open up about that stuff.

[00:10:29] spk_0: I mean I would I would hope so. I I'm usually like if I'm asking a question like which sites of contact a person has, I'm also specifying like this is so I know where to swab because most doctors are not going to do the appropriate testing unless I know who put what where. Um And I think that qualifying it with why the questions being asked, especially if it seems like out of left field and I'm just going through persons like annual exam and they're 35 they've never been S T. I tested before and the doctor has never asked in this before. It seems like why would he be asking me about this information? And it turns out it's kind of critical for health screening

[00:11:11] spk_1: understood. Um And why why is it that we don't why obviously I have my own opinions about this, but why do you think that that is such a difficult conversation to have with our doctors? Like that is exactly the type of thing we should be going to doctors with is when things go awry. But I feel like that's that people usually had to read it for, you know, they'll look it up on google but instead of talking to their doctor, go

[00:11:40] spk_0: ahead, go was going to say, I think a lot of times for people. Um I've been shamed at planned parenthood for my sexual Proclivities like, and that's supposed to be one of the most sex positive places to go for healthcare information. Um I donate to planned parenthood, planned parenthood. This wonderful work. That's not to discount any of the good that they do have. Just personally had an emotionally negative experience there one time as a patient and I feel like a lot of us have had those experiences with providers where it's we wanted to talk about sex or drugs or another huge taboo for doctors is talking about suicidal thoughts. Um nobody wants to talk about that and that's exactly who you should be going to talk to her about that concern. Um but I think a lot of people don't feel necessarily safe in having those conversations, but their provider of any kind. But my primary care doctor definitely at least from the vibe that I've gotten has no idea about about anything in that realm of life, at least to the degree that I do. So it might for a lot of people be a one of my partners physicians is a very christian woman from texas. So like everybody's got a different perspective in terms of how they provide their health care and

[00:12:59] spk_1: you just wait, you're just waiting for marriage now, right, honey, you just wait for marriage

[00:13:04] spk_0: pretty much or don't have sex for six months and see if the problem goes away when that's not a legitimate solution for anybody, But true story of suggestions that person made at one point. But yeah, I think just feeling safe and having those conversations um and having somebody that's creating that space that is safe to have those conversations and is important. And um I wish it was something we were teaching and I wish I had learned this before my health care training and like learned this in like high school how to have these kind of human interactions with people. But um I definitely think we should be teaching better for anybody that's going into the health care field specifically.

[00:13:46] spk_1: Yeah, I have, I do have a story real quick. I went I was getting an SD I check and I was a new doctor that I was seeing new PCP I was seeing. And uh I had to fill out a survey ahead of time and it asked me how many um partners have you had in the last three years? And I was like, oh, um I put down a conservative number because I was like I you know, that seems like a reasonable number. Uh when I went in to go talk with her, she was like, okay, oh my, so you've had you've been busy and I was like, yeah, I guess. And she goes, oh okay, well she was telling me about this drug that helps block HIV and I was like that's amazing. I didn't even know that was a thing. And she goes, yeah. And I was like that's got to be really expensive. And she was like, well it depends. Um sometimes it gets covered by insurance. And I was like really? That's kind of amazing. And she goes, yeah, I just have a couple questions to ask you. It's like sure. She goes, so when you have sex, do you prefer it anally or order orally vaginally?

[00:14:59] spk_0: She just

[00:15:02] spk_1: assumed she just assumed that I was gay because right. So yeah, I feel like those, these are good examples of, hey, let's have some training on this, let's let's have these conversations. And it would be really cool if if we could have uh people feel very safe going to their doctors. But I guess that's the same way with anything right lawyers or anything like that they're outside of of where they're at can affect it.

[00:15:31] spk_0: The question that you got asked is actually a question that I hate when people ask, I've answered providers straight up just to see their reaction when they asked me how many partners I've had in the past 12 months because it's like can you handle this piece of information? But also it's not relevant. It's not medically relevant. I need to know if you've had one partner or more than one partner and who put what where um specifically like don't even care about their gender identities in terms of asking about the data that I'm asking for. It literally just behavior based testing. And by doing that, it removes any of the like higher level judgement stuff. It's like, oh you receive here and you give their therefore like we're gonna do swap testing here and then syphilis and HIV and call it a day. The only thing that helps me know if you've had X amount of partners in the last year is that you have the diagnosis code of high risk, bisexual, homosexual or heterosexual behaviors, which I'm going to use the same diagnosis code whether or not you've had sex with two people or 50 people. I am glad that at least the conversation about came up because a third. Um it's either a third or two thirds. I think a third of primary care providers don't know that prep the medication to prevent HIV transmission even exists and don't prescribe it to their patients. Um And we have this thing that like for a group of our patients, this is a very indicated supportive option for the prevention of a um an illness that are viral infection that we even a few decades ago was killing people all over the world. So, um so another reason people don't go to their doctors. They don't know about the things uh like this,

[00:17:20] spk_1: right? Yeah, it was mind blowing to me. I was I was actually excited to hear that that existed. I had no idea. So it's it's that information doesn't get to, you know, normal people like myself.

[00:17:32] spk_0: Um $1600 a month.

[00:17:36] spk_1: That's not cheap.

[00:17:37] spk_0: That's for the generic too. I think the new version of the generic. Yeah.

[00:17:43] spk_1: All right. So if you uh if you're in that high risk area and all of those types of things just be aware, stop smoking. Use that money towards the medication.

[00:17:54] spk_0: It's covered by insurance thankfully. And there are programs nationwide for lower income individuals to access it. So it's moderately accessible even though it's prohibitively expensive.

[00:18:07] spk_1: Um What is the what is the big concern people have that shouldn't be a concern. Is there anything that's like people get really freaked out about? And it's not necessarily something that they should be freaked out about.

[00:18:20] spk_0: I'm trying to think if there's one thing that's most common in that regard. I think honestly it's like something's been there less than 48 hours and they think that it's like severe cancer or they're dying and it's like I wouldn't even go to my doctor unless something was there for seven days or more and it's not getting better at that point. Um For at least something mine early acute but I also have more health care knowledge and first acknowledged, but I don't know that there's a specific one that people are. I mean Covid has been the biggest concern for a lot of people and there's a ton of misinformation around that that I've had to like navigate or changing information that I had to navigate with people over the course of a year. But um yeah, I don't think there's like one overarching concern that my entire patient group or even a proportion of them have specifically.

[00:19:12] spk_1: Okay, all right. Before you became a doctor, was there anything else that you were uh you were interested in doing

[00:19:19] spk_0: so? Before I went to a N. U. N. M. In Portland for a naturopathic medical school, I was at Albany Medical College in new york where I studied biomedical ethics and my focus was on reproductive health law and health policy around that. Um and specifically did research about personhood amendments, but as a stepping stone further back, um I have a bachelor's degree in philosophy and religious studies because I was considering being a catholic priest for quite a long time, which is a very different, very different realm of life that I'm in currently, but uh medical ethics is kind of the perfect Bridgepoint between philosophy and religious studies and then healthcare practice and clinical practice um more recently. But yeah, I grew up in Hartford Connecticut and an irish and italian catholic family and you either become a politician or a priest or a police officer. And the other three of the other ones don't really apply to me or appeal to me and I was an altar server and just very involved in church as a young kid, I was also the kid in church that was like if God didn't create the sons for the third day, how did he count the first two days, because already already had already, like, certain things didn't make sense, but

[00:20:38] spk_1: yeah,

[00:20:39] spk_0: I went to a catholic college and I honestly wasn't so much a believer at that point, I haven't really been a believer in God since my teenage years, but the concept of community service and service to the people around me um which more was still appealing at that point, I was like, well I can study philosophy and different world religions in the process and then just realize definitely not the right course for me, also, girls in college were too much of a temptation to ever have ever have given a vow of celibacy was not going to happen,

[00:21:17] spk_1: was that was that was that one of the big turning points was it was like, I'm never going to experience that, like, is that, was that a thing?

[00:21:26] spk_0: Well, I was already experiencing it, which was problematic for different reasons because because, you know, it's a horrible sin and the narcissist in the sky gives a shit if you touch them, they also genitals, right? Um so, um no, but I found myself at one point like crafting because there are ways that catholic priests can be married, but they're like, loopholes and canon law, and I, like, found myself trying to figure out how can I do both. Um but yeah, definitely not catholic anymore, and definitely culturally catholic, just because of socialization, but uh, not a believer anymore. The catholic nuns and priests taught me so well that I got out of the uh, the mind control system, so to speak, definitely not, so to speak, definitely the mind control system.

[00:22:17] spk_1: Well, I think we all benefit from that. So I want to go back and thank all of those priests and nuns for do just that. Um, any side projects you're working on,

[00:22:28] spk_0: I am working on some content for classes and trying to get those out on zoom because in person still not happening and uh, It's not the same doing things on the Internet, but I would like to at least have some of my classes and some of the questions that I get asked most commonly like primary care questions, I want to do a class just where people can click on it and be like, Oh, there's the answer to my really common questions already answered. Um, so I don't get 50 Facebook messages a day about very basic things that somebody could have typed into Google. But I'm also working on a personal lubricant called dr Sean snake oil because I'm a natural path and people would accuse naturopathic physicians of selling snake oil, I provide primary care. So I wouldn't necessarily go down that route, but I figure if it's going to be a criticism levied at me and I can make a sexual joke out of it and serve my community at the same time, I'm just going to go with it. Um And it's specifically um many of the silicone lives that are coming out now or that have come out in the last few years are three or four ingredients of silicone and then vitamin E. Um and the vitamin E makes it look fancy in terms of like its antioxidant effects but it's made from soy and a lot of people are actually sensitive to soy and it can cause irritation. So I'm working on just a multi silicone hypoallergenic one because um I would want a loop that I can use with my partners and not have to worry about BV or yeast infections and Also be able to like buy it and not spend $30 for a tiny glass bottle that I have now dropped four times on the floor of sanctuary and smashed um smashed you Borloo models on the

[00:24:17] spk_1: concrete. Things like things are going all over the place, you put it on the counter or wherever bad spot you put it and it gets knocked over

[00:24:25] spk_0: glass and silicone do not go together. It's like waiting to be dropped.

[00:24:31] spk_1: Yeah like a water

[00:24:32] spk_0: weenie.

[00:24:33] spk_1: So in your packaging, what you should do is you should have it ribbed so that people can have a

[00:24:40] spk_0: nice crib. I've actually that's that's brilliant. I haven't thought about the ribbing. Um The bottle of contour is actually something that I have been working for like samples with different companies because they have uh the one I kind of like right now is that um it's almost like a tux, I think it's called the tuxedo bottle where it's kind of like two curves and then flat at the top and flat at the bottom. You have like a grip around or um and there's so many different bottle shapes that I learning about plastics in this process has been hilariously entertaining because there's just, it's it's own entire world of things that I did not know existed, but better than putting things in a glass bottle for sure.

[00:25:23] spk_1: Well yeah, but the glass bottles so fancy, like, I think that's what what happens is that just like, oh this is high end. So we got to put it in this plant in this glass bottle. But the practical is, you know, don't put a cork put like one of those things like the dishwasher soap, right? Like you could just squeeze it out or a pump like that. That makes more sense to me than anything else. But what am I, I'm just the end user, What do

[00:25:48] spk_0: I know that's the people that should be giving me that. It will send you, I will send you a free sample as a trial. What I'm doing product testing and you can let

[00:25:58] spk_1: let you know how it goes, how many of those bottles I have broken. Hopefully not. Um Tell our, so you're pretty open about being polyamorous, right? This is no, this is not gonna be a shock to anybody that you know or

[00:26:16] spk_0: no. My mother met all of my partners at my med school graduation and uh all at once and I've never met them before. I am out in every in my professional communities in my personal life. Not that it's always relevant to talk about, but I am not sure not an area of life. I feel the need to hide.

[00:26:35] spk_1: I think that's the way it should be. So All right, So this is your catholic mom.

[00:26:41] spk_0: Yes.

[00:26:42] spk_1: Yes, yes. Got to me. How many

[00:26:44] spk_0: also a registered republican but trump was an asshole and did not vote for him and but still registered as a Republican. She met seven partners, lovers, friends, intimate friends at my med school graduation, not all of whom were cis gendered and um some of whom were married to women and got to learn all about different relational dynamics all at once very quickly. Um And she was so goddamn impressed by like openness and communication and how we all interacted with one another and how it just seemed very familial um that she had nothing but praise and adulation around it. Quite frankly. It was kind of mind blowing to her, I think in a really positive way. Um She and I also watched Big Love together on HBO years and years ago, which was kind of like my first introduction at all to anything of open relationships. Um Not that the mormons are the standard by which I should get measuring myself, but she at least had some familiarity with the concept that not everybody is in a heterosexual monogamous relationship. And I think just having examples that I could point to from that show about this emotional difficulty or that emotional difficulty kind of gave a frame of reference that we could share conversation about it.

[00:28:11] spk_1: So, I I agree. Uh Being in an open relationship is absolutely the most honest relationship I've ever been in. It's so great because you can talk about anything and it's a okay. Um Maybe not all the actions are a Ok, but at least the conversation usually ends up all right, we can at least talk through this or figure out all that stuff. What have you found is is a difficulty. What is something that people uh because I think people um are freaked out about poly relationships. What is a bad situation that you've personally had? You don't have these names or anything like that. But like is there anything that you have that like worst case scenario in those cases?

[00:29:02] spk_0: Well, I'm not perfect at Pelly and right, I just want to point that out like there and I've started off my consent classes by like please do not put me on a pedestal because I happen to be the person on this side of the group and think that I've been perfect about this forever because like socialized as a white guy on the East coast like learning and growing all the time. Um I think um one of the bigger difficulties or conceptual difficulties is cheating in polyamory because like oh you have an open relationship, you can't cheat and you totally can and it's just a it's the violation of the the open agreement that you happen to have with that person that constitutes cheating, not the fact that you're sleeping with their spending time with somebody else. Honestly, I think we all come to, I have been processing a lot of this over the pandemic as my relationships have changed or ended and just the baggage that we bring to relationships are like expectations that have fermented since childhood about what relationships are supposed to be but then you add multiple relations dynamics on top of it at the same time and different emotional triggers can activate all different kinds of things. So it can be easy to either use the relationships to numb out quite frankly and not have to address emotional things. Or they can be one of the best things for pointing out what those triggers in that package is and how to heal that and clean

[00:30:28] spk_1: that.

[00:30:29] spk_0: Just don't don't lie in a poly relationship is like like like the best example and don't don't I mean I am a big fan of not lying because then you have to remember it for the rest of time. You can also you can also obvious get details to like create a certain story in a certain way that you didn't technically lie. And that's not healthy or direct communication. That I think is one of the things where context specifically, I can think of this as if you're concerned about the other person's feelings, um, turns out you might actually be concerned about your ability to deal with the other person's feelings and disclosing it. But out of concern for the other person's feelings, you might detail something much differently than you might otherwise can be very harmful to think over time.

[00:31:16] spk_1: It was only slightly bigger.

[00:31:18] spk_0: Uh,

[00:31:23] spk_1: one of the things I get asked personally is uh like, don't you get jealous? And it's like, oh yeah, yeah, jealousy is a big part of it. And it's how you handle that jealousy. That I think that's what really changes when you start to realize like when you're on the receiving end and also you realize you're creating jealousy situations. It's like, oh, we can navigate this much better. I I just I absolutely love poly relationships. I could have. We could have done the entire show just talking about those. But

[00:31:54] spk_0: the question I get asked most often by people that are monogamous are aren't you afraid so? And so is going to find somebody better and leave you. And my response is usually no, that's your insecurity because that's like the fundamental insecurity for a lot of people that are in monogamous relationships. It still comes up in poly, but in different ways. And I often, at least for me, the easiest way to like jealousy, I think it's a very normal thing, but how we act or allow it to uh control us is not necessarily the healthy thing, but I had something come up a few weeks ago where I was like, it took about 30 seconds to process it, but I'm like, you were just doing this with a different girl last week and like, she was totally okay with it. Why does it matter that she's doing the exact same thing with a different guy? Like, like um and most of the time I don't even communicate my jealousies anymore because they're with very rare exceptions about maybe intention or communication could have been a little better most of the time, it's my own bullshit that I have to deal with and it's not even for them to know that I'm processing that necessarily because it's it's my work to do. So that's kind of what I meant in terms of the whole cleaning process to it helps you get rid of those entanglements or attachments or expectations around relationships that were supposed to exist and kind of, I'm a relationship anarchist in addition to being poly, which means something different to everybody, but like I live alone, I get polly people. And I kind of have each relationship go where it's supposed to go for its own ends rather than having like one predominant relationship with hierarchy above others. But yeah, uh I forgot what the original threat of what I was talking about was. But

[00:33:38] spk_1: I think you're I think you're onto something. The other thing is for me, it's like if you truly love somebody don't, you want them to be with the best person possible and if that other person is a better match, then why would I be, why do I want to be the second in that situation? Right. I don't want I don't want them pining for somebody else and then settling for me,

[00:34:03] spk_0: terrible.

[00:34:04] spk_1: I want to be the person they're pining for. This is fantastic. Uh We may have to have another conversation about at some point about just poly relationships. Maybe we can get a couple of people that we know

[00:34:15] spk_0: we'll talk about it. You have a very interesting personalities. If you've got some people that right now and I'm

[00:34:21] spk_1: trying so hard to get them on. Um All right, well, there's been a great conversation. It's been about a half hour now. It's time for us to record a sketch. Are you looking for a doctor with magic sparkle fingers. I totally understand if you would like to learn more. Well Sean, where can people find out more about you.

[00:34:45] spk_0: Okay, My website is dr Sean P. Or excuse me? Dr Sean Horn dot com. D R. S. E A N H O R A N dot com. Um My phone number. My contact information is all on the website as our fees and services that I provide. Um and soon to be linked to classes that I'll be offering on the website as well. Um I'm also available if you have insurance, I take a number of different um major insurance plans including the Oregon health plan and I am available at a balanced life healthcare on southeast hawthorne in Portland Oregon for primary care services and adjunctive sexual health services um and mental health med management.

[00:35:27] spk_1: And just to be 100% clear Dr. Shawn's office life is way different than his after office life. And now our sketch father. I think I have sinned.

[00:35:44] spk_0: Yes. My child

[00:35:45] spk_1: father, I have sinned.

[00:35:47] spk_0: Yes. My child

[00:35:48] spk_1: Gosh, I'm so embarrassed. I had some impure

[00:35:51] spk_0: thoughts, impure thoughts are common for many of us. Could you describe them?

[00:35:55] spk_1: Oh boy! I was riding my bike down the street and I noticed there were some construction workers, my mind kind of went someplace and I kind of fantasized about them.

[00:36:08] spk_0: God gave us wonderful creative imagination and it's and completely normal and healthy aspect of life to take in scenes from the world and fantasize about them in our minds and our fellow human beings are created in the image of God. So I don't think it's particularly sinful to find others attractive.

[00:36:27] spk_1: I keep writing my bike around the construction spot and use my phone to take pictures. Is that is that okay?

[00:36:35] spk_0: Not so much a problem for God, but that might be a problem for the local police or just for the consent of the people that are in the photos in general. It's okay to look but do not take pictures without permission.

[00:36:46] spk_1: Okay. What about if they are off of work and I maybe follow their cars home or trucks home and just sit in the bushes just staring longingly at their front door

[00:36:57] spk_0: as long as you are striving every day to do better and to send less and to help your fellow humans, you can live knowing that you are in the grace of God.

[00:37:06] spk_1: Okay, well that makes me feel so much better. Also finding out that they had an automatic sprinkler system made me feel so much better. Thank you so much father. Okay. No, no hail marys or

[00:37:17] spk_0: if I gave you some, do you think you do

[00:37:18] spk_1: them? Probably not. Hello? Hello. Is there anybody in? Oh sorry. It's hard to see, I can't see beyond the I guess I've sinned

[00:37:31] spk_0: in what way? My child?

[00:37:32] spk_1: Well I had premarital sex but like whatever, it was unintentional, it just kind of happened. You know I didn't plan it but I ended up I ended up getting pregnant. My mom and my friends all tell me like that's a bad idea. I'm considering going over to planned parenthood and just getting some help with that? I just kind of wanted to see like what's the, what's, what do I have to worry about? Is this going to cause me some serious detriment in my soul?

[00:38:04] spk_0: This is something that I would definitely encourage you to speak to a provider at a women's health clinic about. So that you know what your options are, abortion isn't the only option available to you. There is also adoption. The catholic church does consider abortion to be a grave sin. We always have the opportunity to restore a state of grace. But I would encourage you to speak to a health care provider about your options in this particular instance as well.

[00:38:28] spk_1: So you want me to go talk to my doctor about my actual dr Yeah, because my actual doctor goes to the same church. You sure that that's a good idea. On a side note, is this is this father john because he's kind of cute. I just want to make sure I'm talking the right person, pardon me father, I have sinned.

[00:38:55] spk_0: Yes. My child

[00:38:57] spk_1: last week. I did some speeding in my car.

[00:39:00] spk_0: Yes. Is there another sin that you were also concerned about today? My child?

[00:39:04] spk_1: Well, I was uh I was speeding because I was driving away away from what? Well, I was driving away from, I needed to get out of there pretty quick.

[00:39:14] spk_0: Were you in a situation of some sort?

[00:39:16] spk_1: It was somebody else's

[00:39:17] spk_0: house And who was this other person?

[00:39:20] spk_1: It was, it was a familiar house.

[00:39:23] spk_0: Are you trying to tell me that you were leaving a woman's house very rapidly and we're speeding on the way home.

[00:39:29] spk_1: That's most of it. Yeah.

[00:39:31] spk_0: Okay. Could you describe the situation I'm trying to understand, but I'm lacking context and just to be clear from the beginning, speeding itself as a civil authorities concerned. I don't think God is concerned. What velocity you're going in a motor vehicle?

[00:39:47] spk_1: We are ended some interesting things. It's not sex necessarily.

[00:39:53] spk_0: Well, the catholic church does say that masturbation or sexual interactions outside of the

[00:39:58] spk_1: country. No, no, no, no, no, no, no masturbating? Yeah. So what we do is we drink a lot of water and then we like to, you know, when you have to go instead of going to the bathroom, we just end up going on each other.

[00:40:14] spk_0: Yeah, I don't think that this is explicitly a sin.

[00:40:17] spk_1: All right, well, we didn't do it at this person's house.

[00:40:21] spk_0: Okay, where did this occur?

[00:40:23] spk_1: Actually happened here?

[00:40:26] spk_0: My child. Your fallen far from grace.

[00:40:28] spk_1: Thank you so much for listening. You know, we hope you enjoyed listening as much as we enjoyed making it. And if you did enjoy listening, can I urge you to go to one of the websites where they do reviews and leave one for us? It not only means a ton to me, but it also means a great deal to our guests. We do these because we're trying to get a little bit of promotion for whatever we're doing and getting that exposure is super helpful. It also helps to get great guests for the show. Plus I just found out this is one of the top podcasts in the world, would be really nice to build a bigger community behind it. Also, you can visit sketch comedy podcast show dot com to get all of the links for anywhere you would like to subscribe or listen to the show and also, don't forget we got a Youtube Channel two. You can actually see people talk. It's kind of fun. And now for some of the boring stuff, sketch comedy podcast show is recorded under a creative commons attribution, non derivative four point international license. What that means is if you would like to use a portion of the show, please contact me so that we can just agree on it and I can ensure that you have the best possible recording of it, sketch comedy podcast show is copyright Stewart Rice 2021. Until next time. Get out there, be safe but get out there and improvise a story. All of your own