How to say no without saying no
March 30, 2021
In this episode we talk about how to decline requests and avoid being confrontational.
Here's how you can say no without saying no. That way you can keep the peace, seem non confrontational and not seem like you are a difficult person. And the way you do this is by asking a calculated question, and I'll go into what a calculated question is. But before I do that, let me tell you where I learned this.
I learned this from Chris Voss. His book Never Split The Difference. His book is about negotiating, and right now I'm teaching myself and polishing myself on how to do phone sales. So I'm reading this book and this book is amazing. And in this book he has this method where he pretty much stuns the other person into wanting to help you solve your problems and you're able to say no without saying no. So let me show you how this works.
So I mentioned you ask a calculated question and the way you ask a calculator. Question is, you can either start the question with how or what, And if you can't think of a question, just remember this one line, and if you remember this line, you'll probably be able to use this line 99% of the time, and if you can figure out some other variations of it, then you my friend, will start negotiating very creatively. But if you can't think of anything, it's okay. You can just say, How am I supposed to do that? So let's see how this works.
Let's say that your boss wants you to work over the weekend and he says, "Hey, I need you to work over the weekend" and you reply very calmly. Just say, "Hey, how am I supposed to do that?" What it does is that sentence, it stuns the other person and to start thinking from your perspective, start thinking from your shoes and they'll start enquiring about your life and what's going on. So if you say, "How am I supposed to do that?", then hopefully, if this person is a good person, they'll say, What do you mean, what's going on? And now two things happen.
One, this person is actually asking you what's going on. So instead of looking like you're being difficult or that you're complaining, he you know he or she actually invited you to explain what your problem is. Explain what your issue is and they're doing it in a very empathetic way. And what you've done at the same time is you've invited them to problem solve with you. So instead of saying that or instead of behaving, that's not the right word. Instead of acting this out in a very confrontational way, especially if you're upset because you had plans over the weekend, if you say how am I supposed to do that? It invites the other person to start problem solving and start seeing things from your perspective. So let's say you have plans for the weekend and your boss wants you to work over the weekend and you say, How am I supposed to do that? It'll stun your boss, and your boss might say, What do you mean, how am I supposed to do that? What's going on? And then you can start saying, you know Well, I have I have had plans for the weekend. We planned this three weeks ago, and I have four other friends that I'm taking and they're counting on me. I'm the only ride. They have no other way to go. So if I come in this weekend, I'm letting four other people down, and I don't think it's fair to them. So how am I supposed to do that? And then all of a sudden, your boss will help you problem solve this and you say, Okay, well, what time do you need to go? And then you can start negotiating and it starts becoming a negotiation, and your boss will try to help you instead of being a dick. Well, actually, try to help you.
Hopefully, if he isn't a he or she isn't a dick. Um will help you problem-solve and try to figure this issue and make it work for both of you, where it doesn't seem like you're being a difficult person. You're not saying no, you're not hurting anyone's feelings. You're actually inviting someone to be empathetic and two problems off with you. I hope that helps. Boom. Bam! I'm out.
Continue your journey with me on my other channels:
I learned this from Chris Voss. His book Never Split The Difference. His book is about negotiating, and right now I'm teaching myself and polishing myself on how to do phone sales. So I'm reading this book and this book is amazing. And in this book he has this method where he pretty much stuns the other person into wanting to help you solve your problems and you're able to say no without saying no. So let me show you how this works.
So I mentioned you ask a calculated question and the way you ask a calculator. Question is, you can either start the question with how or what, And if you can't think of a question, just remember this one line, and if you remember this line, you'll probably be able to use this line 99% of the time, and if you can figure out some other variations of it, then you my friend, will start negotiating very creatively. But if you can't think of anything, it's okay. You can just say, How am I supposed to do that? So let's see how this works.
Let's say that your boss wants you to work over the weekend and he says, "Hey, I need you to work over the weekend" and you reply very calmly. Just say, "Hey, how am I supposed to do that?" What it does is that sentence, it stuns the other person and to start thinking from your perspective, start thinking from your shoes and they'll start enquiring about your life and what's going on. So if you say, "How am I supposed to do that?", then hopefully, if this person is a good person, they'll say, What do you mean, what's going on? And now two things happen.
One, this person is actually asking you what's going on. So instead of looking like you're being difficult or that you're complaining, he you know he or she actually invited you to explain what your problem is. Explain what your issue is and they're doing it in a very empathetic way. And what you've done at the same time is you've invited them to problem solve with you. So instead of saying that or instead of behaving, that's not the right word. Instead of acting this out in a very confrontational way, especially if you're upset because you had plans over the weekend, if you say how am I supposed to do that? It invites the other person to start problem solving and start seeing things from your perspective. So let's say you have plans for the weekend and your boss wants you to work over the weekend and you say, How am I supposed to do that? It'll stun your boss, and your boss might say, What do you mean, how am I supposed to do that? What's going on? And then you can start saying, you know Well, I have I have had plans for the weekend. We planned this three weeks ago, and I have four other friends that I'm taking and they're counting on me. I'm the only ride. They have no other way to go. So if I come in this weekend, I'm letting four other people down, and I don't think it's fair to them. So how am I supposed to do that? And then all of a sudden, your boss will help you problem solve this and you say, Okay, well, what time do you need to go? And then you can start negotiating and it starts becoming a negotiation, and your boss will try to help you instead of being a dick. Well, actually, try to help you.
Hopefully, if he isn't a he or she isn't a dick. Um will help you problem-solve and try to figure this issue and make it work for both of you, where it doesn't seem like you're being a difficult person. You're not saying no, you're not hurting anyone's feelings. You're actually inviting someone to be empathetic and two problems off with you. I hope that helps. Boom. Bam! I'm out.
Continue your journey with me on my other channels:
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