Hello, hello everybody. This is Michele Heyward. I am so happy to have you here with me today. We have a fantastic topic. And we have a fantabulous guest with us. Today we’re going to be talking about can women really show up authentically. And we have Ruth Joy Connell with us today, Ruth joy was sup How you doing?

RJ:
Hey, Michelle, thank you so much. I’m excited to be here. I’m excited for our conversation. I feel like we’re gonna, you know, strike a lot of chords with people who are watching and like, have a really needed conversation. So I’m really excited.

Now, if you’re catching the audio of this, it’s, I’m cracking up because the joy on her face like the smile is like, Oh my god, we’re ready to get into this. I love. So, so I didn’t know exactly how long this might be a two part series. So just just hang out with us. Take it with us in the chat. If you’re catching this on a podcast, leave a comment, email me, we
want to know what your thoughts are on all of this. Okay. So right now, we are talking about women showing up authentically. First, let everybody know more about you and and where you are in the world. So they won’t get you confused with another Ruth joy.

Yeah, no problem. So as you said, Michelle, my name is Ruth joy Connell, I am the founder and primary consultant at RJC consulting. And so what we do here is we specialize in implementing sales systems, specifically around lead management, client retention and project management systems for both individual consultants as well as consulting firms. And really just helping them make sure that their systems are supporting their growth and their financial revenue. So that’s just kind of high level a little bit about me, or a little bit about what I do, but about me and who I am as a person, I am someone who absolutely loves 90s music, like my absolute favorite era, ever. I also am located in Canada. So I’m located in Ottawa, Canada. So a lot of the people that I connect with online are primarily in the states and we work with clients, you know, in Europe, too. So I tend to kind of be always like the the person informing other people about Canada. Kind of what goes on here, especially during the winter months. And then, yeah, so and I was gonna mention the store called winners, but I know it’s not in the States. Most people won’t know it, but it’s my absolute favorite store. If you ever come to Canada, just stop by it’s a it’s a must. It’s a must visit.

Michele:
It’s not Is it like decorated for the holidays, you’re around?

No, I just, I love it. Because it’s kind of one of those stories that has everything of you can find like really high level. I know they have it in the states a different version of it. Like, we have homesense here, and I think you guys have home goods, right? Yes, yes. So the same parent company, TJ, TJ x, the parent company, it just we have winners here, and homesense. And then you guys have marshals and Home Goods there. So it’s very similar to that. It’s just one of those stores where you find these random things, but they’re always great finds. So I always just love walking around. They’re like I step into the store, it tells me what I need. And then I walk out with, you know, whatever it winter said that I needed that day.

Michele:
They needed your money. Tell you what you need with lunch, you know, wintrust is where your money resides. legitimately, I’m like the poster child for win. Now I
spend it.
Okay, now, this topic is not my idea. It was my idea to do it on here. But this was really a discussion that you started yesterday. And I don’t want to get to where you started this discussion. But I want to talk about really where the question came from, in showing up. So let’s talk about a women showing up authentically. What happened when you asked that question.

RJ:
Yeah, so to give a little bit of context. For me, one of the things that we’ve been migrating over to actually just, you know, even kind of before that, finding the platform, the ideal platform that the target clients that we’re looking for, you know, where they hang out where they express their concerns and struggles and then make connections, all that kind of stuff. That’s been something that’s that’s taken us a while to do, especially as social media keeps changing, and all these kind of things and learning new platforms, and you know, the latest trends and blah, blah, blah, all that kind of stuff, which I’m sure if any, you know, if you’re like me, you’re just over it. And so that has taken us a while to do and as we have gotten clearer about our target audience, and the problem we solve, more specifically, we’ve been looking to focus almost unilaterally on LinkedIn as our primary platform, our primary source. And so as I’ve been learning more about the platform, and how to show up and how to take the content that I’m used to putting out there and package it in a quote unquote, professional way, that’s something that was there was a misalignment there for me in the way that I wanted to show up. And the way that I felt like I needed to show up, especially on this platform, this is something that, you know, it’s still fairly new to me in terms of engaging on a regular basis, and being intentional with connections and relationships that we’re building on this platform. So in that regard, it’s new, or, you know, still learning it in my in my case. And so, with that being said, one of the things that I was looking for on this platform is how other people were showing up, and not necessarily for a formula of this is how you do it. But I think at the time I was looking for permission, if that’s the best way to put it, I was like, Can I show up as myself are other people showing up as them as themselves on this platform. And it wasn’t permission for, you know, from anyone in particular, but just that this platform allows, in the space, I should even say, a platform, this space, rather, allows for for people to show up authentically as themselves and still make genuine connections and attract the people that, you know, they’re looking to have in their community and or be of service to. And so that was something for me that I was struggling to see. And that led to a kind of internal conversation about, is this something that this space allows for? And if not, do I want to be in this space? Do I have to be in this space in order to make those connections? And where do I go from here? So that was kind of the thought process that led to, you know, that discussion that came up about how to show up authentically, regardless of the space you’re in, whether it’s a platform, whether it’s a community, whether it’s a workspace, whatever space that might be in for you. So that was kind of the back story behind the discussion today, essentially.

Michele:
And, and as you’re talking, what came to mind, were two words, code switching. Yeah. And for a lot of white people don’t know what that is. Just bring your professional self, no, is literally being taught that the way you speak is not acceptable to your your locs in my not being acceptable. And in order to be acceptable is to speak a certain way. Right? You will not appear as aggressive. So wearing glasses. So you’re a pure nerdy, right. Having relaxed having a chemical process in your hair. So a comb goes through when my hair was never in your hair was never designed for that. Yeah. So when people say, Oh, well, we want our employees to feel as though they, you know, we want our employees to know they can come as themselves really, when I walk in with locks, like, Well, you know, they don’t fit really tight HR standards, your HR standards are built around whiteness. And a lot of times when we say people say come in authentically, it’s like, you don’t even know what that is for a woman. Exactly. Go ahead.

RJ:
Go ahead. No, what what I was reflecting on as well is who sets the standard of authentically, who sets the standard of permission, where does that come from? And is that standard in itself inclusive of the different perspectives, the different people the different, you know, beliefs, experiences, all that kind of stuff that we’re looking to honor and realizing that authenticity and inclusion is not about you know, giving people a warm welcome or you know, paying lip service to You’re welcome here you can quote unquote, be yourself. But it’s a commitment to honoring in whatever space you are honoring the individuality of people, their beliefs, their the you know, the way that used to show up their culture, etc, all those kinds of things, commitment to honoring that in various circumstances and also creating the space for that to be okay when faced with opposition, whether it’s from internally from your company or, you know, stakeholders As our clients or community but creating the space to say no, this is actually what we believe. And so I was just as you were speaking, and talking about code switching, it’s who said that standard of the code that we’re switching to is the right code?
Who said that standard?

Michele:
Exactly. And I sit here in South Carolina, and about an hour away as Charleston or the coast. And there are two cultures there. Gullah Geechee and literally just having friends like you like 90s music. So I was, you know, 80s 90. I was born in the 70s, late 70s 80s, and 90s, like my, my young adulthood and everything. But literally in college, they would go home and they would come back and like you went home, just like, I guess I could I hear the geek and they would work to change their accent. So they would have such a thick, Geechee accent, right? When you look at that, it’s acceptable to come from a foreign country, but it wasn’t acceptable to have a local dialect that is directly related to the black culture here in the state of South Carolina. Wow. And so when people are saying, Come, authentically, I go You lie. Because we don’t understand what you’re saying. And and, and especially here, when we speak American Yeah, I don’t know what American is, you know, no idea. No idea. I know, especially you even in Canada, like that’s not one of the options that we they teach here? No. But it really goes to like you say, who defines what authentically is? And what we push back on when we were having this discussion yesterday. If people do not accept you for who you are, they are not your people. Meaning that is not the place for you to be. Yeah. And it is not an inclusive culture. Right. It is not accepting of people. And when they say be authentically you, it is meaning you must conform to our definition of whatever that is. And I really, you know, because LinkedIn is toted as a professional platform, talking about the death of George Floyd, talking about microaggressions in the workplace, talk about racism, sexism in the workplace, like, Oh, this this isn’t Facebook, it is a professional platform, what we should be addressing every area of issues. Yes, because it directly impacts people. Yes,

RJ:
I completely agree. And something you said that I kind of want to circle back to when you when you talked about, like showing showing up authentically, and that if you’re not able to do that those people are not your people. And so I think part of the you know, the challenge, and I’d love to get your perspective on this part of the challenge specifically for women, is that, that, you know, we are both women in business, and I’m sure we are connected to a lot of women in business. And so I think part of the challenge is the acceptance of the people you’re around or desiring the acceptance for the of the people that you’re around for the purpose of for those who are leading businesses for the purpose of the revenue that that comes with, and or the connections that that leads to, or the opportunities that come from them. So even though sometimes we might be able to recognize, okay, these are not necessarily my people, I think sometimes the fear of being able to say no, and say, you know, if I cannot show up in this space authentically, I’m not going to show up in this space at all. I think sometimes the fear of missing out on what could potentially like what were saying no to and not just that person, but maybe the revenue, the connections, the opportunity that is attached to them. I think that that contributes to the challenge to say no, and even if you’re not leading a business, per se, but you’re in a leadership role you are in, you know, part of a larger team, maybe that for you is the opportunities for advanced advancement or for support, or, you know, in various areas. And as I’ve been reflecting even on my own personal experience, but then having more conversations like this, asking other women about their experiences as well, I find that this has kind of is a recurring theme. It’s not even so much, or at some, in some cases, it’s not so much about the acceptance itself, but rather being able to have a seat at that table so that I can do x y Zed. That’s important to me. And so I think that that’s almost like a underlying challenge that that that causes us to be able to code switch that causes us to feel like okay, we can’t show up authentically, I have to show up in this particular way or won’t get to my end goal, whatever that end goal may be for that individual.

And I absolutely agree with you. I think we’re at a pivotal point right now, in many ways, meaning, we’re in the midst of social justices social change movement at a really tipping point in a peak. And we’re pushing back on these norms, because they are not norms for us. It’s not normal, it’s been very uncomfortable. Have code switch, and we’ve played it to those places. And we have not seen improvements, right? sacrifice for generations to not have changed not have equity. And we’re pushing like, you know, what, if you’re not going to give it to me, when I play by your rules, I will no longer play by your Yes, yeah. And I and I really see that. And the other part of that being a tipping point is the internet, the access not only to other people, but the ability to generate an income, where you do not have to go into these environments, where you are, you feel the need, or the necessity, necessity to coast, which Yeah, really be able to provide for your family, and to feel happy or happy, or you know, make a mortgage and pay off your student loans or whatever your needs may be. And I see those are two driving forces in this push back to defining what authentically is, and no longer code switching for many people in the professional world, as well as opportunities. Yeah, because opportunity now is no longer in Ottawa, Canada, right? The opposite is internationally. So if you can only find 5%, in Canada, that 5% in Canada is now five more percent in, in the US 5%. In the A, it is a different game play. I see overall, for us just just because of technology.

RJ:
Yeah. And I agree with that. And I am to your point, the the access to technology, the access to global reach and global impact and global community, I think it’s strengthening the voice that we have behind this, because to your point, if there was 5%, in Canada, who are advocating for, you know, spaces that allow us to show up authentically, in that honor, who we are in every respect, if there was just 5% of that here in Canada, that I can join with the 5% in the US and join with the 5% you know, in the UK and anywhere around the world, and we become a collective that speaking to the individual problem, but also the individual company, or the individual space, or, you know, calling those things out collectively to say it’s not just Ruth joy, it’s not just Michelle, it’s all of us saying this is a problem, whether or not we live in that country, whether or not we are affected directly by that, you know, individual space, this is still a problem. And this is not acceptable. And we’re not willing to, we’re not willing to to settle for it anymore. Realistically, we’re showing up how we are. And if we would love to be able to work alongside you, we’d love to be able to partner with you in some respect. But we are also willing to stand our ground and to honor our own authenticity, and to do what we need to show up, excuse me, and to create the space that we want to be able to show up authentically in and we’ll partner with the companies will partner with the teams and the leaders and the you know, the advocates for social change that are willing to honor that authenticity for our for us and our community as well.

Michele:
Absolutely, absolutely. I love that. So now how are you going to show up on LinkedIn?

Yeah. Okay, so you know, it’s funny, I so I was telling you, right, before we started our live that I’m gonna be doing more of these lives, because I love to talk, I really do. And before, one of the things that I was doing, as I was especially creating content for the podcasts that I have, one of the things that I was doing was like I was infusing my personality, but also tapering a bit of my personality. And not because, like the primary reason was because I’m like, ah, maybe you know, for the person I’m trying to speak to maybe I should say, like this instead of that. So as I was reviewing the content, I said, No, I’m not gonna, I’m not going to tailor it for what I think they want to hear. I’ll make sure from a strategic standpoint, that the language and all that kind of stuff is targeted, as it relates to the service that I provide, or, you know, the the area, my area of expertise, but outside of that, if I want to show up with lashes and lips, then I’m gonna do that if I decide not to, then I’m going to do that as well. If I want to, you know, make a joke about something that happened in one of the episodes of Fresh Prince of Bel Air like 25 years ago, I’m gonna do if I want to talk about, you know, this is how we do. Then I’m gonna do that too. If it gets my point across So all of that personality that I felt I was struggling to kind of let come through in that content. Live is one of the best and easiest ways for me to do that. And so I’m kind of leaning into what is going to naturally allow me to show up as myself. So that’s what I’m doing on LinkedIn. So you will see me coming live more often.

Michele:
I love and I’m excited for this. So if you haven’t follow Ruth joy, you should definitely go follow her. Follow her here on LinkedIn, you want to connect with her, you want to be checking out her live. So what’s the name of your podcast? So the

Yes, podcast, the name of the podcast is called the profit scale. And we focus primarily on all things money related, especially as it relates to pricing systems and making sure that you are set up as it relates to sales operations and the systems that are within your business to scale profitably, to grow profitably, and to ensure that your business is sustainable. So those are kind of the primary topics that we talk about on the podcast.

Michele:
I love it. So for those of you considering consulting, you’re, you’re already in business, you know where to go. ROI, because I have a lot of women in STEM, who do a lot of engineering consultant improvement. Some are tech founders. So this is who you want to connect with, to help you get your systems in process. You’re a genius at what you do, you’re expert. So I definitely, definitely want to make sure all of you know where to go. Plus, she gonna show up as her  Yeah. I’ll just put it out there, you won’t always get these lashes, you know, this is a sometimes depending on how I’m feeling, or if I had enough time in the morning to actually do this. So I hear you everything else. With you look, I just showed up set up like Alright, let’s go. We have three minutes left, which was I’m proud. And literally, it’s like that some some days. You know, you show up? It’s showing up is the hardest part. Literally.

Yeah, I completely I completely agree. And I think I think it’s gotten easier for me, the more I’ve leaned into what feels authentic for me, because then it doesn’t, I feel like I’m showing up like I would on it on a daily basis and not like I have to mentally prepare to put myself in this position or to, you know, show up in a particular way. So I think the more intentional we are as women and not not even just us individually, but also our peers and our colleagues, the more intentional we are as a community to ensure that we are we ourselves first are showing up authentically, because that in innately gives permission to others to do the same as well. And so that the more intentional we are about doing that, and then communicating and honoring the fact that others can show up authentically as well. I think it makes it easier to show up to want to show up and then to enjoy it while you’re there.

Michele:
Absolutely. And I want to add something here. I don’t know if any of you follow Kiki Palmer on Instagram, but she talks about her acne and how all these people she’d been to several doctors and nobody could really really figure it out and she finally found a doctor who told her her acne was tied to PCs. And, and she was like she said she’d been wearing all of this makeup to hide it. And it really felt good to know what was causing it. It wasn’t you know it’s an issue. But she she was tired of her hiding. And she really wanted to show up. And so whether if you love wearing makeup and that is what you want to do it but if you feel as though you need to hide who you are. People are going to judge you. They’re judging you even with the makeup so I say to you and be comfortable with you. Because it really are the I can’t remember she the senator a Congresswoman who has alopecia. And she like she just stopped wearing her. Her wig, huh? Right. And he was like this feels really great. to no longer have to hide and to talk about it. really encourage you because there’s somebody else out there dealing with it. And you’re still not alone. So no lipstick, no makeup, no earrings. So necklace. Hey, my summit out dress up for that.

But my whatever makes a difference to see especially other women being able to live and show up in that power that they hold of this is what is me and I’m going to show up in that way. It is so encouraging to see that variety to see that diversity to see that Showing up does not have to look like this. Again, I feel that that inherently encourages other people to, to know that you have options. And it’s not just you don’t just have to show up in one way, you don’t just have to make wear makeup. I remember for my wedding, I didn’t want to wear makeup for my wedding. And my friends, like a few of my friends are like, you have to wear makeup, I don’t usually wear makeup on a regular basis, like I said, the most you will probably get are the lashes and lips, if I’m feeling good, you’ll get some color. If it’s like, if, you know if I’m feeling good about and not because I have anything against makeup, but I just I’m most comfortable. This is how I’m most comfortable. And so, um, I remember, you know, I was talking about that. And then I don’t remember one of I think it was my one of the vendors that I was working with, for for the for for my wedding had suggested that I changed the contacts because I’ve always worn glasses, like suggested it to contacts and same with my photographer, and he’s like, you know, the glare and whatnot. And so I’m like, if you can’t explain from glasses, I’m concerned about my pictures. I’m concerned, I feel like this is, you know, this was kind of a make or break thing. And I was like, No, I want to be comfortable in this, you know, space and, and it doesn’t have to be a wedding. But it’s it’s the desire to feel comfortable. And we often have to champion that it’s okay for us to want to feel comfortable in the space that we are, which in itself is frustrating. But it’s, it’s our it’s our right. And it’s something that we have to be intentional about and that we have to be firm on that. Whatever that comfort whatever that authenticity looks like for you advocating for it and not taking no for an answer. And then in those cases where they’re in or in those spaces, where you know, the standard or the norm doesn’t allow you to show up in that odd spot authentic self, then challenging what that norm is, and requiring an answer. That’s one of the things for me that like I one of my favorite questions is why Okay, I understand you do things like this, why helped me understand the thought process behind this helped me understand, and then giving scenarios where I feel that doesn’t that doesn’t fit? And maybe it’s because I’m like systems minded. And the first thing I was looking for are the gaps. And so I’m always first trying to identify the gaps, maybe it’s just the me thing, but I encourage you to ask why to challenge and say, you know, why does it have to be a suit? Why does it have to look like this as a very simple example, I’ll give before I turn it back over to you, Michelle was if anyone has ever watched the show suits in that show, the first half if not more, Jessica Pearson is one of the main characters that shows up in the show and I absolutely loved her outfits in there because they like they they looked I should say traditionally or what is considered traditionally professional, but they always had so much personality and so much flair to them. And it was just one of the first times that I saw a woman showing up that wasn’t fully covering everything Are you know especially because she was in a leadership position you know, in that firm and so it was just so encouraging to see that hey, someone in leader like at the highest level of leadership she was the managing partner is showing up as her authentic self with her you know, wearing her dresses that have her back fully out wearing sleeveless wearing, too. It was just it was so encouraging for me although it was a TV show, it was like okay, you know there are there are women out here because yes, she’s a character but there are people like her in real life as well.

Michele:
I love it. I absolutely loved suits but yeah, that that’s a good point. I never even thought about Ooh, that’s nice. Oh girl, I was watching every dress every dress every shirt. I was like Where can I find these? There was also about being classic and classy with your clothing even from the main character so that’s just one of those show they probably spent a fortune on quality. But he always made it look good. But everybody Ruth joy thank you so much for joining me this has been so much fun. Um, even though it was a definitely a difficult topic. I’m glad we went through the levels and and talked about it, but really peel back some things that others need to consider whether for themselves or the culture they are creating in organizations and what does it really mean to be authentic?

Yeah. Thank you so much for having me. Michelle. I’m glad that this that we were able to have this conversation and my hope is that it at least you know, as a seed for others to have that conversation within their own spaces. Whether it’s Women or anybody, just that if you are operating or leading a space especially, I think it’s an important conversation to be having on an ongoing basis.

Michele:
Alright, thank you so much, everybody. I will see you next time and we will have another great topic. Bye everybody. Bye