Money can elicit many emotions: fear, guilt, shame, security, love, envy, belonging, rejections, anxiety, stress, happiness, and anger, just to name a few. You can experience the aforementioned emotions at any point in life, but there seems to be a difference when it comes to money. The feelings are more intense and seem to linger after the fact. That is exactly why women are encouraged to go beyond learning basic money management. It’s necessary for them to explore their emotional relationship with money.

Many women assume they are uncomfortable with money based on the balances reflected in their bank accounts or the amount owed to the credit card companies. The numbers are just numbers. The seeds of discomfort were planted long before then. Most money stories start in childhood. You may have unintentionally inherited money management tips from one or both parents. Maybe you experienced poverty in your teenage or early adult years and it caused you to become extremely frugal. You could have been spoiled all of your life and now you can’t control your spending. There are so many ways that your relationship with money could have developed and only by doing deep introspective work will you be able to pinpoint what’s causing you trouble now. 

Imagine that you are giving a passionate speech to an audience of your peers. You practiced for weeks and know everything about your topic. You’re in a packed auditorium and you’re on the stage killing it. The only problem is….YOU ARE NAKED! Not one stitch of clothing. That feeling right there is how exposed people can feel when their money secrets are laid bare.

Your personal relationship with money can bring up strong feelings of shame. Shame can come from secretly competing with others. Shame can be rooted in comparing your life to others. Comparison always has been and always will be the thief of joy.

In years past, society told women that they didn’t need to know anything about money. They were to be wholly dependent on me for their financial well-being. Be it saving, investing, paying bills, or budgeting, women were supposed to stay out of it. While in a relationship, you should have trust, but it is unhealthy to completely rely on another person for your financial wellness. You should at least know what is going on. Should illness or death befall that person, where would that leave you? NEWSFLASH: Meeting your basic needs doesn’t mean that person has your best interest at heart nor does it mean that you have a good relationship with money.

At the end of the day, it’s important to know that money can protect or propel you into both positive and negative situations. Money cannot protect you from abuse, accidents, addiction, or disease. In fact, money can sometimes make those issues worse. 

It’s time to stop having fake conversations about money - where you can find the good deals, the rising price of gas, child care costs, or how much you’ve spent on groceries this week. You have to admit that you have a love/hate relationship with money. Many times you love and hate money for the same reason: because of the things that it can buy. What’s needed is a heart-centered attitude towards learning about your money story and rewriting the parts that no longer serve you.