Hi, this is Wayne Brown. Welcome back to the latest episode.

In this one I want to talk to about a mindset shift. As humans, we tend to be very good at noticing negatives, at noticing challenges, at noticing obstacles. It's really easy for us to spot what's difficult and what's stopping us from getting what we want.

The interesting thing about life is, no matter how shitty a situation is, there's something positive in it, and even in something that's amazing, there's still going to be some aspects that are going to be painful or challenging. So these balances with everything within life. What I wanted to talk to you about is when I first spoke about where you have a situation where there's lots of negatives, you feel overwhelmed. You feel like you're never going to get there. You feel like everything is against you. How do you sit there and find something to cling to so that you can get forward motion and get your results?

I'll tell you a little bit about my past so that I can give you some context as to how to find this little nugget of gold that you'll be looking for. Many years ago, I started learning about how to get better with relationships and communication and all of this sort of thing. After a number of years, I felt I was making progress, and I felt I was ready for another relationship. So through a friend of mine, I met another lady and we hooked up, and at first it all seemed good. We got on well, we enjoyed each other's company. We hung out together. We decided to make it serious and move in together. From that point on, it all went massively, pear shaped. We tended to argue about anything and everything. Our struggles seem to be numerous. Our arguments seem to be endless, and it seemed like it was all hopeless. We would wake up in the morning, and within minutes of us both being awake, we'd be having an argument, we would go off to work, all stressed and tense and wound up. I'd phone her because at the time I was working night shift, I would phone her on my break and my half hour lunch break would turn into an hour and a half argument with her about God knows what.

It was draining. It took all my energy. It took all my joy. It was a big challenge for both of us and very toxic for both of us, it was not healthy at all at the time. All I could see was it stretching off into the horizon for years and years and years of this arguing and fighting and the stress. It was whenever we were together and it didn't matter where we're going to argue. If it was in front of family, friends, out in public. We had a business together. If it was there, it didn't matter. She was happy to argue in front of everyone. I did everything I could think of to stop the arguments, to alleviate the tension, nothing seemed to work, and I remember in that time it felt very debilitating. I felt like I was stuck. I felt like I couldn't get anywhere. The stress was phenomenal. I thought I was going to suffer a heart attack at any time, or a stroke or something because of the tension in my body.

If I had known what I know now, or even a fraction of what I've realised, I would have found things in there that would have given me an opportunity to become more of who I authentically am, so I can become more congruent with what I wanted. However, it would take me another few years before I clicked to all of this. Now, looking back on it, I can say there were numerous opportunities where, in spite of all the stress, in spite of all the tension and the arguments and the toxicity, in spite of all of that, there were moments where if I had had the awareness, I could have stepped into those moments and created something that may not have been an ideal relationship, but it could have started working for both of us because she obviously needed a partner to be a certain way.

At that time, I couldn't be it. And it's only now looking back, I realised what she needed, and I did let her down because I didn't have that awareness. So now you're probably wondering how this would apply to you in your situation. Now I don't know your situation. The only situation I know with any detail, any depth is my own. I know aspects of what other people have taught me, told me about their situation and so I have a glimpse as to what other people are being challenged with. However, I know having worked with numerous people dealing with conflict and all of these sorts of challenges in relationships and parenting and workplaces, I've realised that you can always find something that's going to work for you, and that is now what I help people do.

I help them get congruent with who they are and help them get authentic with their identity. And it's stepping into that strength and a lot of the time we attract these people that give us this opportunity to become more than who we are. So even these people who can be the most challenging to us and cause us the most amount of pain can give us these opportunities to truly become something awesome. I know where I am now, I can see, I certainly would not have reached this point had it not been for my second wife. If she had not been the person that challenged me and kicked me and confronted me with all of these things that I needed to learn but didn't if she hadn't have been giving me those opportunities, and I hadn't eventually woken up. I never would be where I am now.

I'd probably still be in relationships that were toxic and struggling and stressful and argumentative and full of conflict. So what I'm trying to basically say to you is no matter your situation, regardless of what it is, and you could tell me all of the details and the information and the story and all of this sort of thing. However, it can be pretty certain that we could sum it up in a few sentences so that you could recognise the positives, the aspects that are going to allow you to become more of who you are, so that your life will be more authentic and you can be more congruent with your true self.

So the little nugget of wisdom I want to pass on to you today is keep looking for that little nugget of gold, that little pearl of wisdom, that little opportunity, that little challenge that's going to give you that, no matter how bad your situation, there is guaranteed something in there that will allow you become more of who you are so that you can be a better parent, a better partner, a better friend, a better work colleague, a better employee, a better employer if you happen to be an employer.

So there's always these opportunities to be more of who you are, and I want you to look for them. That's your challenge for the next week is to look for these little opportunities. So when someone pushes your buttons, when someone annoys you, when someone frustrates you, when someone disappoints you, so when someone stresses you out, when someone's argumentative, look for that little nugget of gold that is going to make that situation absolutely brilliant for you, and they are there. Trust me. Just keep looking. Keep looking. You'll find them.

When you find them, you'll see them. More and more situations will become easier. You'll become more adept at dealing with them. They will start to become or feel like they are starting to become less because you're getting better at dealing with them. And then you get to a point where even if the situation seems to be overwhelming to you based off your past experience, you can actually get a really good result because you know what to look for now

So that's your homework for the week. Go out. Find those little nuggets of gold and use them. Become more, become more of who you are. Become more congruent, become more authentic. Let nothing stand in your way from growing into who you are meant to be. I know you can do, what I've seen lots of people do it.

So go out there, Do this for you. Do this for the people you care about and I look forward to hearing your stories. So until then, until I hear from you, look after yourself from room and remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

Thanks for listening.